FMIL wearing ivory

daria24

I can guarantee you that my father, as well as my own husband, have no idea that other female guests are supposed to avoid white at a wedding. It wouldn't even occur to them that it was worthy of a side-eye.

OP, vent to your friends about it, on here, whatever. I agree it's weird. But on your wedding day you'll probably roll your eyes once and then be so busy/excited/happy you won't think about it.

NOLAbridealmost

NYUgirl100 said:

Addie, would YOU wear white to a wedding? 

And if my SM tried to do that, I think my dad would give her the stink eye.

NYU, what you should have simply said from the beginning was "I am sorry that I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to offend you, your dad, or insult your family.  I thought it was okay to point out that they made an etiquette blunder just like we point it out when talking about hypothetical people or answering posts. I'm putting my foot in my mouth now because obviously my phrasing was WAY off." 

Seriously.   I know that's the point you're trying to make, but you HAVE to acknowledge that the way it came out was really, really crappy.

dem068

I concur with the not worrying about it.  You will be the bride in a white wedding dress and honestly, the person you will be most focused on is you FI.  No one is going to confuse her for the bride.  And you are going to be so happy/excited about everything that it will be the furthest thing from your mind

AddieCake

No, I would not wear white to a wedding b/c I know it's not appropriate. 

You know, I never thought you were a troll before today, but this really takes the cake. There's no way anybody can be this clueless. If you ARE legit, it SPEAKS VOLUMES about the NYU admissions board. 

AddieCake

WinstonsGirl

NYUgirl100 said:

No, I would not wear white to a wedding b/c I know it's not appropriate

================================

Exactly.  Which is why a close family member would give a heads up to SM. 

Not everyone knows what is appropriate or not. My Dad would have no idea white was not appropriate and would think my Mom looks beautiful, and tell her so.  Unless she's in a wedding gown too, who cares, and even then, they would just look BSC

ETA for clarity

AllieBear725

NYUgirl100 said:

No, I would not wear white to a wedding b/c I know it's not appropriate

================================

Exactly.  Which is why a close family member would give a heads up to SM. 

Not everyone knows what is appropriate or not. My Dad would have no idea white was not appropriate and would think my Mom looks beautiful, and tell her so.  Unless she's in a wedding gown too, who cares, and even then, they would just look BSC

ETA for clarity

EXACTLY! I couldn't have said it any better myself.

AddieCake

Yes, it was her "wedding" gown, but unless you knew it had been worn at her wedding, you wouldn't know it. It's not like it was a fucking ballgown. 

TKzilla

NYUgirl100 said:

Actually, Winston, Addie said her SM did wear her wedding gown.

 

What is BSC?

It's a school. You should transfer there.

TKzilla

NYUgirl100 said:

Addie - "AddieL73

9:26AM

Yes, it was her "wedding" gown, but unless you knew it had been worn at her wedding, you wouldn't know it. It's not like it was a fucking ballgown."

 

So if it is not relevant, then why do you keep mentioning? 

When are you going to get to the part where you say "Damn, I fucked up. Apologies to Addie."?

harper0813

Seriously, NYU? You are digging yourself deeper and deeper. Not everyone cares about the color of a dress, as it's extremely rude of you to say that those who don't care about dress colors don't dare about others. It's a fucking color.

winelover123

I loved your post Addie
NYUgirl - while the men in my family know that it is usually only the bride that wears white, I don't think they'd see it as some huge etiquette fail unless it happens to be a huge, white, poofy wedding dress. Therefore, they wouldn't say anything.

harper0813

If the bride (and everyone else) didn't mind, neither should you.

AddieCake

NYUgirl100 said:

Addie - "AddieL73

9:26AM

Yes, it was her "wedding" gown, but unless you knew it had been worn at her wedding, you wouldn't know it. It's not like it was a fucking ballgown."

 

So if it is not relevant, then why do you keep mentioning?  You described it as "My stepmother wore the long, ivory, sparkly dress she married my father in a few months before to my wedding."

Really? This needs explained to you? Because people freak about white or ivory, so I like to point out that someone wearing white or ivory to a wedding hardly affects the day, even when someone wears a dress that could be a wedding dress. 

You have rudely insulted my family and this will be my last response to you in this thread since you can't grasp simple concepts and I just don't have the energy for you today. Keep talking if you want, though, since you probably won't understand that I have left the conversation. 

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

NerdyLucy

 

NYUgirl100 said:

Addie - "AddieL73

9:26AM

Yes, it was her "wedding" gown, but unless you knew it had been worn at her wedding, you wouldn't know it. It's not like it was a fucking ballgown."

 

So if it is not relevant, then why do you keep mentioning?  You described it as "My stepmother wore the long, ivory, sparkly dress she married my father in a few months before to my wedding."

I'm going to jump in here and ask a genuine question.

NYUgirl, what exactly is it about Addie's SM wearing white/ivory that bothers you?

Is it so much again etiquette that it offends your sensibilities?

Are you embarrassed on SM's behalf?

Are you embarassed on Addie's behalf?

Whether it was described as white and sparkly, or not, Addie doesn't seem to be bothered, and it's already happened.   I mean, I'm just trying to understand what the hang-up is. 

winelover123

I've seen pictures of it before. My original statement still stands - unless it is a huge, white, poofy wedding gown, the men I know, at least, wouldn't think to say anything. Dad and SM probably thought that since it isn't a typical wedding gown (you know, with a train and 50 bazillion layers), it would be just fine.

KDM323

Most men with a brain know enough to never tell a woman what to wear/not wear.  The really smart ones know enough to tell a woman that she looks beautiful and be convincing about it (even if she looks like she rolled out of bed in a burlap sack)   (Addie...not saying anything here about your Stepmother so don't misinterpret that)

Happy wife = happy life.

If anything...Addie's father had sense enough to keep his mouth shut even IF he knew that his wife shouldn't wear 'ivory' or white or whatever particular color.   And seriously...what does it matter? 

I could care less what my Mom or my fMIL wear to my wedding.  That is SOOO far down the list of my priorities it doesn't even register.

@NYUgirl100 - does your husband go around telling you what to wear? 

NOLAbridealmost

NYUgirl100 said:

I think wearing white or ivory to a wedding will get one snickered at, behind their back.   Others have noted that.  I think for dad to let that happen is somewhat lacking.  No need to use profanity.

 

Wine - apparently is was the dress that SM was actually married in a few months before.

Somewhat lacking in WHAT? If you're going to be mean and insulting at least finish your thought.

button6004

OP, let it go. My FMIL "coincidentally" purchased a gown that is the identical color of my bridesmaids dresses. Was I annoyed? A bit, only because she passed it off like she had "just no idea that it was the same color!" But when she asked me if she should get a different dress, I told her no. No one will mistake her for anything other than MOG.

I can understand your frustration, but this is not the hill you die on and realistically, you're only going to be standing right next to her where it would be noticeable for some pictures.

jarednmegan

Blue_Bird said:

I think you should let it go, unless you want to be seen as Miss Ivy here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pdDs4bir_I

OMG! FI and I watched that one not too long ago..."Mommmmmmm! No clowns!!!!!!!"

WinstonsGirl

To clarify, I meant wedding gown as in big poofy white dress.  Lots of people get married in simpler white dresses or suits (à la Carrie on SATC) and something like that being worn to another wedding will not make her look like the bride, even if it was her wedding dress

bunni727

StageManager14 said:

Confession: I wouldn't wear white to a wedding because I know other people judge it, but I think it is an utterly stupid, pointless, and sexist rule. And I have never laughed at or talked badly about someone wearing white to a wedding I have attended.

YES!!!

It's not like anyone thinks the hypothetical step-FOB is ever being disrespectful by showing up in a black tux, or that MOB would have told him not to wear it if she loved him or her daughter.

southernbelle0915

IF: 

wearing ivory/white to a wedding = disrespect for bride

AND:

southernbelle disrespects NYUgirl

THEN:

southernbelle would like to borrow @Addie73 's stepmother's gown and wear it to NYUgirl's wedding. 

I would also carry a bouquet down the aisle. I would cut your wedding cake during cocktail hour and tell you how awesome it tasted. I would 'accidentally' trip the cord to the speakers during your first dance. Hopefully you'd have open bar and I'd get wasted and make a 20 minute speech about how lucky you were to be with such a hot, sweet, kind, sexy groom.... 

Sorry ya'll, I just wanted to see what it feels like to have a gross logic fail and say ridiculous things I don't really believe to piss people off. Signing out of this thread......

KDM323

NYUgirl100 said:

Drexel,

 

Per Addie - "My dad and two previous stepmoms are now divorced. My dad has been married 6 times total, twice to my mother. Got any comments you'd like to make about that?"

As to happy wife, happy life, ether Addie's dad doesn't care or doesn't get it.

Why do you care so much about her father and his relationships?  It has absolutely NO bearing whatsoever on this post.

WinstonsGirl

NYUgirl100 said:

Winston, based on what Addie said, "long sparkly" dress, it did not seem simple.

It also doesn't imply traditional wedding gown

Peledreamsofrain

@KnotPorscha  

How long is NYU's trolling going to be tolerated on the boards?  Every thread she posts in is a deliberate attempt to stir the pot and turn the atmosphere hostile.  She mis-uses flags, and is now attacking forum members.  This has gone on for years.

AllieBear725

NYUgirl100 said:

Drexel,

 

Per Addie - "My dad and two previous stepmoms are now divorced. My dad has been married 6 times total, twice to my mother. Got any comments you'd like to make about that?"

As to happy wife, happy life, ether Addie's dad doesn't care or doesn't get it.

Seriously? Her dad obviously did get it if he let his wife wear whatever she wanted to the wedding. 

winelover123

NYUgirl100 said:

Drexel,

 

Per Addie - "My dad and two previous stepmoms are now divorced. My dad has been married 6 times total, twice to my mother. Got any comments you'd like to make about that?"

As to happy wife, happy life, ether Addie's dad doesn't care or doesn't get it.

Dude, that's not cool. You don't know anything about their situations, so you really don't have any right whatsoever to judge Addie's dad for multiple marriages.

KDM323

NYUgirl100 said:

I was responding to other posters.

From this entire thread, you singled out Addie/her father, made negative inuendos about him, pointed out his marital history (in a rather judgemental way) and tried to make a big deal out of what her Stepmom wore to her wedding...for seemingly no reason whatsoever other than to cause conflict. 

And now you'll just say it was because  you were responding to other posters?  I don't buy it one bit.