Change of Heart

Jessa617

ksscherer said:

the dress is too big

This is not helping your argument

keochan

ksscherer said:

the dress is too big

She can either get it fitted or just feel good about herself the way it fits, it doesn't matter. You're prioritizing a dress over a the feeling of a living, breathing human being.

ksscherer

i have also tried to call, text, IM, to set up time for her to come out to see me or for me to go back and see her have lunch, dinner, watch a movie, just hang out, whatever...but i do not get responses from her and yes 

i know everyone has busy moments and times in their lives...and yes i know "the phone rings both ways."

BostonGIrl4732

Too big can mean a lot of things.  I like to wear comfortable clothing and I'm in between sizes right now.  So I round up.  I'd rather do that than be uncomfortable.  Can you describe just how big it is?  For example, it's three sizes too big, which makes the neckline plunge.  Or it's a size too big and is looser around the hips.  Either way, unless it's not staying on her body properly, I don't think it's really your call (you did give them leeway).

radleyboo

So now you want to end a friendship over a dress that could fit with $20 in alterations?  Is is about the dress or the relationship?   Your priorities are entirely screwed up.

If I was your bridesmaid, I'd tell you to pound sand.  

ksscherer

these feelings also started back before the dress thing came about

manateehugger

ksscherer said:

the dress is too big

Yeah, ok, you're totally being ridiculous. You wanted her to feel comfortable, but you're telling her she needs to wear a smaller dress? Do you see how backward that is?

Maggie0829

these feelings also started back before the dress thing came about

Backpeddling party of one!

She probably hasn't answered any of your calls or messages because she is probably pissed. Call her up, leave a voice mail, tell her you are sorry and that when she is ready to give you a call.

AJuliaNJ

Some people feel comfortable in looser clothes. Since it is not an issue of the dress being wildly inappropriate, I'd call her and apologize. She may be trying to hide an unflattering part of her body. You harassing her about it likely made her more uncomfortable, which is why you had the tense shopping trip. 

runpipparun

Oh my GAWD. I just read this. Please, please apologize. Let her wear what she wants. Don't make her buy something she does not want or like or feel good in. How cruel are you?

And also ask your sister in law. If this makes your BM/GM numbers uneven and you can't stand it, then seek professional help and learn to let go of the little things. This is ridiculous.

harper0813

How is "too big" a problem? That isn't a problem. She can put the dress on. Too small is a problem - but still not enough to kick out a BM and end a relationship.

Maybe she's pregnant. Whoops, am I stirring the pot?

Simply Fated

Your first post is ALL about the dress. Every reason you gave goes back to the dress. When posters pointed it out that this is silly because it's all over a dress, you jump in with, it's not the dress.

Face it, it's the dress. If it was any other reason besides the dress, then you would have mentioned one of those reasons in your original post.
I'm not saying there aren't other reasons you have. But they must not be as important, since you didn't even bother mentioning any of them in your original post.

The things is, regardless of what these other reasons are, you made it about the dress by only giving us reasons going back to that dress. Take the dress out of the equation. Now, what are your reasons?

AddieCake

What color do you intend to paint your nails for this wedding?

NYCBruin

Whatever your "reason" for wanting to kick her out of your wedding party, you should know it's a friendship-ending move.  I see two options:

1.  Take a step back and realize that having everything perfect on "your day" is not as important as the people in your life.  Reach out to your FRIEND and apologize for being so ridiculous over a freaking dress.  Make plans to do something unrelated to wedding planning and make an effort to rekindle the friendship.  She is first and foremost your friend; don't let her role in your wedding make you lose sight of that.

2. Kick out your bridesmaid.  Hire an actress to wear a dress that you like.  Your pictures will look the way you want.  I'm sure five years from now you'll smile at the awesome decision you made.  Because having that cute photo of your bridesmaids in their perfect dresses will mean so much more to you than your former friend.

NYCBruin

@tarradesign Eeek!  I'm so sorry to hear that!  I had always thought (hoped) those types of stories were just tired jokes used in romantic comedies and sitcoms.  Two months of lurking on TK has unfortunately taught me otherwise...

Dreamergirl8812

NYCMercedes said:

Don't say another word to her about her appearance. You told her you didn't like her in a dress, and dragged her on a time-wasting shopping trip, and made her model dresses for you. What a horrible day! No wonder it was uncomfortable! If she still wants to be in your wedding after you treated her like that, she is a kind and forgiving soul whose friendship you should treasure.

I'm going to have nightmares about this tonight.

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

Salsera29

Ditto PP's who said you need to apologize. She obviously bought a dress that she liked and you completely deflated her happiness about it. How would you feel if you bought a dress for someone's wedding and they said, "That looks like crap on you, you have to buy another dress." I feel so bad for your friend, her feelings are probably really hurt. Does this matter to you at all? 

Whether it's about the dress or about you growing apart, either way you just need to suck it up. You asked her to be a BM, she's a BM. Apologize, tell her to wear the dress if she wants, and never talk about it again. 

nextrightthing

MUD? 

misssunshine17

I can't believe some people are so shallow. Seriously. 

RebeccaB88

Call her up again, leave her the message that you want to take her to lunch (you pay) so you can apologize for making her feel like crap about a dumb dress, and that you love her and want to fix this.  She will either give you the chance to do it or tell you to go to hell.  Quite frankly, I'm not sure which one you deserve more.  

pesematology

Imagine I was your friend and I was like, be in my wedding! And you were like, ok I will take a bunch of time out of my life to be in your wedding!

And I was like, buy a dress that is x, y, and z! So you did.

Then I was like, your dress looks bad, buy another one while I supervise disapprovingly.

And you were like, ok I guess we can do that. But then you didn't find a dress you liked better.

And then I was like, well I don't like you that much anyway, bye!

Who would you think was being a jerk?

lyndausvi

I vote kick her out.   She doesn't need friends like you anyway.  She will be better off in the end.