Dollar Dance (*cringe*)

MuppetFan

Oh yeah! I mixed up the weddings.  It was my aunt's wedding. My uncle (14 or so at the time) caught the garter. My mom caught the bouquet. Same family. Same people on the footage. He must've been putting it on her, not removing it.

My other uncle caught the garter at my parents wedding and had to put it on my mother's old aunt's leg and he was grossed out.

I saw all the weddings in the same day. I also saw myself dipping my head in my first birthday cake on a different movie.

KnotIrene

Hey Muppet--keep your weddings straight, will you please?  LOL

MuppetFan

LOL  when your did sits you down to watch 10 years of family movies from film canisters for a day of fun, they will blend together for you too!

hoffse

wrigleyville said:

My family is Polish, and we're from the Detroit area, so the Dollar Dance is extremely common/expected at weddings. We've had relatives push for it even when the couple didn't want to do it. My brother skipped it, and we're skipping it. My brother, our parents, and I all hate it, mostly because it takes up so much time and we're uncomfortable asking for money. I've been to weddings where it takes a half-hour or more because there are so many people, some who get in line twice. The drunker people are, the longer it lasts. I cannot begin to tell you how much I hate that tradition. It made sense back in the old country when the newlyweds were basically kids and had absolutely nothing, but it's high-on ridiculous when the newlyweds are in their thirties and just paid for a $40,000 shindig. Eff that.

As for the garter toss, I think it's tacky, especially when they do something obscene. If my FI put his head up my dress, I'd be absolutely horrified. Even his hand is just too much. I don't want my relatives to see that kind of behavior, especially set to "The Stripper". FFS. We're skipping it.

We're also skipping the bouquet toss because we only have a couple of single women coming, and I refuse to single them out and put a spotlight on them. 

We're doing an anniversary dance instead of all of these other traditions. I've never seen it at any of the weddings I've been to. I learned about on TK, and I think it's great. I'm sure a lot of our guests will enjoy it too. We're going to include everyone, not just married couples (we have a few couples coming who don't want a legal marriage and a couple of gay couples who aren't allowed to get married  ). I'm going to hand my toss bouquet to the couple who has been together the longest.

We did this instead of a bouquet/garter toss.  Our band leader started a song and had couples move off the floor until he got to the couple who had been married the longest.  The couple who won got the toss bouquet.  Our winning couple had been married 61 years, and we had probably 15 couples who had been married more than 30 years - it was awesome, and it seemed to go over really well with our guests.   I feel like the bouquet toss thing is weird because it puts focus on singles, where the focus of the day should really be all about marriage.

JBee85

I went to my brother-in-law's wedding years ago back in college... they did the garter/bouquet toss... my fiance (bf at the time) and I were the ones who caught it and if we had ANY idea what was to happen after, we would of backed out of it. This was my first wedding I ever attended, so I was clueless. We had the DJ on a loud ass Mic egging us to come in the center of the dance floor... with 100+ people STARING and... OMG photographers snapping pictures... all over as my fiance was asked to slip the garter up my leg. All in front of his family and the bride's family who were total strangers to me. I tried to back out of it realizing what it entailed, but EVERYONE was demanding to follow "tradition!"

My fiance and I have never been so embarrassed our lives. I felt sexualized and humiliated all while pictures were being taken as he was putting the garter up my leg. I am not the type of person to have a ton of attention drawn to me. And of course those pictures were SHARED among the friends, family and those people who didn't get to come... and I had my hands covering my face in total embarrassment in those photos. What idiot would make the decision to actually KEEP those pictures? My in-laws >.>

I will never do garter tosses or even a dollar dance my own wedding... your wedding should not be made into an event to humiliate your guests. Shame on anyone who does this to people.

brielleinlove

I am kind of in the minority on TK about this, but I don't really see the anniversary dance as any better than the bouquet toss.  Before I met H, I spent many anniversary dances awkwardly sitting at my table by myself as everyone else sitting with me got up to go dance together.  I also felt terrible seeing great-aunts and -uncles who had lost their spouses sitting by themselves at their tables - some were clearly thinking about the spouse they loved and missed dearly, and wanted to be dancing with.  

TL;DR I dislike any activity at a wedding where you're excluding single, widowed, or divorced guests in order to highlight partnered ones, or vice versa.  Weddings can be hard enough for people in those positions to begin with.

pends123

I absolutely will not have a dollar dance, but we will most likely do the bouquet and garter tosses because FI really wants to. I read somewhere on here about attaching gift cards to the bouquet and garter and I really liked that idea. I plan on having any woman single or not who wants to come up to catch the bouquet and any man single or not come up to catch the garter.

Has any one heard of this or seen it done?

Elizabeth&PatrickL

I am really not a fan of anniversary dances either.  I saw one for the first time at a wedding where I was there as a single and I didn't love sitting at my table with 1 other single friend while all my married friends danced.  However, I thought it was sweet enough when the bride's grandmother and grandfather were the longest out there.  The sweetness was also outweighed that night though.  A couple months before the wedding a dear friend had been diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer....she grabbed her husband and said something along the lines of, "Let's go do this, I probably won't be alive long enough to make it to another year of marriage."  Talk about a punch in the gut moment!

I asked FI what he thought about the idea and he asked if I realized that would make his mother feel horrible on our wedding day...FI's father died when he was a child and she never remarried, kept her deceased husband's name.  That killed that idea for me...and made me really look at the idea with a light towards all of my guests, not just the happily married ones...there are a lot of potential minefields out there on this one.

Jen4948

I have to agree about anniversary dances.  Everyone at the wedding needs to feel comfortable and happy, not just happily coupled guests.   Even couples who have been together for many years might have their reasons for not being okay with it-including not being happy in their own relationships or just not wanting to do a "special dance."  So I wouldn't go for it.

wrigleyville

I agree with all of those points, and we wouldn't be doing it if we had a larger guest list.

We're inviting 40 people to our wedding. All but two of our guests are either married or dating someone (and we're including those people in the dance as well). We don't have any widows or divorcees. Two of my friends who are coming are single, but they read TK all the time (as bridesmaids) and brought the idea to my attention. I asked if they'd feel weird, and they said it's a really cute tradition that they love watching. So, we're doing it.

But believe me, if we were inviting lots of family and friends and such, we would skip it for sure. I'd hate to make anyone feel sad during such a happy occasion.

hordol

wittykitty14 said:

The Dollar Dance is REALLY common in my area.  Not side-eyed by most people.  I'm personally not doing one, for a few reasons.  It's just another way to ask for cash, and it's tacky.  But for me, I have a big personal space issue, and don't like touching anyone unless I'm really comfortable with them.  There's at least one person who's coming that I do NOT want to dance with, and he's the type who'll definitely participate.  It's not as if I can say no to a dance, so we're just not doing it.  My mom was really shocked when I told her I'm not doing it, but she got over it.  The only thing I've ever liked about the dollar dance is that it gives you a minute to say congrats to the bride/groom.

I'm also not doing the garter toss.  The wedding is going to be hard enough for me in terms of being the center of attention and having PDA, even at a small level.  I can't wrap my head around having people watch FI retrieve the garter.  And then having whoever catches the garter put it on the girl who caught the bouquet is horrible awkward.  I'll still do the bouquet toss, but we're ditching the garter business.

Haha, basically every work you typed could have been out of my mouth, too. Except for the bouquet toss, I haven't decided if I'm going to do it yet or not.

PhoneCardLady

wrigleyville said:

My family is Polish, and we're from the Detroit area, so the Dollar Dance is extremely common/expected at weddings. We've had relatives push for it even when the couple didn't want to do it....

Yes, probably because of Hamtramck, MI - Polish capital of Michigan (if not the United States)!

QueerFemme

Even if the dollar dance is common in your area, or with your family, you aren't required to do it.  Break the chain of rude etiquette folks.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  And to quote Ryan Gosling .....   "Be better than the Gap".

 

 

QueerFemme

xt5678 said:

cmgilpin said:

Even if the dollar dance is common in your area, or with your family, you aren't required to do it.  Break the chain of rude etiquette folks.  Be the change you want to see in the world.  And to quote Ryan Gosling .....   "Be better than the Gap".

 

 

LOL love the sentiment and the reference! 

I personally have never been to a wedding that did NOT have the dollar dance. I thought it was totally common and didn't realize it was a huge breach of etiquette until TK. We will def not do one at our wedding! I also don't want to do a garter toss either because I find it awkward and uncomfortable for me and guests.

They are very common in our circle also, but I refused. I spent months telling my partner's family we weren't having one, and why.  they even threatened to just tell the DJ to announce that the dollar dance was about to happen.  I flipped my shit.  You don't HAVE to do anything that you don't want to, even when it's common.  I hate that "we have to, it's tradition" excuse.

kerbohl

pdenman7 said:

I absolutely will not have a dollar dance, but we will most likely do the bouquet and garter tosses because FI really wants to. I read somewhere on here about attaching gift cards to the bouquet and garter and I really liked that idea. I plan on having any woman single or not who wants to come up to catch the bouquet and any man single or not come up to catch the garter. Has any one heard of this or seen it done?

I'm planning on doing something like this.  However, I won't actually have a bouquet since I'll just have a single flower, so I'm going to throw something tangible that anyone can then have.  I'm not having just single women do it - any woman who wants it.  Also, it will probably be chocolate (though I fear throwing chocolate into a group of women, so I might have a dummy thing to throw and give them the chocolate afterwards).  The garter toss will result in a  gift card.  And there will be absolutely NO putting on of the garter to whoever caught the "bouquet". 

StephJean83

Am I seriously the only one who has never seen or heard of the putting on the garter of the person who catches the bouquet before TK? I've seen the people dance together BUT only when they a) already know each other or b) are already a couple. We haven't discussed what we are planning as far as garter/bouquet tosses and I'm sure some will expect the dollar dance, but we won't have one. The last wedding I saw the dollar dance at was my friend's where I was MOH and they did a lot of rude things. I know the money she got from the dance paid for the bar tab, but only WP had open bar and they gave us wristbands post ceremony for that.

RebeccaB88

If you aren't wearing a garter, there's nothing to remove. If you want to wear it for the ceremony, take it off before the reception. Simple. 

wrigleyville

PhoneCardLady said:

wrigleyville said:

My family is Polish, and we're from the Detroit area, so the Dollar Dance is extremely common/expected at weddings. We've had relatives push for it even when the couple didn't want to do it....

Yes, probably because of Hamtramck, MI - Polish capital of Michigan (if not the United States)!

Yes, that's basically what I said...

And for what it's worth, it's not the Polish capital of the U.S. Chicago has the second-largest Polish population after cities in Poland itself.

keochan

I had never heard of the dollar dance until our first meeting with our DJ when he asked if we wanted to do one. We asked what it was, he explained it and had video, me and FI both immediately said no. My mom doesn't see the problem with it though, it took awhile to convince her it was tacky.

NerdyLucy

StephJean83 said:

Am I seriously the only one who has never seen or heard of the putting on the garter of the person who catches the bouquet before TK?

I'd never heard of it either til the other day here on TK.  I've just been to weddings where they're thrown, someone catches the bouquet, someone catches the garter, the end.

StephJean83

NerdyLucy said:

StephJean83 said:

Am I seriously the only one who has never seen or heard of the putting on the garter of the person who catches the bouquet before TK?

I'd never heard of it either til the other day here on TK.  I've just been to weddings where they're thrown, someone catches the bouquet, someone catches the garter, the end.

The most I have seen of interactions between the two who catch each is they start the next slow dance. It is usually because they know each other and are good friends or relatives OR the two who catch each are already a couple.

GraphicDesigningBride

My parents are from Belgium, having moved here a few years before I was born. I've been to 4 European weddings so far and over there, they never even heard about a dollar dance or garter toss. It makes a wedding seem so much more dignified and the attention is more on celebrating the wedding than giving "animated shows", which is really, all they are.

LakeR2014

I've only seen the 'dollar dance' done at one wedding and in more than one instance at that wedding I heard 'Yea, they'd be the ones having a dollar dance.'  Trust me, it was not in a favorable tone.  

There's definitely a stereotype to the dollar dance as being stingy, tight, and rude about money, who wants that associated with their wedding?

misshart00

NerdyLucy said:

StephJean83 said:

Am I seriously the only one who has never seen or heard of the putting on the garter of the person who catches the bouquet before TK?

I'd never heard of it either til the other day here on TK.  I've just been to weddings where they're thrown, someone catches the bouquet, someone catches the garter, the end.

Me too. I always like the tradition, so I did it at mine.  But there was no head up skirt or anything.  And definitely no putting the garter on whoever caught the bouquet.  I had never heard of that.

Kate61487

StephJean83 said:

Am I seriously the only one who has never seen or heard of the putting on the garter of the person who catches the bouquet before TK? I've seen the people dance together BUT only when they a) already know each other or b) are already a couple. We haven't discussed what we are planning as far as garter/bouquet tosses and I'm sure some will expect the dollar dance, but we won't have one. The last wedding I saw the dollar dance at was my friend's where I was MOH and they did a lot of rude things. I know the money she got from the dance paid for the bar tab, but only WP had open bar and they gave us wristbands post ceremony for that.

I had never heard of this before TK either.  We just had the two who caught them take a picture together, and they were brother and sister so I don't think they minded.  If they'd been strangers we may have even skipped that.

Bird Lady

I've been to 3 weddings in which the guy catching the garter puts it on the woman who caught the bouquet. The guy also did a lap dance type show before putting in on her. It was super uncomfortable to watch. All these weddings were in the same small town and apparently it is the "hilarious" highlight of the reception to watch strangers give each other a lap dance.

kk181805

My family's Polish and we live in Pittsburgh, so tacky dances are pretty standard around here. I refuse to do not only all three: garter, bouquet toss and dollar dance, but FI and I are also ruling out all chicken dancing and electric sliding.  

To compromise, because we have elderly relatives who will miss the tradition, we are doing an old-fashioned style eastern European cookie table. If you think your family will miss the sense of tradition, maybe you can find one you're more comfortable with as well. 

Dreamer5077

They should never be done.

CheleLyn

I'm in the Michigan's thumb...lots of Polish here, which I'm guessing after reading some of the responses is where this tradition originated (not in the thumb, but with the Polish). It's a very common thing here, even among those who are not Polish. It was done at my brother's wedding years ago and neither he nor his wife are Polish.

Jason is mostly German and Native American, I am mostly German and Irish. Neither of us are religious, but I lean more Pagan from my mother's side. When I wrote up the ceremony, I told Jason I wanted to include some things that represent that side of me, he actually likes what I included.

It's interesting the traditions that I have never really given much thought to that have come up since we started planning. Maybe I can find something more reflective of us than the usual traditions around here. If nothing else, maybe it would more memorable for our guests than the typical area receptions.

imimbles

Bird Lady said:

I've been to 3 weddings in which the guy catching the garter puts it on the woman who caught the bouquet. The guy also did a lap dance type show before putting in on her. It was super uncomfortable to watch. All these weddings were in the same small town and apparently it is the "hilarious" highlight of the reception to watch strangers give each other a lap dance.

wat.