tattoos

CnJ2021

My sister is a bridesmaid and is just about covered in tattoos- around 14 or so.. and we are not talking about small ones.. very large ones on her arms and legs. My fiance is NOT a fan of tattoos at all, and to be totally honest- for our ceremony and pictures- I am not either (not to that extent at least). Her tattoos are something we have discussed since I first got engaged- 2 years ago- and she seemed to be completely understanding, nearly volunteered to cover most of them for our ceremony, and even said herself that is doesn't present as classy to be the only one with massive amount of tattoos... However, now that the the wedding is approaching and we need to figure something out, plans aren't working out and she is not ok with anything. Money is a HUGE issue for her so professional airbrushing is out of the picture. We contemplated shawls/wraps- however the place we purchased our bridesmaids's dresses from has discontinued our color pink- so those are not possible (bridesmaids dresses is a whole other issue I am dealing with!!!)- I am doing alternating colors.. pink and grey- however, she is NOT ok with being the only one with a wrap...

Does anyone have any suggestion on what to do?? We would just like to have them covered for the ceremony and pictures.

Teddy917

Retread is spot on. I have a birthmark on my face and I would be horribly offended if I were a bridesmaid and asked to cover it up.

beachbum7212

Your sister should not be asked to cover her tattoos just because your fiancé is judgmental. You asked her to be your bridesmaid because you love her and want her to be a part of your big day, she is not a prop that you design for your pictures. Edit: typing on an iPad and butchered just about every word.

loganandmara

While I don't necessarily agree that tattoos are like scars, disfigurements or birthmarks (tattoos are a choice), you asked your sister to be in your wedding knowing she had tattoos. You probably picked BM dresses that don't cover them up. These are choices you made and, it probably sounds a little harsh, but you have to be OK with them. It's water under the bridge. Asking her to airbrush or be the only one to cover herself with a wrap is inappropriate at this point in the process and puts her in a really awkward position. I don't think it would hurt for you to apologize to her for putting her in a position where you made choices that made this unavoidable and then asked her to adjust to "look good" (as if she doesn't already) in your pictures. Ouch!! 

There are a lot of things to worry yourself about, but try not to let this be one of them. Roll with it! She's your sister and your relationship with her is more important than your wedding photos. Hopefully your fiance can agree with that too. It's easy to get caught up in things being "perfect" but keep in mind that this is one day, and your relationship with her is for the rest of your life. I hope you don't let this stress you out too much and that you're able to let it go and enjoy your wedding day!! Good luck!

AddieCake

Yes, unless this is a rule for the church, what difference does it make if her tats show or not? 

bunni727

CnJ2021 said:

My sister is a bridesmaid and is just about covered in tattoos- around 14 or so.. and we are not talking about small ones.. very large ones on her arms and legs. My fiance is NOT a fan of tattoos at all, and to be totally honest- for our ceremony and pictures- I am not either (not to that extent at least). Her tattoos are something we have discussed since I first got engaged- 2 years ago- and she seemed to be completely understanding, nearly volunteered to cover most of them for our ceremony, and even said herself that is doesn't present as classy to be the only one with massive amount of tattoos... However, now that the the wedding is approaching and we need to figure something out, plans aren't working out and she is not ok with anything. Money is a HUGE issue for her so professional airbrushing is out of the picture. We contemplated shawls/wraps- however the place we purchased our bridesmaids's dresses from has discontinued our color pink- so those are not possible (bridesmaids dresses is a whole other issue I am dealing with!!!)- I am doing alternating colors.. pink and grey- however, she is NOT ok with being the only one with a wrap...

Does anyone have any suggestion on what to do?? We would just like to have them covered for the ceremony and pictures.

My suggestion is to let it go. Unless everyone will be wearing wraps, it's awful to try and force your sister to wear one, singling her out like that because you and your FI don't think she looks classy enough for your pictures. Even if you attend a church with rules against tattoos, it's still crummy to single her out, and all BMs should wear a wrap.

Tattoos will not make her look any less classy. They are art on her body, not statements on her character.

Being ashamed of your own sister's appearance, however, can make you look less than classy real quick.

For what it's worth, I don't have tattoos. I just think my friends and siblings are worth more than how classy they can look in my pictures.

userktwray

A solution requires both you and your sister to be willing to see each others viewpoints and both be willing to compromise a bit.  Contrary to previous posters, I think you are BOTH entilited to an opinion regarding tattoos. The key is respecting each others opinions and finding a solution you can both live with, even if it isn't ideal.  That's what we do sometimes for those we love.

Has she ever tried Dermablend coverup?  I know people who want to cover their tattoos in certain circumstances and it works well. If she would be willing to use this on one arm only, you could get some shots that should be all or mostly tattoo free.  Simply have the photo frame the upper body and do a 3/4 shot with her inked arm angled back.

As a mom of two sisters in a situation very close to yours, I do understand both sides.  As precious as those photos will be, remember the relationship you have with your sister is even more precious still. 

Regardless of how things work out, remember that at the end of the day you will be marrying the one you love.  The marriage is far more important than the wedding.

Best Wishes!

daria24

Look your options are
1. get over it, and tell your FI to get over it
2. Buy shawls for ALL of your BMs. They can be in a neutral color and don't have to match your wedding colors.

CnJ2021

I greatly appreciate everyone's opinion and suggestions. I appreciate the passion behind them, because it puts things into perspective.

I'm afraid I came across wrong in my original post- and I can clearly see why. I would like to clarify somethings..

I was fully aware that this would be an "issue" when we got married- however, I just figured my fiance would have to deal with it .. However, considering my sister brought it up, suggested covering them up, and even talked about how she wanted them covered for her wedding- I did not see that I was being unreasonable or a "snob".

She brought up wearing a wrap, but then changed her mind to everyone wear ones- then when it didn't work out- said she did not want to be the only one.. that is where we are at now. So, up to this point- 2 months away, she has been 100% on board and understanding about covering them.

I 100% see everyone's point on "it is her personality- get over it- etc".. I really do.

However, as I said- it was my sister's suggestion.

bunni727

CnJ2021 said:

I greatly appreciate everyone's opinion and suggestions. I appreciate the passion behind them, because it puts things into perspective.

I'm afraid I came across wrong in my original post- and I can clearly see why. I would like to clarify somethings..

I was fully aware that this would be an "issue" when we got married- however, I just figured my fiance would have to deal with it .. However, considering my sister brought it up, suggested covering them up, and even talked about how she wanted them covered for her wedding- I did not see that I was being unreasonable or a "snob".

She brought up wearing a wrap, but then changed her mind to everyone wear ones- then when it didn't work out- said she did not want to be the only one.. that is where we are at now. So, up to this point- 2 months away, she has been 100% on board and understanding about covering them.

I 100% see everyone's point on "it is her personality- get over it- etc".. I really do.

However, as I said- it was my sister's suggestion.

In that case, you really need to work on getting wraps/cardigans for everyone. She's fine with being covered, but not fine with being singled out, which is not at all unreasonable.

You have plenty of time to work out a new cover-up plan. Why did getting wraps for everyone not work out?

AddieCake

Yes, get wraps for everyone, and then the problem is solved. 

CnJ2021

The wraps didn't work out because the store we purchased our dresses at discontinued our color! They are 100% unavailable and there is "nothing they can do for us" (bridesmaids' apparel has been a mess of malfunctions across the board- not just this situation!!)

Given the very helpful insight for all you helpful women, I believe I will look into a few more wraps- perhaps a different color.. but if it doesn't work out.. We shall embrace it and if she is ok with them showing, then they will show!

I hear a lot of opinions from my family- Given unrelated circumstances, some of their opinions and thoughts are skewed by past events.. Therefore, I greatly appreciate out side opinions and perspectives. Sometimes inside chatter can fuzz your own rationale!!

bunni727

A grey wrap could look really pretty with most shades of pink. Something like this maybe.

Kate61487

It sounds like you're both handling this really well.  I agree with PPs that the wraps definitely don't need to match the pink - in fact it will probably look even better if they're not; a little contrast can be a great thing.  a grey or silver would look great and be really functional for later use.  Or if you have a complimentary wedding color you could use that too. 

mandibride2be

While I agree it is a part of her - you DID say she was originally ok with it...so it sounds more of a money issue.

I heard the Kat Von D Tatto Concealer works well. I believe you can get it an sephora for under $20.

lasvegasveganbride

My bridesmaid Talia is covering her forearm tattoos and my MOH is covering her back tattoo for me. Well really for my mother who hates tattoos. I'm getting married in a church and I offered to chose a one shoulder, with a flowy arm for her but she had no problem doing it for me on my wedding day.

I know some ppl believe that you knew when you asked her that she had tattoos so you should deal with it but it's only one day and it won't hurt her to cover them. It doesn't mean you love her any less its just a personal choice.

Plus she agreed initially so people can't be mad at you if she was OK with it at one point.

***I am paying for them to be covered though. Least I could do.

Amsdragonfly

Retread had it right the first post. Period.

kmmssg

PromDates2001 said:

My bridesmaid Talia is covering her forearm tattoos and my MOH is covering her back tattoo for me. Well really for my mother who hates tattoos. I'm getting married in a church and I offered to chose a one shoulder, with a flowy arm for her but she had no problem doing it for me on my wedding day.

I know some ppl believe that you knew when you asked her that she had tattoos so you should deal with it but it's only one day and it won't hurt her to cover them. It doesn't mean you love her any less its just a personal choice.

Plus she agreed initially so people can't be mad at you if she was OK with it at one point.

***I am paying for them to be covered though. Least I could do.

I'm a 3 time MOB and my personal opinion is that I do not care for tattoos. All 4 of my daughters have them.  Your mother needs to get over this and I feel she is being disrespectful towards your BM's if she wants them to cover them up.  Even if the girls have agreed.

I would be dreadfully disappointed if my girls asked someone to be a BM and then told them they had to change their appearance for the sake of photos or what Great Uncle Milton would think.

aurianna

I'm not sure if this will get me flamed or not...

But can you talk to your photographer about this? Tell her where the prime tattoos on your sister are, and in the event there ends up being no coverup (makeup, shawl or otherwise)... the photographer makes an effort of subtly posing your sister in ways that don't highlight those tattoos? (Yes, I'm aware she's a person and not a prop, but for pictures, pretty much everyone is a prop by default). Turning a certain way or having certain people on your sides can hide certain things, I'm sure.
There's also the possibility of retouching/photoshopping the pictures, but that I would not do without discussing with your sister first as that could be a hurtful surprise.

I do agree with PP of course that it makes sense she doesn't want to be singled out.
And it's great that she's thinking about you and suggested covering them up at first... but if in the end she changes her mind and wants to flaunt them, there is nothing you can, or should do to stop it. They are part of her, and you love her.

relliotts

StageManager14 said:

PromDates2001 said:

My bridesmaid Talia is covering her forearm tattoos and my MOH is covering her back tattoo for me. Well really for my mother who hates tattoos. I'm getting married in a church and I offered to chose a one shoulder, with a flowy arm for her but she had no problem doing it for me on my wedding day.

I know some ppl believe that you knew when you asked her that she had tattoos so you should deal with it but it's only one day and it won't hurt her to cover them. It doesn't mean you love her any less its just a personal choice.

Plus she agreed initially so people can't be mad at you if she was OK with it at one point.

***I am paying for them to be covered though. Least I could do.

Actually, as someone with tattoos, it would greatly hurt my feelings to cover them and it would absolutely send a message to me that my "friend" cared more about appearances and what other people thought than she did about me.

Agreed 100%.  I have multiple tats, some quite large and difficult to conceal.  If my friend asked me to cover them for a wedding, I'd be hurt and most likely decline to be in the wedding.  They are a part of me - a very important part of me.  I don't care what you or your parents or guests "tastes" are.  If you don't want tats in your wedding, don't ask me to be in it.  I'd be just as happy - happier, probably - as a guest. 

To the OP, I do understand that it was your sister who originally offered.  I like the idea of trying to find wraps or cardis for everyone.  But if that doesn't work, just let it be.  If people want to be judgemental because your sister chose to express herself in this way, that is their issue.  Not yours, or your sister's.  If people complain to you about it, change the subject.  If FI complains about it, I think you do need to have a discussion with him.  This is your sister.  She's going to be in your life forever.  It's going to become pretty uncomfortable long term if your FI can't look beyond her tattoos.

ARSHOM2013

If my sister refuses to cover her tats in my wedding she will be out. It's not classy I understand that is artistic I have tattoos but huge ridiculous tattoos on a woman look crazy! There are tattoo cover up kits. If she refuses maybe find another important place in the wedding for her.

bethsmiles

OP - I'm so glad you were open to everyone's advice

@ARSHOM2013 - Why would you want to hide a part of who your sister is? It's much less classy to ask your sister, someone I assume you are very close to since she is in your WP, to cover up her tattoos. It makes you look like someone who is using her friends and family as props and only cares about pictures - why not just hire a few models to stand up next to you on your wedding day if looks matter so much that you would so horribly insult and offend you sister?

CarolinaHeart

ARSHOM2013 said:

If my sister refuses to cover her tats in my wedding she will be out. It's not classy I understand that is artistic I have tattoos but huge ridiculous tattoos on a woman look crazy! There are tattoo cover up kits. If she refuses maybe find another important place in the wedding for her.

@ARSHOM2013 You're joking, right?

First of all I'm not sure why you would bump such an old thread simply to insult people. (myself included)

I have quite a few tattoos including some on my arms and a rather LARGE thigh piece. Does this mean I'm not classy?

If having tattoos automatically means you're not classy what does make someone classy?

Please explain! I am genuinely interested. My goal in life to be as classy as someone like you.

Edited for spelling.

aurianna

ARSHOM2013 if you kick your sister out of the WP for not covering her tattoos I suggest you get one of you own. It should say "I'm a superficial nightmare that cares more about some pictures than having my sister stand beside me on my wedding day" and be written all over your face.... because this is how the rest of the family and a lot of your friends will brand you for life.

CnJ2021

I must say, when I first posted, I did not realized what a "hot topic" this would be. It is very clear how strongly and differently people feel on this topic!

It has been a while since I have been on and looked, I have been very busy planning- the wedding is only a few weeks away now!!

Update- we have found ivory wraps. Since my bridesmaids are wearing alternating colors but ivory shoes, we discussed and all think the ivory will look nice. It will not completely cover the tattoos, but people will not focus in on them as she walks down the aisle, as was both of our concerns (not just mine, or my fiance's- my sister's as well).
For now my sister is satisfied- she has been somewhat troublesome about other things- but that's for another post!

I think it's great that people are so passionate about their opinions- though I think it is important to remember how you present those opinions.

emdotrock

Personally, i dont think this site was made to bash on one persons opinion vs someone else opinion. Its not very classy to talk trash.
That being said, I have a large thigh piece and an arm tattoo among others, i cover them up when i am not around people who are familiar with them, unless im at a pool. That is my choice though. If she already agreed a long time ago that she would cover them, then she changed her mind, maybe she thought you wanted to "hide" her. Have you asked her why she decided she no longer wanted to cover her tattoos? Maybe talk to her about it and see what happened to cause her to change her mind. I think maybe sit down with her and a bottle of wine (if appropriate) and just talk about it. Who knows, you might be able to find a solution. As for what to cover her with, I think if you have one wear a shall, then all need to wear a shall. You were aware of her tattoos prior and they didnt disappear, so she should have ordered her shall back when yall were ordering dresses since you knew all along you wanted her covered. That is unless you thought she was going to pay for the cover make up. From what you describe though, i feel you are saying she has sleeves which is something you dont just get over night. If thats who she is a person, i wouldnt try to hide it, but my FI doesnt care about what someone looks like, its who they are a person that really matters.
Either way good luck. Stay classy!

monkeysip

Just had to say that I really don't like tattoos at all, and even I wouldn't have asked anyone to cover theirs up (unless they were really obscene since we did have our ceremony in our church, and even then I probably would've asked them to cover them just for the ceremony).

My BIL wore a short sleeve shirt showing his giant spider web tattoo on his forearm.  He's in family photos, and *gasp* they weren't ruined!

QueerFemme

ARSHOM2013 said:

If my sister refuses to cover her tats in my wedding she will be out. It's not classy I understand that is artistic I have tattoos but huge ridiculous tattoos on a woman look crazy! There are tattoo cover up kits. If she refuses maybe find another important place in the wedding for her.

You sound like a grade-a jerkoff.

PrimRoseMama

CnJ2021 said: Does anyone have any suggestion on what to do?? We would just like to have them covered for the ceremony and pictures. 

Honestly, if you want my real opinion: I say you just deal with the tattoos. You knew she had them when you asked her to be in your wedding. They don't say anything about her as a classy person but are an art expression that is very personal. Its petty and shallow to get your twinkies in a twist NOW about it. If you really want to have them airbrushed then pony up for the professional to do it. Tell your FI that if he is really having a problem with it that he can help you pony up the dough to get it covered. Its not fair to ask your bridesmaid to foot the bill when you are the one with the problem. 

I really don't think people care as much as you think they do. Its just not something I'd be willing to go to the deuce over. If you really care then you dip into your money jar and take care of it for her. 

thkewedding

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask someone to cover up their tattoos for your wedding. If you or your family is more conservative, they should honor it for your wedding. It's only one day, and they won't have the pictures the rest of their lives-you will. I'm tatted and I wouldn't be offended if I were asked to cover up mine.

I don't think it has anything to do with "if you love that person, you won't ask them to do that". You don't know what background people have. Some family members may be really offended by tattoos since it may go against their religion or culture. You don't want to remember your wedding day as "The day my family decided they hated so and so for having a sleeve!".

Dreamergirl8812

sthorne91 said:

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask someone to cover up their tattoos for your wedding. If you or your family is more conservative, they should honor it for your wedding. It's only one day, and they won't have the pictures the rest of their lives-you will. I'm tatted and I wouldn't be offended if I were asked to cover up mine.

I don't think it has anything to do with "if you love that person, you won't ask them to do that". You don't know what background people have. Some family members may be really offended by tattoos since it may go against their religion or culture. You don't want to remember your wedding day as "The day my family decided they hated so and so for having a sleeve!".

Oh, lord.