FMIL wearing ivory

rgronke

I wasn't going to say anything but I can't not. Ugh she's wearing ivory and I'm wearing white. She is totally clueless as to why that's not good and my mom says I can't say anything. I
Mentioned to her one night that ivory against white might look dirty but nope she's sticking with Ivory. HELP!

BMoreBride6

it's not a big deal...let her wear what she's comfortable in.  Unless you feel STRONGLY that she is somehow doing this to spite your or something, leave it alone.  She probably just found a dress that she felt pretty in and didn't think about the color.  My FMIL is wearing a very light champagne dress...mine is a light gold/ivory.  You will still be beautiful and no one will confuse your FMIL for the bride.  

Blue_Bird

I think you should let it go, unless you want to be seen as Miss Ivy here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pdDs4bir_I

heathertims

^ agreed. Unless you think shes doing it to be a pain, leave it be. It's a big day for her too, she probably feels great in the dress. Ivory or not, I dont think its fair to tell someone what they can wear.

rgronke

Omg those girls are crazy. No I would never do that but it's just frustrating.

BMoreBride6

I can understand you're frustrated...and by all means feel free to through your own (private) fit (I'm not even being snarky), but again, unless you think it was something premeditated to someone hurt you, let it go...it will be the last thing on your mind on your big day.  No one will question which on is the bride and you will be stunning 

southernbelle0915

Your mom is dead on. Don't say anything - focus your energy elsewhere. Honestly, everyone is going to judge her for being the mother who donned white (or any rendition thereof) in their child's wedding. You can definitely vent because its annoying and you can definitely secretly relish when you see people shake their heads and whisper when the look at her... But you cannot say anything.

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

annathy03

Agree with PPs. It isn't worth the drama, there is NO tactful way to bring it up, and since everyone knows it is inappropriate to wear white/ivory to a wedding when you aren't the bride, it's not you who will be side-eyed. And since you've already mentioned it in passing in case she really was just that clueless, there is nothing left to be done- well, except to have a glass of wine.

QueerFemme

There isn't any tactful way to say it.    I totally feel you on this one, and I would WANT to say something, but you just can't.  If she asks your opinion, you can tell her honestly that you have always heard that the bride is supposed to be the only one in white/ivory, but other than that, keep your mouth closed.

Anastasia517

I can understand why you are frustrated by this, but there isn't anything you can do unless you want to be rude.  You've already tried to steer her away from it against your mother's advice and she didn't listen.  Clearly she loves the dress she has chosen, and that's what should really matter.  I promise, you'll still be the one everyone pays attention to.

AddieCake

My stepmother wore the long, ivory, sparkly dress she married my father in a few months before to my wedding. It didn't affect my wedding day at all. Just stop worrying about it. 

wittykitty14

Try not to worry about it, OP.  This would bug the crap out of me too.  But your mom is right, you just have to grin and bear it.  On the wedding day, you'll be so wrapped up in the excitement that you won't really notice, or care.  She'll look silly, but it's not going to take away anything from you.  It'll be ok!

TKzilla

NYUgirl100 said:

Addie, that your dad didn't say anything to SM to stop that speaks volumes. 

OP, everyone else will view FMIL as a self-centered egotist.   Likely even her own family.  In any future squabbles, she will have lost support.  IMHO. 

Why would her dad say anything?

AddieCake

NYUgirl100 said:

Addie, that your dad didn't say anything to SM to stop that speaks volumes. 

Excuse me? Speaks volumes about what, exactly?  My dad didn't say anything b/c he, frankly, also didn't see it as a big deal. She was excited to be able to have another place to wear the expensive dress to, and she didn't know it wasn't the right thing to do. I'll thank you not to ever insult my father again. 

misshart00

NYUgirl100 said:

Addie, that your dad didn't say anything to SM to stop that speaks volumes. 

OP, everyone else will view FMIL as a self-centered egotist.   Likely even her own family.  In any future squabbles, she will have lost support.  IMHO. 

Yeah, it obviously means her dad and stepmom don't love her or want to see her happy.

AddieCake

misshart00 said:

Yeah, it obviously means her dad and stepmom don't love her or want to see her happy.

Clearly! I should get therapy for the abuse I've suffered at their hands. Thank goodness NYU was here to show me the light. 

[Deleted User]

Jesus, you have to be a troll, right?  There's no way that was a genuine response.

 

It certainly would 'speak volumes' of her father if he thought that he controlled his wife in such a way that he could instruct her as to what she was and was not allowed to wear. 

TKzilla

I'm not sure if that remark was more insulting to Addie's dad or Addie's stepmom...

AddieCake

NYUgirl100 said:

Addie, I thought that you said that SM and dad are now divorced.  Yes, I think most dads would tell SM, not appropriate. 

My dad and two previous stepmoms are now divorced. My dad has been married 6 times total, twice to my mother. Got any comments you'd like to make about that?

[Deleted User]

Yeah, what in the flying fuck would their current marital status have to do with ANYTHING? Oh, that's right, you were just in the mood for what you thought would be a cheap shot.

[Deleted User]

SO if they had gotten divorced, that means SM hated Addie and did this to spite her? Do you hear yourself?

[Deleted User]

It's quite clear to everyone by now that you're a troll, and a terrible one at that.  I won't be feeding you.  Good day.

TKzilla

NOLAbridealmost

Holy....WTF, NYU?  That was uncalled for. 

But to address the original post, I always thought it was acceptable for the MOB or MOG to wear an ivory suit/dress to the wedding. But that might just be because I came of age in the era of Father of the Bride.  That wedding was about as classy as any that I've ever seen in a movie and I thought Diane Keaton looked gorgeous and not at all out of place in ivory. 

Abs211981

"Don't say anything. Your guests will all be hard core judging her for being that MIL, and you will be the wonderful bride who is to gracious to fret about other people's clothing."

^^^ This.  Not gonna lie.  That would make me upset too.  I know people always say 'well no one is going to get her confused for the bride, so it doesn't matter".  That's not the point.  It's the bride and groom's day and someone else (especially FMIL) wearing white or ivory is rude.  It screams that they want attention.

But I would let it go.  You will cause a huge fight with her since she's already dumb enough to think that ivory is okay and people will totally be judging her for being that overbearing/can't share the spotlight MIL.  Trust me, people will talk.  I've seen it happen time and time again.  And that right there will be your best 'revenge" so to speak.  

NOLAbridealmost

Gah, won't let me edit earlier post to add a pic...

TheBaysideBride

When my SIL's MOH turned up at the rehersal in a white dress i was like WTF, until she told me her rehersal dress still had the security tag on it so the bride lent her that one. It really is no big deal. You're in the big white dress, your MIL will look lovely or crazy, depending on how she pulls it off. I'm a little curious why FI wouldn't say anything to her, but I know all sons and moms have different releationships. He could always say, wow, mom, generally no one but the bride wears white.... (my FI told his mom he hated her black dress bc it looked like she was going to a funeral - in a much nicer way than that....)

AddieCake

NYUgirl100 said:

No, I was responding to MissHart who said  - "Yeah, it obviously means her dad and stepmom don't love her or want to see her happy"

 

I don't think they cared about Addie being happy, but that doesn't mean abuse.  Addie was an adult. 

You are clueless, and, as usual, trying to paint a picture of bad fathers and horrible stepmonsters b/c of your own personal experience. They don't care about me being happy b/c she didn't know any better?  Yeah, ok. And since I constantly report here what a NON ISSUE that was and affected me NOT AT ALL, please, explain to me, how my happiness was affected?  

Let me spell this out for anyone who is unable to grasp this. What your guests wear does not affect your wedding day, be they jeans, overalls, white or ivory dresses, shorts, black, etc.  If it does, you need to reorganize your priorities. 

bunni727

AllieBear725

NYUgirl100 said:

Addie, that your dad didn't say anything to SM to stop that speaks volumes. 

OP, everyone else will view FMIL as a self-centered egotist.   Likely even her own family.  In any future squabbles, she will have lost support.  IMHO. 

What the fuck? Why would he NEED to say shit?