After you're married, how do you stop the attempts at taking over your uterus

rajahmd

lovesclimbing

lovesclimbing said:

I've been lucky in not getting too much of it.  But then, I've been adamant ever since I was a teen that I was not having a baby before I finished college.  And I have one year to go.  So everyone in my immediate family knows that.  But as soon as I finish, I expect to get slammed.

I haven't seen my grandma since the wedding.  On my mom's side, I'm the first grandchild to get pregnant so I can't wait to get questions from her about when I'm gonna pop out the first great grandchild.

Usually, when acquaintances or coworkers ask, I say "not for a while" or "not for a few years".

I meant I'm the first grandchild to get MARRIED, not pregnant.

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

efmcc67

FI's father started talking about grandkids right after I first met him. At the time, FI and I were 19 and 20, and we'd been dating for all of four months.

Chipmunk415

FSMIL started bugging me and FBIL's GF about this BEFORE we were engaged (though ring was being made). I smiled at her and said "not until after there's a wedding, my Dad would have another heart attack."

She's pushed a few times, and I've threatened a uterus filibuster at dinner over this. FFIL was very helpful- stated his thought that we should wait until both of us are done with school. (I'm done, FI has 1 more year for undergrad, then however long for grad school, probably around 3 years). My folks are in the same boat, and I want to get my career established before I start having children, and save up money to actually afford them.

If she keeps it up, I'll have to start with the "how are babies made" and similar questions. Heeheeehee.

wittykitty14

Hopefully FI and I won't get too many comments.  We haven't really yet.  But we're getting married in a couple weeks, so this may change very soon.  Then we're moving 1000 miles away, so I think that will help since we won't see family on a regular basis anymore.  If people start pestering us, this will probably drive FI and I crazy, only because we want children BADLY.  However, we both know that we should wait a couple years, so I can finish grad school.  We'll see how that turns out

On the flip side though, my mom has been telling me for MONTHS to wait a LONG time before I start having kids.  Like, she tells me I need to wait at least 10 years!  I'm 24 now, I'm not waiting that long.  She's also trying to tell me that I shouldn't have more than 2 (FI and I want a big-ish family, and she knows it).  She has said flat out that she doesn't think I'll be able to handle more than 2 kids, and that I don't really understand how expensive they are.  (Also, she has 3 btw, and started having them when she was 21-22).  I've gotten really good at bean-dipping her.  I get that she's my mom, but this really isn't her place.  It pisses FI and I off, because she's TELLING us what to do, versus offering advice.  Big difference.  Honestly, I'd rather have someone pester me about when I'm going to have children instead of them telling me that I should wait.

Maggie0829

H's sister was home two weeks ago and she is pregnant.  She then proceeded to talk to me about the joys of being pregnant and that it really isn't all that hard and I shouldn't be so afraid of it.  Wait, what?  I have never once said I was "afraid" of being pregnant.  Apparently that is why she thinks H and I haven't had kids yet, that I am afraid that pregnancy is too hard.  Yeah, no that isn't the reason at all.  And even if I did have that fear I would have talked to my sister who had my lovely niece three years ago about her pregnancy.

H and I have been asked many times by his side (my side couldn't care less...my Mom always said she would be just as happy to have fur grand babies as she would to have human grand babies) when we are going to have kids.  We always answer with "Not sure.  Heck we aren't even 100% positive we want kids!'  Where we then get the death look like we are crazy for not wanting kids and that that thinking is just ludicrous.

Pookieson

eeek @wittykitty, she sounds like an absolute peach! 

Sierra524

We have been hearing this for about a year now. We are not even married!! When people ask, I just say "We just want to get through the wedding and then go from there."

Did anybody get asked this AT their wedding?

ranzzo

Actually, it was written in one of our cards.  A married couple who was expecting at the time wrote "and now it's time for babies!"  A family friend of my H's just called to chat last night but managed to ask if I was pregnant yet.  We want kids but I have medical issues that may cause a problem so we are weighing our options.  Even still, we are wanting to wait until we a more settled, such as buying a house, my H finishing school, etc... but people still push.

My mom does not pester though.  However, my brothers have already supplied her with a grandson and three granddaughters.  That's enough to hold her off for now.

easilyunamused

I guess I am pretty lucky, both sides of our families don't say anything about it.

But personally I want my uterus taken hostage after the wedding! hahaha

Bubbles2014

My family and friends know that I don't want kids so they don't bother me. FI wants more kids, but since he has a son from a previous relationship he isn't going to be upset if we don't have any. FI's father and I have met twice, and the first time was for about 3 minutes. In that 3 minutes he said that he approves of me, thinks I'm beautiful (always nice to hear), that we would make good looking babies, and that he wants heaps of grandchildren.

Ummmm... OK. First up, he already has 3 grandkids. Second, he lives 8 hours away from us and would likely see any potential children once or twice a year, max. There is no way they would be staying with him, because his house is like an episode of horders, but dirtier. So, yay for people who would barely see any potential children saying they want me to have them.

I can't imagine this is going to get better with time

KytchynWitche

FMIL's mom (not living in the same country as us, have never met her) has been badgering FMIL about when we're going to get married because she wants great-grandbabies before she dies.

luckily FMIL just says "i'm fairly certain they don't want children, so getting married isn't going to make much impact".

honestly, we haven't had much of that so far. we did get a "so when's the wedding?" in the first month of our relationship though, and the deli/bakery ladies at the local super started calling me his missus 10 days after we started dating...

Belle2188

My mother has completely out of control baby fever.  She is a delivery room nurse, and it's all she can think about.  When I was a teenager she would come home and smack me on the arm if she had a patient my age--now when she has a patient my age, she calls me to give me guilt about not giving her any grandchildren yet.  Then she tells me how she'll try to be patient until after the wedding--oh wow, mom, how virtuous of you!  Mind you, I've only been engaged three weeks and this has been going on quite a while.

You would think she would be a little more tactful and sympathetic, since my parents' wedding video contains a special message from my grandfather saying "Congratulations, I hope you keep your promise and make me a nice baby boy."  Then again, I was born exactly nine months later so I guess they were in a rush too.  I can only imagine my grandfather's disappointment at my lack of a penis, but don't worry, my brother was born just 17 months later.

KatWAG

Every time H calls his parents house, his mom will say something along the line of "Have any good news to tell us?!?!?!?" Yea, the good news is that we are coming to dinner, not having a baby.

annathy03

MoonlightSilver said:

"Oh, when are you having kids!?"

"As soon as we figure out how to make them. Can you tell me how it's done?"

Moonlight, since they are still anonymous I have to tell you I LOVED this.  Also, I will be borrowing this line from now on.

WinstonsGirl

Lobster1987 said:

Fi and I aren't having children at all either...and I get people who tell me that "Oh, you'll change your mind"...and I tell them flatly, "No. We are going to be child-free." Yet, they will go on and on about how I am wrong and that I will change my mind...blah blah blah...I'm still young, etc...

 

I wish I had something good to say to shut them up. We physically can't have them, and I know saying that won't help it because they'll go on about adoption...we just flat out aren't interested in being parents. We like SOME kids....very few actually. But do not want to be parents, but yet when you explain that to people, they can't wrap their mind around it....

 

And then they're like "Well, who's going to take  care of you when you're old?!"  I think, if that's the only reason you're having kids, you have fucked up priorities.

There's a guys at work who constantly tells me I'll change my mind (he has 4 kids and would go for more if his wife hadn't cut him off, literally).  I finally asked him when he was going to change his mind about keeping his 4 kids.  He hasn't asked since, though he does give me glances whenever my niece and nephew come to visit.  

As for who is going to take care of me when I'm older.  Why my team of 25-35 year old buff male nurses whom I hire with all the money I've saved by not having kids.  I'm getting sponge bathed every damn day by those boys!!  

southernbelle0915

WinstonsGirl said:

Lobster1987 said:

Fi and I aren't having children at all either...and I get people who tell me that "Oh, you'll change your mind"...and I tell them flatly, "No. We are going to be child-free." Yet, they will go on and on about how I am wrong and that I will change my mind...blah blah blah...I'm still young, etc...

 

I wish I had something good to say to shut them up. We physically can't have them, and I know saying that won't help it because they'll go on about adoption...we just flat out aren't interested in being parents. We like SOME kids....very few actually. But do not want to be parents, but yet when you explain that to people, they can't wrap their mind around it....

 

And then they're like "Well, who's going to take  care of you when you're old?!"  I think, if that's the only reason you're having kids, you have fucked up priorities.

There's a guys at work who constantly tells me I'll change my mind (he has 4 kids and would go for more if his wife hadn't cut him off, literally).  I finally asked him when he was going to change his mind about keeping his 4 kids.  He hasn't asked since, though he does give me glances whenever my niece and nephew come to visit.  

As for who is going to take care of me when I'm older.  Why my team of 25-35 year old buff male nurses whom I hire with all the money I've saved by not having kids.  I'm getting sponge bathed every damn day by those boys!!  

I'm sorry, what?!?!???

WinstonsGirl

southernbelle0915 said:

WinstonsGirl said:

Lobster1987 said:

Fi and I aren't having children at all either...and I get people who tell me that "Oh, you'll change your mind"...and I tell them flatly, "No. We are going to be child-free." Yet, they will go on and on about how I am wrong and that I will change my mind...blah blah blah...I'm still young, etc...

 

I wish I had something good to say to shut them up. We physically can't have them, and I know saying that won't help it because they'll go on about adoption...we just flat out aren't interested in being parents. We like SOME kids....very few actually. But do not want to be parents, but yet when you explain that to people, they can't wrap their mind around it....

 

And then they're like "Well, who's going to take  care of you when you're old?!"  I think, if that's the only reason you're having kids, you have fucked up priorities.

There's a guys at work who constantly tells me I'll change my mind (he has 4 kids and would go for more if his wife hadn't cut him off, literally).  I finally asked him when he was going to change his mind about keeping his 4 kids.  He hasn't asked since, though he does give me glances whenever my niece and nephew come to visit.  

As for who is going to take care of me when I'm older.  Why my team of 25-35 year old buff male nurses whom I hire with all the money I've saved by not having kids.  I'm getting sponge bathed every damn day by those boys!!  

I'm sorry, what?!?!???

She made him get a vasectomy cos she was done having kids

ETA, yeah, I guess I made it sound a little "Bobbity".  Oops.  

efmcc67

Lobster1987 said:

Harry87 said:

When people ask me who will take care of me, I say "The same as you, some nursing home staff. What? There's a reason old people in a home waiting for their kids to visit is a stereotype".

Really people, how many of your kids are going to have the time, money, and training to take care of your old ass 24 /7?

Yeaaaaa....very rarely do I hear of people now a days taking care of their parents. It used to be common but the younger and younger generations won't do it as much, especially with how much more advanced medical care has gotten. Good luck with that in the next 60+ years when your health fails, I highly doubt your children will want to take care of you when they can put you up in a nursing home and pay someone to do it for them.

At least with us, we will (hopefully) save money from not having kids and will be able to pay stud muffin models to take care of us and give us sponge baths in speedos....and feed us grapes by hand....That sounds rather pleasant.

Yeah. I could go for some of that

Peledreamsofrain

Post removed due to GBCK

Moontrail

 

Anastasia517

People are so rude.  My mother said she used to get these questions all the time, because she got married at 29 in the '80s.  She was really upset by them, because she started trying immediately after getting married and it took her about 20 cycles to get pregnant.  She really stressed to me how it was important to never ask somebody when they were having kids in case they were struggling when I was a preteen, so I know I won't get questions from her.  I think it's only a matter of time before my FMIL starts asking though.  I'm storing away the snarky replies for the future!

Amsdragonfly

I'm a teacher, and I just say "I have fur babies at home, and real demon-spawn children at work. I think we're set for a while, thanks."

WinstonsGirl

That's what I say too.  I've got 450+ kids at work.  I don't need more when I get home.  

ShesSoCold

Harry87 said:

When people ask me who will take care of me, I say "The same as you, some nursing home staff. What? There's a reason old people in a home waiting for their kids to visit is a stereotype".

Really people, how many of your kids are going to have the time, money, and training to take care of your old ass 24 /7?

My FI's crazy mother CONSTANTLY talks about how he's going to take care of her when she's old. Her preoccupation with it is really strange. He's her only child so she seems to think he'll be the only person on the planet who will take care of her. This is the same woman who doesn't like her own mother and spoke in detail about the horrible conditions her mother-in-law lived in on the day of her funeral. Clearly my FI's grandmother couldn't take care of herself and FI's mom knew it, but did nothing about it. It was so sad. FI and his mom got in an argument the other day and she cried and said no one would take care of her when she's old. He told her to spend less money on wine and get long term care insurance or set some aside to pay for a nursing home. She didn't like that. But with the way she treats both of us, it'll be a cold day in hell if she thinks she'll live with us when she's old.

Anyway, on topic - FI and I don't want kids and we CONSTANTLY have people telling us that we'll change our minds. I can't stand it. Then they ask us why we're getting married. How obnoxious?! 

rajahmd

Dreamergirl8812

Moontrail said:

OMG K My FI has a three year old who I haven't met yet  cuz the mother of the child is being a bitch and wont let my FI see her which will be fixed next weekend ........Im excited for him its been a long year court battle for him so I will get to meet her soon..............I have a 7 year old from a pervious............We just got engaged and his grandmother put in her two cents in with " I hope I get to see another great grandchild before I die" talk about pressure we don't want to get married for another 2-3 years then we MIGHT talk about kids after were married but hell to have it put out there a week after were engaged I was shocked myself

My brain hurts.

lovesclimbing

H and I went on vacation last week.  My cousin's family lives there and I found out that my cousin and his wife, who got married a year ago, are expecting!  So I expect to get much more comments now because he and his wife are popping one out so soon (not that there's anything wrong that).

My aunt did say, "yea, it'll be the first great-grandbaby, unless you guys have older news you haven't told me about."  I was just like, "uh-no."

samwise1127

I can't have kids and my fiance and I don't (adamantly don't) want kids.  Most of our close family and friends know this and don't ask.  That being said my grandmother was trying to marry me off when I was a flower girl (age 12) in a wedding.  There are always going to be insensitive people.  It's important to separate those that ask just because culturally that's the thing to do (in which case you could tell them you're adopting five children for Mars and they wouldn't care), from the people who actually think they have a right to know.  Since you already have wonderful children I'd play that up saying something like "We're enjoying being married and celebrating this time with our wonderful children" (or something like that).  In reality it's no one's business, but people will still ask so your goal is to shut down further conversation while being polite.