Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!

PrettyGirlLost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:9854864a-a773-4d5f-8f0a-e0520eab84bc">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date! : What is the harm in trying to compromise though? If the wedding location and the sisters school are in the same town, everyone could be satisfied.
Posted by athomfor[/QUOTE]

It's not a compromise, though.  It's still trying to force what the bride wants on her sister.

I think it would be very stressful to try and get through class, get dolled up for a wedding, then drive to the ceremony site in time.  And depending on travel time and traffic, she might not be able to make the ceremony in time.

Better to change the date.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:9854864a-a773-4d5f-8f0a-e0520eab84bc">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date! : What is the harm in trying to compromise though? If the wedding location and the sisters school are in the same town, everyone could be satisfied.
Posted by athomfor[/QUOTE]

Except the sister who would be coming from high stress classes, driving in traffic to get to a wedding that did not have to be on this date.

renegade gaucho

I would absolutely change the date.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:9854864a-a773-4d5f-8f0a-e0520eab84bc">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date! : What is the harm in trying to compromise though? If the wedding location and the sisters school are in the same town, everyone could be satisfied.
Posted by athomfor[/QUOTE]

This wouldn't be a compromise.  This would just make more stress on the sister becasue the whole time she is in class she will be stressing about the time and whether traffic will suck and whether she will be able to get dressed and looking good enough to stand up in a wedding ceremony once her day is over with, thus making her lose concentration in an accelerated course which sounds pretty important in her future.

All for some arbitrary date.  It isn't worth it.  Heck, it wouldn't be worth it for a date that actually meant something.

cofkel

I agree with the PP's but I would also add that this is not your wedding date if you haven't picked a venue yet. I got engaged Feb of 2012 (so more than a year ago) and was planning for a summer 2013 wedding. When I looked at venue's literally two weeks after my engagement (a year and a half out from the date I was proposing) I had to pick from what was available not what day I was hoping for. In fact the venue I had chosen only had two Saturdays left between June-August, the one I ultimately choose and labor day weekend. So this is a non-issue. Find a few dates that works for everyone and find a venue.

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:d830ca1e-723b-46a5-80d9-4062c74aa58a">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date! : This wouldn't be a compromise.  This would just make more stress on the sister becasue the whole time she is in class she will be stressing about the time and whether traffic will suck and whether she will be able to get dressed and looking good enough to stand up in a wedding ceremony once her day is over with, thus making her lose concentration in an accelerated course which sounds pretty important in her future. All for some arbitrary date.  It isn't worth it.  Heck, it wouldn't be worth it for a date that actually meant something.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Not to mention, I always looked like hell after classes.  Usually I was up before dawn and ready for a nap before dinner when I got home at night.

lyndausvi

Your FI has the right idea.

Pookieson

change the date.  We are getting married June first.  Why?  Just cuz.  Everyone is available, we found venues, I'm on summer vacation and DD is out of school.  We don't even have an anniversary now, that's how sentimental we are.

rsfan23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:b99003a6-bc91-4a5f-84fb-3c31ce990a61">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly?  They day you get married should be the day that: 1) VIPs can attend, 2) Vendors are available and 3) your venues are open.  That's it.   Other than that you might be able to narrow it down by season, but getting super attached to a completely arbitrary date seems silly to me.  I also really don't understanding getting attached to a date in between your birthdays?  Is that important for some reason?  Usually people get attached to arbitrary dates because they are "dating anniversaries" or "engagement anniversaries" or actual anniversaries of family members.  I'm not understanding why the midpoint between your birthdays is special. If I were your sister I would choose the college program and not your wedding.  Sorry if that seems harsh, but her college program is her future.  Your wedding is your future.  That means that from her perspective, her future trumps yours when they conflict. And given that you don't have any deposits put down yet, it seems like a reasonable request for her to make.  Obviously she wants to be there, and she is telling you that she can't unless you get over this random date you have picked. Also?  You haven't set a date until deposits are put down on venues.  Given the popularity of summer weddings, I wouldn't be surprised if you're too late for July of this year anyway.  It's only 3 or so months away.  And invitations should be going out in 5-7 weeks for a wedding that is on July 12, so you might want to get on that.  
Posted by hoffse[/QUOTE]



She said July of 2014 in her OP. I agree with all PPs that you should change your date.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:3dcff281-d453-45a6-9e84-5e4b768dc689">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date! : Not to mention, I always looked like hell after classes.  Usually I was up before dawn and ready for a nap before dinner when I got home at night.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

Right there with you.  The last thing I would have wanted to do after being in class all day was to try and look pretty and attend a wedding.  I would much rather go home, get into sweats (if I wasn't already in them) and watch mindless television.

Viczaesar

My sister/MOH is unavailable that day > I picked a date halfway between our birthdays.  Change your date.

lyndausvi

Am the only one thinking who thinks its a little weird to get attached to a date that happens to be the halfway point between you birthdays?    I "get" first dates and such. Would not choose the date if my sister couldn't attend, but I get the attachment.  But how does one even come to "let's pick halfway between our birthdays".  Then when you do it's such a strong attachment you are considering keeping the date even though your sister and MOH can't attend?

I just can't wrap my head around this thread.  Maybe some wine will help me understand?   

kmbryant2413

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:39051656-e801-42bf-9bb2-78b637b0d121">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]Am the only one thinking who thinks its a little weird to get attached to a date that happens to be the halfway point between you birthdays?    I "get" first dates and such. Would not choose the date if my sister couldn't attend, but I get the attachment.  But how does one even come to "let's pick halfway between our birthdays".  Then when you do it's such a strong attachment you are considering keeping the date even though your sister and MOH can't attend? I just can't wrap my head around this thread.  Maybe some wine will help me understand?   
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
<img class="image" src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1ciip2iX21rojfivo1_500.gif" alt="" width="500" height="599" /></div>

lyndausvi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:399ad0c2-8112-4cca-9fb9-b36fa183e6c7">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date! :
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

<div>Ha.. I bought that brand of wine today.   </div>

BMoreBride6

We had set our date and booked the locations and the photographer when we found out my FI's brother's college football schedule had changed and his last game would have been the same day as our wedding.  No one ever asked us to change it but I knew it would put his brothers in an uncomfortable positions so once I cleared the date change with our vendors we had paid already, changing the date was a no brainer.  Family, especially such close family, is ALWAYS more important.  I loved my originial date, but I love this new date...because well...it's the day we will be getting married.  That along makes it perfect.  And now FI has promised to take me out for an extra special dinner on our old wedding date : ) 

Moral of the story, if you aren't going to loose money over it, change it.  

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:39051656-e801-42bf-9bb2-78b637b0d121">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]Am the only one thinking who thinks its a little weird to get attached to a date that happens to be the halfway point between you birthdays?    I "get" first dates and such. Would not choose the date if my sister couldn't attend, but I get the attachment.  But how does one even come to "let's pick halfway between our birthdays".  Then when you do it's such a strong attachment you are considering keeping the date even though your sister and MOH can't attend? I just can't wrap my head around this thread.  Maybe some wine will help me understand?   
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

I think it's ridiculous to get attached to any date.  It's a freakin date.  We found ours by process of elimination.  This ranks right up there with people who get married in the middle of the week because they just had to get married on a specific date.

kabieber

Colleges and Universities are solifiding their 2013-14 academic calendar right now, which is probably why she knew your date, but didn't bring up the conflict until this past weekend. And yes, missing one weekend of that type of program is like missing a good chunk of the term. I'd change your date.

MuppetFan

I agree with PPs. Accelerated classes are brutal and intensive. In my program, the classes are on a rotating schedule. If she misses that class, she might have to wait a long time for it to come up again in the accelerated program.

I had to change my date a few times to accomodate my family because we want them there and we are okay with our date. The one we marry on will be the only one that matters in the end.

Angelface225

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:399ad0c2-8112-4cca-9fb9-b36fa183e6c7">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date! :
Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

It never stops pouring... I need one!

NOLAbridealmost

As a girl who was just MOH in a FREEZING outdoor wedding because of the bride's silly attachment to a date, I say CHANGE YOUR DATE. That is literally the silliest thing to make a priority. This is your SISTER who wouldn't be able to make it. This choice should be obvious if you have any sense of priorities at all.

Summer2011Bride

Another vote for changing your date.

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:85f0f489-3d88-4503-96e1-b2e54c919962">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand getting attached to dates, but really look at it: what matters more? A date you like but will have no finacial/logistical problems changing, or your sister's academic success/future based on a date she has no control over? I think bridezilla is harsh, but I personally would change it.
Posted by jessicadall[/QUOTE]

THIS...Don't make your sister chooose between an entire semester of school or your wedding..you might not be happy with her choice

hoffse

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:10829013-03c0-4c61-9bcf-b84bc852c34a">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date! : She said July of 2014 in her OP. I agree with all PPs that you should change your date.
Posted by rsfan23[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks - I assumed it was a typo because her sister is unlikely to the know the dates of an accelerated summer course 2 summers out.  But perhaps it's a program that doesn't follow a typical academic schedule.</div>

jennyd412

Change the date! My Mom is in a weekend program and its very spaced out, but each time she goes she needs to be there from Thursday-Sunday. She doesn't come home in between. Missing any of the days would mean she is out of the program. Despite online work and teleconferences in between, you can't make up for missing one day in an intensive weekend program.

libby2483

I vote for changing the date as well. 

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:e90b49d2-9d73-4701-8de8-651056f4c7b4">Re: Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]Well you have two options... 1) Keep your wedding date and most likely not have your sister attend your wedding OR 2) Change your wedding date so that your sister will be able to come. What is more important to you, having your sister there or the date?
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Exactly.</div><div>
</div><div>Me - I'd change the date.

</div>

moonraffe

I'm one of the people that is doing a "special" date that is a weekday. However, if any of my VIPs had said they couldn't do it or even just been like, "seriously?" I would have changed it. If my brother had even HINTED that it might not work for him, it would be a different date. As it is, he's taking a week off and coming to where I live prior to the wedding (which is in a different state) to "help" with anything I need. Because siblings who are close do stuff like that when they can. But it goes both ways. Change your date.

LilMommy24601

Don't! It's you're wedding, not hers! It's a once in a lifetime experience for you. She can miss one class for her sister's wedding!

saro2109

I think this is kinda tough. Normally you run your date idea by the people who have to be there to make sure it works for everyone, but I also understand having a special day in mind. My FI and I will be getting married on the anniversary of when we became boyfriend and girlfriend. That being said, not only is she your MOH but also your sister, so I'd have to vote for changing it. 

aliciadunn01

My sister pulled the same stunt on me! I was pissed. I ended up changing the date however, only because it was a crappy date for alot of other famiily members(Thanksgiving) but you are not alone. Just pick whatever date is best for you and your soon  to be husband. I know it is easier said than done though. Goodluck
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_sister-moh-wants-me-to-change-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:cee3537b-2ff2-4f93-98fe-2931438c8f9dPost:8bacb877-f85c-4c1a-9ff3-2c41b956f576">Sister (MoH) wants me to change wedding date!</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, I got engaged in December. Before we got engaged, my fiance and I decided that we wanted to get married on the midpoint weekend between our two birthdays which would be July 12, 2014. After out engagement, I told my family, chose my bridesmaids and started looking for a venue. We haven't put a deposit yet so there is no financial obligation, but I LOVE our wedding date and I've kind of just taken it as a set date! The problem is... my sister, who is my Maid of Honor, is in an intensive weekend college program where she only meets a few select weekends of the year. She argues that she can not miss any of the weekends or she will be behind the equivalent of half the semester at a usual semester college.  I really love July 12th as our wedding date and anniversary. My other option would be to have the wedding in late August which is something I frown at the thought of. My fiance on the other hand says the wedding can be any day. And my mom thinks I'm being a bridezilla for not wanting to change the date.  What should I do?!!
Posted by avwalton[/QUOTE]