What the what the WHAT? Miss Manners' column

lyndsay782

FI did do the over the top proposal (which shocked the heck out of me, considering he's a pretty private guy about the mushy stuff), and he picked a ring that was completely different than what I told him I wanted (he originally bought the one I wanted, hated it and picked out the one I have now in its place).  But like others have said, i would've been perfectly happy with him asking me during a commercial break, with no ring.

This bride is an ungrateful twitch.  

Peledreamsofrain

I feel like Miss Manners and I could be drinking buddies.

annathy03

Peledreamsofrain said:

I feel like Miss Manners and I could be drinking buddies.

I would love to have some wine with that lady.  And she's awesome, but does allow B-listing with the caveat B's cannot know they were B-listed, and I'd like to ask how the hell would anyone manage that.

manateehugger

snippet17 said:

I am not into the big production proposals. That bride-to-be is a bitch and her FI is better off without her.

I agree. I love the simple but sweet proposals stories. My FI asked me to be his girlfriend by asking me for a walk in the park and sitting me down on a park bench. 

He asked me to be his wife four years later by doing the exact same thing at the exact same bench.

The big fancy proposals just seem so insincere. It's more about the show than the couple. 

annathy03

PDKH said:

snippet17 said:

I am not into the big production proposals. That bride-to-be is a bitch and her FI is better off without her.

I agree. I love the simple but sweet proposals stories. My FI asked me to be his girlfriend by asking me for a walk in the park and sitting me down on a park bench. 

He asked me to be his wife four years later by doing the exact same thing at the exact same bench.

The big fancy proposals just seem so insincere. It's more about the show than the couple. 

Now now, I agree big proposals aren't necessary, but no need to call them insincere. As I said previously I would have loved my FI's proposal just as much if he'd done it on our couch, but the fancy thing was every bit as lovely. Plus I know it meant a lot to him to be able to plan a big romantic gesture, and I appreciated the effort as well!

NYCBruin

I don't think the big fancy proposals are a sign of insecurity, but I do think that women who demand them are insecure.  They clearly don't think what they have with their SO is enough.  If the proposal is more important than the person who is proposing to you, then you have no business getting married.

annathy03

I don't think the big fancy proposals are a sign of insecurity, but I do think that women who demand them are insecure.  They clearly don't think what they have with their SO is enough.  If the proposal is more important than the person who is proposing to you, then you have no business getting married.

I definitely agree.

manateehugger

annathy03 said:

PDKH said:

snippet17 said:

I am not into the big production proposals. That bride-to-be is a bitch and her FI is better off without her.

I agree. I love the simple but sweet proposals stories. My FI asked me to be his girlfriend by asking me for a walk in the park and sitting me down on a park bench. 

He asked me to be his wife four years later by doing the exact same thing at the exact same bench.

The big fancy proposals just seem so insincere. It's more about the show than the couple. 

Now now, I agree big proposals aren't necessary, but no need to call them insincere. As I said previously I would have loved my FI's proposal just as much if he'd done it on our couch, but the fancy thing was every bit as lovely. Plus I know it meant a lot to him to be able to plan a big romantic gesture, and I appreciated the effort as well!

Yeah, I'm sorry. I should have clarified. If your FI knows you'd love something elaborate and goes for it, that is still reflective of the couple. One of the best proposal stories I know includes a horse-drawn carriage, roses, and champagne. My friend's FI knew she thought the carriage scenes in movies were the most romantic thing ever. 

I was referring to women who expect something over-the-top. That I think is impersonal, because it's more about the proposal than the actual engagement. I told one friend my proposal story and she literally said "That's it?" Yes, that's it, because it was about us, not a big production. 

ETA: This same friend told me she thought my ring was on the small side and that I should demand an upgrade on our 5 year anniversary. Thanks? I feel sorry for her -currently nonexistent - fiance. 

ETA, again: @annathy03 - wanted to make sure you saw this - was totally not my intention to put down your proposal!

RebeccaB88

Amapola14 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

RebeccaB88 said:

If she doesn't want him, I'm available.  

ETA: omg this is a lot bigger than I thought..

Can I get a "that's what she said"? Eh?

As for the "lady" from the letter: No. Just no.

Seriously, she gives that  ring back and before she figures out how bad she's screwed up, another girl is going to come along and appreciate him for what he is and he will be long gone.  He sounds like a great guy and I'd love to meet him.  

The only reason ex-FI and I discussed rings was because I have metal allergies and needed to make sure I got something i could wear.  

Anastasia517

FFIL proposed to FMIL over the phone.  They had talked about "if we get married" the night before and he told her he was serious and asked, "So, do you want to?"  They then went out to look for a ring.  I should tell FMIL that FFIL owes her a better proposal now, after 28 years.

annathy03

Thanks PDKH, I didn't figure that was the intention, and I totally agree women who care more about the proposal or ring than what they symbolize need their heads examined

Kate61487

annathy03 said:

PDKH said:

snippet17 said:

I am not into the big production proposals. That bride-to-be is a bitch and her FI is better off without her.

I agree. I love the simple but sweet proposals stories. My FI asked me to be his girlfriend by asking me for a walk in the park and sitting me down on a park bench. 

He asked me to be his wife four years later by doing the exact same thing at the exact same bench.

The big fancy proposals just seem so insincere. It's more about the show than the couple. 

Now now, I agree big proposals aren't necessary, but no need to call them insincere. As I said previously I would have loved my FI's proposal just as much if he'd done it on our couch, but the fancy thing was every bit as lovely. Plus I know it meant a lot to him to be able to plan a big romantic gesture, and I appreciated the effort as well!

Glad you said this.  H did a fairly elaborate proposal - he got my favorite baseball player to write "Will you marry me" on a baseball at a signing.  It was pretty awesome - mostly b/c I was SO excited to meet my favorite player that I forgot I thought he was going to propose.  I would have said yes in a heartbeat regardless, but the fact that he put so much thought into it made it extra special.

ScrubGirl83

My FI basically looked at the calendar and said "well, how about August 3rd for the wedding?" and we went from there. I didn't even get my ring for 4 more months. And he gave it to me while we were lying in bed one morning. Granted, we had been together for over 4 years at that point and knew we were going to get married. Had discussed it at length actually. It was just a matter of waiting til we were financially stable. We were kids when we met (22) and now 5 years later we have gone through school together, starting at the bottom of our careers, illness, me gaining over 100lbs then having gastric bypass surgery and losing 130lbs, being broke as a joke and we still came out of the other side wanting to get married. I can't imagine that a proposal and a ring are more important to someone than the life with someone. That guy needs to get out fast. Way to go Miss Manners!

cmclaire

Totally team Miss Manners - this bride to be sounds hideous.  Someone affords you the huge honour of proposing to you and you ask for a re-do?  Oh hells naw!