Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Mother-In-Law

So I live 12 hours from my family and my entire wedding party and only a mile from my future in-laws. So I don't have much help when it comes to the planning process. My future mother-in-law has not only been amazing and helped me with so much throughout the planning process but she has also helped with costs. However, while I really do appreciate he help sometimes I feel smoothered. She has invited herself to our cake tasting already which I have just accepted. But now she wants to go with my fiance and I when we register for gifts. She even suggested that just her and I go. I feel bad because she has helped so much but at the same time I really would like it to be just my fiance and I. She also invites her self to every meeting we have with our officiant and wants to be part in everything we do, including picking out our ceremony. What can I do to let her know that while I appreciate all that she is gdoing for us that there are some things that I woud like to me just my fiance and I.

Re: Mother-In-Law

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2013
    She can't invite herself if you stop telling her when these things are happening. You fiance needs to tell her (HE needs to b/c it is HIS mother) that there are some things you would like to do and will be doing by yourselves from here on out. Since she is helping pay for the wedding,  she does get some say in these things, though, But it's absurd for her to go register with you. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    hannahkate86
  • That must be frustrating. She is clearly really excited and just wants to be PART of the big day.. but at the same time, she is certainly overstepping and being a bit overbearing.

    If I were in your shoes, I would probably start by simply not TELLING her about all the wedding meetings that I have coming up. It will be impossible for her to "invite herself along" if she doesn't know that a meeting is even taking place. It's not about keeping secrets, necessarily.. but more about simply not TELLING her as much. ha! ;)

    Also.. Is there any special job that you can 'task' her with? Perhaps she is a really great sewer? Or maybe she has a close friend who owns a bakery and you can task her with arranging all the cupcakes/dessert? If you give her a JOB that is exclusively hers, she'll feel like she is important and 'part of the wedding'.

    I've found with my wedding that so many people just want to HELP. I've been deligating as many jobs as I can part with to various people just to shut them up- haha! My in-laws are handling our bar... my sister-in-law managed my guest list for me... my mother is hand-sewing all of our bunting (and we're having like 800 ft of it!). 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Do you mind putting XP in your thread title when you post it on more than one board?
  • I am having a similar problem with my mother- in- law in my case she has two sons and no girls and I am marrying the youngest son, so because she wasnt really a part of her first sons wedding she wants be a part of mine I have done the whole schdule things and not tell her but then she finds out one way or another and when she askes me about it i feel bad. at the same time though i know she likes to make her opinion known and not back down whiich will lead to arguments which i dont want. peronally I have been inviting her too things i know she will like to be included in on like wedding dress shopping (but not every time i go) and keep her up to date on everything by showing her pictures and looking at websites with her so this way shhe still feels included. 
  • I think the other ladies have given you great suggestions. Stop actively telling her about every meeting to try and keep her from inviting herself - she can't invite herself to a meeting she doesn't know is happening.

    If she tries to push further, ask FI to intervene becuase it is his mother.
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