Drink coupons? What the?

NYCMercedes

Whoa, @vbjess! I'm sensing a very narrow and entitled point of view. Most brides on TK are paying for their own wedding. Most members of TK do not try to babysit their friends and make judgment calls for them. Your guests are adults who do not need their liquor controlled by other adults. If you think people are going to imbibe too much, provide a bus or have taxis on call. Additionally providing alcohol for only a few guests tells the others that they are not valued or honored. Is only your WP toasting you? Why would you provide only them with champagne? I'd say, "Where's mine?" And feel totally dissed. Oh, and btw, your guests are there to be honored and thanked by you. Yes, they celebrate you, but there's no reason to treat them like your subjects! Your plan is incredibly rude!

crunchymamaof2

@vbjess 1) you don't get to decide how much people drink or if they drink too much. If you're that worried about people getting too drunk don't offer alcohol or only put a couple of bottles of wine per table. Once they're gone, they're gone. 2) Having alcohol; hosted during the cocktail hour then cash after that is just as rude, if not worse. Trust me, that's what we were going to do until the knotties set me straight. Whatever you host it needs to be the same throughout the night. 3) No guest should be treated differently. Frankly I find letting the wedding party drink for free is the worst thing you are doing. Why are they better than the rest of your guests? Because that is exactly what you're saying. 4) I'm so sick of this "we're paying so we can't have all the fancy schmancy stuff you privileged people have". Why does having parents paying= fancy wedding? Even if my family offered to pay our budget wouldn't be dramatically different since we're not rich. It doesn't matter who's paying. You host properly. If you can't afford to host properly you either find a new venue, cut costs elsewhere (who remembers centerpieces?) or cut the guest list if STDs/Invites haven't gone out.

Not that hard of a concept.

happyfor25

@vbjess, you've already contradicted your own logic by the fact that your WP will have unlimited drinks available yet you are concerned about the guest over-imbibing.  Surely you are not LESS concerned for the safety and well-being of your closest friends than you are for the other guests.  Or perhaps your WP is oh-so-much more able to control their alcohol intake?

It has absolutely nothing to do with privilege.  You said that your dad will be paying for the reception, so that is already more help than many of the brides here.  I think the truth of the matter is that since your dad won't foot the bill for alcohol, you don't want to spend YOUR money on it.  I think (and I'm sure at least some of your guests will too) that you would rather spend YOUR money on a fancy dress, fancy decor, top notch photography rather than spending it to properly host your guests.  No EXCUSES justify treating your guest poorly.

NYCBruin

vbjess said:I wouldn't go so far as to call drink tickets "incredibly rude." Some brides and grooms have to pay for the whole wedding themselves. If you've got a fair number of friends who are on the lush side and you need to keep costs down, I don't think drink tickets are all that bad. Tacky, yes. But, I wouldn't go so far as to call it "rude." Additionally, some venues may have a limited liquor license, and they might not be able to serve unlimited amount of liquor. Your privilege, ladies, is showing.

We're lucky enough to have my father financing a lot of our wedding. However, he does not drink alcohol- at all. He's generously offered to pay for a hosted cocktail hour with a very limited selection of drinks (margaritas, beer, and non-alcoholic drinks), and a glass of champagne for the wedding party for toasting, with a cash bar for the rest. We were able to negotiate very good prices on the cash bar - $3 for a top-shelf drink. We're basically getting drinks at cost.

Given that my active-duty fiance's friends are primarily active-duty military and love to 'celebrate', we're anticipating they're going to drink a lot. Our reception venue is pretty remote (think unlit back, winding roads), and we don't want any accidents. We're also hiring a cab for the night to help prevent drunk driving. As much as we love our friends, we know that they don't always have the best judgement.

My fiance and I have decided that it's important to us that our wedding party is able to drink whatever and however much they want, so we've asked our reception venue to keep a tab open for anyone wearing a corsage, along with a glass of champagne for the rest of our guests. We are still deciding whether to pay for a glass of wine with dinner or not, as we've got a lot of other expenses right now. 

So, there are ways to compromise on preventing people from drinking too much, and compromising on costs. But I still wouldn't go so far as to call tickets "rude." You're attending a wedding to celebrate the union of two people who love each other and want to build a life together, NOT to drink and be entertained for free.

Are you only providing alcohol to your WP because they are the only people at your wedding who you aren't worried about drinking too much or because they are the only guests you care enough about to properly host?  I'm not sure which is more offensive because both justifications are appalling to me.

You can properly host a wedding on any budget.  The ladies on here are a great resource and can help you come up with ideas to keep you within budget while still properly hosting.  

PS-It's ironic that you just accused a huge group of women you don't know as being "privileged," and then a sentence later discussed how your father is paying for a large portion of your wedding.  That's a privilege many on this board did not have.  And they still managed to properly host their guests.

hacked

This has been very interesting.  When I posted this, I had not heard of drink coupons, but I have had a lot of other experiences at weddings that are actually much worse.  A few years ago, we were at a wedding, and it seems the hosts had given the venue a credit card for their open bar.  I had a mixed drink, and later, when my husband went to get a drink, his first, he was told that the "host had exceeded their credit card limit" and that they could no longer provide drinks until the hosts provided another card with additional funds.  I hope they had a serious conversation with the venue.  At another wedding, I went to get a drink for an elderly person sitting at our table, about 1/2 hour after getting a drink for myself.  A little later, I got another drink for a friend, since I would be passing the bar after going to the ladies room.  At this point, the bartender said they had been told by the hosts that they could not serve more than three drinks at any one person, and that I had now reached my three drink limit.

My husband is a plastic surgeon, and has spent his entire medical career correcting cleft palates on small children.  For the first 20 years, most were done in foreign countries, but after contracting a serious disease in another country, he began doing surgery in the US at a hospital that did not charge families for their child's care.  So, since he has given many young people a new smile, we are invited to the weddings of many of his past patients.  We don't know many of these families well ( I know hardly any of them), but to them, my husband was an important figure in their lives.  We have gone to elegant, fancy, black tie weddings, and weddings in parks, social halls and back yards.  All have been touching, since they have a special, confident glow made possible by having a disfiguring defect corrected.  I see families with almost no money put on touching weddings with no alcohol, many hand-made touches, etc.  The wedding I mentioned in my OP was a wedding of our good friends who are very well off, but after going to their wedding, I realized (hind site is so clear) that they are not quick to see that their guests are comfortable and well fed.  They would just rather not spend their money of things like drinks.  They focused their efforts on things like wardrobe- three dress changes for the bride, and 2 for the wedding party, which the hosts paid for- and a really expensive cake topper and huge centerpieces, but the food menu was limited, they used drink coupons, and they did not cut or serve the wedding cake, so there was no dessert.  

A wedding can say "we are so glad you are here and we want to show you how much we love and honor you" and they do it on $5,000, or they can say "we want you to see the production we are putting on for ourselves, and please watch and admire, but don't touch anything" and they do it with a $50,000 budget.  I would rather go to the wedding where the dessert was an array of pies made by the bride's grandmother then one with a flaming creme brulee with fresh raspberries brought in by waiters in tuxes and white gloves...

efmcc67

hacked said:

This has been very interesting.  When I posted this, I had not heard of drink coupons, but I have had a lot of other experiences at weddings that are actually much worse.  A few years ago, we were at a wedding, and it seems the hosts had given the venue a credit card for their open bar.  I had a mixed drink, and later, when my husband went to get a drink, his first, he was told that the "host had exceeded their credit card limit" and that they could no longer provide drinks until the hosts provided another card with additional funds.  I hope they had a serious conversation with the venue.  At another wedding, I went to get a drink for an elderly person sitting at our table, about 1/2 hour after getting a drink for myself.  A little later, I got another drink for a friend, since I would be passing the bar after going to the ladies room.  At this point, the bartender said they had been told by the hosts that they could not serve more than three drinks at any one person, and that I had now reached my three drink limit.

My husband is a plastic surgeon, and has spent his entire medical career correcting cleft palates on small children.  For the first 20 years, most were done in foreign countries, but after contracting a serious disease in another country, he began doing surgery in the US at a hospital that did not charge families for their child's care.  So, since he has given many young people a new smile, we are invited to the weddings of many of his past patients.  We don't know many of these families well ( I know hardly any of them), but to them, my husband was an important figure in their lives.  We have gone to elegant, fancy, black tie weddings, and weddings in parks, social halls and back yards.  All have been touching, since they have a special, confident glow made possible by having a disfiguring defect corrected.  I see families with almost no money put on touching weddings with no alcohol, many hand-made touches, etc.  The wedding I mentioned in my OP was a wedding of our good friends who are very well off, but after going to their wedding, I realized (hind site is so clear) that they are not quick to see that their guests are comfortable and well fed.  They would just rather not spend their money of things like drinks.  They focused their efforts on things like wardrobe- three dress changes for the bride, and 2 for the wedding party, which the hosts paid for- and a really expensive cake topper and huge centerpieces, but the food menu was limited, they used drink coupons, and they did not cut or serve the wedding cake, so there was no dessert.  

A wedding can say "we are so glad you are here and we want to show you how much we love and honor you" and they do it on $5,000, or they can say "we want you to see the production we are putting on for ourselves, and please watch and admire, but don't touch anything" and they do it with a $50,000 budget.  I would rather go to the wedding where the dessert was an array of pies made by the bride's grandmother then one with a flaming creme brulee with fresh raspberries brought in by waiters in tuxes and white gloves...

Very well put! 

manateehugger

vbjess said:

I wouldn't go so far as to call drink tickets "incredibly rude." Some brides and grooms have to pay for the whole wedding themselves. If you've got a fair number of friends who are on the lush side and you need to keep costs down, I don't think drink tickets are all that bad. Tacky, yes. But, I wouldn't go so far as to call it "rude." Additionally, some venues may have a limited liquor license, and they might not be able to serve unlimited amount of liquor. Your privilege, ladies, is showing.

We're lucky enough to have my father financing a lot of our wedding. However, he does not drink alcohol- at all. He's generously offered to pay for a hosted cocktail hour with a very limited selection of drinks (margaritas, beer, and non-alcoholic drinks), and a glass of champagne for the wedding party for toasting, with a cash bar for the rest. We were able to negotiate very good prices on the cash bar - $3 for a top-shelf drink. We're basically getting drinks at cost.

Given that my active-duty fiance's friends are primarily active-duty military and love to 'celebrate', we're anticipating they're going to drink a lot. Our reception venue is pretty remote (think unlit back, winding roads), and we don't want any accidents. We're also hiring a cab for the night to help prevent drunk driving. As much as we love our friends, we know that they don't always have the best judgement.

My fiance and I have decided that it's important to us that our wedding party is able to drink whatever and however much they want, so we've asked our reception venue to keep a tab open for anyone wearing a corsage, along with a glass of champagne for the rest of our guests. We are still deciding whether to pay for a glass of wine with dinner or not, as we've got a lot of other expenses right now. 

So, there are ways to compromise on preventing people from drinking too much, and compromising on costs. But I still wouldn't go so far as to call tickets "rude." You're attending a wedding to celebrate the union of two people who love each other and want to build a life together, NOT to drink and be entertained for free.

Ahh nothing like babysitting guests and tiering their alcohol importance to make everyone happy to share in your day.

I also dislike your insinuation that active duty military personnel are irresponsible drinkers. They are individual human beings just like everyone else. And they can lose their jobs/clearances in a heartbeat if they screw up -trust me, they know this. They don't need your inappropriate limiting of alcohol.

LuckyAloha

PDKH said:

I wouldn't go so far as to call drink tickets "incredibly rude." Some brides and grooms have to pay for the whole wedding themselves. If you've got a fair number of friends who are on the lush side and you need to keep costs down, I don't think drink tickets are all that bad. Tacky, yes. But, I wouldn't go so far as to call it "rude." Additionally, some venues may have a limited liquor license, and they might not be able to serve unlimited amount of liquor. Your privilege, ladies, is showing.

We're lucky enough to have my father financing a lot of our wedding. However, he does not drink alcohol- at all. He's generously offered to pay for a hosted cocktail hour with a very limited selection of drinks (margaritas, beer, and non-alcoholic drinks), and a glass of champagne for the wedding party for toasting, with a cash bar for the rest. We were able to negotiate very good prices on the cash bar - $3 for a top-shelf drink. We're basically getting drinks at cost.

Given that my active-duty fiance's friends are primarily active-duty military and love to 'celebrate', we're anticipating they're going to drink a lot. Our reception venue is pretty remote (think unlit back, winding roads), and we don't want any accidents. We're also hiring a cab for the night to help prevent drunk driving. As much as we love our friends, we know that they don't always have the best judgement.

My fiance and I have decided that it's important to us that our wedding party is able to drink whatever and however much they want, so we've asked our reception venue to keep a tab open for anyone wearing a corsage, along with a glass of champagne for the rest of our guests. We are still deciding whether to pay for a glass of wine with dinner or not, as we've got a lot of other expenses right now. 

So, there are ways to compromise on preventing people from drinking too much, and compromising on costs. But I still wouldn't go so far as to call tickets "rude." You're attending a wedding to celebrate the union of two people who love each other and want to build a life together, NOT to drink and be entertained for free.

Ahh nothing like babysitting guests and tiering their alcohol importance to make everyone happy to share in your day. I also dislike your insinuation that active duty military personnel are irresponsible drinkers. They are individual human beings just like everyone else. And they can lose their jobs/clearances in a heartbeat if they screw up -trust me, they know this. They don't need your inappropriate limiting of alcohol.

That's the part that bothered me as well.