Bridal Party +1's?

ceclardy14 · May 2013

Should the bridal party get a +1?

I know my sister-in-law will be allowed to bring her boyfriend because they've been together at least seven years, and he is basically family for the same reason. But between four other people wedding party and other roles in the ceremony, the longest a person has been with their boyfriend or girlfriend has been a little over one year or less. Also, three or four others don't have someone so I don't really want to make them feel awkward.

Thoughts? Thanks!

tiffanyrenee08 · May 2013

Maybe this is just me,, but for the 'single' people who I had invited, (or people who I wasn't sure if they had a bf/gf) I always added a +1.. Just because I think usually people *do* bring dates and I would much rather have more food than not enough! Hope that helps.

SlothGoals · May 2013

In Response to Bridal Party +1's?:
[QUOTE]Should the bridal party get a +1? I know my sister-in-law will be allowed to bring her boyfriend because they've been together at least seven years, and he is basically family for the same reason. But between four other people wedding party and other roles in the ceremony, the longest a person has been with their boyfriend or girlfriend has been a little over one year or less. Also, three or four others don't have someone so I don't really want to make them feel awkward. Thoughts? Thanks!
Posted by CSkahan148[/QUOTE]

You don't get to judge the seriousness of other people's relationships. All people who have siginificant others need to be invited with their SOs (by name).

People who are truly single don't need to be offered +1s but it is nice if you can afford it. I would build +1s into your budget just in case people get into relationships after invites go out, that way you're covered.

As for your BP if they are in a relationship they get to bring that person. If they are single then I would still invite them with a +1 because they are your nearest and dearest and you should want them to have the option.

JoanE2012 · May 2013

In Response to Bridal Party +1's?:
[QUOTE]Should the bridal party get a +1? I know my sister-in-law will be allowed to bring her boyfriend because they've been together at least seven years, and he is basically family for the same reason. But between four other people wedding party and other roles in the ceremony, the longest a person has been with their boyfriend or girlfriend has been a little over one year or less. Also, three or four others don't have someone so I don't really want to make them feel awkward. Thoughts? Thanks!
Posted by CSkahan148[/QUOTE]

ANYONE that is in a relationship should be invited with their significant other. You don't get to decide how serious a relationship is because of how long they have been in that relationship.

If someone is truly single, it is nice to extend a +1 but it is never required. That said, if they are in the bridal party and investing time and money for your wedding, I think the right thing to do is extend them a +1.

AddieCake · May 2013

If anyone on your guest list has someone they consider a boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to invite him or her by name to your wedding. We gave all our single guests a plus one as well. I realize not everyone can afford to do that, though. You do not have to give truly single people a plus one, but I honestly can't imagine not giving that to my WP, at least.

ceclardy14 · May 2013

I'm thinking of only allowing +1's to the bridal party because if we were to let EVERYONE bring someone we'll have far too many people for our taste, as we are trying to keep the numbers close to 100. Also, I know if a couple people were to bring someone they'd bring someone and then a short time later they'll break up, and I don't want to have some guy or girl we don't know in photos.

As for the judging the seriousness of a relationship, I don't judge like that, but I do judge on patterned behavior when a person bounces from relationship to relationship like a child. And the child comment is for one of my friends, and some will know others who are invited.

I think I'll let my bridal party bring a +1, likely a +1 for ushers, and from there, it will depend on whether they know anyone there.

AddieCake · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridal Party +1's?:
[QUOTE]I'm thinking of only allowing +1's to the bridal party because if we were to let EVERYONE bring someone we'll have far too many people for our taste, as we are trying to keep the numbers close to 100. Also, I know if a couple people were to bring someone they'd bring someone and then a short time later they'll break up, and I don't want to have some guy or girl we don't know in photos.
Posted by CSkahan148[/QUOTE]
You ARE being judgmental. What if people said that about you and your fiance? Seriously. What if they said, "Oh, I'm not going to their wedding b/c they will be divorced in a year." So you have a few photos...and by a few I mean A FEW......that have someone you don't know in them. Big deal. It's not like it's the photos you'll be ordering. It's absurd to be hung up on that and be rude to your guests b/c you don't want strangers in photos you might never look at again.

I had never met some of the spouses of people I invited to my wedding. Should I have not invited them on the off chance they were in a couple random reception photos? See? Absurd.

ceclardy14 · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridal Party +1's?:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Party +1's? : You ARE being judgmental. What if people said that about you and your fiance? Seriously. What if they said, "Oh, I'm not going to their wedding b/c they will be divorced in a year." So you have a few photos...and by a few I mean A FEW......that have someone you don't know in them. Big deal. It's not like it's the photos you'll be ordering. It's absurd to be hung up on that and be rude to your guests b/c you don't want strangers in photos you might never look at again. I had never met some of the spouses of people I invited to my wedding. Should I have not invited them on the off chance they were in a couple random reception photos? See? Absurd.
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Okay, reading your post I realize that yes I did seem judgmental. By my comment about people I don't know, I meant that I wasn't comfortable with a significant number of individuals I wasn't familiar with. So yes, the bridal party and a few others who would benefit from bringing a guest will probably have the option to bring someone.

But you're right in that a small handful of people with a +1 really isn't a huge deal. For someone's fiancé/fiancée or spouse, yeah I'm totally fine with letting a person bring him/her. For example, my cousin's soon-to-be husband will have an invite, as will two family friends' significant others even though I haven't met one and I've only met the other two a handful of times.

banana468 · May 2013

You should be inviting EVERYONE with their SO regardless of whether you met them or not.

DH and I knew each other for over 5 years before we started dating. It didn't take long for us to know that things were serious. I hadn't met his family except for his parents and brother but we attended his cousin's wedding as a couple when we were together under six months. His extended famly did the right thing by honoring our relationship regardless of some arbitrary timeline. We're now together for 9 years.

KDM323 · May 2013

It is incredibly rude to invite guests without giving them the option to bring a +1. Unless you know, for a FACT, that the person is undoubtedly single...budget for every single adult guest coming as a couple. If you can't afford to allow guests to bring a +1 then you need to cut your guest list or find a more inexpensive reception location/menu/etc.

It isn't up to you to judge the merits of someone else's relationship.

MyNameIsNot · May 2013

In Response to Re: Bridal Party +1's?:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal Party +1's? : Okay, reading your post I realize that yes I did seem judgmental. By my comment about people I don't know, I meant that I wasn't comfortable with a significant number of individuals I wasn't familiar with. So yes, the bridal party and a few others who would benefit from bringing a guest will probably have the option to bring someone. But you're right in that a small handful of people with a +1 really isn't a huge deal. For someone's fiancé/fiancée or spouse, yeah I'm totally fine with letting a person bring him/her. For example, my cousin's soon-to-be husband will have an invite, as will two family friends' significant others even though I haven't met one and I've only met the other two a handful of times.
Posted by CSkahan148[/QUOTE]

Too bad. It's a huge slap in the face to exclude a significant other, regardless of how long they've been dating or whether you've met them yet. You won't be hurting the significant other, you'll be hurting the person you call a friend or your relative, and you'll look like a bad person doing it.

Don't be that person. Invite all the s/o's. It's not optional.

ceclardy14 · May 2013

Okay folks, enough is enough.

I realize that all of you don't agree with my reasons, and I didn't expect every person who replied to completely concur. I understand that some guests might be hurt by not being able to bring someone. I'm not perfect. No one is.

That being said, the first person who responded to my original post deserves appreciation. @ tiffanyrenee08: I genuinely thank you for being reasonable, for acknowledging what I said, and for simply giving a suggestion. Thank you.

The rest of you, however, have been downright RUDE. I only asked a QUESTION. I did NOT ask to be judged, lectured, reprimanded for something I didn't even decide to do for certain, made out to be a Bridezilla and a b****, or ordered to do things. I'm not saying anyone has called me a Bridezilla or a b**** -- no one has, and I'm grateful for that. I am saying that nearly everyone -- and by that I mean everyone from the second person who replied all the way to the most recent one saying "too bad" -- has been just pouncing on me like a wolf pack on an injured deer, all for asking a QUESTION. A question!

Would you want me to swarm in on you next time? Would you want me to say, "You can't do this; you can't do that; you don't get to have an opinion; you're not allowed to choose your own guests; you can't have the ceremony and reception you want because being proper is more important than what you and your fiancé want for your wedding"??

I'm not a rude person, and I am not stabbing anyone in the back, nor am I slapping them in the face. I'm not a rude person. I'm not a Bridezilla. I am not a b****. I'm certainly not selfish but that one is another story.

I stand by my decision that my fiancé and my wedding will be 100 or under; after both our families and relatives, we will invite those we wish to celebrate with us according to how many invites are available at that point. I will say that I will not kick anyone out UNLESS one particular person who I do NOT like at all invites himself, though I don't think it will be necessary. When I first started getting ideas, a friend kept telling me, "Oh, I'll invite [this person], or maybe [that person]," I had to repeat to her that because of the number of our choice, we could not guarantee a +1 for EVERYONE. She understood.

Oh, and my cousin is doing something similar with only inviting significant others, for the same reason of too many people, if the couple is married or engaged; even if my fiancé wasn't invited (he is unable to attend her wedding either way) I think that is a reasonable request.

Whatever happened to friends understanding about a limited number of invites?

banana468 · May 2013

In Response to Re:Bridal Party 1's?:[QUOTE]Okay folks, enough is enough.nbsp;I realize that all of you don't agree with my reasons, and I didn't expect every person who replied to completely concur. I understand that some guests might be hurt by not being able to bring someone. I'm not perfect. No one is.nbsp;That being said, the first person who responded to my original post deserves appreciation. tiffanyrenee08: I genuinely thank you for being reasonable, for acknowledging what I said, and for simply giving a suggestion. Thank you.nbsp;The rest of you, however, have been downright RUDE. I only asked a QUESTION. I did NOT ask to be judged, lectured, reprimanded for something I didn't even decide to do for certain, made out to be a Bridezilla and a b, or ordered to do things. I'm not saying anyone has called me a Bridezilla or a b no one has, and I'm grateful for that. I am saying that nearly everyone and by that I mean everyone from the second person who replied all the way to the most recent one saying "too bad" has been just pouncing on me like a wolf pack on an injured deer, all for asking a QUESTION. A question!nbsp;Would you want me to swarm on you next time? Would you want me to say, "You can't do this; you can't do that; you don't get to have an opinion; you're not asked allowed to choose your own guests; you can't have the ceremony and reception you want because being proper is more important than what you and your fianceacute; want for your wedding" ??nbsp;I'm not a rude person, and I am not stabbing anyone in the back, nor am I slapping them in the face. I'm not a rude person. I'm not a Bridezilla. I am not a b. I'm certainly not selfish but that one is another story.nbsp;I stand by my decision that my fianceacute; and my wedding will be 100 or under; after both our families and relatives, we will invite those we wish to celebrate with us according to how many invites are available at that point. I will say that I will not kick anyone out UNLESS one particular person who I do NOT like at all invites himself, though I don't think it will be necessary. When I first started getting ideas, a friend kept telling me, "Oh, I'll invite [this person], or maybe [that person]," I had to repeat to her that because of the number of our choice, we could not guarantee a 1 for EVERYONE. She understood.nbsp;Oh, and my cousin is doing something similar with only inviting significant others, for the same reason of too many people, if the couple is married or engaged; even if my fianceacute; wasn't invited he is unable to attend her wedding either way I think that is a reasonable request.nbsp;Whatever happened to friends understanding about a limited number of invites?nbsp; Posted by CSkahan148[/QUOTE] I would understand just fine if a couple couldn't invite me to their wedding due to numbers. However I lose all sympathy for budgetary constraints when the couple makes such an egregious and rude error by omitting my better half from the guest list. If people are in relationships, they need to be invited as a couple. Period. If doing that is too much for a couple then they didn't budget properly from the very beginning.

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