How would you choose?

[Deleted User]

Hi All,

We are getting married in a year, so we have plenty of time, but all of my girl friends are chomping at the bit (and I feel like they are disappointed) because we haven't asked anyone to be in the Bridal Party. I do NOT want to hurt any of my friends feelings so choosing between who will be the Matron of Honor and who will be the Matrons of Honor.  Everything I've been reading about here on The Knot has been wonderful but has still not helped me to make a clear decision. I have one best friend of 6 or more years who lives in Indiana (we are in Texas) and another of 1 year who lives very close by. I love both of these girls, and don't want to hurt either of them.

Would it make sense to have co-matrons of honor and speak to both of them about it or how can I decide? I really would appreciate thoughts on how to make this decision. I was thinking if I did have co-matrons, and one of thier husbands performs the ceremony, then I will simply have the wife stand next to her husband and my other best friend stand on my other side, that way we can keep them both right next to me. 

Any thoughts on this?

Lisa50

Actually, no attendants are required. 

Even if you are marrying in a jurisdiction which requires a witness to sign the license, it doesn't have to be someone who stands at your side during the ceremony.

I understand a lot of brides have quite a number of attendants, their grooms as well.  H and I each had one attendant.  That was perfect. You may find that, when you think about it some more, you can winnow down that number and save yourself, and your friends, a lot of drama.

Good luck!

JillAdamsIII

Well, my oldest sister is my Maid of Honor, my best friend is my Matron of Honor.

My two other sisters are my bridesmaids. I chose my bf to be the matron because she was married the longest. I hopes this helps. Good Luck to You.

dalm0m

I had my cousin as my MOH & DH's sister as a BM.  I sat all my best GF's down & said I love you all too much & we're too old to have the 3 ring circus with all of you in matchy-matchy dresses.  Here's MOH's phone #, figure out what you all want to do for my bachelorette but otherwise you're all off the hook.  They were thrilled.

In your setting I'd just make both of them attendants -- let them do the dresses & the walk down the aisle but forego any other "responsibilities"

[Deleted User]

Thanks yall, for your thoughts and suggestions. In the last month, I had a very dear niece lose her life and then the day we buried her is when my fiance proposed. So I have been a mess this last month to say the least. There has also been a lot of drama regarding my choices for who I wanted in my bridal party, and two of the five are no longer even going to be asked to be in my wedding. I did, however, get the two matron's of honor figured out. The day that we asked both of them, I called my longest and closest friend first and asked her what she would do in my position, without directly saying that she was one of my chosen MOH... She did figure it out and it was perfect, she agreed to be a "co-MOH". Then we went on to the other MOH house, and asked the husband do to the ceremony since he is kind of like a religious leader to us. After that was settled, I explained the same thing to the 2nd MOH and she instantly knew who my other MOH was, but she accepted being a "co-MOH" too. Their teenage daughter was there, and we hadn't come up with anything for her to do in the wedding, so on the way home that night, we agreed to ask her to be a bridesmaid as well. She is like a daughter to us (who have no children of our own) anyway. Tomorrow, I am going to ask one of my sisters to be a bridesmaid, so I am praying it well go well.

There has already been drama from one of my MOH but thankfully, I am learning new assertiveness skills and we have been able to work it out via texts. I am still dreading that initial phone call though. It just upsets me to no end that she is already refusing to shop at or even look at David's Bridal dresses...  I know what I have in mind, and while I will NOT pick out an even moderate dress, I would like for my hopes and dreams and vision to be respected. Any thoughts?

[Deleted User]

*moderately priced dress

dalm0m

I don't like the quality at David's. 

My girls found dresses for $36 on Amazon.com.  Give it a look. 

cidefi

My circle of girlfriends is extremely small which made it very easy to decide. My sister who would have been my MOH has died, so my oldest daughter who will 20 will be it. My half sister and a bestfriend of 20+ years will be BM's. My FH has 1 sibling and she is just a few years older then my daughter, so I might ask her to be a BM. He has 2 adult son's who will be GM and a "like a brother" cousin who will be the BM. We both have other daughters (2 each) who will be junior BM's. My nephews will be ushers, and his youngest son will be the ring bearer. Small bridal party and not everyone will stand at the alter, but all will walk down the aisle.

wilson24019

Dresses are tricky, especially if you have different ages and shapes.  Davids is easy because they have so many choices.  They may be a good place to start looking, but that does not mean you have to buy from them.  You may get ideas and find a dress that suits everyone at another store.  Since you have plenty of time, you can start some of the early looking to find out what colors people like, long or short, which styles seem to work. and look at lots of stores to see who carries just the right thing.  Stores like Macys have special evening wear out this time of your for the holidays so go take a peak..  . 

Kbastis

Have them contribute in ways that make sense. If one of them has a talent, ask her to share that. Having a place or something special could take the place of MOH duties.