Let's talk about wedding invitations via Facebook event.

jarednmegan

I already know how tasteless and rude it is to do the whole "I'm inviting you via FB to determine whether I should send you a snail mail invitation."

But I'm just wondering how many people are with me on this. Of course, I'm sure no one who's actually done/doing it will 'fess up, but maybe by starting this thread we can save other brides-to-be from committing the dreaded faux pas.

jarednmegan

To everyone invited to that wedding: I am so sorry.

AJuliaNJ

I think people who did it will 'fess up and explain why it was a great idea for them. People don't typically hold back on this board.

I personally wouldn't send out my invitations in this way. It isn't what's typically done. People might be confused as to whether it was some sort of save-the-date thing and not the real invitation. Also, not everyone checks on a regular basis. I'd advise sending out something in the mail. If it is a budget thing as opposed to a laziness thing, there are many DIY invitation kits that can help you do it at a very reasonable price. If it is a laziness thing, I'd be concerned about how the rest of the wedding will play out.

jarednmegan

Another problem is that some people (gasp!) aren't on Facebook. So how can you invite guests exclusively on Facebook? Email?

So I think part of it is laziness, but I don't think you can afford to be lazy when it comes to inviting people. This is a WEDDING, not a birthday party! And I agree, there's plenty of cost-effective options for printing invitations. My MOH, who has a graphic design degree, uses Vistaprint frequently and plans to use it again when she does our StDs, invites and programs.

vanityink

One of my friends from high school sent out a "reply to the post with your address for wedding invites" for her wedding years ago (she got married at 19 so nearly right out of high school). I didn't know what about it rubbed me the wrong way at the time, but since it wasn't specifically addressed to me/we hadn't talked in a few months (I went away at college) I never replied to it. Two of my other high school friends went and said they had a pretty good time, so I don't think the rest of the wedding was a train wreck or anything, I think we were all just pretty young and didn't understand the whole "wedding" thing.

AprilH81

I was invited to a wedding via Facebook and for a long time I thought they were not going to send out snail mail invites.  I was wrong, they were just very late in getting them in the mail.  

wittykitty14

I think doing this is tacky as hell, and I would side-eye it.  Not everyone has facebook, and a lot of people who do don't check often.  Everyone has a mailbox (or PO box) though.  That's always safe.  Keep it consistent, and don't invite some people by fb and some by snail mail. 

But for me, a bigger side-eye is when someone posts CONSTANTLY on fb about their wedding.  That's what drives me nuts.  Even a once a week wedding post drives me bonkers.  We don't care.  I've hidden lots of updates from people who either posted a lot about their wedding, are pregnant/have new child and post a lot, or those who only post politcal beliefs and nothing else.  It's a free country, but still.

 

swimmy1988

A few weeks ago, fi and I were invited by facebook to a wedding that is a week before ours. I think he's still going to go, but I have two days of work before my booked time off begins and I'm guessing my managers will schedule me to work that weekend.

I personally didn't mind being invited by fb, but I do enjoy getting snail mail a lot more for something like that.
Actually, I just like getting mail in general. It rarely happens, except when it's bills. lol

jarednmegan

@jessicadall Three years ago I got invited to a childhood friend's wedding via FB. I'd never seen that done before and didn't think there was anything wrong with it at the time. I messaged her my address but told her I probably couldn't come (it was out-of-state) and I never got an invite in the mail. Looking back I probably shouldn't have offered my address unless I knew I could come.

Here's another problem with doing this, besides the fact that it's tacky: A lot of people RSVP to FB events and then don't show up. Or they never respond one way or the other. The thought of messaging everyone who's unresponsive to ask "Are you coming to my wedding?" makes me cringe, but otherwise how would you know how many guests to have seating, food, etc., for? Nightmare waiting to happen.

Bird Lady

A girl I went to high school with made a FB event asking people for addresses so she could send them invites in the mail. She had nearly every friend of hers and her FI. And now that RSVPs are due, she keeps posting that everyone needs to respond on FB or through the RSVP card by Sunday or else she is assuming they aren't coming and she isn't going to be paying for their food. Worse yet is that all of the people commenting are all "You go girl!" and "How hard is it to put an addressed and stamped envelope in the mail?" and "You're better off without them!"

Not a single person has suggested lost mail or infrequent use of FB. Makes me cringe.  

StephJean83

I know pre-me FH would get invited to weddings via FB but they would be tiered receptions where he was only being invited to the dance. He also would have people use FB to get his address which is a really old address of his anyways and than when the invite would be returned they would send him a FB message asking if he would be coming and all.

I hate people who constantly post the updates of them picking a venue, setting a date or whatever else they have done for their wedding. Hello, you will constantly have randoms asking to be invited. My FMIL got an earful from one of Ber cousins because we updated our FB status to "engaged" and when the cousin asked when the wedding will be I said we are thinking Fall 2014. I didn't want all of mine or FH's friends to know our wedding date since we won't be inviting them all. She called FMIL and said I need to be told who she is and if she asks a question I am to answer her and not give her vague answers. My FMIL said that due to the high number of people on our FB who won't be invited we are keeping wedding stuff off FB as much as possible and we will send STDs with the date once we decide on a date and location.

Storm29

In my circle, it seems like everyone is getting married, and Facebook "wedding updates"--bought a dress, had a shower, etc. are pretty common. I would say I've put one up myself probably 5-7 times throughout my year plus engagement. I haven't had a single person approach me about assuming they were invited, or asking for an invite.

Actual Facebook wedding invitations? So ridiculous.I can't believe people actually do that.

southernbelle0915

jarednmegan said:

To everyone invited to that wedding: I am so sorry.

I really wanted to find a gif for this, but this one says it all... lol! I rarely even log on to facebook, so I would have no idea I was invited. I do check the mail, however....

misshart00

My sister wanted to do this. I finally talked her out of it. But then she wanted to put RSVP regrets only on the invite. (That's fairly common in my circle for shower invites.) thankfully, talked her out of that one too.

kipnus

I used FB to send individual messages asking for addresses and to figure out the best dates for VIPs and then I sent invitations by mail to everyone on our guest list, even if they had indicated via FB that they probably wouldn't be able to come.

kerbohl

@StephJean83 Wow, did that woman actually say that?  That is insane.  People can give as many vague answers as they want about their own wedding . . . Are you considering inviting her after that?

lifeonthehill

My only experince with a FB wedding invite was FI best friend in college. They were getting marred on the courthouse steps and invited 25 people in total. Dinner at a local italian place was afterword. The FB invite worked for them because it was a simple ceremony. Three minutes max and dinner was the next building over. They paid for nothing except the rings, the ceremony and a meal for the family. It worked for them.

southernbelle0915

StephJean83 said:

I know pre-me FH would get invited to weddings via FB but they would be tiered receptions where he was only being invited to the dance. He also would have people use FB to get his address which is a really old address of his anyways and than when the invite would be returned they would send him a FB message asking if he would be coming and all. I hate people who constantly post the updates of them picking a venue, setting a date or whatever else they have done for their wedding. Hello, you will constantly have randoms asking to be invited. My FMIL got an earful from one of Ber cousins because we updated our FB status to "engaged" and when the cousin asked when the wedding will be I said we are thinking Fall 2014. I didn't want all of mine or FH's friends to know our wedding date since we won't be inviting them all. She called FMIL and said I need to be told who she is and if she asks a question I am to answer her and not give her vague answers. My FMIL said that due to the high number of people on our FB who won't be invited we are keeping wedding stuff off FB as much as possible and we will send STDs with the date once we decide on a date and location.

StephJean83

kerbohl said:

@StephJean83 Wow, did that woman actually say that?  That is insane.  People can give as many vague answers as they want about their own wedding . . . Are you considering inviting her after that?

She did. I figured since we were still looking at venues and deciding between October or November, "Fall" worked best. I don't want to invite any of FMIL or FFIL's cousins but in their family it is a huge slight and would cause a fight. So we are inviting her but I am trying to get the line drawn at them and not their kids but we will see if that is a hill I will die on.

shilotony2012

Fis son's wedding invite was via FB. His mom is VERY tacky and really I cant stand her. But the whole wedding was a train wreck! They only reason they got married was because they werent allowed to live together and NOT be married or they wouldnt be able to assist with church things. His mom and step dad were teachers there( no teaching degree whatsoever), so she pretty much forced the wedding. Seriously, reception started at 3, people were leaving by 3:45!

Ihave used FB to get addresses though. I did send out paper invites and Im not doing online RSVPs at all, even on our wedding website.

 

StephJean83

snippet17 said:

I was invited to a baby shower that the mom-to-be was hosting herself via fb.  She invited every female on her fb friends list to the shower. I have not seen her in over 10 years and do not live in that town anymore. I don't think too many people went.

I had someone do that too. I haven't seen her in probably 10 years and when she added me on FB I had to ask someone who she was because the name was familiar but I couldn't place how I knew her.

jarednmegan

shilotony2012 said:

Fis son's wedding invite was via FB. His mom is VERY tacky and really I cant stand her. But the whole wedding was a train wreck! They only reason they got married was because they werent allowed to live together and NOT be married or they wouldnt be able to assist with church things. His mom and step dad were teachers there( no teaching degree whatsoever), so she pretty much forced the wedding. Seriously, reception started at 3, people were leaving by 3:45!

Ihave used FB to get addresses though. I did send out paper invites and Im not doing online RSVPs at all, even on our wedding website.

 

I don't see anything wrong with getting addresses via FB, as many times that's the only contact you might have with certain people. Inviting them via FB is my beef.

I will give people the option to RSVP online (I've set up an email address especially for RSVPs and my TK account) but they'll also be able to do it via snail mail.