Bride being pushy about guest list

AddieCake

Ahhh!   I'm still skeptical, but LOVE the AE!  Good one!  I read it too fast to even "read" it. 

MuppetFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:8f7b1d84-07a8-4282-b342-605c0f688d38">Re:Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Bride being pushy about guest list: I agree with you, except that the potential bride is an AE. It could be someone that normally lurks or posts and didn't want people to know her FMIL was that bad.
Posted by misshart00[/QUOTE]

That's what I was thinking. If I thought FMIL was going to find these boards, I would change it. I changed my handle which is my distinctly spelled first name originally because she told me about the website (in case I hadn't heard of it) from a friend of hers. I figured at least it wouldn't be as much of a red flag to people she knows...just in case.

arendiva

I don't think "itsjustanae" is her daugter in law. The situations just don't match up well enough. In the OP the FMIL says the wedding is being capped at 50. in the AE's wedding the guests list has already balooned to 150 and they are capping it at that. I think "it'sjustanae" was just giving a DIL perspective since she is facing a similar situation with her in-laws.

itsjustanae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:b9f1af33-dd7a-4501-a5b6-90b5e3e2b220">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Ahhh!   I'm still skeptical, but <strong>LOVE the AE!  Good one!</strong>  I read it too fast to even "read" it. 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks :)</div><div>
</div><div>And yes, I did make an AE on the off-chance that this is FMIL. Like I had said, I doubt it, but I'm frustrated with FMIL anyway. I don't mind taking it out on this judgy OP whether she's my FMIL or not. </div>

itsjustanae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:09db389e-a5e7-4922-9834-43b36455517b">Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]The anticipated guest list <strong>was about 50 people</strong>, but with our friends that we would like to invite, <strong>that number grew a bit</strong>. 
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]

<div>That was something else that made me think it might be my FMIL. Although tripling is more than "a bit," I can imagine that someone trying to get sympathy wouldn't broadcast how much "a bit" really is.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Like I said, it's probably not her, but OP is out of control either way.</div>

jlm9113

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:e542c064-ff12-494a-a091-e81819a744cd">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little (wedding related or not) by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself.
Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE]


Please tell me this is MUD.  Because, otherwise, I'm going to crawl back into bed, crawl out on the other side and hope that the universe has righted itself afterwards.

OneLuckyNurse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:028560c3-3b11-4089-9564-855663025c70">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : Word. Like when a father has to "babysit" his own child.  FTR the groom sounds like a gem. If your FDIL is real, she picked a good one. 
Posted by daria24[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This drives me nuts!!!! My dad was my primary caregiver when I was an infant because he was off during the day and went to night school and my mom worked full time. He used to get so angry when people would ask "you babysitting today" or " So you got the kid today?"<span style="font-size:11px;">ike it was weird or unexpected.</span><span style="font-size:11px;"> I remember him always making a point to say "No, I'm not babysitting, this is MY daugther" . My Dad is a father and acts like one. Sorry, mini rant lol :)</span></div>

Kate61487

well this was a fun read on my lunch hour.

Good to know that H and I are doing it all wrong.  Not only did he get the final vote on all our wedding details (I'm a *smidge* indecisive), but he does all of our laundry and dishes too.  Oh no!

[Deleted User]

You need to respect you FDIL and son's decisions. If their budget total is $10,000, then that's it. For each person you add, not only is there the cost of reception, but the cake (depending on how many people you add, they may need to get a bigger cake to accomodate number of guests), plus more place cards, more invitations, more postage for invitations, more tables needed which means more linens & more centerpieces and more favors. So even if they are say paying $50 a head at the reception, each person you add on actually ends up being more then just that $50.

My guess they are trying to keep the expenses under control and make sure that the guests they have are people that they know and are dear to them and the immediate family. If people didn't get a save the date, then they don't have to be invited. I'm sorry to say but you should have had your final guest list to her earlier to avoid this.

MuppetFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:9e88da96-3d98-48cb-9d1e-6bcb7956e8c4">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : Please tell me this is MUD.  Because, otherwise, I'm going to crawl back into bed, crawl out on the other side and hope that the universe has righted itself afterwards.
Posted by jlm9113[/QUOTE]

People are really like this though. My FMIL has some pretty f'd impressions of me. I work from home and she thinks that means I can spend my day doing housework and thinks I'm lazy if I don't. I work 60-70 hrs a week and then I have grad school...and I do 100% of the housework.

She also thinks we have an unbalanced relationship because he is obviously more thoughtful than me since I post what he does for me on facebook and he only posts about sports on his. Um, I do thinks for him constantly. Understatement. He's disabled, and though he's capable of doing everything, it's certainly easier if i do a lot of it...even little things like filling the K cup machine (that I don't use) with water so he doesn't have to get a stool and shift it between where the machine is and the sink.

These comments make me not want to do things with her, which also upsets her. If she wasn't so nosy and judgemental, I would appreciate a relationship.

kmcclelland7

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bride-being-pushy-about-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2438fdf8-7db8-4ebb-a766-b5a3a0bc041bPost:9222e4c1-1bf4-4743-a913-603aeb9e132f">Re: Bride being pushy about guest list</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bride being pushy about guest list : What is this, 1950?
Posted by TheMissusLia[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Exactly what I was thinking!  I had to look at the calendar to double check we didn't pull a back to the future deal.</div><div>
</div><div>By the way OP, most men do like the cake part of planning and *shocker* most help out in some way around the house.  For cake tasting my FI sat there eating all the samples happy as a clam and does the dishes on a regular basis.  I think your son sounds like he's a good, helpful, responsible adult that pulls his weight around the house.  Quit bugging the couple and deal with the guest list that is already set.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

arrippa

If you continue with this attitude, I can see what will happen five years in the future (it happened to my friend) - My friend and her parents are no longer speaking and they don't allow them to see her child. If they send her something for her kid, she sends it back. It all started because they didn't hide that they don't approve of her husband. It snowballed out of control to where it is today. So, stop being judgy and get a new attitude.

Kate61487

Can I just add that I *love* the title of this post?  It really gives you the answer from the get-go, because unless OP was the groom the bride has every right to be 'pushy' about the guest list to everyone else. 

KDM323

Is this a joke?

ErinElizabethR

In Response to Re:Bride being pushy about guest list:[QUOTE]Since it has now come up more than once, this is the planning of the wedding, not the marriage. We are a traditional family. My son is not an event planner and does not need to be interested in things like flowers and cake design. None of the men in our family have taken part in wedding planning aside from menu, some of their own attire, and the honeymoon. Unfortunately for my son, his bride insists on dragging him to nearly every event. She does very little wedding related or not by herself. She usually wants him to help with the cooking, the cleaning, everything. She can do nothing by herself. Posted by T42n24T[/QUOTE
Maybe your son enjoys cooking and doesn't mind helpin out your future DIL with chores? My man cooks and helps out with chores. Maybe he likes taste testing cake? That's super sexist of you. She's going to be your son's wife not his servant.