Bride being pushy about guest list

manjermj

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself<strong>. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. </strong>She can do nothing by herself.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

<div>Wtf? Is this 1952? This is 2013! Most husbands AND wives work full time. This is THEIR wedding. Your son should be involved with every detail of the planning and he should be splitting the household chores with his soon to be wife.</div>

hgminor

And also, you need to mind your own business a little.

My FI and I both work with basically the same hours.  When we get home we are a team- working together to keep things in line.  This does not make me a bad soon-to-be wife, and it doesn't make your FDIL bad either.  We are just different.

Regardless of any of this- your son grew up and is moving on in his own life.  You need to trust that when he was a child you raised him correctly to make the right choice about his wife.  Let go and let him live the life he is choosing.

T42n24T

If you all are reading his response as taking her side, then maybe he is, but I took it as "Mom, I've already argued my case with her and I've gotten nowhere, there is nothing left to discuss." If he has sided with her, then fine, so be it.

blueikaos

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. <strong>None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. </strong>She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

I have taken my FI with me to almost every wedding related meeting.  It is OUR wedding. Not mine, not his. OURS.  Just like their wedding is THEIR wedding. Not yours. THEIRS.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:3f0681e0-314c-4c44-a4ca-807b8a623be4">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : My mom's cat swats at the iPad while I'm playing Words With Friends.  She helped me get a 60 point word!!
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]
That is awesome! I need to play you. It keeps suggesting I do. 

Anastasia517

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:3ee14fb0-10b1-4705-8ae9-6eae89e8ffc5">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]You know what's cute?  My cat tries to attack things on the screen while I'm playing WoW. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>Haha.  One of FI's family dogs loves WoW.  He once sat and watched FI playing for half an hour without moving.</div>

misshart00

In Response to Re:Bride being pushy about guest list:[QUOTE]If you all are reading his response as taking her side, then maybe he is, but I took it as quot;Mom, I've already argued my case with her and I've gotten nowhere, there is nothing left to discuss.quot; If he has sided with her, then fine, so be it. Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

Even if that is how he meant it, the fact that they are not sill discussing it together means that they are together on it.

T42n24T

Yes, I'm being judgemental of her. She isn't working right now and hasn't been for months. I see no reason why when he comes back from his full-time job, he still has to help her maintain the house, cook dinner, go to meetings, and help her make decisions she could have been doing all day.

ceceibson

In the event this isn't MUD, my heart weeps for this bride.  I was married to a man with a mother just like the OP.  The operative word there being "was".

daria24

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:41cfc933-ae30-4ca7-9d1f-45482ca645a6">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : I hate that people even say "help".  It's like it's the woman's duty and he is just helping her.  
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

<div>Word. Like when a father has to "babysit" his own child. </div><div>
</div><div>FTR the groom sounds like a gem. If your FDIL is real, she picked a good one. </div>

MuppetFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:09db389e-a5e7-4922-9834-43b36455517b">Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the Mother of the Groom in my sons upcoming wedding in 4 months. I very much like his bride, but she and I are having some disagreements about the guest list. Nothing unpleasant thus far, but I would like to keep it that way. The budget breakdown is this: $10,000 total budget, $2000 from my Husband and myself, $2000 from brides parents, and the remaining $6000 from the bride and groom. The anticipated guest list was about 50 people, but with our friends that we would like to invite, that number grew a bit. Of course we have offered to pay for those extra guests on top of the money we had already offered. Before the bride sent out the Save the Date's, she was lenient with the guest list, but in the last few weeks she has gradually stopped "letting" me invite friends. It is now at the point where she will not even allow me to invite family friends of ours who invited us to their daughters wedding, so now I'm completely humiliated and don't know what to say to that family. She flat out told me when I asked about them, "No, I'm sorry, I have to put my foot down, no more!" It is not because of capacity, there is plenty more room for guests, and like I've said, it's not because of money. She is just being controlling. I feel badly that my sons bride has taken this turn, and I am slightly concerned that this behavior could be something that isn't even new, but rather she has been hiding it from us.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

While I understand your frustration, please remember that this is their wedding. It sounds like they intended for a smaller wedding with close friends and family. For whatever reason, you adding additional friends is not coinciding with their ideas for their wedding and you should respect that.  That isn't controlling, that is them standing by their decision. It sounds like you've brought this up multiple times with them, it sounds more like you are trying to control the situation.

There is no reason for you to feel embarrassed that you were invited to the weddings of your friends' children. That does not create an obligation for your children to invite your friends to theirs.

It sounds like this is a decision that your son and future daughter in law have come to agreement upon TOGETHER.  I want to stress this a lot because my future mother in law blames me for everything she dislikes in our lives, and she always blames me and takes her son out of the equation. It's not fair of her to do that. We are not allowing her to invite a lot of her friends to our wedding (even if she pays). We have invited some as a courtesy,but we simply do not want more people at our wedding that we are not close to. That is her son's decision as much as mine and it is hurtful that she only sees it as mine.

My FMIL's attitude and forcefullness in situations like this has created a signficiant rift between us and she's hurt me a lot. I suggest letting it go and enjoying the wedding.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:d4b59950-6f52-4089-ada2-339cce2aa779">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I'm being judgemental of her. She isn't working right now and hasn't been for months. I see no reason why when he comes back from his full-time job, he still has to help her maintain the house, cook dinner, go to meetings, and help her make decisions she could have been doing all day.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]
I agree with you. She needs to have a drink and his slippers ready when he gets home. Maybe put a bow in her hair or some lipstick on. <div>
</div><div>
</div>

kmbryant2413

Boy, this escalated quickly.

misshart00

In Response to Re:Bride being pushy about guest list:[QUOTE]Yes, I'm being judgemental of her. She isn't working right now and hasn't been for months. I see no reason why when he comes back from his fulltime job, he still has to help her maintain the house, cook dinner, go to meetings, and help her make decisions she could have been doing all day. Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

And again, how do you know his isn't the arrangement they have worked out?

I agree with Kristan. He's got to be an only child and mom can't let go.

s-aries8990

Umm does he live in the house too? He should be helping.

How they run their house is nun-ya.

It seems like you were allowed to add until the STDs went out. You can't just keep adding more, and it seems like your son agrees. Why don't you focus on cleaning your own house rather than focusing on who is cleaning your son's undies.

misshart00

I find it odd that you loved this woman and treated her like family, but suddenly don't like her now that she won't do what you want. It sounds like you never liked her and this just added to your list. She is not taking your baby away. He is choosing to make her his family. She is/will be the most important person in his life, not you. The sooner you understand that, the happier you will be.

FruitSnack84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]



Perhaps YOU enjoy traditional gender roles, but this post is very offensive to me. Could it be possible that your son IS interested in the cake and the flowers? Is your son complaining about being "dragged" to these meetings, or are you assuming he feels that way!

In many relationships, men helping with the cooking and cleaning is completely normal! Why would your son be exempt from helping if they both work full time jobs? That's just plain misogynistic to me. I am so thankful that my fiancé sees the importance of fairness and equality in our relationship!

This post clearly illustrates how you actually feel about your future daughter in law....if I knew my mother in law had said such hateful things about me, I would end my relationship with her. I hope your future daughter in law sees this.

MayDay513

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:d4b59950-6f52-4089-ada2-339cce2aa779">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, I'm being judgemental of her. She isn't working right now and hasn't been for months. I see no reason why when he comes back from his full-time job, he still has to help her maintain the house, cook dinner, go to meetings, and help her make decisions she could have been doing all day.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

In the case that you are a real person. I think you should probably stop posting online about your future daughter in law. It sounds like you have some issues that you need to work out with yourself. It's going to be a long 50 years if you want to have this negative attitude about her now.

Side Note: I definitely want to go home and watch Monster in Law, tonight. Actually, OP you should too! Maybe analyze the ridiculousness of your expectations for your future daughter in law.

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:028560c3-3b11-4089-9564-855663025c70">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : Word. <strong>Like when a father has to "babysit" his own child.</strong>  FTR the groom sounds like a gem. If your FDIL is real, she picked a good one. 
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

<div>That line is like nails on a chalk board to me.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>I work from home and only about 6 hours a day.   Now I do the laundry and most of the cleaning. Mostly because I'm one making the mess and it bothers me to see. The fact it's in my face makes me want to clean.   However, after my DH spends a 10-12 hours shift being a chef I make him come home and cook dinner. It's not even like I help him.He cooks it all.  I'm a lazy b!itch.</div>

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:028560c3-3b11-4089-9564-855663025c70">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : Word. <strong>Like when a father has to "babysit" his own child.</strong>  FTR the groom sounds like a gem. If your FDIL is real, she picked a good one. 
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

<div>That line is like nails on a chalk board to me.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>I work from home and only about 6 hours a day.   Now I do the laundry and most of the cleaning. Mostly because I'm one making the mess and it bothers me to see. The fact it's in my face makes me want to clean.   However, after my DH spends a 10-12 hours shift being a chef I make him come home and cook dinner. It's not even like I help him.He cooks it all.  I'm a lazy b!itch.</div>

cnf2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:3b3d6203-57ef-4512-9678-7406465af574">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]I do not know if they are in agreement.<strong> Whenever I've tried to ask my son, he just says something along the lines of, "Mom, I'm not going to discuss this with you." </strong>It frustrates me because we are a close family, and since he started dating the bride, she has been treated as part of the family, too, but now suddenly since the Save the Dates have gone out and everyone knows the wedding is happening for sure, she wants to change the rules.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

<div>This pretty much means he most likely agrees with his FI and doesn't want you to get your panties in a twist when he puts his foot down. </div><div>
</div><div>Their wedding is about them, not you. It's very nice you'r giving money and offered to give more to cover additional guests, but if they want an intimate wedding with people they actually know then they have every right to put their foot down. Weddings aren't tit for tat. The bride and groom are paying for the majority of the bill and there fore get the majority of the say. This is about celebrating their marriage, not a show for you to woo your friends with. </div>

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:9a6f3415-63d9-4fb5-8cd4-fad0a5082750">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : As someone who has been out of work for months at a time, let me add some perspective. Searching online for jobs can feel like a full-time job.  Reading through the postings online, tweaking the resume for different employers, and writing cover letters take a LOT of time.  Many companies also require you to apply online, and those forms are NOT user friendly.  There were several forms that took quite some time to complete.   Also, when I was in between jobs, I spent several hours walking through the mall applying for jobs.  Being out of work is NOT fun and does a lot to a person's self esteem.  If your son has issues with how she is handling the home, then he  needs to discuss it with her.  You need to step back from their relationship.   
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Thanks for bringing that up, I was thinking the same thing. Being out of work is embarrassing and frustrating. Endlessly applying to jobs is a full time job, and self esteem goes out the window the longer you don't hear back, or keep getting let down, whatever. It is not your place to judge whether or not she is applying, being let down, whatever. Then you look at your house and wonder if you can do it all by yourself, and get even more frustrated. Quit being so judgemental and worry about YOSELF.</div>

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:ab8d55c3-b333-4146-83f7-70f196ae8541">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list :<strong> In the case that you are a real person. I think you should probably stop posting online about your future daughter in law</strong>. It sounds like you have some issues that you need to work out with yourself. It's going to be a long 50 years if you want to have this negative attitude about her now. Side Note: I definitely want to go home and watch Monster in Law, tonight. Actually, OP you should too! Maybe analyze the ridiculousness of your expectations for your future daughter in law.
Posted by huynhette[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This, too. What if she is on TK looking at things and asking questions on boards? I'd feel like utter sh*t if I came across this knowing it was about me. Think before you post.</div>

hgminor

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:c7be7bcd-b696-451c-ab0c-f606b4245439">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : Thanks for bringing that up, I was thinking the same thing. Being out of work is embarrassing and frustrating. Endlessly applying to jobs is a full time job, and self esteem goes out the window the longer you don't hear back, or keep getting let down, whatever. It is not your place to judge whether or not she is applying, being let down, whatever. Then you look at your house and wonder if you can do it all by yourself, and get even more frustrated. Quit being so judgemental and worry about YOSELF.
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This!  </div><div>
</div><div>Also- KM- I loved that video and even showed it to a class when they were all up in each others business!  If that little girl understands, then a class of fifth graders (or a MOG) should be able to figure it out too!

</div>

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:ac40f4bf-681c-4fa2-8460-4d4c2edc6ddd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : This!   Also- KM- I loved that video and even showed it to a class when they were all up in each others business!  If that little girl understands, then a class of fifth graders (or a MOG) should be able to figure it out too!
Posted by hgminor[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Haha I thought the video (or at least a quote from it) would work just about perfectly here. Syd's line about cleaning her own house and not worrying about who is cleaning her sons' undies made me remember. And snort.

</div>

cnf2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:55c8801d-7f6e-4463-93ec-c5cd14ec8cf2">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]If you all are reading his response as taking her side, then maybe he is, but I took it as "Mom, I've already argued my case with her and I've gotten nowhere, there is nothing left to discuss." If he has sided with her, then fine, so be it.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

<div>You're assumption is probably way off. Obviously they agreed on a number and you're the one changing it. And if you can't even read and understand what your son, the child you raised, is saying to you, then you have no right to judge his FI. </div><div>
</div><div>MY FI and I both work full time, on opposite schedules. We both cook for ourselves (gasp, how dare I not cook for him while I'm at work) and clean up after ourselves so there's not any heavy cleaning to be done by either of us. He swept the whole house the other day. What a terrible soon to be wife I must be *angry fist*.</div><div>
</div><div>He also has come to vendor meetings with me because he is geniunely excited about OUR wedding. He even offered to type out all our place cards last night. Hmm, imagine that, the man that asked me to marry him wants to participate in his own wedding. </div><div>
</div><div>I was unemployed for 8 months. It is time consuming and soul crushing to endlessly flail looking for work. Do not judge her for what is beyond her control. God, it makes me dislike you beyond words. </div>

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e06cd6af-39fb-49cc-b059-38d45161e4ac">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : And when you have to cut and paste your resume into the stupid online applications?  Ugh.  That was the pits.  And, I would get emails from Monster or Career Builder with leads for odd sales jobs.  Um, hello - I have a degree in Computer Science and worked for a Fortune 50 company for 8 years.  My resume does not match that.  
Posted by TXKristan[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Ha my DH still gets phone calls and emails from IT Tech even though he found a new job 6 months ago.    They want to retrain him to be a computer scientist or something.   Psst, he has me do all the computer stuff because he doesn't know how to use the Mac.
</div><div>
</div><div>And online applications suck.  DH was reject 20 minutes after he applied for a position. The email said he was not qualified.   DH broke down in tears.  Did not move for a days he was so depressed.    Cleaning?  Yeah, that was the last thing I was going to complain about.</div><div>
</div><div>I did some investigations on those online application programs and how they work.   I decided to call my dad who lived in the city if he had contacts to the job he was rejected within 20 minutes.   One thing lead to another and DH got a call from HR the same day.  4 interviews and 2 tasting later he got the job.  </div><div>
</div><div>To this day their HR department as no idea why DH's resume was rejected by their 3rd party application program.  But they did make changes and insist ALL manager applications go to them not just the ones the online company deemed worthy.   They were afraid that there are other manager like DH out there being rejected for no reason.</div>

MuppetFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:d4b59950-6f52-4089-ada2-339cce2aa779">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]If you all are reading his response as taking her side, then maybe he is, but I took it as "Mom, I've already argued my case with her and I've gotten nowhere, there is nothing left to discuss." If he has sided with her, then fine, so be it.

Yes, I'm being judgemental of her. She isn't working right now and hasn't been for months. I see no reason why when he comes back from his full-time job, he still has to help her maintain the house, cook dinner, go to meetings, and help her make decisions she could have been doing all day.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

Absolutely none of this is your business. It is not your son's job to take your side. These are things they are deciding together that you have no place to have an opinion about or to continue to question.

She is not his slave. If he has a problem with her not working, then he can address that with her. He's an adult. If<strong> you </strong>disapprove, again, not your place to have an opinion. Not your business.

This is THEIR wedding. She should want him to go to these meetings and help with decisions. My fiance keeps telling me he doesn't care and that I should pick things, but I don't want it to be my wedding, I want it to be our wedding. Also, he absolutely does have an opinion on things whether he says he does initially or not. I picked cake designs, he thought they were all awful and found the one we eventually went with. I picked colors, he hated them and we worked on some together. The only thing he truly did not care about that I did alone was meet witht he florist.  In the end, this will truly be OUR wedding.

Keep reminding yourself that this is not YOUR wedding, this is not YOUR life and this is not YOUR business.

libby18bell

I'm so grateful you aren't my FMIL.  Mine is being super supportive and reminds me over and over that it's our day when I'm being too over accommodating.

harper0813

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:3b3d6203-57ef-4512-9678-7406465af574">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]I do not know if they are in agreement. Whenever I've tried to ask my son, he just says something along the lines of,<strong> "Mom, I'm not going to discuss this with you."</strong> It frustrates me because we are a close family, and since he started dating the bride, she has been treated as part of the family, too, but now suddenly since the Save the Dates have gone out and everyone knows the wedding is happening for sure, she wants to change the rules.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

<div>He is beandipping you. The discussion is closed with both of them - it sure sounds like they are on the same page. No matter what their reason (budget, capacity or just personal preference), they do not need to invite all of your friends. You are not paying for the entire wedding. They are paying for most of it. They were receptive to your added guests before because they weren't getting new additions all the time.</div><div>
</div><div>My parents are playing the same game with me, except they are paying for about 70% of the wedding. It is still bringing us above budget and venue capacity, and it is causing some VERY hurt feelings on all sides. It's gotten to the point where we've invited 100 more people than we wanted to and the wedding has become about our parents rather than about us. Do you want to do this to your son and his soon-to-be wife?</div>