Including his young sisters

BestFriendEver

The bride wants my little girl to be the flower girl in her wedding. I haven't told my daughter yet. She's a little younger than the groom's two sisters, who are 10 and almost 13.  Though I'm honored, I'm wondering how his sisters will feel about this. I know they are a close family.  My daughter has been in a couple of friend's weddings already, but I don't think they have ever had that honor.  I think the couple should have his younger sisters, instead, even if older than may be traditional for flower girls. I'm a friend and helping with the wedding, so I'm in on a lot of the talk; I don't think they have plans to include these girls in the wedding. It's sad because they are not only forming a new extended family, but these are his own sisters. I don't want to have my daughter's participation be a source of resentment for these sweet girls. Twenty years from now, I think it will be more important for the sisters to have been part of this wedding than for the bride to have had the perfect age flower girl.

allispain

The bride and groom have hopefully already talked about this - they may have a very good reason to ask your daughter instead of his sisters, and you simply don't know about it.

Personally, as a 13 year old, I wouldn't have wanted to be a flower girl. I would have felt that was a job for a little kid, not for someone my age. Maybe his sisters have already expressed something like this to them - heck, maybe they were even asked and turned it down.

BestFriendEver

Thanks for your comment. Though, I happen to know that they are eagerly waiting to hear if they are to be anything in the wedding. The reason given by the groom is that they are too old to be flower girls.

Jen4948

Maybe the groom's sisters will be his groomsmaids.  But if the bride and groom really want your daughter as a flower girl, and she's the right age for it, I don't know of any reason why she shouldn't be.

AddieCake

I have a suspicion that if you said no just b/c you were feeling that way, those other girls would not be flower girls, and your "no" would be pointless. They would most likely consider being a flower girl a baby job. If that's your only reason for hesitating, I would just let your daughter do it. 

MyNameIsNot

It really isn't your place to decide who should and should not be in the wedding party.  If they've chosen not to ask his sisters, that's their decision.  

If you don't want your daughter in the wedding, decline.  But don't do it because you think someone else should be asked.

BestFriendEver

So strange. I see many posts on here and other sites from brides who have had, or are having flower girls, etc, of any age, weight, or handicap in their weddings. Wonder why a couple of years should make a difference to anyone. The oldest flower girl I knew of was 25 years old, until I read from a happy bride saying she had two flower girls over fifty.

I wouldn't just say no to her about this, but I think I am going to bring it up in conversation. We'll see how it goes.

BestFriendEver

Here are three more examples I just saw:
HilA8706
My now 18 year old future sister in law is going to be my flower girl. My fiance said she's always wanted to be one, so I gave her the option of bridesmaid or flower girl, just in case she decided she might be "too old" for the role. She's delighted & very excited. No ring bearer for us though, since we have Claddagh rings. We just have to turn the rings around lol
Wednesday, July 29, 2009, 1:52:13 AM
· Reply
nicole%20t
my flower girls will be my two daughter and they are 10 and 12 and they are very exciting about the upcoming wedding.
Thursday, June 25, 2009, 8:05:25 PM
· Reply
S%26M2003
My flower girl is 12, my ring bearer is 15....they dont have a problem with it...
Wednesday, May 27, 2009, 4:15:55 PM
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misssunshine17

I don't know why this is your concern. 

I have cousins that are the ages of flower girls, but I'm asking family friends daughters. We have a closer relationship. 

AddieCake

OK, let me put it to you from another perspective. If you were my friend, and you presented me with "I think maybe your fiance's sisters might be hurt if they are not asked," I have to say I'd be a little insulted that you assumed we hadn't discussed it or talked to them or something regarding this. 

I just really feel you are overstepping your bounds here. Your thoughts and opinions should be about whether or not you want YOUR CHILD to do it, not what you think other children or the family might want. 

BestFriendEver

That's just it. The sisters are closer to them. It's me they are close with, not my daughter. The sisters want to be involved somewhere in the wedding. This will be my girl's third wedding--it won't matter much to her. She and the younger sister are good friends.

AJuliaNJ

BestFriendEver said:

That's just it. The sisters are closer to them. It's me they are close
with, not my daughter. The sisters want to be involved somewhere in the
wedding. This will be my girl's third wedding--it won't matter much to
her. She and the younger sister are good friends.

Does that mean your daughter is around 10 years old, the age of the groom's youngest sister?

STARMOON44

Mind your own business. If your daughter wants to participate, great, but it's not your place to be judging how they chose to include or not his sisters.

MyNameIsNot

BestFriendEver said:

So strange. I see many posts on here and other sites from brides who have had, or are having flower girls, etc, of any age, weight, or handicap in their weddings. Wonder why a couple of years should make a difference to anyone. The oldest flower girl I knew of was 25 years old, until I read from a happy bride saying she had two flower girls over fifty.

I wouldn't just say no to her about this, but I think I am going to bring it up in conversation. We'll see how it goes.

You are sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.  This isn't going to be well received.

It's none of your business why the sisters aren't in the wedding.  Your only concern here is whether or not your daughter will be flower girl.

One of the biggest problems couples deal with in wedding planning is meddling friends and relatives who thing everything about the wedding is their business.  You are proposing being that pest.  Don't do it.  

BestFriendEver

Well I think it all got solved much faster and easier than I imagined. Me and another friend and her grabbed lunch together today. We were, of course, talking about weddings. Somewhere along the way, other friend mentioned that she had all 8 of her husband's young nieces and nephews in her wedding. She didn't know any of them, before the wedding. The girls were 7-13. Three were flower girls and the older one was a Jr. maid, just walking down the isle with the older nephew with a bouquet. Since the btb appeared happily enlightened to the possibilities, I mentioned that I thought it was a great idea to include the guy's family. Privately, I told her that it was fine with me if she wanted to reconsider my daughter. She said that I was doing so much for them that she wanted to thank me by doing this. That's what I thought might be one of the reasons. I told her that my girl would be happy to be a flower girl (I didn't say, "for a third time"), or, since I hadn't told her yet, she could think about asking the sisters. She expressed relief and thanked me. She's gonna getback to me. Thanks for the help and support, but, I think this is going to work out for the best.

NOLAbridealmost

BestFriendEver said:

The bride wants my little girl to be the flower girl in her wedding. I haven't told my daughter yet. She's a little younger than the groom's two sisters, who are 10 and almost 13.  Though I'm honored, I'm wondering how his sisters will feel about this. I know they are a close family.  My daughter has been in a couple of friend's weddings already, but I don't think they have ever had that honor.  I think the couple should have his younger sisters, instead, even if older than may be traditional for flower girls. I'm a friend and helping with the wedding, so I'm in on a lot of the talk; I don't think they have plans to include these girls in the wedding. It's sad because they are not only forming a new extended family, but these are his own sisters. I don't want to have my daughter's participation be a source of resentment for these sweet girls. Twenty years from now, I think it will be more important for the sisters to have been part of this wedding than for the bride to have had the perfect age flower girl. 

BestFriendEver said:

Well I think it all got solved much faster and easier than I imagined. Me and another friend and her grabbed lunch together today. We were, of course, talking about weddings. Somewhere along the way, other friend mentioned that she had all 8 of her husband's young nieces and nephews in her wedding. She didn't know any of them, before the wedding. The girls were 7-13. Three were flower girls and the older one was a Jr. maid, just walking down the isle with the older nephew with a bouquet. Since the btb appeared happily enlightened to the possibilities, I mentioned that I thought it was a great idea to include the guy's family. Privately, I told her that it was fine with me if she wanted to reconsider my daughter. She said that I was doing so much for them that she wanted to thank me by doing this. That's what I thought might be one of the reasons. I told her that my girl would be happy to be a flower girl (I didn't say, "for a third time"), or, since I hadn't told her yet, she could think about asking the sisters. She expressed relief and thanked me. She's gonna getback to me. Thanks for the help and support, but, I think this is going to work out for the best. 

Glad it all worked out for you.  I still don't think you should have gotten involved, but hopefully your friend was genuinely relieved and didn't feel like she was being patronized.