Feeling disgusted, just need to let it out...

lyndausvi

Poor sister can't win.  It seems like aborting the child was the responsible choice considering her history with children.    I'm not going to defend past child abuse, but if she is on the right track one should be encouraging her not knocking her down.

misssunshine17

How is it that people forget all the pertinet info in the OP, then get mad when you don't validate their feelings? 

Seriously, Sierra, I would stop trying to justify yourself. You. are. wrong. 

southernbelle0915

sierraberry32 said:

I am going to say something to you all... My sister never deserved to have children. My nephews death was from irresponsible parenting, they neglected him. He had one lung fail on him, and the other was infected with pneumonia. They knew he was sick, but they never helped him. The night he died they had left him in his crib for 17 hours without checking on him. He had been dead for so long he was stiff...  My oldest nephew was tortured by only being fed water and bread for weeks at a time. My niece never received such harsh "punishments" because she was "the cute one" and yes my sister said that... I don't judge my sister by her abortion, I judge her for her careless personality.

I think the legal system is a better place to "just let it out" than on the Chit Chat board of TK. And for the welfare of your niece and nephew, start documenting your conversations and anything else with her. If you're not taking any action other than scolding her for aborting/naming a fetus at "family meetings" then that's what disgusts me about this. 

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

sierraberry32

So you are all saying I should support a child abuser? 

sierraberry32

LingerLonger1 said:

sierraberry32 said:

So you are all saying I should support a child abuser? 

Not one person here said this but if that's going to be your takeaway from this thread have at it.

I'm guessing your reading skills are a bit low... Have you not seen all the posts about how I should "support her"? 

sierraberry32

LingerLonger1 said:

sierraberry32 said:

LingerLonger1 said:

sierraberry32 said:

So you are all saying I should support a child abuser? 

Not one person here said this but if that's going to be your takeaway from this thread have at it.

I'm guessing your reading skills are a bit low... Have you not seen all the posts about how I should "support her"? 

My reading skills are not the ones that should be in question here.....

LingerLonger1 said:

sierraberry32 said:

LingerLonger1 said:

sierraberry32 said:

So you are all saying I should support a child abuser? 

Not one person here said this but if that's going to be your takeaway from this thread have at it.

I'm guessing your reading skills are a bit low... Have you not seen all the posts about how I should "support her"? 

My reading skills are not the ones that should be in question here.....

Oh you're right. It's your quick judgment and crappy logic that should be questioned. 

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

AllieBear725

At first I was seeing why the fact your sister calling her fetus a name was odd behavior and she should seek therapy, but THEN I read your accusations about your sister being a child abuser and my mind has changed. If that is true, where were you? You let her keep her kids without fighting for them? I'm sorry, but what the fuck? If I had a sister and knew that was going on, I would have SWAT there to get the children away from her. Your story isn't adding up at all.

winelover123

People are saying your sister needs professional help. After the info about child abuse - which you left out of your OP - people are saying CPS needs to get involved. If you're definition of support includes aiding your sister in getting help and involving the authorities, then yes, you need to support your sister rather than judge her for getting an abortion.

lyndausvi

sierraberry32 said:

So you are all saying I should support a child abuser? 

Yet you wonder why your sister feels like a black sheep and didn't tell you she was pregnant?

You don't have to support a child abuser.  But you can't expect her to be forth coming and think you can have some sort of a relationship with her and her kids if you don't.  

QueerFemme

yes, Sierra. I think you should support a child abuser. Actually, I think you should help her out.  Hold those damn kid's arms so she can beat the hell out of them so they can't defend themselves at all.  <insert sarcastic eyeroll here>

For real though.  You and your parents sound like judgmental jerks.  I'm not discounting the fact that your sister needs help.  I have no idea if her lack of proper parenting contributed to HER child's death.  And guess what, neither do you.  You weren't there and you didn't witness any of this.  But, unless it was proven that she killed her son, and/or she is incarcerated for her actions, you need to figure out a way to let that shit go, or make a decision not to have further contact with your sister.

Your first post made you sound like you were allllllll sad that your sister distanced herself from the family and you wished she would have come to the family for support before having an abortion.  And by the next day you are basically calling her a murderer and child abuser.  

I'm honestly not sure how you can't see your contradictions, and how your behavior and attitude would make your sister want to give you the middle finger and bounce.

Sierra524

I really don't even understand why you posted this. It's so rude of you to post information about your sister like that on the Internet. What if she read this?! What if this was your life and someone posted about you? If you really have such issues with the way your sister treats her children, you should be telling CPS, not us.

For you to say that she doesn't deserve children is so beyond fucked up that I cannot even believe you actually said it. Who the fuck are you to decide that someone doesn't DESERVE to have children?!

Your really should be trying to help her instead of judging her and telling a whole Internet community about her choice to have an abortion.

lyndausvi

sierraberry32 said:

Some back story for you: My sister has three kids, a boy (he's 9 now) girl (she's 5) and another boy, he passed away 3 years ago. Following my youngest nephews death, there was a huge custody battle over where the surviving two children should go, and after a year and half of court meetings they finally went back to my sister. Right after my sister was given custody of her kids, and after her

Some

 6 month CPS probation was over with, she moved 5 hours away from where she used to live. 

 Who wants to bet the parents are the one who fought for 1.5 years for custody?  I'm not saying it's not justified, but the courts return the kids to her.  She continued with CPS for another 6 months without issue. 

The courts seemed to think she deserved another chance, to bad you can't?  It's no wonder she moved away.

You have 2 choices,   

(1)Learn to forgive you sister for making mistakes, support her efforts in becoming a better parent so you can become close to her and her family again.

(2) Don't and risk not being apart of your sister or her children's lives

Somehow you want option 3 - which is don't forgive her, continue to judge her past actions but want to be close to her kids.    Sorry, but that one is pretty unrealistic. 

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

TKzilla

I'd like to reach through the computer and shake you really REALLY hard.

Stop fretting over your sister's abortion. Stop fretting over the fact that she named the baby she aborted. Even women who choose to terminate their pregnancy have the right to grieve. You and your family have no right to be angry with her for this. She is mourning the loss of two children right now.

What is truly atrocious here is the idea that you suspect she neglected her son and abused (and/or still abuses) her two remaining living children... and you chose The Knot to talk about it. Your first stop should've been Child Protective Services or the police. Your second stop should've been a goddamn psychiatrist.

The fact that you and your family ganged up on your sister - who by the way is NOT a murderer, even if that's what YOU think happened - is despicable and you should all be ashamed of yourselves. Do us all a favor and get some help for yourself.

keochan

If the courts didn't think the child's death was purposeful, then you need to drop it. Do you have any idea how easily a baby can die without any outward signs of illness other than a sniffle or two? I can't tell you how many stories my mom has told me about parents rushing their babies in and its too late because they just thought he/she had a cold. The judgement being placed on your sister is insane, its no wonder she doesn't talk to you all. I frankly don't believe that your sister tortured her other son, I think you're backpedaling because you don't like what we had to say. If she did though, shame on you for not calling CPS IMMEDIATELY. That you would knowingly let someone abuse their child disgusts me beyond belief.

Your sister should seek counseling, an abortion can be very difficult on a woman, especially when she has no support system and on top of her grieving her other son.

happyfor25

This situation makes me really sad.  I am horrified by so many things OP has said.  Please either help your sister find counseling or stay out of her life.  This is beyond the scope of The Knot and truly, truly sad.

s-aries8990

For the record, I almost died as a baby. My body forgot to breathe - I was diagnosed with Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). It can happen. It does happen. Are the circumstances suspicious? Maybe. Does it define her as a bad mother? No.

And I think you're  looking at "support" through the wrong lens. No one said "Help her abuse her kids," the gist of what was said is "Show her love, compassion, and help her though a major rough patch in her life." Does she need a babysitter while she's at work? Does she need a friend to talk to? A shoulder to cry on? Does she need advice on how to handle a situation? Does she need help moving? Painting? Rearranging furniture? Does she need help cleaning? Does she need a tutor for her kids?  - You don't need to necessarily go above and beyond to the point of hurting your own life, but be there to offer help if you know she really needs it.

She came to her family to start a dialogue, so she might have realized that she needs help. If you don't want to help her, don't, but don't go out of your way to make her life worse. That makes you one of the worst kinds of people.

Now I know I've come on here with my own ill formed opinions, but take this thread as a way to enlighten yourself. You CAN change who you are. I believe in that, but you have to start looking at life and others peoples decisions differently. There are a hundred million reasons why everyone could have made the decisions they did, not just one.

Please re-read this thread in a few days after reflecting on this situation.

CarolinaHeart

sierraberry32 said:

So you are all saying I should support a child abuser? 

@sierraberry32

No one said this. I've read the thread and no. one. said. this.  They said you should support your sister and they do not really believe she is a child abuser.

Something here is not right. I smell something fishy.

This entire post is ludicrous to me.

Nearly everything you have said had contradicted itself, the story is criss-crossing all over the place and you are constantly back pedaling. It's as if you think maybe if you add something worse every time you post everyone will come around and agree with you.

If everything you have said is true though, then SHAME ON YOU.  How are you able to live with yourself "knowing" your sister is abusing your niece and nephew without doing everything in your power to help them? You knew your nephew was being fed only bread and water? Did you call CPS? And don't say yes. I won't believe you. I was taken from my parents for less.

So, I am done (and I feel like a lot of other posters are) with "she tortures her children" and "she murdered her son" because I do NOT believe that this is the truth.

My heart is BREAKING for these poor babies.

suzyk723

People cope with things differently. Maybe thinking like this and using these terms are her way of coping. She may just need people to love her right now.

lyndsay782

"I hate that you say "We lost a baby". No. Your family did lose a loved one, but don't use language that implies you or your parents were the ones who lost a child. You didn't. And to think that you have the right to act like she took something away from you twice makes my head want to explode.

The only thing I agree with is that your sister probably could use therapy. I know if I had to live the life she has lived with family like this I would have drowned in the bottle a long time ago. "

I was hoping someone else was gonna touch on this. Back in college I took a Marriage and Family class and learned about the usual family unit that undergoes counseling.  There is always the "Black Sheep" which is called the "Indentified Problem" or IP.  I explain this because it seems that your family uses your sister as the IP of several underlying problems.  With your parents offering to adopt any "unintended" children, they are contributing, enabling her mind set.  I'm not doubting that she may have issues, but I am saying that usually the IP isn't the only one.  Take a long hard look from an outsiders' perspective.  Perhaps your parent's constant pressure and the judgemental behavior you are showing pushes her away.  If you are all really that concerned for the children, fight to have custody of the ones she has. 

I think that even though you are all adults, family counselling is needed to heal all of you. 

And seriously OP, stop saying "We lost a baby". You may have loved your nephew more than anything, but he wasn't your baby. Maybe that pain was truly too hard for her to grow through a full term pregnancy again. 

Viczaesar

sierraberry32 said:

I am going to say something to you all... My sister never deserved to have children. My nephews death was from irresponsible parenting, they neglected him. He had one lung fail on him, and the other was infected with pneumonia. They knew he was sick, but they never helped him. The night he died they had left him in his crib for 17 hours without checking on him. He had been dead for so long he was stiff...  My oldest nephew was tortured by only being fed water and bread for weeks at a time. My niece never received such harsh "punishments" because she was "the cute one" and yes my sister said that... I don't judge my sister by her abortion, I judge her for her careless personality.

It sounds like she made the right choice not to have another child.  Has anybody ever reported them to CPS?

lyndsay782

LingerLonger1 I wasn't trying to diagnose her.  I'm not a medical professional by any means. I was just suggesting that her family may push all the problems onto the OP's sister to avoid their own issues, and that all involved needed therapy.  

I am sorry that you interpreted my comments in such a way.  

MyNameIsNot

Am I the only one wondering if this whole thing is MUD?  

Who talks about child abuse and murder on a wedding message board?  

RamonaFlowers

MyNameIsNot said:

Am I the only one wondering if this whole thing is MUD?  

Who talks about child abuse and murder on a wedding message board?  

I get this feeling that Sierra is just one of those people that has a hard on for drama. Most of the threads she starts are all about how something that's not even that big of a deal (Or sometimes not really even about her) is "ZOMG, this completely horrible offense committed against me" topped off with a generous amount of "how could somebody say/do this to me, when I've never done anything wrong in my entire life?"

If I remember correctly, she's not even 20 yet ... so decent chance that somebody probably still hasn't quite gotten over high school.