FH Father is legit the BIGGEST POS I have ever met in my life!

PirateBarbie

I think the people hosting the wedding get the final say on where they want to make cuts on their guest list. If OP's fFIL is that awful, then I think her FI should have grown a pair and decided not to invite him but it seems that it was too late for that.

What I don't understand is that OP keeps going on about how the fFIL ***HID*** this woman from his son and how they have no relationship with her - she has admitted that the father and son barely have a relationship, and the father ***DID*** tell the son about his girlfriend in advance - it's not like he just showed up at the wedding with the woman. 

OP - did you consider that your fFIL didn't want to tell his son about the g/f until *he* considered it a serious relationship? how many g/f has he introduced to son in the past? i get that your fFIL may have been a crappy dad, but it doesn't sound like your FI is making much of an effort with his dad, either. 

Maybe your FI should consider inviting this woman for the sake of building a better relationship with his dad.

VarunaTT

What is it with the "full stop" BS?  That's annoying.

GBCK

VarunaTT said:

What is it with the "full stop" BS?  That's annoying.

I SAID GOOD DAY!

hmonkey

full stop = OR ELSE

KitCat13

Muppet has you read I wanted to see what it was like over here because things aren't so great over there I am entilted to come and look for support aren't I?

I tried to mend their relationship up until I saw first hand what it was like...  AGAIN you don't know the whole story. And it's one one I want to get into I was looking for support from woman planning a wedding which I already said I don't think this site is for me.... did I not.

And no he has never introduced a girl but if you are that serious with a woman that you are moving in with her... then before that you should consider telling your family.

And our invites are going out early because our wedding planner told us to send them out this early since we have a ton of guest from the west coast and the hotel rooms need to be booked a month prior to the wedding.... so no not lying. holy cats.

Thanks for the woman for the advice who can see where I am coming from!

KitCat13

I wasn't in any way shape or form tying to start any drama... I really was just looking at another board. Nothing wrong in that.  I thought because we all were planning a wedding that could come here and vent. NOT being a spoiled brat truly just to vent but sorry I can see that this isn't the place to do that.

End of discussion.  I know the answers and people will agree that we are doing what is right for us. Nothing wrong with doing something for us on our wedding day!

MuppetFan

Like I said, we can only go off the information you present us with the arguments you've posed (like not wanting her in your photos or not having met her before) are bad arguments. If your uncle gets a divorce, are you going to be upset that your ex aunt appeared in your photos? You're bent out of shape about the wrong things. You've mentioned FFIL's bad relationship, but again, FI was over that enough to invite him so those aren't really something to be factored into this. The only issue here is that you think it's rude that he wants to bring his girlfriend and it's not.

You can't come here and dictate how we will support you. We ARE supporting you by giving you our opinions. We're trying to help you be a good host, and also to support the relationship that's your FFIL and FI are trying to repair. You don't like what you are hearing so you're running off to call us bitches. 

You are going to do what you want, but we're not going to tell you it's okay if it's not. You're seriously emotional about something that you really need to step back and think about before you make a decision that's going to end the relationship between FFIL and FI.  This isn't about you...it's only about them.

Regarding sending out the early invites: Your STDs were to alert people of your wedding plans....not sure why that was her suggestion to send them out the invites so early.

MuppetFan

KitCat13 said:

I wasn't in any way shape or form tying to start any drama... I really was just looking at another board. Nothing wrong in that.  I thought because we all were planning a wedding that could come here and vent. NOT being a spoiled brat truly just to vent but sorry I can see that this isn't the place to do that.

End of discussion.  I know the answers and people will agree that we are doing what is right for us. Nothing wrong with doing something for us on our wedding day!

You've missed the boat. We welcome people from other boards, many of us frequent other boards. There's nothing wrong with that. Your first post topics are an interesting way to present yourself to a new community....but no one judged that, we gave you the feedback we'd give anyone else. Your responses and actions to run off and give an inaccurate report about us to others is definitely not going to give me at least warm fuzzies about you.

MuppetFan

hmonkey said:

full stop = OR ELSE

Yeah, or else you're being rude to your guests.

BubbsNBubbs

Bottom line...if it wasn't your FFIL....say it's a co-worker who we will call "Fred".  If you had invited Fred and then found out he was dating someone SIX MONTHS before your wedding and they were moving in together....would you extend the invite to her?

Heffalump

1.  I'm with the rest in not understanding why it's such a big effing deal that your FI doesn't know this person.  He doesn't have to fvck her, he just has to exchange a few pleasantries and move on.  Is that really so hard?

2.  If he's angry with his dad over other issues (and it sounds like he is), then deal with those and don't pretend he's getting the vapors because his dad wants to bring a date to the wedding.

3.  Who cares if she's in your wedding pictures?  There are several people in our pictures who are no longer dating/married to our friends and family, and we don't break down when we see them in our photos.  Sh!t happens.

angelicscars85

people can hate me for saying this and personally I don't care.   its your wedding invite whom you want  if you don'twant your  FFIL new lady there that is your right especially if  she was not  budgeted in.it is your day do what will make you happy

MuppetFan

angelicscars85 said:

people can hate me for saying this and personally I don't care.   its your wedding invite whom you want  if you don'twant your  FFIL new lady there that is your right especially if  she was not  budgeted in.it is your day do what will make you happy

No one is saying she can't do this. We're saying that she's being outrageous to do it and there will be serious consequences related to such an action.

It might make her feel good for the one day, but it will destroy the already damaged relationship FFIL has with FI. Great suggestion.

jlm9113

The "biggest POS I have ever met"?  Really?  That's just... melodramatic.

I'd imagine that there's lots of backstory here but, if that's the case, that's what you (meaning your FI, including you only when it comes to how you interact with this particular family situation) should be dealing with, separate from the wedding.

FFIL hasn't done anything wrong here.  You, however, will be doing something wrong if you don't invite his GF.

jlm9113

KitCat13 said:

There already have been a fallout, Joe has no desire to have a relationship wit his father for choices his father has made...

At the end of the day this HAS nothing to do with my decision it has everything to do with Joe... and I support his decision there is more then just his dad springing his new girlfriend on us... but this was the icing on the cake.  I will be a gracious host to people I know and people I have known about for more then 24 hours.

I don't understand how a son, who has been completely blinded sided and then told that this woman would be coming against a Joe asking his father to respect him is being rude... it's rude to assume it's fine to bring a tag me long.  It's not fare to us.

And you're right the decision has been made and I will stand by Joe and his feelings...end of story... if that means that his father will choose his new fling then shame on him... he already bailed on his high school graduation for a school college graduation and now he is choosing not to come because his son asked for a simple request...

There is nothing wrong with Joe wanting something, and his father should respect him and his decision.

First bold: then why in the world did you invite FFIL to begin with?

Second bold: you're expecting FFIL to respect your FI and "his decision."  If that's the case, then you need to respect FFIL and his decision to want to bring his GF.  Especially when his "decision" is valid and yours is based on being rude.