What are SO's gripes about you?

MuppetFan

What are SO's gripes about you...and is s/he justified?

I work a lot.
FI works nights. He used to get home after midnight, say hello, and fall asleep on the couch. I started work around 9 am...and would pretty much work until 2 am some nights. It bothered him that I worked while he was home (even though he was sleeping). I also worked sometimes on the weekends (even though he works Saturdays). So, I started making it so I stop working by the time he gets home (around 10 pm now) and I don't work on the weekends at all.  He still complains.

I thought he was justified before to an extent. I don't think so now. I don't think he needs to care how I spend my time when he's not home. If he was home with me, I would spend the time with him....I have nothing else to do.

lyndausvi

I shed too much.  He often wonders why I'm not bald.

Summer2011Bride

That I criticize his driving. I don't think it's justified because he's not a good driver lol. Seriously he has almost gotten us into accidents more than once, so I'm OK if he gripes that I complain about his driving skills.

He gripes that I am a picky eater, which I am. He is justified there. It takes me forever to decide what I want to eat for dinner and the like, and it drives him nuts.

smalfrie19

I am lazy. Its not that I don't do chores, but his opinion of clean is higher than mine and so I don't really contribute to the household chores

MuppetFan

lyndausvi said:

I shed too much.  He often wonders why I'm not bald.

I know what you mean. FI's jacket keeps getting MY hair all over it in addition to the dogs.

MoonlightSilver

He gripes that I don't do enough cleaning around the house. He's not justified, really. He's more of a clean freak than I am, so he sees messes where I see clean house. I am not going to swifter the house every damned day just because he walks around the house in his work boots. 

I also drive us everywhere, because like Summer my H is an awful driver. If he drives, I spend the whole car right gritting my teeth and staring out the passenger window or else I tell him how to drive and we fight about it. He's justified that I tell him how to drive too much, but not that I should tell him nothing at all.

AddieCake

It used to be that I work too much. That was justified for sure. Now it's that I interrupt him. I don't. He's actually the one who interrupts me, and when I just keep talking over him to prevent him from doing it, he interprets that as me interrupting b/c he is trying to talk! It's a mess.

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

staar987

I get to a point of being hungry where I am so hungry that I can't decide on what to eat. It is like I lose the ability to function. He has known me long enough to just get me some food that I like and not ask me about it. It used to bother him much more than it does now. This is me at that point:

 

He drives everywhere, but I get really anxious in the car. For some reason I feel like no other car can see us and we're going to get hit. All. The. Time. Some days are worse than others and I try to warn him when I'm feeling really anxious. It really bothers him when I react (I can't help myself) because then he feels like he isn't seeing something that I saw. I try to just hold onto the door now and squeeze when I need to. Or I just brake on the invisible passenger side brake.

ETA: Trying to fix my picture since it was over my paragraph.

mercimarie

AddieL73 said:

It used to be that I work too much. That was justified for sure. Now it's that I interrupt him. I don't. He's actually the one who interrupts me, and when I just keep talking over him to prevent him from doing it, he interprets that as me interrupting b/c he is trying to talk! It's a mess.

This! This this for the love of God this. "I'm sorry, did the end of my sentence interrupt the start of yours?"

QueerFemme

I think my honey's main gripe about me is that I snore.  When I start, it seems to put all four dogs into a coma and then they start snoring also.  All five of us snoring is a little obnoxious.

s-aries8990

Hmmm

He'd probably say that I'm too much of a people pleaser and let my mom walk all over me - and he's not really wrong (for now, at least). We want to move in together, but she's going through a whole lot of legal shit with the house stemming from my parents' divorce 16 years ago (a reason why I think a ltr is important prior to marriage) and she can't afford the house without me nor can she afford to sell it (again, legal shit).

I also criticize him about how messy his apartment is, but it's literally disgusting, so he can complain.it's not like "lived in" messy, it's "closet exploded over the entire apartment and I can barely get around" messy

wittykitty14

My FI hates how stressed out I get, and that I don't put my sanity above things that "have" to be done.  He's justified, it's true.  I know I need to work on that.  However, he refuses to see the middle ground, that there really ARE some things that MUST get done by a certain time.  That's where I think he's wrong.

FI thinks I worry about money too much.  He's completely unjustified there.  We have very good reason to worry about how much money is going in and out.

Like others have said, my FI is a bad driver too.  He goes too close to the edge of the road and doesn't slow down enough when he's turning or the road curves.  I get so nervous when he drives, so I do it most of the time to save myself the anxiety.  He gets really annoyed when I get on his case about it.  While I get that I'm obnoxious, our safety isn't something I willing to mess with.

And I thought of another.  He hates that I don't stand up to my parents more.  They've always walked all over me.  I never realized how much until FI came into the family and was appalled at how they treat me.  He's completely right on this one.  But no matter what I do, my family dynamics won't change overnight.  We've been working on this, and it will get better with time.

kks4471

He thinks I'm the bad driver, so now I make him drive on the weekends. He thinks I follow too close, and don't come to a complete stop. I just hate MA traffic and am still not used to it. Knock on wood, I've never been in an accident, and better keep it that way.

SlothGoals

FI and I have communication problems in that we often think we don't hear each other properly. As a result he insists that I don't listen to him ever but I do! He just doesn't speak properly, haha.

I also tend to forget to eat/drink during the day, which he hates with the fiery power of a thousand suns. If I haven't talked to him at all during the day the first question he'll ask is "what did you eat today" and if I can't answer he gets upset.

nsweare

Hmmm FI would say that I don't delegate enough. Basically I take on too much myself and don't ever let him do some of the heavy lifting. Especially with our daughter and household chores. But if I want something done right I have to do it myself, amirite?

CLoGreenEyes

His big thing would be that that I am not adept at ALL at stuff like household and vehicle maintenance, repairs, etc. I know the basic stuff (get your oil changed, get your tires rotated, you change a flat in the following way, blah blah blah), but he grew up on a farm and loves working on houses, cars, tractors, and everything else he can get his hands on; meanwhile, I am a suburban bookworm who didn't do that stuff before I met him. It's not that I don't help him when he asks me to (I do) or have a bad attitude about it (I don't); it's more that he's frustrated that I didn't grow up with this basic knowledge that he feels is extremely important. He usually takes it in stride, but every now and then the questions I ask absolutely floor him.

He is also baffled by my need to talk about feelings on a regular basis, lol, but by his own admission he sometimes needs conversations like that, so he only jokingly gripes.

allychase

Like PP H gripes that I am a front seat driver, which is fine because he's a REALLY good driver I'm just paranoid. He also gripes about my shedding. My hair is everywhere. He finds my hair in really really odd places...

Also OMG totally with Addie. When he gets in his moods he tries to interrupt me and gets annoyed when Im like yeah no, I was actually not finished speaking. I can interrupt you interrupting me all I want.

He also gripes that I leave clothes in the washer and then they smell. It's such a bad habit. I'm SO bad at finishing a complete load of laundry and its only the two of us, idk what the hell ill do when we have kids.

Pretty sure those are the main gripes. Usually as long as H has his computer and can build stuff he's complacent.

BostonGIrl4732

FI can't drive.  And I tell him that frequently.  He hasn't adjusted to driving in MA yet.

I also shed.  He gets annoyed when my hair is in the shower drain.

I like things clean.  He could care less most of the time.  He gets annoyed when I ask him to put dishes in the dishwasher right away instead of letting them sit.

I can be demanding.  I know it, he knows it.  I'm trying to get better about it and he's getting better at phrasing things so I understand when I'm being demanding.

thejucheidea

I don't think that he has any big gripes about me. He's a pretty laid back guy.

AddieCake

To be fair, I do interrupt him as well. I was just thinking of some specific times when he has felt that I interrupted him, and I really don't think I did. It doesn't happen in person, just on the phone. Sometimes it's hard with static and noises and pauses, etc that aren't there in person. It's an area we both need to work on, for sure. 

brielleinlove

That I don't want to go out as often as he does.  I'm an introvert and recharge by having alone time or one-on-one time with a close friend or with H; he's an extrovert and recharges by going out and socializing.  It can make things kind of difficult when we're both stressed and want to cope in different ways.

swimmy1988

I grind my teeth at night. He's definitely justified with this, even if I can't control it. It would keep him up at night, and in turn that would cause me to have interrupted sleep as well because he would wake me up at different intervals saying "You're grinding your teeth again". I bought a grind guard a few weeks ago so we've had many restful nights now.

allychase

swimmy1988 said:

I grind my teeth at night. He's definitely justified with this, even if I can't control it. It would keep him up at night, and in turn that would cause me to have interrupted sleep as well because he would wake me up at different intervals saying "You're grinding your teeth again". I bought a grind guard a few weeks ago so we've had many restful nights now.

Ugh I do the same and have TMJ because of it. H says it sounds like I'm chewing on my teeth at night...

harper0813

FI gripes about many things. He thinks I am messier than him which is not true. But his justified gripe is the fact that my bobby pins end up EVERYWHERE. They really do. It's as if they reproduce.

hordol

FI would gripe that I want him home more than he is. FI is lucky in that he works an 8-4 job which would leave plenty if time for us to be together, but he is frequently filling his evenings with different activities or he will stay late at work some nights. I'm more of an introvert and I recharge by the two of us having quiet evenings together, where as he likes to be very active in different things.

I think he is justified for being irritated by this though. Sometimes my brain exaggerates how little or much time we spend together and it feels like less than it is. I like that he is active and has his hobbies and buddies he likes to see on a regular basis, it's just that sometimes I feel like he starts to pick this stuff over me. I think I have a tendency to exaggerate this is my mind though, so I give him a pass on this. Lol.

TeddiD34

SO is never more excited than when he has time to play either Borderlands or Tiger Woods Golf. I swear, it makes me feel like such a nag if I speak to him while he's playing.

I just can't help it. I see him as such a little kid, all engrossed in his XBox...

Grr

mercimarie

@TeddiD34, mine is the same except sub Fifa (some soccer game) and grand theft auto for tiger woods. I never knew a 32 year old man could have such an affinity for video games. What a fool I was. The man can sure cook though, so I'll keep him around.

OjitosVerdes

@zoberg - my FI has the same gripe! He sent me this the other day: 

I also shed a lot - I have really long hair and I'm constantly having to unplug the shower drain. 

thejucheidea

Wait, I thought of something that he gives me grief for, but I don't think it's necessarily a gripe: I freak OUT whenever I think there's something wrong with one of our dogs, especially our Golden. I think that pretty much anything warrants a vet visit, so when something happens, he has to calm me down and logic it out with me. Sometimes I'm right, but more often, it's nothing big. I think he finds this quality endearing but pesters me nonetheless.

HobokensFury

He says I don't clean the house enough. Sorry babe but I'm working 3 jobs right now and you're home sitting on your ass.