Groom's Mom and Maid of Honor Issues - How should I handle?
Hello - my fiance and I are getting married November 2nd and ever since we got engaged it seems there has been drama. The one issue that hurts us the most is my fiance's mother. She is very opinionated and can have a bad temper. She was so happy for us when we got engaged, but when we asked her for her guest list it started to go sour. She wanted to invite her daughter's husband's brother's son to the wedding, and I explained we are not inviting kids unless they are in the bridal party. I explained that if we invited him, we would have to invite my family's nephews and nieces and the numbers will just get to high. She was very mad at this. So we ended up having 94 guests from his side for the wedding, which to me seems fair, especially since my family is paying for the wedding. She made complaints to my parents saying I told her that she could only invite 30 people, which is a lie. We went back and asked her if she had any other people she wanted to invite and she said no, that she actually wanted to take 2 people off. We later let her even invite the kid to smooth some of the drama.She keeps stating at every opportunity how simple our wedding is to the point of where it becomes offensive, because she brags about a cousin's wedding being posh. She also takes no interest in our plans, but we still tell her the details so she is aware. She then causes fights stating how she is the grooms mother and cant discuss anything. We are at a loss on how to handle the situation, because we are telling her things. She is just not meeting with the vendors, because she is not paying, which is fair in my opinion. We cannot even have our reheresal the night before because she said we are selfish to do that. She also told me it doesnt matter if my friends in the bridal party go to the reheresal. They are just concerned with the gift they will get at the dinner. How she approaches things is just very hurtful and I hate seeing my fiance this upset...
My Maid of Honor is causing problems too especially with my Mom and other bridesmaids. She doesnt answer email or show up when she is supposed to meet my Mom to go over the shower. She doesnt even call to say she cannot make it. Our shower is in a month and she has not planned anything. My other bridesmaids are and I feel bad, because the MOH is supposed to handle. They complained to me all the time about her lack of input and responses. It is to the point that they dont care what she wants. I am just hurt about that too, because she has been standing me up to. She doesnt work and I am always the one calling her to see how she is doing etc.
I just hate that all this drama is affecting this time for our family and my fiance. I am at a loss on how to resolve it though...
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Re: Groom's Mom and Maid of Honor Issues - How should I handle?
The MOH is not required to help pay for or plan any pre wedding parties. Your BMs should hush.
I would stop talking to your FMIL regarding the wedding... let her be negative, in the end it will only make her look bad.
As for your MOH - have the BM's and your mother move on with the planning without her and do not include her as a host. Continue to try and make contact with her to see how her life is, because if you make an effort the only person who is the ass in the situation is her.
Try and look at the positives, you obviously have wonderful BM's, a wonderful mother, and a supportive FI. Cherish that instead of those who are bringing in the negativity!
Believe me I understand how it feels to have negativity during what is supposed to be such a wonderful time. Unfortunately for my FI he is the one getting the crazy in-law. For the past 6 months everything that could become drama in my family happened, right down to my mother and her sisters standing in the corner talking sh*t about me, my FI and my FMIL at my bridal shower which mind you was held at my house all because of an argument between my brother and I!!
I just keep reminding myself of all the genuinely good people in my life, and also I try and focus on the love my FI and I have for each other... it definitely helps. It sucks seeing your loved ones be sad during this time, but being strong for your FI and reminding him how happy other things are, you'll both grow closer and make it through planning and wedding day just fine! Good luck, I'm sure your wedding will be everything you hoped it would be!!
Its so sad thought that people cant act normal during this time. Everyone keeps saying a wedding will bring out the worse in people. I didnt believe them until now. My fiance and his mom arent talking anymore, so hopefully it gets resolved before the wedding.
I hope your wedding goes smoothly
Congrats!
Ditto PP's about not sharing details with MIL and not worrying about MOH since she isn't obligated to help with anything.
This is just a guess, but if your MOH is not working like you mentioned, perhaps she is having some money problems and is avoiding shower plans to not have to admit it or something.
Also, just schedule the rehearsal and pay for the dinner yourselves. Don't let your MIL push you around, and if you want to have one, do it.
My point is that she doesn't respond to any emails and stands people up. I feel that is rude. She is the moh and I feel that means she should take an interest and at least lead the plans for the shower and bachelorette party. I'm not asking her to do anything else. . I know the magazines have other things but that's not my expectations....
When it comes to your MOH, all she really has to do is show up in her gown, precede you down the aisle and back, and show up at the rehearsal if you are having one. If she's not making herself available for anything else, I'd plan around her as well, since she is not responsive to your or your bridesmaids' messages.
Stop talking wedding plans with FMIL. If she brings up the kid again say, "we've made the decision on kids. But have you tried this bean dip."
Have the rehearsal whenever you please. Is her thought on this that she wants to host the RD? If you don't like when she wants to do it, just host it yourself. It can be as simple as inviting the wedding party and their SOs over to your place for pizza.
MOH has no obligations other than showing up in the dress. You chose her to stand beside you because she is your most important friend; not because you thought she'd be the best at planning a party.
Now... if she's standing you up, you could have a friend problem vs a MOH problem. Try to get in touch with her. Talk about things NOT related to the wedding. Make sure everything is ok with her if this is not her normal behavior.
As for FMIL. Dont give her anymore details. Be sparing without being rude. She doesnt need to make you feel bad about the wedding.