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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Emmy226
member
Is there a way to politely uninvite someone to be a bridesmaid?
After my fiance popped the question, I asked one of my close friends if she would be my maid of honor. Sadly, she and I are now not getting along. She constantly stands me up when we have plans together (all completely un-wedding related) and has been very ugly to me when I call her on it. My fiance was actually the one that suggested that I not use her in the wedding because he is concerned that she will no-show on our big day and upset me. I feel horrible asking her to not be part of the wedding party, but I don't know what else to do. Any advice?
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Re: Is there a way to politely uninvite someone to be a bridesmaid?
NO NO NO
Unasking a MOH is a friendship ending move. Are you okay with ending the friendship?
Have you talked to her about why you both arent communicating well?
You don't "use" people in your wedding, you include them. She is standing up for you as your friend to show she supports your marriage, she isn't just a prop.
That aside, no, there is no polite way. You need to decide if her recent behavior is enough to want to never be friends with her again, because you can pretty much guarantee that's what will happen if you un-ask her.
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Any chance she had/has something going on in her life and you missed it? Do you talk about your wedding too much and not ask her things about her life? Have you asked/demanded that she do tasks for the wedding? I ask because it's fairly uncommon for a friend good enough to be your MOH to just disappear from your life unless she has good reason.
I feel like there's something missing here.
Take a second and sitch positions with her. How would you feel if you were her MOH and she told you that you were no longer invited to be in the WP? Would you be hurt, sad, upset? Most likely yes. Even if she said it in the nicest and most polite way possible it would still feel like a slap in the face.
So, the answer to your question is that ther is no polite way to fire a BM or MOH.
As for your friends behavior, was she always a bit flaky? If so, you can't expect her to change now that you have included her in your wedding. And when you "call her out" on standing you up are you somewhat nice about it or are you "Where the fuck were you?" Because if it is the latter I would probably get defensive and ugly as well.
FWIW, my MOH didn't even begin to mention the word "wedding" or show any interest in the day until about 2-2.5 months out.
I still think if it's out of character for her to ditch out on plans, that something else is going on here. Are you SURE you didn't miss her birthday or something?
If she's a good enough friend to be your MOH, just be an adult and talk to her, in person or over the phone. Tell her you miss her, you want to catch up and make plans to see each other and talk.
It difficult - at my first dress fitting one of my best friends came w/ me, I didn't ask her to be in the WP but her D is my flower girl, and out of the blue she asked if she had done anything wrote. And I told her no, that I chose a really stupid WP and that in retrospect thinking that she would be too busy to be in the WP was very dumb on my part. we cleared the air in 2 minutes, after it was bothering her for 6 months. She just had to put her big girls shoes on and ask me directly what was up. And now, we are even closer.
1.) Are you gaining weight?
2.) Shouldn't you handle your finances better?
3.) You think your children are cute?
4.) Would you mind leaving the bridal party?
Give her space and time. Especially after writing a letter - letters usually come off as passive-aggressive.
Honest question: what "bitchy" post didn't precisely answer the question you asked? There IS no polite way to uninvite someone to be a bridesmaid.....are you actually surprised by this?
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