Wedding Party

Can I change my mind about having a Bridal Party? Sorry it's long

So I already have everyone lined up. So does my fiancé. The issue is not a soul will even help.his brothers throw the $ in his face about every week. One of my girls bailed due to money, she would rather fly across country to see Green Day than be in my wedding. Some friend. My MOH is on the other side of the country so it's hard for her to help but still isn't coordinating anything even via email. The other two girls are his people and they can't return my emails about dress size so I can order them. His BM is helping and wants to but that is really about it.
Can we change it to no bridal party just us without a bunch of drama?

I mean if I am doing everything myself which I am. Why should I have to spend money on gifts for people who are just gonna show up and drink? I'm not being picky about hair and makeup and what color shoes and so on and I've asked very little from anyone but even the little stuff. Like fill honey jars I've been told that "we are too busy" from his brothers wife, one of my bridesmaids.

I almost don't want to even do it anymore...
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Re: Can I change my mind about having a Bridal Party? Sorry it's long

  • No, you can't kick everybody out of your wedding party. 

    Your MOH doesn't have to coordinate anything, by email or not.  You have an unrealistic idea of what your wedding party is supposed to do.  Their only job is to show up at the wedding.  That's it.  YOU are honoring THEM by asking them to stand up next to you when you get married.  The only people whose job it is to do stuff for your wedding are you and your FI.  The people filling honey jars?  That should be you and your FI, and anybody who wants to and volunteers.  It's not their responsibility. 



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-change-my-mind-about-having-a-bridal-party-sorry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:18df651e-1b11-42f7-b8dd-f321a32e5327Post:7139fb01-dadd-4be1-a7f9-75791660392a">Can I change my mind about having a Bridal Party? Sorry it's long</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I already have everyone lined up. So does my fiancé. The issue is not a soul will even help.his brothers throw the $ in his face about every week. One of my girls bailed due to money, she would rather fly across country to see Green Day than be in my wedding. Some friend. My MOH is on the other side of the country so it's hard for her to help but still isn't coordinating anything even via email. The other two girls are his people and they can't return my emails about dress size so I can order them. His BM is helping and wants to but that is really about it. Can we change it to no bridal party just us without a bunch of drama? I mean if I am doing everything myself which I am. Why should I have to spend money on gifts for people who are just gonna show up and drink? I'm not being picky about hair and makeup and what color shoes and so on and I've asked very little from anyone but even the little stuff. Like fill honey jars I've been told that "we are too busy" from his brothers wife, one of my bridesmaids. I almost don't want to even do it anymore...
    Posted by SouthernSwag[/QUOTE]
    JIC



  • Well it's done everyone is out! What a weight off my shoulders. And yes they have responsibilities to answer my questions about a dress size. If they can't do that I don't need them.
  • Really, your bridal party isn't required to help you with anything. Sure, it is nice if they do but they don't have to. All they have to do is buy the dress, or suit or rent tux, and stand there next to you. IMO, with that being said, as long as nobody has bought anything, you can have no bridal party.

    As far as the gifts, they are not rewards for helping you with anything. They are a thank you for being there with you on the day you marry the love of your life.
  • How is it unrealistic when I've read what the duties are of bridal party members, and helping is one of the duties? So yea I expect they answer me and do not ignore my emails when I need info from them to order dresses and give info for the suits. There is a responsibility to rent or buy what we have chosen. When the guys just want to wear a black suit they have in the closet and not rent or buy our style it's a deal breaker.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-change-my-mind-about-having-a-bridal-party-sorry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:18df651e-1b11-42f7-b8dd-f321a32e5327Post:e8f34184-c434-41ae-a3f9-b128f6698505">Re: Can I change my mind about having a Bridal Party? Sorry it's long</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well it's done everyone is out! What a weight off my shoulders. And yes they have responsibilities to answer my questions about a dress size. If they can't do that I don't need them.
    Posted by SouthernSwag[/QUOTE]
    Your wedding is April 19, 2014.  They do NOT have a responsibility to answer questions about dress size over a year from your wedding!  Congratulations on acting like a complete Bridezilla, at least your friends now know what you really think about them.



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-change-my-mind-about-having-a-bridal-party-sorry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:18df651e-1b11-42f7-b8dd-f321a32e5327Post:a4b27bbb-bab1-4670-8261-377a3d1eb047">Re: Can I change my mind about having a Bridal Party? Sorry it's long</a>:
    [QUOTE]How is it unrealistic when I've read what the duties are of bridal party members, and helping is one of the duties? So yea I expect they answer me and do not ignore my emails when I need info from them to order dresses and give info for the suits. There is a responsibility to rent or buy what we have chosen. When the guys just want to wear a black suit they have in the closet and not rent or buy our style it's a deal breaker.
    Posted by SouthernSwag[/QUOTE]
    Those duties lists are complete crap, as is the rest of your post here.  On the other hand, I'm sincerely happy for your friends for being spared the burden of your "friendship."



  • Actually in in oct of this year... Thanks yes they do need to answer my question on what size I'm having them made and it takes time. All of which they knew when they said yes.
  • edited May 2013
    2 out of 10 people are my friends and they understand. The rest are his family and friends and to be honest I don't care about them. They have never showed him and ounce of respect. Why should I?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-change-my-mind-about-having-a-bridal-party-sorry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:18df651e-1b11-42f7-b8dd-f321a32e5327Post:339617cd-013b-42b4-b49c-585c2ee8f858">Re: Can I change my mind about having a Bridal Party? Sorry it's long</a>:
    [QUOTE]2 out of 10 people are my friends and they understand. The rest are his family and friends and to be honest I don't care about them. They have never showed him and ounc of respect. Why should I
    Posted by SouthernSwag[/QUOTE]

    Why were they asked to be in the bridal party in the first place then?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-change-my-mind-about-having-a-bridal-party-sorry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:18df651e-1b11-42f7-b8dd-f321a32e5327Post:a5389efe-435c-4d05-b594-5dc4274c9462">Re: Can I change my mind about having a Bridal Party? Sorry it's long</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually in in oct of this year... Thanks yes they do need to answer my question on what size I'm having them made and it takes time. All of which they knew when they said yes.
    Posted by SouthernSwag[/QUOTE]
    Then you still have plenty of time.  October is 6 months away.  Of course, now that you've stomped your feet and kicked everyone out of your wedding party it's a moot point now. 



  • You don't care about your fiance's friends and family?  Wow. He's a lucky guy!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • Honestly, I would be "too busy" as well to fill honey jars.

    Your wedding party doesn't have to do anything but buy the designated attire and show up on your wedding day presentable and sober.

    The point of a wedding party is to honor your nearest and dearest.  It is not a group of slaves to have at your disposal at all times.

    You do not buy them gifts because of how much they have done for you, you buy them gifts to show your appreciation to them for taking time out of their lives to be a part of your wedding day (not wedding year).

  • Some of them may be uncomfortable sharing their size/measurements, and wIth 6 months, some of them may be concerned about their size changing.

    Unless the outright offer, no one should be working on your wedding DIY projects but you and your FI. If you need help filling honey jars, you should ask him.

    I don't see how wearing black suits they already own is a problem, and I don't see why you would have people in your BP that you don't like or care about.

    Honestly, it sounds like there is drama anyway, and kicking everyone out because they didn't buy attire when you told them to or help with things you think they should will not cut down on it even a little bit.
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  • Your wedding parties duties are to buy a dress (within their budgets, which should be privately discussed) and show up. That's it.

    They are not your servants nor it is their responsibilities to fill honey jars and plan your wedding.
  • I feel like it's animated GIF time.
  • Don't listen to these other girls. Everyone knows the bridal party is just a bunch of slaves. Slaves don't need to be honored. How dare they even expect food and drinks from you? The scum. You should whip them for their impertinance. Don't they know how incredibly amazing, perfect, and superior you are?
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • OP - you should just elope if you don't care about your family & friends anyway. 

  • edited April 2013
    I sure am glad my H doesn't say "I don't give a crap about your friends and family." I will say I have a very good friend who married a jerk--he treated us and her other friends and family like complete crap but she married him anyway. They're currently going through a divorce. How you treat other people DOES matter, so I would change my attitude about that right quick.

    And FWIW your BP has absolutely no obligations to help you with anything, including filling honey jars. But if you're going to treat them like crap, it's probably best you did relieve them of your duties so they don't have to put up with you.


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    Vacation
  • Sort of ignoring a lot here, but what are the honey jars for?  They can't be for favours this far out, are they? 
    I personally would have thought long and hard about whether or not I wanted a bridal party before I asked anyone.  Kicking them out after you have already asked them was inappropriate.  But what is done is done, and it is fine to not have a bridal party, though it would have been much easier on you and on them if you had known this before you asked them. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_can-i-change-my-mind-about-having-a-bridal-party-sorry-its-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:18df651e-1b11-42f7-b8dd-f321a32e5327Post:a827fa0c-a998-4438-a15b-0e2bf1a01ff5">Re:Can I change my mind about having a Bridal Party? Sorry it's long</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel like it's animated GIF time.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    How's this one?<a id="irc_mil" style="border:0px currentColor;" href="http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=XUqX4PqgzTD8OM&tbnid=LNZZGsNZ7D9bqM:&ved=&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Ftagged%2Ftantrum%2520gif&ei=IzZrUcmNL6nu2AWRpIDgDw&bvm=bv.45175338,d.b2I&psig=AFQjCNHMYyVsUJIggGxGYueq2HfI0tONPQ&ust=1366067108329144" rel="nofollow"><img id="irc_mi" style="margin-top:129px;" src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m27z329S401qkp3qu.gif" alt="" width="246" height="135" /></a>

     

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  • edited May 2013
    I don't care about his friends or family because they don't care about me. I tried to ask them to be in the wedding to make his mom happy because a wedding isn't about us its about his family. So I obliged. Yet still 8 weeks later I can't get a single word from his friend or sister-in-law about dress size. And the wedding is 5 months away now. And I don't think 65 bucks for a dress is too much. That is all no jewelry or shoes. They can use whats in their closet. No special way to do hair or makeup or any little details. Just a dress in a specific color. As for his groomsmen I've never met a one of them but his brothers who don't give a crap about the wedding. Wont get fitted for a suit. No I don't want mismatched suits in my wedding. Sorry It is my day I have a right to say hey rent this one or since we got such a hookup on them you can buy it for 140 bucks if you choose. Not asking a lot. I only asked about the jars because they offered in the beginning when we got engaged. So I was just cashing in on the "offer"
    I don't have family so my family can't Pay or DO crap for the wedding. Sorry my parents were killed when I was young and my "daddy" can't pay for all his friends and family to come and mooch off us. We are paying for it ourselves. Everyone was so quick to say I will help with this or that but when asked I got a slap in the face.
    So yea I kicked them all out!
    Replaced them with real people who actually can and want to send me the size for the dress. So they can be made. Which they are still being made, it takes time to make 5 dresses. As for his brothers and friends he kicked them out since they can't respond to him or bother going to get fitted. A simple reply via text goes a long way but when they can't respect him enough to do that why should I pay for anything for them.
    BTW he has 5 new guys who know how to return phone calls and can at least layaway a 140 suit for 5 months to be in the wedding.
    Neither of us are asking too much but some people only think about themselves.
    How would you all feel getting ignored for 8 weeks when planning your wedding? I bet you would see red too not knowing if they were even going to show up because they can't answer  singe text, email or phone call for over 8 weeks. Yea they are such good friends we HAD!
  • edited May 2013
    Then they should not offer to help then slap me in the face when I ask. And since I am buying the dresses they should at lease give me a size so I can buy them...I was only asking a few of the gals to actually pay me for the dresses. Because I know times are tough for many.

    ladytori said:
    Your wedding parties duties are to buy a dress (within their budgets, which should be privately discussed) and show up. That's it.

    They are not your servants nor it is their responsibilities to fill honey jars and plan your wedding.

  • cmgilpin said:

    OP - you should just elope if you don't care about your family & friends anyway. 

    I have no family to give a crap about thanks. As for his friends I have never even met them so how can I care. All I see is the months of them ignoring him and not being there for him. Yea sorry I have his back not theirs. As for his family they also don't care about him and his values they use him and wont lift a finger if he needed anything. But he would drop everything to help them.
  • Sizing this far out is irresponsible.

    Your wedding is a year away.  They can gain weight, lose weight, or even get pregnant in that time. Don't measure them, or order, more than six months from the wedding date.
    My wedding is in 5 months OCT 19, 2013. 6 months before is not asking to much.
  • zitiqueen said:
    In Response to Re: Can I change my mind about having a Bridal Party? Sorry it's long:
    2 out of 10 people are my friends and they understand. The rest are his family and friends and to be honest I don't care about them. They have never showed him and ounc of respect. Why should I
    Posted by SouthernSwag
    Why were they asked to be in the bridal party in the first place then?
    Becuae his Mother asked me to. So I am trying to make everyone happy by asking them. I know that planning a wedding isn't about me or my fiance its about everyone around us. And making them happy even at the cost of our happiness.
  • AddieL73 said:
    You don't care about your fiance's friends and family?  Wow. He's a lucky guy!
    No I don't! Neither does he! If you knew these people you would be singing a different song. His brother sleeps with all his girlfriends & ex's. Except me! His friends well I've never met any of them. They don't have time for him since he decided to follow the path of the law. Yea they are great people you would prob love being around them.
  • AddieL73 said:
    You don't care about your fiance's friends and family?  Wow. He's a lucky guy!
    No I don't! Neither does he! If you knew these people you would be singing a different song. His brother sleeps with all his girlfriends & ex's. Except me! His friends well I've never met any of them. They don't have time for him since he decided to follow the path of the law. Yea they are great people you would prob love being around them.
  • OP, why don't you just cancel your wedding and go elope in Vegas.  No bridal party, no family you hate, no friends you hate.  Easy peasy.

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