Headtable or Sweetheart Table that is the question??????

NYCBruin

StageManager14 said:

Yes, it is always rude to split up a couple at an event intended to celebrate love and commitment.

So much this.  It has nothing to do with whether the SO of the WP member knows anyone at the wedding.  I am fully capable of eating, conversing, dancing, having a good time at a wedding without FI, which is why if he can't attend a wedding I'll still go without him.  I want to sit with him because I want to spend time with him regardless if I know no one else at the wedding or if I personally know every person in attendance.  It's kinda mean to showcase your love and not let me sit next to mine.

Dreamergirl8812

I think head tables are awkward because it's difficult to talk when you're all facing the same way. I'm having a sweetheart table and my wedding party will be at round tables with the people they know.

kennede

After much debate, we did a king's table and loved it.  We had small wedding party(just a MOH, BM and my FI's two children) so it didn't seem like much of a head table.  We wanted to be more social than a sweetheart table, so we ended up with a king's table in the middle of the room consisting of 16 people...the wedding party, parents, siblings and their kids.  Everyone else were at round tables surrounding us.

Bubbles2014

I LOVE the idea of a Kings Table. It's perfect. My other alternative was having the MOH and Best Man with us and the rest of the WP with their dates at another table. I think the Kings Table will work really well AND will eliminate a table which means more space in the room.

ladystardust4ever

Sweetheart table. It saves awkwardness when it comes to dates, and you and your new hubby can enjoy a lovely dinner together for the first time.

dbanana

jessiemmert said:

Question, sorry to threadjack OP  ... I'm a long way from these types of details, but is it rude to only seat your WP at the Head Table if all their dates know lots of other people at the wedding very well or are involved in the wedding some other way? Two my BMs husbands are going to be MCing, and the rest of the WP members are either family or very close friends who would be invited on their own regardless of their relationship to the WP member. Just asking because we would need a very long head table to accommodate all the WP and their SO's and I personally don't love the idea of a sweetheart. 

I'm with you, @jessiemmert. You know your WP and SO's best. Yes, etiquette dictates that WP are seating with their dates in some fashion. But that doesn't necessarily mean everyone wants to be at a head table.

For example, FI and I are getting married this year. FI's brother (our BM) is getting married next year. I would not feel very comfortable eating at a head table of FI's brother's wedding (even though we are close, I am not in their BP, FI will be). I'm thinking in particular of BM's FI. Would she really want to sit at a large table in front of all our guests (that she doesn't really know)? Probably not. I'd rather be sat with FMIL's table. 

Hopefully this makes sense... Sunday morning fogginess. 

Brookie1010

I'm kind of combining a king's table and a sweetheart table.  I'm going to have 2 long tables on either side of a small round table.  My FI and I will sit in the middle at the round table, and our bridal party and their guests are going to sit on both sides of the long tables. I am a shy girl, so being center of attention is not my thing, but this way I'm still kind of surrounded by my friends and family while still allowing guests to view us clearly or come up and chat with just us.

lgiorno

We had a Kings table at the front of the room,  Everyone was able to see my husband and I because there was no one directly across from us b/c we were sitting next to each other.

sde546

Our thinking behind the Sweetheart's Table is that you get to be alone for a while. If you have a head table, your entire party will be there, plus dates. You won't get a moment's peace. Another option would be to have an elevated Sweetheart's Table and have your wedding party below you at a couple long tables. I've seen it done before and it looks nice; makes you stand out more for sure.

doeydo

It is your wedding, so have whatever kind of table you want.  I am leaning towards a sweetheart table for myself because it gives some "private" time for the newlyweds.

hordol

Another vote for sweetheart table. My husband really wanted a head table, but when we realized that including the bridal party's SOs and in some cases, kids, easily brought the number at the table to the upper 20s, we realized that it wasn't exactly what we wanted. I did NOT want to sit at a table that large and my husband eventually agreed. In the end, we were both so happy with it because it was the first time all day we really felt we could relax and enjoy dinner. It was lovely.

The only thing to be aware of is that for us, it was *slightly* antisocial. I think it was the first time that most of my guests had seen a sweetheart table and I think people thought that they were supposed to leave us alone, so we had an hour or so of uninterrupted time to talk to each other and just relax. Which was kind of nice, but I felt bad that people felt like they couldn't approach us. Eventually I started calling people over when I saw them walking to the bar or something and then once people started coming over, we had a lot of others follow suit.

ETA grammar fixes

LMM1215

We are having a sweetheart table in the middle of 2 long head tables. My FI wanted a head table, I prefer a sweetheart table. This was our compromise.

MsLisa30

Why not do both?  I am having the traditional head table but i'm also having a sweetheart table for me and my husband.

ladylynnith

We are doing a sweetheart table.  my MOH and BM have children who are also involved in the WP.  I feel that they should be sitting with their families.  If I need them, I can ask them to come over or go to them.
I went to a wedding where they had a head table, no SO's, but they seated them all together. 

dcbride86

One option I'm considering is a head round table - it's kind of a compromise!  You get a round table, and it isn't like a traditional head table, but it is still technically a "head table."

Jeevmc30

We're not including dates of the wedding party at our head table. No one in our bridal party is married or engaged, and I don't know any of their dates very well. The way I see it is that this is our wedding day, and I don't want to look back at pictures and see random people at the head table. Don't just try to please others the whole night, make sure your wedding is what YOU want it to be! If your friends care about you then they won't mind being away from their dates for an hour during dinner. 

roquesabrown

I'm so glad you posted this!  Most of the comments I've read have resorted to calling it "Rude", "Inconsiderate" or "Mean" not to include SO's at the head table.  Why is that rude?  We're all secure grown ups (I hope) so please socialize with the people at your table for an hour and then we can all come back together and party after dinner.  I fail to realize what the big deal is?  It's just dinner, not the ENTIRE reception! It's your wedding and the friends / family that you have asked to be involved with your day surely need to understand that the bride and groom prefer that they stay with the wedding party and eat.  I even read that one SO actually broke down and cried?!?!  So, I really mean no disrespect to everyone's opinion, but I think that "Rude" & "Mean" are really harsh adjectives to describe a seating arrangement meant to last for approximately an hour.

NYCBruin

roquesabrown said:

I'm so glad you posted this!  Most of the comments I've read have resorted to calling it "Rude", "Inconsiderate" or "Mean" not to include SO's at the head table.  Why is that rude?  We're all secure grown ups (I hope) so please socialize with the people at your table for an hour and then we can all come back together and party after dinner.  I fail to realize what the big deal is?  It's just dinner, not the ENTIRE reception! It's your wedding and the friends / family that you have asked to be involved with your day surely need to understand that the bride and groom prefer that they stay with the wedding party and eat.  I even read that one SO actually broke down and cried?!?!  So, I really mean no disrespect to everyone's opinion, but I think that "Rude" & "Mean" are really harsh adjectives to describe a seating arrangement meant to last for approximately an hour.

Do you plan on splitting up all couples in your seating chart? 

Or just the ones that affect your pictures?

naomiheilmann

I couldn't disagree more. If the people in your wedding party are so insecure in their relationship with their SO that they can't take 30 minutes away from it to support you, then quite frankly, they suck and shouldn't be in the role of bridesmaid or groomsmen in the first place.

I was in my friend's wedding and was at her side all day and through dinner, and my fiance happily got to know other people he was seated with out in the crowd. We didn't "miss" each other at dinner, because I was busy bonding with the other members of the wedding party and celebrating this happy time with the bride and groom. I'm glad I wasn't distracted by my fiance. We got to dance right after. Not a big deal. 

manateehugger

Nope. You know what? I was recently a bridesmaid and FI was a groomsmen in a wedding. We were seated at opposite ends of the table. I was annoyed the whole time because the couple cared more about their fucking pictures than about their friends.

It's not insecurity. It's being annoyed at materialistic people who don't feel the need to respect my relationship.

NYCBruin

naomiheilmann said:

I couldn't disagree more. If the people in your wedding party are so insecure in their relationship with their SO that they can't take 30 minutes away from it to support you, then quite frankly, they suck and shouldn't be in the role of bridesmaid or groomsmen in the first place.

I was in my friend's wedding and was at her side all day and through dinner, and my fiance happily got to know other people he was seated with out in the crowd. We didn't "miss" each other at dinner, because I was busy bonding with the other members of the wedding party and celebrating this happy time with the bride and groom. I'm glad I wasn't distracted by my fiance. We got to dance right after. Not a big deal. 

I think people who value pictures more than their friends' relationships suck.

Dreamergirl8812

Is this rocket science? You seat couples together.

You don't set up your seating chart to emphasize that you're a self-centered bridezilla, you set it up so that your guests are as comfortable as you can possibly make them.

Do I need to type slower?

teenabeena87

I am so glad I came across this post! Just last year I went to a wedding and saw for the first time this sweetheart table, so weird! Maybe it is me, but it feels like youre too much on display? Anyhow, my brother's wedding last year had a head table and I couldn't even sit with my guy, and who ever did the seating arrangement sucked cause they put him in the back corner by no one he knew (he ended up sitting with my parents though).  Because of that situation alone, I am so anti head table now. 

Colls39

My fiance and I are doing a sweetheart table. No one has really questioned it; most of my married cousins say that they actually wish they had done that at their wedding instead of a head table. Wedding party will be seated with their spouses/dates and other friends and family. I'm looking forward to a bit of downtime for the two of us to be by ourselves during dinner.

efmcc67

roquesabrown said:

I'm so glad you posted this!  Most of the comments I've read have resorted to calling it "Rude", "Inconsiderate" or "Mean" not to include SO's at the head table.  Why is that rude?  We're all secure grown ups (I hope) so please socialize with the people at your table for an hour and then we can all come back together and party after dinner.  I fail to realize what the big deal is?  It's just dinner, not the ENTIRE reception! It's your wedding and the friends / family that you have asked to be involved with your day surely need to understand that the bride and groom prefer that they stay with the wedding party and eat.  I even read that one SO actually broke down and cried?!?!  So, I really mean no disrespect to everyone's opinion, but I think that "Rude" & "Mean" are really harsh adjectives to describe a seating arrangement meant to last for approximately an hour.

Wow. Seriously terrible advice. No, you don't get to do whatever you want at your wedding. It sucks to be split up from your S/O just because you're commemorating the marriage of your "dear" friend. Do you really think you're going to spend years looking at a picture of yourself eating dinner at your wedding? Who cares if there are a few people in there you didn't know that well! And if it bothers you that much, just have a sweetheart table.

Shia

 LMM1215  "We are having a sweetheart table in the middle of 2 long head tables. My FI wanted a head table, I prefer a sweetheart table. This was our compromise." 

This is a great idea!

weathergirl87

Hmm, I like the idea of a sweetheart table.  I didn't know that's what it was called, but I saw one for the first time a couple of months ago and really liked the idea.  We probably won't have a head table unless FI insists, which I don't think he will; I have been in enough weddings where I didn't know anyone else in the wedding party that well, but was stuck awkwardly making small talk with them all night, that I am not going to do that to my WP.  Whatever we end up doing, including SOs is an absolute must for me.