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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?

One of my BMs excitedly gave me the details of my shower in 2 weeks that they've been lovely enough to plan for me. They brought my mom in as a quot;silent partner,quot; mostly because they needed a space large enough to host a party. As has happened at any event in my life, though, the focus has been taken off me and my preferences and put on her and hers. The way it is now, people are going to get there, be forced to play games for 2 hours, and then watch me open presents for an hour I'm assuming there's food in there somewhere, but when I asked she said they hadn't discussed food yet. There will be about 40 people there, and only about half will want to play games, but my mom will throw a hissy fit if they don't play. I know she will. The annoying thing is, all 8 BMs think the games sound fun, too. I know many people expect some games at a bridal shower, and I don't mind some trivia, memory lane, I could even deal with one of the toilet paper dress/bouquet games but not these they're more for a 40yearolds bachelorette party in 1986. Also, I HATE most games. I always have. Unless it's a drinking game or I'm already drunk. I don't drink very often, either, so that's how often I play. It's obviously too late to request no shower invites are out, so would it be out of line to request that they, not eliminate, but change and limit the games?
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Re: Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?

  • You don't get to plan your shower. All you can do is grin and bear it. At least they are throwing you a shower and are excited to do it.
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  • This sounds like your basic bridal shower.  I don't see the problem?  Every shower I've ever been to has been silly games, open presents, eat some food and go home.  I think you're overthinking this.  Your mother hasn't made this about her; she's made it a bridal shower.
  • Every shower I have ever been to has been food, brunch cocktails, socialization, maybe a little game or 2, then presents. Not 2 hours of bullying guests into borderline inappropriate games that most people don't want to play, maybe some food, and presents. And it kind of IS about her when she is planning something she knows she'll love and I'll hate.
  • In Response to Re:Is it ever appropriate to say something?:[QUOTE]Every shower I have ever been to has been food, brunch cocktails, socialization, maybe a little game or 2, then presents. Not 2 hours of bullying guests into borderline inappropriate games that most people don't want to play, maybe some food, and presents. And it kind of IS about her when she is planning something she knows she'll love and I'll hate. Posted by MillieMae92[/QUOTE]
    I think that's a bit dramatic. Bullying to play games? Just chillax. It's a bridal shower. Eat some food and have some fun.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:f363b975-6235-4b2e-8615-f46ca868bcf4">Re:Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Every shower I have ever been to has been food, brunch cocktails, socialization, maybe a little game or 2, then presents. Not 2 hours of bullying guests into borderline inappropriate games that most people don't want to play, maybe some food, and presents. And it kind of IS about her when she is planning something she knows she'll love and I'll hate.
    Posted by MillieMae92[/QUOTE]

    Now the games are borderline inappropriate?

    You're reaching.  You don't like that your mother has planned the shower and now you're thinking the absolute worst about whatever she has decided to do.

    I think you need to relax.  These people are bringing gifts for you.  These people are coming for you.  These people know what a bridal shower entails.  Games are part of it.  Present opening is part of it.  Just go with it.
  • In Response to Re:Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it ever appropriate to say something?:Every shower I have ever been to has been food, brunch cocktails, socialization, maybe a little game or 2, then presents. Not 2 hours of bullying guests into borderline inappropriate games that most people don't want to play, maybe some food, and presents. And it kind of IS about her when she is planning something she knows she'll love and I'll hate. Posted by MillieMae92
    I think that's a bit dramatic. Bullying to play games? Just chillax. It's a bridal shower. Eat some food and have some fun. Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    You would think, but no, not dramatic. We're talking someone who makes an announcement in a room of 5 people talking at a normal volume by standing on a chair and loudly whistling. I would LOVE to eat some food and have some fun, but I'll be busy playing games that involve pretending to have male genitalia, followed by a game called "suck and blow" where guests will have to transfer a napkin around a circle from person to person using only our mouths. There are plenty more, too. I'm not exaggerating when I say it'll be the whole time. There are so many that there are some they know they won't have time for.
  • In Response to Re:Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Is it ever appropriate to say something?:Every shower I have ever been to has been food, brunch cocktails, socialization, maybe a little game or 2, then presents. Not 2 hours of bullying guests into borderline inappropriate games that most people don't want to play, maybe some food, and presents. And it kind of IS about her when she is planning something she knows she'll love and I'll hate.Posted by MillieMae92Now the games are borderline inappropriate?You're reaching.nbsp; You don't like that your mother has planned the shower and now you're thinking the absolute worst about whatever she has decided to do.I think you need to relax.nbsp; These people are bringing gifts for you.nbsp; These people are coming for you.nbsp; These people know what a bridal shower entails.nbsp; Games are part of it.nbsp; Present opening is part of it.nbsp; Just go with it. Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    Actually, I said in my OP that these games were more tailored to bachelorette parties. I also said I know games are expected, and where did I complain about opening presents? I think it's exceptionally rude to demand people come to your house, bring presents for your child, and then not be able to socialize because the host is demanding you play embarrassing games for her amusement.
  • You and your future guests aren't victims of bullying, you're just enablers of an AW. Just don't play the game if you don't like the game. Be an adult and Just Say No.
    image
  • edited April 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:9b8ce221-79da-4d81-bca4-4753e11fe2eb">Re:Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You and your future guests aren't victims of bullying, you're just enablers of an AW. Just don't play the game if you don't like the game. Be an adult and Just Say No.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    <div>So it's more appropriate for an whole group of party-goers to argue with the host about her entire plan for the party ON THE SPOT (because that's exactly what it would be. Her feelings would get hurt and she would pout, which will start a fight with her older sisters, and then it becomes even MORE about her) than for me to nicely ask her now while there's time to stick with a few standard shower games, rather than filling 1/3 of the party with bachelorette party games that will make older relatives (and me, and many others) uncomfortable?</div><div>
    </div><div>I get that she and the BMs think the games will be fun. I'd rather them save them for the bachelorette party when I can get silly drunk and get into it. I'm uptight, fine, but I know this and so does everyone else. I don't think it's fair for them to expect me to change in the middle of a party that's supposed to be for me. Just like I don't think it's fair to call my mom out in front of everybody when I didn't even give her a chance to alter things to something more tasteful. </div><div>
    </div><div>And it is bullying when someone picks on you, tells you you're not fun and you're ruining everything for everyone, etc. in front of everyone when you don't want to play their game. </div>
  • If your bridal shower is early, the day before, or if it is in the afternoon, that morning go get pampered at a salon. Nails, Massage, etc. I think everyone is right that you don't get to plan your shower so go get pampered and relax before hand.

  • Well, a close family member should never host/plan your shower.  It is poor taste.  However, these sound like typical shower games & events.  Guest who accept an invite to a bridal shower know that they kinds of things will be happening and that's it is all part of accepting the invite.  You should step out of the conversation and just let yourself see how things go the day of the shower.  I bet you that your girls and family will suprise you with a lovely shower, if you only let them.
  • So if she were planning to invite a bunch of people that weren't on the guest list for the wedding, everyone would say I should step back because I can't plan it? What if they were planning to serve something I'm allergic to? What if something they're planning to do will deeply offend someone? What if I wouldn't be able to make it that day? Why is it okay for her to break etiquette by hosting the shower, but it's not okay for me to ask her not to offend 1/2 the party with games that involve testicles and putting peoples mouths against each other. I don't see why it's SO HORRIBLE to ask her to not make people feel bad if they don't all want to stop their conversations to play her games. I'm not giving her replacement games or telling her no games. I'm not telling her what food to serve, what to wear, what color scheme to use. Nothing. I don't care that the rest of the party isn't something I'd choose for myself. They could play music I hate the whole time. I don't care. Or play the games, but play them outside or in a seperate space and don't make everyone be a part of it. Just don't plan activities that will make them feel uncomfortable and then put them on the spot and make fun of them until they play.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:9875c1d4-956f-4e7f-8f4b-61d459ed8201">Re: Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So if she were planning to invite a bunch of people that weren't on the guest list for the wedding, everyone would say I should step back because I can't plan it? What if they were planning to serve something I'm allergic to? What if something they're planning to do will deeply offend someone? What if I wouldn't be able to make it that day? Why is it okay for her to break etiquette by hosting the shower, but it's not okay for me to ask her not to offend 1/2 the party with games that involve testicles and putting peoples mouths against each other. I don't see why it's SO HORRIBLE to ask her to not make people feel bad if they don't all want to stop their conversations to play her games. I'm not giving her replacement games or telling her no games. I'm not telling her what food to serve, what to wear, what color scheme to use. Nothing. I don't care that the rest of the party isn't something I'd choose for myself. They could play music I hate the whole time. I don't care. Or play the games, but play them outside or in a seperate space and don't make everyone be a part of it. Just don't plan activities that will make them feel uncomfortable and then put them on the spot and make fun of them until they play.
    Posted by MillieMae92[/QUOTE]

    I don't understand what you want from us. 

    You sincerely believe that a conversation with you and her, in which you tell her that her ideas suck and you don't want to do them will go better than a room full of people graciously declining to play? You really think a woman who will "pout", "throw a hissy fit" and "bully" guests into playing will say "oh my daughter told me people won't like this so I'll change my whole plan"?  You said your BMs and mom know that you're uptight and won't want to play; so why do you think voicing your opinion explicitly will change anything?

    If they had invited guests not on the guest list and they had already been invited, then YES, we would tell you to back off.  If they'd not been invited yet we would suggest you say "oh!  I guess I didn't provide you a guest list" to gently suggest they change the plan without outright interfering.  If you couldn't make it that day of course you should speak up b/c that's the whole point of the shower. Not liking the activities planned is NOT the same thing as not being able to attend at all...
  • Seriously? I've known my mom for a long time. My whole life, in fact, I know how she acts. I've also known the rest of my family for the same amount of time. I know how they act. I know my friends, and I've known them for a long time. I know how they act. I know the dynamics of these people, and I know whether or not they'll stand up and say no to her. They won't. They know she will single them out and make fun of them. How is that okay? Why would any of you defend that? 

    You know what, fine. I'll go ahead and not say anything. Here is what will happen:
    Mom stands on kitchen island with megaphone (think I'm joking? I wish. This was every party I ever had since birth. If I didn't want one, she threw a surprise party) and announces that it's time for game to begin. Some move to the designated game area, others linger and continue conversation.
    "We're all beginning the game now, it's time for conversations to end."
    If they keep talking, she will call them out by name. If they refuse (I've done it before, so have others, this has happened every time), she will start making comments to the person, but as an announcement to the party as well, like, "okay, well I guess (so and so) wants to ruin everyones good time and not play...Too bad no one will get to play the game because (so and so) won't...I guess all the hard work and effort I put forth goes to waste again, I wish you appreciated me and everything I do...etc" She has even cried when nothing else worked. 
    But yeah, I'm the super-dramatic one. I'm done though, every time I try to clarify, it doesn't seem to matter. I could tell you all I have no legs and she wants us to do a sack race and I would still be the one with the problem. Just another perfect example of how I suck and she's perfect. Thanks!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:4b18f1ee-5cb0-40af-8cf3-64a87f042bba">Re: Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Seriously? I've known my mom for a long time. My whole life, in fact, I know how she acts. I've also known the rest of my family for the same amount of time. I know how they act. I know my friends, and I've known them for a long time. I know how they act. I know the dynamics of these people, and I know whether or not they'll stand up and say no to her. They won't. They know she will single them out and make fun of them. How is that okay? Why would any of you defend that?  You know what, fine. I'll go ahead and not say anything. Here is what will happen: Mom stands on kitchen island with megaphone (think I'm joking? I wish. This was every party I ever had since birth. If I didn't want one, she threw a surprise party) and announces that it's time for game to begin. Some move to the designated game area, others linger and continue conversation. "We're all beginning the game now, it's time for conversations to end." If they keep talking, she will call them out by name. If they refuse (I've done it before, so have others, this has happened every time), she will start making comments to the person, but as an announcement to the party as well, like, "okay, well I guess (so and so) wants to ruin everyones good time and not play...Too bad no one will get to play the game because (so and so) won't...I guess all the hard work and effort I put forth goes to waste again, I wish you appreciated me and everything I do...etc" She has even cried when nothing else worked.  But yeah, I'm the super-dramatic one. I'm done though, every time I try to clarify, it doesn't seem to matter. I could tell you all I have no legs and she wants us to do a sack race and I would still be the one with the problem. Just another perfect example of how I suck and she's perfect. Thanks!
    Posted by MillieMae92[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>As adults, you can choose to ignore her behavior and continue your conversations. You can politely say, "Sorry [Millie's Mom], we want to chat. You can go ahead and have the games without us."  Then ignore her shouting. She can either ruin the party herself, or she can stop and continue with the fun. </div><div>
    </div><div>If this has been happening every year since you were born, including surprise parties after you've turned down parties, why in the world do you think she'll change now just because you ask? You can choose to grin and bear it, then continue to grin and bear your mother's behavior, or grin and bear the shower and then cut her out of your life. But I think the second choice is unnecessary. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:3fad4f89-03f3-428a-9a84-1705f995bcae">Re: Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something? : <strong>I don't understand what you want from us.</strong>  You sincerely believe that a conversation with you and her, in which you tell her that her ideas suck and you don't want to do them will go better than a room full of people graciously declining to play? You really think a woman who will "pout", "throw a hissy fit" and "bully" guests into playing will say "oh my daughter told me people won't like this so I'll change my whole plan"?  You said your BMs and mom know that you're uptight and won't want to play; so why do you think voicing your opinion explicitly will change anything? If they had invited guests not on the guest list and they had already been invited, then YES, we would tell you to back off.  If they'd not been invited yet we would suggest you say "oh!  I guess I didn't provide you a guest list" to gently suggest they change the plan without outright interfering.  If you couldn't make it that day of course you should speak up b/c that's the whole point of the shower. Not liking the activities planned is NOT the same thing as not being able to attend at all...
    Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>I just don't understand how I can explain to you all what she does and you all STILL take her side. How is it okay to be berated, have the party stopped, then have it blamed on you, all for not wanting to play a stupid game that they would have known you didn't want to play in the first place if you were just allowed to tell them you're not interested. At least not in 2 straight hours of it. I really think you all are being ridiculous and extreme here. I have relied on you guys for advice a lot in the past, even if I disagreed at first, but I think here you're just plain wrong.
    </div>
  • Millie, I think the point PPs are trying to make si that if your mom does this without anyone saying anything to her in the first place.  Why would she change just because you talk to her before hand?  She won't.  You can't control her behavior. You really are stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you are feeling really bold, call her out on her AWing behavior. Or ignore, ignore, ignore. Because she is doing this to get attention, yes.  And you are giving her attention.  

    It seems like you want us to magically fix your mom. We can't do that.  We can't make her magically stop acting the way she does.
    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • OMG how is it ANY BETTER to just have an entire party of people essentially stage an intervention by ignoring her while she throws a temper tantrum on the kitchen counter than to just tell her ahead of time her games are inappropriate/there are too many of them?? If I talk to her about it ahead of time, there is at least a chance that she'll see reason. Or I could mention to a BM that those games aren't my cup of tea, and they would all just tell her they changed their minds on some of those games. Because they're my friends and they care about my comfort and enjoyment more than making sure my mom gets to watch everyone swing a pretend nutsack at empty cups.

    LOGIC. You're applying NONE. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:d80f203c-5cdd-4fb3-b080-88f8f4912a02">Re: Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Millie, I think the point PPs are trying to make si that if your mom does this without anyone saying anything to her in the first place.  Why would she change just because you talk to her before hand?  She won't.  You can't control her behavior. You really are stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you are feeling really bold, call her out on her AWing behavior. Or ignore, ignore, ignore. Because she is doing this to get attention, yes.  And you are giving her attention.   It seems like you want us to magically fix your mom. We can't do that.  We can't make her magically stop acting the way she does.
    Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

    <div>Okay, I see what you're saying. I get that everyone can only go off the information they're given. It just feels like with some posters, instead of putting that information together and giving advice that could make everyone feel better, it turns into, "well it just looks like everything is going to suck for you, AND you're a jerk for even asking if you can talk to someone to try and fix it"</div><div>
    </div><div>I don't understand how everyone suddenly knows my mom so well that they know talking to her won't help. One thing is for sure, I would rather break an etiquette rule that, the more I think about it, none of my friends will care about, so everyone can have a nice time at my shower than keep my mouth shut and watch my friends and family put a lot of effort into a party that I won't enjoy. I would want them to tell me if they weren't happy about something in a party I was planning for them rather than keep quiet and be upset.</div>
  • Well, unless you choose not to attend, it sounds like what is planned will happen.  If you are so uncomfortable with the situation, you should inform your mother and bridesmaids that you do not need them or want them to host a shower for you.  
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:8a1fdb78-79a2-49f2-9f83-71ac978a658b">Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]One of my BMs excitedly gave me the details of my shower in 2 weeks that they've been lovely enough to plan for me. They brought my mom in as a quot;silent partner,quot; mostly because they needed a space large enough to host a party. As has happened at any event in my life, though, the focus has been taken off me and my preferences and put on her and hers. The way it is now, people are going to get there, be forced to play games for 2 hours, and then watch me open presents for an hour I'm assuming there's food in there somewhere, but when I asked she said they hadn't discussed food yet. There will be about 40 people there, and only about half will want to play games, but my mom will throw a hissy fit if they don't play. I know she will. The annoying thing is, all 8 BMs think the games sound fun, too. I know many people expect some games at a bridal shower, and I don't mind some trivia, memory lane, I could even deal with one of the toilet paper dress/bouquet games but not these they're more for a 40yearolds bachelorette party in 1986. Also, I HATE most games. I always have. Unless it's a drinking game or I'm already drunk. I don't drink very often, either, so that's how often I play. It's obviously too late to request no shower invites are out, <strong>so would it be out of line to request that they, not eliminate, but change and limit the games?</strong>
    Posted by MillieMae92[/QUOTE]

    The ladies here have answered your question (repeatedly).  If you don't like the answer, go do whatever you want.  But getting snippy with people because they're not giving you the advice you want to hear isn't going to help you.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • And are you sure they are not just teasing you with bachlorette-party like games?  That sounds like something my friends would do.  They would tell me about all these awful, dirty games they have planned but in reality they have typical shower games (like toilet paper wedding dress competitions.)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:9b8ce221-79da-4d81-bca4-4753e11fe2eb">Re:Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You and your future guests aren't victims of bullying, you're just enablers of an AW. Just don't play the game if you don't like the game. Be an adult and Just Say No.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    <div><h3 style="font-size:medium;font-weight:normal;margin:0px;padding:0px;display:inline;color:#212121;font-family:arial, sans-serif;text-align:-webkit-auto;background-color:#ffffff;"><span style="margin-bottom:5px;font-size:xx-large !important;" class="vk_ans vk_bk">bullying</span>  <span style="color:#878787 !important;font-size:x-large !important;" class="vk_gy vk_h">present participle of<em style="font-weight:bold;font-style:normal;"> bul·ly</em></span></h3><div style="color:#212121;font-family:arial, sans-serif;font-size:small;line-height:15px;text-align:-webkit-auto;background-color:#ffffff;"><table border="0" class="vk_txt ts" style="border-collapse:collapse;font-size:small !important;margin-top:20px;"><tbody><tr><td style="padding:0px;"><div class="vk_gy vk_sh" style="color:#878787 !important;font-size:medium !important;">Verb</div><div><table border="0" class="ts" style="border-collapse:collapse;"><tbody><tr><td style="padding:0px;">Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.


    It is, in fact, the definition of bullying.</td></tr></tbody></table></div></td></tr></tbody></table></div></div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:d3d348a2-764c-4e62-899f-5771b7927d9f">Re: Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]And are you sure they are not just teasing you with bachlorette-party like games?  That sounds like something my friends would do.  They would tell me about all these awful, dirty games they have planned but in reality they have typical shower games (like toilet paper wedding dress competitions.)
    Posted by stampadhesive[/QUOTE]

    <div>I doubt it, but I certainly can't say for sure. The only way I could do that would be to ask.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:2fd21d3c-422d-49db-9c17-16b9131c915c">Re: Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something? : The ladies here have answered your question (repeatedly).  If you don't like the answer, go do whatever you want.  But getting snippy with people because they're not giving you the advice you want to hear isn't going to help you.
    Posted by jlm9113[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ohh ok, let's pretend like you never try to defend your case when people tell you you're wrong. </div>
  • So having them cancel an event they've put time and money into is okay, but asking them to change some games isn't? You've officially convinced me that this board is no longer a good place for etiquette advice.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:ed794d1b-1194-4359-b6c1-edfd4199498e">Re: Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]OMG how is it ANY BETTER to just have an entire party of people essentially stage an intervention by ignoring her while she throws a temper tantrum on the kitchen counter than to just tell her ahead of time her games are inappropriate/there are too many of them?? If I talk to her about it ahead of time, there is at least a chance that she'll see reason. Or I could mention to a BM that those games aren't my cup of tea, and they would all just tell her they changed their minds on some of those games. Because they're my friends and they care about my comfort and enjoyment more than making sure my mom gets to watch everyone swing a pretend nutsack at empty cups. LOGIC. You're applying NONE. 
    Posted by MillieMae92[/QUOTE]

    Unfortunately, it sounds like you're firmly stuck between a rock and a hard place

    <div>If your mother is supposed to be semi-secretly co-hosting with your bridesmaids, I would tell them your wishes and hope they can at least limit your mother's fondness for awkwardness.</div><div>
    </div><div>If your mother does act out, then it's best to ignore her because, like a toddler throwing a fit at the supermarket, all she wants is attention.  I know it sucks to have a parent who always makes things about them & how they are being victimized because I have one, but you have to just stop playing their game.  They probably will never change (unfortunately) but if they aren't being enabled then they aren't being encouraged.</div><div>
    </div><div>Good luck.</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Thank you!! You at least get where I'm coming from. I just wanted for someone to say it was okay to FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE take a stand in the tiniest of ways by mentioning to my best friends that I don't think this is the best event for some of the games on the list. If they tell my mom they're not into it, I'm almost positive she would back off. I just really hate when people are so stuck on a rule that they can't see reason.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_is-it-ever-appropriate-to-say-something?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:95c0c04f-e854-4c4f-a142-2b0548cbb81cPost:c9b26ff6-d563-4d06-9346-9729c6ad0537">Re:Shower: Is it ever appropriate to say something?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you!! You at least get where I'm coming from. I just wanted for someone to say it was okay to FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE take a stand in the tiniest of ways by mentioning to my best friends that I don't think this is the best event for some of the games on the list. If they tell my mom they're not into it, I'm almost positive she would back off. I just really hate when people are so stuck on a rule that they can't see reason.
    Posted by MillieMae92[/QUOTE]

    <div>I think there's a big difference between saying something like "You guys know my mom is a little over the top and I'm worried she's going to try to do something wildly inappropriate for my shower," and "If you let my mom choose the games I'm going to be pissed!"  If you frame it as sharing a concern with your friends rather than a demand, it doesn't seem that bad.  A demand would be bridezilla, but sharing a legitimate worry is different.</div><div>
    </div><div>It's also important that you don't hold your friends responsible if your mom DOES end up doing something inappropriate.  She may still do some werid games and if she does you will have to accept that as part of the risk of her being involved.  If you REALLY don't want to run that risk, the only way to politely ensure you avoid it is to decline any showers she is co-hosting.</div>
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited April 2013
    Dude, stage, chill. Since the beginning of this post I've asked if it was okay to request not demand them to change and/or limit the parties. It's ok to change your answer to a question without going into a rant about the things you hate about an OP. And now I'm so frustrated by this whole post, it makes me want to break 10 etiquette rules. ETA: stage, if I misread your tone or intention and you are confused by my response, sorry, and I'm glad we are somewhat on the same page.
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