Wording on Invitations for Showers and Vow Renewal/Wedding Ceremony Under God's Presence

sjhelmus

I shouldn't even have to clear the air, but from all the other boards I've read, it seems that people want to attack rather than help. Seriously, why can't people i this world just be nice? 'm not sorry for doing things a bit differently. It's my life and my choice and what I feel is right. So, first off, to clear the air, I know this is a very controversial issue, BUT if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. I'm looking for helpful words, not demeaning words that only portray your illiteracy, judgement, and lack of kindness. So, please...if you would like to help me, I would love your help. If you don't have something nice to say, and you're only going to base your advice on what you think is right or wrong, please stay out of it and keep your words to yourself. I'm looking for suggestions and help, not someone saying I shouldn't do or shouldn't have done something or anything along those lines.

My husband and I got married one month before he left for his deployment at the magistrate's office. We did not live together then, and we do not own any properties now. He will return in a couple of months, and we will continue to live at my parents house for my last semester of college. We will then be holding a wedding ceremony under God's presence/wedding vow renewal 2 weeks after my graduation. That being said, yes, we're making this ceremony just like a traditional wedding would be like I've always dreamed of having...bridesmaids, groomsmen, dads walking me down the aisle, exchanging of vows, cake cutting, father-daughter dance, first dance...everything. (and yes, everyone knows we're already married and that we'll be holding this ceremony/reception)

 

My question is: how should we word our invitations for our wedding ceremony and wedding/couple's or bridal shower?

We are having a shower because 1) I didn't have one, and 2) we have not lived together at all nor really had a marriage yet in the first place. We will officially have our own place after the wedding ceremony next year. That being said, we don't have anything for our first place, and a bridal shower is when the couple would normally receive those things.

Please be nice, and please be helpful.

Thank you in advance!

MobKaz

You are on a board for posters seeking technical Knot support.  If you are looking for responses, you need to repost this on either the Invitation and Paper board, or the Ceremony and Vow Idea board.

I would suggest you think carefully before reposting.  Your "disclaimers" will only encourage more fall out/backlash from what is considered an unpopular concept.

QueerFemme

sjhelmus said:

I shouldn't even have to clear the air, but from all the other boards I've read, it seems that people want to attack rather than help. Seriously, why can't people i this world just be nice? 'm not sorry for doing things a bit differently. It's my life and my choice and what I feel is right. So, first off, to clear the air, I know this is a very controversial issue, BUT if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. I'm looking for helpful words, not demeaning words that only portray your illiteracy, judgement, and lack of kindness. So, please...if you would like to help me, I would love your help. If you don't have something nice to say, and you're only going to base your advice on what you think is right or wrong, please stay out of it and keep your words to yourself. I'm looking for suggestions and help, not someone saying I shouldn't do or shouldn't have done something or anything along those lines.

My husband and I got married one month before he left for his deployment at the magistrate's office. We did not live together then, and we do not own any properties now. He will return in a couple of months, and we will continue to live at my parents house for my last semester of college. We will then be holding a wedding ceremony under God's presence/wedding vow renewal 2 weeks after my graduation. That being said, yes, we're making this ceremony just like a traditional wedding would be like I've always dreamed of having...bridesmaids, groomsmen, dads walking me down the aisle, exchanging of vows, cake cutting, father-daughter dance, first dance...everything. (and yes, everyone knows we're already married and that we'll be holding this ceremony/reception)

 

My question is: how should we word our invitations for our wedding ceremony and wedding/couple's or bridal shower?

We are having a shower because 1) I didn't have one, and 2) we have not lived together at all nor really had a marriage yet in the first place. We will officially have our own place after the wedding ceremony next year. That being said, we don't have anything for our first place, and a bridal shower is when the couple would normally receive those things.

Please be nice, and please be helpful.

Thank you in advance!

this board is for TECHNICAL help. 

And still, you already had a wedding. So, what you are saying is, you will live together after your VOW renewal.  not after your wedding.

You still shouldn't have a big pretty princess day. It's rude.  But, if you want to have a SCALED BACK, vow renewal, consider the following invitation wording:

The honor of your presence
is requested at
the reaffirmation of the wedding vows of
Jane and John Doe
Saturday, Month, Year

etc.

you should go to this site for proper etiquette and general guidelines on hosting a vow renewal:

http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html

 

 

QueerFemme

By the way...  don't tell people how to post.  You posted this on a public, international message board. And what you are asking for, is advice on how to be tacky and rude to your guests.

The bottom line is, you DID get married, even though you didn't have all of the trimmings (a shower, a bachelor/ette party, etc.), you got married.  Because of that, you are having a vow renewal, not a wedding.  Vow renewals ARE different than weddings, regardless of your circumstances or reasons for getting legally married at the time.

You should figure out how to furnish your home on your own without a shower. People do it ALL the time. You are adult enough to be married and receiving legal benefits from that marriage. You should figure out a way to buy your own toaster.  My suggestion... yard sales.

No one here is going to tell you how to do something that is a total violation of proper etiquette.  If someone asked you "Hey, sjhelmus ... I wanna go rob that bank over there.  Think I should use a gun, or a knife?"  Would you respond "knife"?    Of course not.. you would try to deter what is really a horribly bad idea.

That's what we are doing.  Trying to save you from making a huge ass of yourself.

 

sjhelmus

I realize what I'm having, hence my title. And yes, this is for advice, which is what I asked for. So no thank you to your rude comments. I'm having my wedding, receptions, vow renewal, WHATEVER how I want it and was seeking helpful advice, not bashing for my choices of how I and my family want to do things. I can say what I want to avoid people telling me in order to get an efficient answer, and sarcasm doesn't work. Also, perhaps if you were actually in my exact situation, you would understand...along with everyone else who decides to bash people in my similar circumstance.

NYCMercedes

sjhelmus said:

I realize what I'm having, hence my title. And yes, this is for TECHNICAL advice, which is what I asked for. So thank you for your rude comments.

Good grief! I'm sure after 9:00 am tomorrow, the knot administrator will rush your question right over to the software engineer. Be nice.

sjhelmus

I think everyone on these discussion boards could be nice and more understanding, which is why I did the disclaimer in the first place.

QueerFemme

sjhelmus said:

I realize what I'm having, hence my title. And yes, this is for advice, which is what I asked for. So no thank you to your rude comments. I'm having my wedding, receptions, vow renewal, WHATEVER how I want it and was seeking helpful advice, not bashing for my choices of how I and my family want to do things. I can say what I want to avoid people telling me in order to get an efficient answer, and sarcasm doesn't work. Also, perhaps if you were actually in my exact situation, you would understand...along with everyone else who decides to bash people in my similar circumstance.

Actually, I was in your sitution, only in reverse.  I wasn't permitted to have a legal marriage. But, I planned my wedding anyway and then when I could get legally married (last week), we quietly went down to the county clerk and had a quick justice of the peace wedding.  Cuz, you know what?  It's the PAPER PART THAT ACTUALLY MATTERS!  Not the big fancy dress and bouquet toss.

It is completely offensive to people like me who didn't have the legal right to get married and get that paper part out of the way, so you can get legal benefits, which tax payers are paying for, and then act like it doesn't matter.

And again, THIS particular board is for TECHNICAL help. Like, "hey, my website isn't working"... you know, like when you call the cable company when your cable isn't working?

that's why it's called KNOTTIE TECH HELP! 

In any event though, a ridiculous disclaimer asking people not to be mean to you isn't going to help.  Your idea is rude.  Whether you want to admit it or not.

sjhelmus

It's only offensive in your opinion, and that's your situation, not mine. It's not exact. No one else who supports us or is coming to our WEDDING/VOW RENEWAL is offended by it and they want me to have it and celebrate our love together, even our pastor. They all want to be there and are happy for us, so please keep your rude opinions to yourself.

QueerFemme

sjhelmus said:

It's only offensive in your opinion, and that's your situation, not mine. It's not exact. No one else who supports us or is coming to our WEDDING/VOW RENEWAL is offended by it and they want me to have it and celebrate our love together, even our pastor. They all want to be there and are happy for us, so please keep your rude opinions to yourself.

then maybe you should ask THEM for advice.  I'm sure they'll be happy to give you advice on your rude plans. But, this here?  This is a site for people who want to plan things with proper etiquette. 

You might try weddingbee.com.  They are famous for blowing smoke up the butts of really bad ideas.

And plus also.  it's not just MY Opinion.  If it was, you wouldn't have to beg people not to be mean in response to your really rude plans.

manateehugger

I have to say - I don't think God really cares about the big white dress, bouquets, and bridesmaids. I would imagine God cares that you're entering into a union that is designed to be a reflection of God's communion with us. God intended weddings to mark the beginning of a union that would ensure mutual faith, joy, support, and prosperity - not to make a big to-do of a faux ceremony. 

Not to mention, when you did your JOP ceremony, I'm positive God's presence was there - that whole omnipresent, omniscient thing.  Unless you think He checks out of your life every now and then. You are married. If you and your husband would like to recommit to each other in a church, that's fine. It is important to my fiance and me to have a Christian ceremony, so I really do understand. But such a commitment doesn't require the silly trappings of the wedding industry. You're trying to re-live a fake ceremony, which is offensive on a number of levels 

And being military gives you ZERO excuse for doing what you did (hope you're enjoying the benefits "without being really married"). 

sjhelmus

And it's not the paper that actually matters and it's not the wedding that actually matters. It's the vows and the commitment between the two of you and God, so however we decide to go about this is perfectly fine. There are no "rules" to what I can or cannot have, it's only tradition, society, and people's close-minded opinions that get in the way.

misshart00

It's only offensive in your opinion, and that's your situation, not mine. It's not exact. No one else who supports us or is coming to our WEDDING/VOW RENEWAL is offended by it and they want me to have it and celebrate our love together, even our pastor. They all want to be there and are happy for us, so please keep your rude opinions to yourself.

Again, you can't tell people how to post. That's great that your family supports you, but even if someone hates your idea, they're not going to tell you to your face (that's impolite). And as many people have pointed out, this board is for technical issues. You might repost this on etiquette or invites (or wedding bee).

misshart00

sjhelmus said:

And it's not the paper that actually matters and it's not the wedding that actually matters. It's the vows and the commitment between the two of you and God, so however we decide to go about this is perfectly fine. There are no "rules" to what I can or cannot have, it's only tradition, society, and people's close-minded opinions that get in the way.

Then why not just get married religiously and forget the whole silly paperwork since its not important. I know a few people who have done this and are perfectly happy with their decision.

QueerFemme

sjhelmus said:

And it's not the paper that actually matters and it's not the wedding that actually matters. It's the vows and the commitment between the two of you and God, so however we decide to go about this is perfectly fine. There are no "rules" to what I can or cannot have, it's only tradition, society, and people's close-minded opinions that get in the way.

if you cared about "god's presence" you could easily just go have a vow renewal at your local church, with the two of you and your pastor. But, you aren't doing that... because it's not about that. You want the big fancy dress, the showers, the big wedding party. 

At least be honest about your intentions.

PrettyGirlLost

sjhelmus said:

I shouldn't even have to clear the air, but from all the other boards I've read, it seems that people want to attack rather than help. Seriously, why can't people i this world just be nice? 'm not sorry for doing things a bit differently. It's my life and my choice and what I feel is right. So, first off, to clear the air, I know this is a very controversial issue, BUT if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. I'm looking for helpful words, not demeaning words that only portray your illiteracy, judgement, and lack of kindness. So, please...if you would like to help me, I would love your help. If you don't have something nice to say, and you're only going to base your advice on what you think is right or wrong, please stay out of it and keep your words to yourself. I'm looking for suggestions and help, not someone saying I shouldn't do or shouldn't have done something or anything along those lines.

My husband and I got married one month before he left for his deployment at the magistrate's office. We did not live together then, and we do not own any properties now. He will return in a couple of months, and we will continue to live at my parents house for my last semester of college. We will then be holding a wedding ceremony under God's presence/wedding vow renewal 2 weeks after my graduation. That being said, yes, we're making this ceremony just like a traditional wedding would be like I've always dreamed of having...bridesmaids, groomsmen, dads walking me down the aisle, exchanging of vows, cake cutting, father-daughter dance, first dance...everything. (and yes, everyone knows we're already married and that we'll be holding this ceremony/reception)

 

My question is: how should we word our invitations for our wedding ceremony and wedding/couple's or bridal shower?

We are having a shower because 1) I didn't have one, and 2) we have not lived together at all nor really had a marriage yet in the first place. We will officially have our own place after the wedding ceremony next year. That being said, we don't have anything for our first place, and a bridal shower is when the couple would normally receive those things.

Please be nice, and please be helpful.

Thank you in advance!

Oh boy, this is not going to go well for you. . .

sjhelmus

It's not a fake ceremony. I'm not pretending to not be married. We are having our marriage blessed by our pastor, and no, I don't need to have this. You're right. But this is what my whole family wants for me and my husband, and to renew our vows after being apart for a majority of our marriage.

misshart00

And I just want to throw out there that you never throw your own shower, even when you're not married.

manateehugger

sjhelmus said:

And it's not the paper that actually matters and it's not the wedding that actually matters. It's the vows and the commitment between the two of you and God, so however we decide to go about this is perfectly fine. There are no "rules" to what I can or cannot have, it's only tradition, society, and people's close-minded opinions that get in the way.

And again - I'll ask: Why do you think God cares about white dresses, shower gifts, and bridesmaids?

There's quite a bit in the Bible about selflessness, humility, and honesty. I don't remotely pretend to be perfect, but I attempt to live out the faith I speak about the best I can.  

sjhelmus

My maid of honor is throwing it, thank you for the clarification. I'm asking how to word the invites. And oops, I apologize for posting this on the wrong board, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who has made a mistake in this world.

misshart00

sjhelmus said:

It's not a fake ceremony. I'm not pretending to not be married. We are having our marriage blessed by our pastor, and no, I don't need to have this. You're right. But this is what my whole family wants for me and my husband, and to renew our vows after being apart for a majority of our marriage.

Then why not just get a nice dress and your pastor and your families and have a nice, simple little vow renewal?

PrettyGirlLost

QueerFemme said:

By the way...  don't tell people how to post.  You posted this on a public, international message board. And what you are asking for, is advice on how to be tacky and rude to your guests.

The bottom line is, you DID get married, even though you didn't have all of the trimmings (a shower, a bachelor/ette party, etc.), you got married.  Because of that, you are having a vow renewal, not a wedding.  Vow renewals ARE different than weddings, regardless of your circumstances or reasons for getting legally married at the time.

You should figure out how to furnish your home on your own without a shower. People do it ALL the time. You are adult enough to be married and receiving legal benefits from that marriage. You should figure out a way to buy your own toaster.  My suggestion... yard sales.

No one here is going to tell you how to do something that is a total violation of proper etiquette.  If someone asked you "Hey, sjhelmus ... I wanna go rob that bank over there.  Think I should use a gun, or a knife?"  Would you respond "knife"?    Of course not.. you would try to deter what is really a horribly bad idea.

That's what we are doing.  Trying to save you from making a huge ass of yourself.

 

Exactly, using a knife in an armed robbery is a horrible idea!  You should definitely use a gun- duh!

manateehugger

misshart00 said:

sjhelmus said:

It's not a fake ceremony. I'm not pretending to not be married. We are having our marriage blessed by our pastor, and no, I don't need to have this. You're right. But this is what my whole family wants for me and my husband, and to renew our vows after being apart for a majority of our marriage.

Then why not just get a nice dress and your pastor and your families and have a nice, simple little vow renewal?

Miss Hart has an excellent suggestion. 

rajahmd

QueerFemme said:

QueerFemme

sjhelmus said:

And it's not the paper that actually matters and it's not the wedding that actually matters. It's the vows and the commitment between the two of you and God, so however we decide to go about this is perfectly fine. There are no "rules" to what I can or cannot have, it's only tradition, society, and people's close-minded opinions that get in the way.

if the paper didn't matter, you wouldn't have done it.

sjhelmus

To everyone: you all have wonderful suggestions. Thank you. But since it doesn't matter how I want to do the wedding and because there are no actual "rules" to it, you all really can't tell me what to do and what may be right or wrong.

My whole situation goes much deeper than what you all know. Everyone has their own opinions about what is already done or what I am doing, but I'm not looking for that. I'm looking for wording on invitations. And I can be humble and selfless and admit when my intentions are not good. But our supportive family and friends all WANT to celebrate with us at the renewal/ceremony and the reception, and if they don't want to they don't need to be there. You are not me, you don't know what my intentions are, nor are you in my situation.

QueerFemme

sjhelmus said:

To everyone: you all have wonderful suggestions. Thank you. But since it doesn't matter how I want to do the wedding and because there are no actual "rules" to it, you all really can't tell me what to do and what may be right or wrong.

My whole situation goes much deeper than what you all know. Everyone has their own opinions about what is already done or what I am doing, but I'm not looking for that. I'm looking for wording on invitations. And I can be humble and selfless and admit when my intentions are not good. But our supportive family and friends all WANT to celebrate with us at the renewal/ceremony and the reception, and if they don't want to they don't need to be there. You are not me, you don't know what my intentions are, nor are you in my situation.

Actually we DO know what your intentions are. You want a white dress, you want your father to walk you down the aisle, you want a big wedding party, you want a shower, because you need to furnish your first home. It's all right there... in your very first post on this page.

So? what exactly do think we are confused about?

You got legally married, for whatever reason. Immigration?  Health benefits?  Spousal benefits?  Just in case he dies while deployed?  whatever your reason is completely irrelevant. the point is, you GOT MARRIED. And there ARE etiquette rules when it comes to weddings and properly hosting your guests.   Whether you want to ignore those, is certainly up to you. 

I gave you wording on vow renewal invitations above.  Seriously though, I would suggest you head on over to weddingbee.  No one is going to co-sign your rude plans here.

misshart00

I would suggest wedding bee oe wedding wire. They will be far more helpful than us married old hags here.

PrettyGirlLost

sjhelmus said:

To everyone: you all have wonderful suggestions. Thank you. But since it doesn't matter how I want to do the wedding and because there are no actual "rules" to it, you all really can't tell me what to do and what may be right or wrong.

My whole situation goes much deeper than what you all know. Everyone has their own opinions about what is already done or what I am doing, but I'm not looking for that. I'm looking for wording on invitations. And I can be humble and selfless and admit when my intentions are not good. But our supportive family and friends all WANT to celebrate with us at the renewal/ceremony and the reception, and if they don't want to they don't need to be there. You are not me, you don't know what my intentions are, nor are you in my situation.

You aren't having a wedding, you are already married.

And please, enough with this "you don't know me" crap.  I have known many active military personnel and not a single one ever got married at the JOP just to reap federal benefits, only to have a PPD later because they were special snowflakes in the military with special circumstances.

They all seemed to be able to wait until deployment/ tours of duty were over, why couldn't you?

manateehugger

sjhelmus said:

To everyone: you all have wonderful suggestions. Thank you. But since it doesn't matter how I want to do the wedding and because there are no actual "rules" to it, you all really can't tell me what to do and what may be right or wrong.

My whole situation goes much deeper than what you all know. Everyone has their own opinions about what is already done or what I am doing, but I'm not looking for that. I'm looking for wording on invitations. And I can be humble and selfless and admit when my intentions are not good. But our supportive family and friends all WANT to celebrate with us at the renewal/ceremony and the reception, and if they don't want to they don't need to be there. You are not me, you don't know what my intentions are, nor are you in my situation.

You're right - all our lives will move on and you can do what you want while you smash every etiquette rule in the book. However, I'd think long and hard about using your faith in God as justification to get gifts and attention. 

sjhelmus

Yep! Those are all the things I want. You caught me! Good job! Also I noticed you bolded "YOU GOT MARRIED. I'm fully aware thank you. I'm doing what I'm doing, whether it's etiquette or not. Etiquette doesn't mean that's how it's required to be done...those are the rules society makes. My requests are not rude, but you are. It's a shame you all can't be nice and just answer a simple question rather than attacking me in the same response and the rest after. If you were in my shoes, I don't think you would be acting this way. I'll find my answer elsewhere and I certainly won't promote this site.