Dollar Dance (*cringe*)

GigiR72

So ran across this feed after I just posted in another one about this same topic.  So basically copying and pasting what I said there...

I was at a wedding where the couple did a dance, but it was not labeled a "money dance."  It was called a celebrate dance.  No money was required to be given, but if you wanted to dance with groom or bride they gave that option.  The reason they did this was because the bride liked the part where she can have a moment with some of her guests, but hated the money part.  Some of the guests who were familiar with the tradition of "money dances" gave her money anyways.  She did tell them a few times that she did not want it, but a couple of the older guests would not accept it back.  I think if anyone really wanted that one on one time with the guests there is a way to do it, without asking for money.  I agree that the "money dance" tradition is very out dated and is seen as not so much a cultural thing anymore.  So "breaking" this tradition can be done, but just won't be as easy for some of those guests who actually look forward to it.  And when I say people who look forward to it, I mean I have family and friends who have said to me on multiple occasions "I can't wait to dance with you at the dollar dance..." and sadly have to inform them I will not be having one.  BUT tell them I will keep my dance card open all night to dance with them whenever they want! :-)

jarednmegan

I've never been to a wedding where there wasn't at least a garter and bouquet toss, and I've always found the dollar dances to be equally awkward. Last year my friend's H got the bright idea that the B & G dollar dances should be auctioned off. Thank God she talked him out of it, although the DJ apparently didn't get the memo and mistakenly announced there would be an auction.

We're skipping all three traditions.

The first garter toss I remember witnessing was at my cousin's wedding. I realize I was 11, but at 27 I'd still find it gross. The woman who caught the bouquet was instructed to put on the garter and have the guy who caught it take it off of her. Not only did these two not know each other, but one was invited by the bride and the other by the groom. Fortunately, I've never seen another garter toss quite like that one.

And the bouquet tosses are humiliating, especially now that little girls are no longer discouraged from participating. I tried to go up for it at the previously-mentioned wedding (no way could the DJ have done what he did if I'd caught the bouquet!) and my mom told me that girls who aren't old enough to get married should stay seated.

I went up for a bouquet toss once in the last few years and I was one of the oldest women on the dance floor. The little girls were put in front so they'd have a fair shot at catching it. Talk about uncomfortable.

SnowWhite334

I'm glad to see other people from areas where dollar dances are common NOT liking them either. As a guest, I've always felt odd (especially when I was younger, like teenage years) going up to dance with the groom, especially if it's the bride who I know/am related to. I don't plan to do this, as I also agree that these people have just brought you wedding gifts, why should they give you more money just to dance with you?

I do plan to do the garter and bouquet tosses, though. My fiance and I actually caught them at his mom's second wedding, so that was kind of funny and much less awkward when it came to him putting the garter on my leg. But I've also seen weddings where an adult male caught the garter and a much younger girl caught the bouquet, and they just skipped the whole putting the garter on part entirely. Which seemed much more appropriate. Maybe we'll skip that part, or maybe we'll just wait and see who catches them and decide on the spot what to do about it. Obviously if a little girl catches the bouquet, no one should be putting a garter up her skirt. Ew.

lringue

I have gone to only one wedding that has done the dollar dance. and the flower girl got my sisters bouquet and they set it up so the ringbearer would get the garter and he put it on her arm like a bracelet it was kind of cute. I wont be doing either at mine I would feel awkward asking people to pay to dance with me for a few seconds. and for the garter toss a lot of people at the wedding are already with someone so instead im doing an aniversary dance and the couple thats been married the longest will get my toss boquet.

imimbles

SnowWhite334 said:

Maybe we'll skip that part, or maybe we'll just wait and see who catches them and decide on the spot what to do about it. Obviously if a little girl catches the bouquet, no one should be putting a garter up her skirt. Ew.

Please don't put anyone on the spot about having lingerie put on them by an unknown guy in public. Regardless of age. I would be so incredibly uncomfortable.

jarednmegan

lringue said:

I have gone to only one wedding that has done the dollar dance. and the flower girl got my sisters bouquet and they set it up so the ringbearer would get the garter and he put it on her arm like a bracelet it was kind of cute. I wont be doing either at mine I would feel awkward asking people to pay to dance with me for a few seconds. and for the garter toss a lot of people at the wedding are already with someone so instead im doing an aniversary dance and the couple thats been married the longest will get my toss boquet.

Our DJ suggested an anniversary dance, and I think we'll do it. I've seen it done before and it's really sweet.

Jen4948

jarednmegan said:

lringue said:

I have gone to only one wedding that has done the dollar dance. and the flower girl got my sisters bouquet and they set it up so the ringbearer would get the garter and he put it on her arm like a bracelet it was kind of cute. I wont be doing either at mine I would feel awkward asking people to pay to dance with me for a few seconds. and for the garter toss a lot of people at the wedding are already with someone so instead im doing an aniversary dance and the couple thats been married the longest will get my toss boquet.

Our DJ suggested an anniversary dance, and I think we'll do it. I've seen it done before and it's really sweet.

Anniversary dances do have the potential to make those who are single, widowed, or divorced uncomfortable, so I would not do it.  It may seem "sweet" but I would not want such persons among my guests to feel uncomfortable.

jarednmegan

Jen4948 said:

jarednmegan said:

lringue said:

I have gone to only one wedding that has done the dollar dance. and the flower girl got my sisters bouquet and they set it up so the ringbearer would get the garter and he put it on her arm like a bracelet it was kind of cute. I wont be doing either at mine I would feel awkward asking people to pay to dance with me for a few seconds. and for the garter toss a lot of people at the wedding are already with someone so instead im doing an aniversary dance and the couple thats been married the longest will get my toss boquet.

Our DJ suggested an anniversary dance, and I think we'll do it. I've seen it done before and it's really sweet.

Anniversary dances do have the potential to make those who are single, widowed, or divorced uncomfortable, so I would not do it.  It may seem "sweet" but I would not want such persons among my guests to feel uncomfortable.

You make a very good point. I'll run this by FI and see what he thinks. Thanks for the input!

Jen4948

jarednmegan said:

Jen4948 said:

jarednmegan said:

lringue said:

I have gone to only one wedding that has done the dollar dance. and the flower girl got my sisters bouquet and they set it up so the ringbearer would get the garter and he put it on her arm like a bracelet it was kind of cute. I wont be doing either at mine I would feel awkward asking people to pay to dance with me for a few seconds. and for the garter toss a lot of people at the wedding are already with someone so instead im doing an aniversary dance and the couple thats been married the longest will get my toss boquet.

Our DJ suggested an anniversary dance, and I think we'll do it. I've seen it done before and it's really sweet.

Anniversary dances do have the potential to make those who are single, widowed, or divorced uncomfortable, so I would not do it.  It may seem "sweet" but I would not want such persons among my guests to feel uncomfortable.

You make a very good point. I'll run this by FI and see what he thinks. Thanks for the input!

You're welcome.  Best wishes!

jarednmegan

@Jen4948 Thank you! Same to you, assuming you're still planning your wedding

melissanjoe21

I am the first in my family NOT to have the dollar dance.  Every single one of my cousins and beyond has done it.  Without a doubt a family tradition. 

I wouldn't side eye anyone who had one or didn't.

boomboom1243

I am Italian and it is customary to do the dollar dance. I am not doing it as it makes me uncomfortable that I would have to dance with people. My mom freaked but oh well.

rajahmd

We are doing both tosses, but inviting everyone to participate. And we're attaching gift cards as well. As far as dances, so only special one will be our first dance. We're not doing an anniversary dance because my parents recently divorced, amongst all the other people that would be uncomfortable too.

runpipparun

So, we're trying to come up with fun, creative, non-anniversary dances.

What about a Snowball-type gift card dance to get things going and people mingling a bit? Or just to have some fun in the middle of the evening?

Say the bride and groom start the dance and each have an Amazon gift card, and it's just a slow dance. Each time the DJ says "switch," they go find somebody sitting, snowball-style, and pass the gift card to their new partner, such that the gift cards get passed around the room. You'd have to change partners a good bit, but the idea is that the people on the outside try to keep track of where the gift cards are as they enter, while the people who start early try to follow them around the floor.

And of course, when the song is over, the people with the cards keep them.

Yes? No? You could ask people who want to participate to "come around the dance floor," if people don't want to dance.

southernbelle0915

Bird Lady said:

I've been to 3 weddings in which the guy catching the garter puts it on the woman who caught the bouquet. The guy also did a lap dance type show before putting in on her. It was super uncomfortable to watch. All these weddings were in the same small town and apparently it is the "hilarious" highlight of the reception to watch strangers give each other a lap dance.

I feel uncomfortable just reading this. 

runpipparun

snippet17 said:

That seems really confusing.

I don't think so. We start with the gift cards, or something representative. When a change of partner is called (the DJ calls "Snowball" or whatever), we find new partners from the sidelines and give them the cards while we dance. On the next "snowball," the four of us find new partners from the sidelines again, and the people who had the cards give them to their new partners, and so on, until everyone is dancing who wants to dance, then we just change partners among the people on the floor, passing the gift cards, until the song is over. Whoever is left with the cards get the keep them.

How is that complicated?

Edited: clarity and typos.

StephJean83

runpipparun said:

So, we're trying to come up with fun, creative, non-anniversary dances.

What about a Snowball-type gift card dance to get things going and people mingling a bit? Or just to have some fun in the middle of the evening?

Say the bride and groom start the dance and each have an Amazon gift card, and it's just a slow dance. Each time the DJ says "switch," they go find somebody sitting, snowball-style, and pass the gift card to their new partner, such that the gift cards get passed around the room. You'd have to change partners a good bit, but the idea is that the people on the outside try to keep track of where the gift cards are as they enter, while the people who start early try to follow them around the floor.

And of course, when the song is over, the people with the cards keep them.

Yes? No? You could ask people who want to participate to "come around the dance floor," if people don't want to dance.

What does the gift card have to do with anything? A wedding I went to last fall the bridal party started out dancing and about 30 seconds into the song the DJ stopped the music and had the bridal party grab a guest to dance with for a bit. After about 30 seconds the song stopped and those on the dance floor got somebody to finish the dance with. Similar to the snowball that you suggest but without the confusing gift card.

runpipparun

Personally, I'd be a lot more inclined to get up and dance and mingle with strangers if there were amazon gift cards at stake.

It just reminds me of things we used to do in college, and some of my college friends will be there.

StephJean83

runpipparun said:

Personally, I'd be a lot more inclined to get up and dance and mingle with strangers if there were amazon gift cards at stake.

It just reminds me of things we used to do in college, and some of my college friends will be there.

If I was a guest who didn't go to college with you, I would be confused and probably wouldn't participate. Not every guest has to mingle with each other. At the wedding I attended, the college friends in the WP would grab other college friends or SO of college friends. It was one song and at most and the two people danced for 45 seconds.

runpipparun

That's really the question I asked my FI. My friends are all social dancers (swing, blues, tango, waltz, polka, on and one). They don't mind dancing, even 6th grade swaying, with random strangers. They would have no problem with this. Some of us even have experience with taxi-dancing, if you know what that is.

His friends are from MO. No offense to MO-ians, but they seem a little more reserved. If we did a "regular" snowball to get people up and dancing after cake-cutting, would they change partners, or only dance with their friends.

My thinking was, make it into a fun contest, people would get out of their shells a bit more, be looking for the gift cards, try to rotate partners, etc.

In the end, it doesn't really matter. I just wanted to try something new. Our wedding is offbeat anyway.

Salsera29

I was a BM in a friend's wedding years ago and I caught the bouquet. I did not know the guy who caught the garter AT ALL. I was wearing a floor-length skirt. The DJ announced that every inch above my knee he put the garter = a year of happy marriage for B&G. So, a complete stranger had his hands up my skirt on my thighs in front of 100+ people. It was humiliating and creepy. 

This is why I decided 10 years before I even met FI that I would never, ever do that to someone. 

Edited to correct wrong word

manateehugger

runpipparun said:

That's really the question I asked my FI. My friends are all social dancers (swing, blues, tango, waltz, polka, on and one). They don't mind dancing, even 6th grade swaying, with random strangers. They would have no problem with this. Some of us even have experience with taxi-dancing, if you know what that is.

His friends are from MO. No offense to MO-ians, but they seem a little more reserved. If we did a "regular" snowball to get people up and dancing after cake-cutting, would they change partners, or only dance with their friends.

My thinking was, make it into a fun contest, people would get out of their shells a bit more, be looking for the gift cards, try to rotate partners, etc.

In the end, it doesn't really matter. I just wanted to try something new. Our wedding is offbeat anyway.

Does MO=Missouri? Born and raised, here. And if you're talking Southern Baptists Missourians, nothing you do is going to get them to pop up and dance. In which case, this game might end up being really really awkward. 

If they are more St. Louis Catholic types, if you provide food and alcohol, people will socialize all on their own. Games are awkward and confusing for everyone. 

lovesclimbing

We did a bouquet toss and garter toss. I do not mind either as long as people are polite about them. No forcing people to stand up for it (my cousin made me stand up during her toss when I was engaged - did not appreciate it but didn't have a choice without making a scene).

With the garter toss, my husband did it with his hand NOT his teeth and it was just above my knee - not that high. Also, there was no putting it up the leg of the bouquet catcher. (I had never even heard of that until TK.)

runpipparun

PDKH said:

Does MO=Missouri? Born and raised, here. And if you're talking Southern Baptists Missourians, nothing you do is going to get them to pop up and dance. In which case, this game might end up being really really awkward. 

If they are more St. Louis Catholic types, if you provide food and alcohol, people will socialize all on their own. Games are awkward and confusing for everyone. 

Yes, MO is Missouri. We have both types coming, Baptist and non-Baptist alike.

I appreciate the feedback. Our DJ is for it, but I don't want to make people feel weird.

CheleLyn

Here's what we and Jason's parents have agreed on...and his parents are on my side LOL

1. There will be NO dollar dance or anything along those lines. When I asked them what they thought about the dollar dance, FFIL said he has seen several of them and has no opinion either way. FMIL said "OMG, that is the worst tradition ever! People travel to see the wedding and bring the couple a gift and then have to (naughty word) PAY to dance with the bride?!?! That's bulls**t!" I seriously LMAO, gave her a big hug, and said THANK YOU! Hahahaha!!!

2. IF there is a DISCREET way to do the garter retrieval, and we WILL PRACTICE, then maybe I'll do it.

3. Bouquet toss...ALL females can do it if they want to.

4. As for the fella and gal that catch the garter and bouquet, we will just get a photo of them for our album and call it done.