Alcohol at Reception

SammySue2016

I just recently got engaged and have already started getting ideas together even though our date is almost 3 years from now. And we have already hit a road bump.

Alcohol. My parents who assisting with paying said we have to have a cash bar. Which I think is incredibly tacky and is not something I want. I know of a venue that lets you bring in your own alcohol to serve and own caterer so I'm thinking if I get only a few types of alcohol I can possibly get a discount if I order from the supplier.  I'm thinking 1 red wine, 1 white wine, 1 beer and a "bride and grooms" signiture drinks. His favorite drink is Vodka and Cranberry. Mine is Gin and Tonic with lime. So I thought having those two drinks plus beer and wine would be perfectly acceptable, as I don't want guests to have to empty their wallets at the bar. Is this a good idea or does it HAVE to be cash bar or open bar?

It was also suggested that we do a no alcohol reception because both my FH and I have full blown alcoholics and people who do not know when enough alcohol is enough in our family. I know that several members of my family will have a problem with a sober reception and will probably leave almost immediately if their is not alcohol available. How should I handle the problematic drinkers? And is it wrong to have alcohol when there are alcoholics in our families?

My 3rd alcohol related issue is I am terrified of people getting hurt leaving the reception. Currently at my home if someone is drinking I take their keys and wont give them back until I'm 100% sure they are sober, I also have a breathalyzer and when I wasn't sure how sober someone was I have asked them to blow. But I don't let people leave drunk. I know at the reception I can't stop people from leaving if they're drunk but what I would like to do is put a cute sign up at the bar that has all of the local cab information on it. But I was told that that would be tacky and pointless. Opinions? 

AddieCake

Yes, that is a great idea. You're correct that a cash bar is incredibly rude and tacky. Guests should never have to open their wallets at a party you are hosting for them. Having limited alcohol is a great and affordable way to provide alcohol to your guests w/o breaking the bank. 

As for the problem drinkers, you just have to trust the bartenders, who are legally required to cut people off if they feel they have had too much. 

You can't worry about the people getting hurt leaving. People go out all the time to functions, restaurants, etc, not associated with your wedding. They need to be responsible for themselves at your wedding the same way they would be at any other time. 

Putting a sign (please just put a sign and not a "cute sign") with the number for a cab is an excellent idea. 

Jen4948

AddieL73 said:

Yes, that is a great idea. You're correct that a cash bar is incredibly rude and tacky. Guests should never have to open their wallets at a party you are hosting for them. Having limited alcohol is a great and affordable way to provide alcohol to your guests w/o breaking the bank. 

As for the problem drinkers, you just have to trust the bartenders, who are legally required to cut people off if they feel they have had too much. 

You can't worry about the people getting hurt leaving. People go out all the time to functions, restaurants, etc, not associated with your wedding. They need to be responsible for themselves at your wedding the same way they would be at any other time. 

Putting a sign (please just put a sign and not a "cute sign") with the number for a cab is an excellent idea. 

Cosigned Jen4948 in its entirety.

manateehugger

Everything Addie said. As long as you're using a licensed bartender (make sure they are!), you shouldn't have to worry about this overmuch.

I've also been to a rowdier wedding where they just had the DJ announce toward the end of the night to let the bartender know if you or a buddy needed a ride home. The bartender had business cards of the cab company. I know multiple people grabbed a card and used it.

banana468

Ditto pps. If you're really concerned about liability, consider purchasing event insurance.

Under no circumstances would I ever give you my car keys or take a breathalyzer. If you did that to me at any event you hosted it would be the last one I attended.

itzMS

SammySue2016 said:

I just recently got engaged and have already started getting ideas together even though our date is almost 3 years from now. And we have already hit a road bump.

Alcohol. My parents who assisting with paying said we have to have a cash bar. Which I think is incredibly tacky and is not something I want. I know of a venue that lets you bring in your own alcohol to serve and own caterer so I'm thinking if I get only a few types of alcohol I can possibly get a discount if I order from the supplier.  I'm thinking 1 red wine, 1 white wine, 1 beer and a "bride and grooms" signiture drinks. His favorite drink is Vodka and Cranberry. Mine is Gin and Tonic with lime. So I thought having those two drinks plus beer and wine would be perfectly acceptable, as I don't want guests to have to empty their wallets at the bar. Is this a good idea or does it HAVE to be cash bar or open bar?

It was also suggested that we do a no alcohol reception because both my FH and I have full blown alcoholics and people who do not know when enough alcohol is enough in our family. I know that several members of my family will have a problem with a sober reception and will probably leave almost immediately if their is not alcohol available. How should I handle the problematic drinkers? And is it wrong to have alcohol when there are alcoholics in our families?

My 3rd alcohol related issue is I am terrified of people getting hurt leaving the reception. Currently at my home if someone is drinking I take their keys and wont give them back until I'm 100% sure they are sober, I also have a breathalyzer and when I wasn't sure how sober someone was I have asked them to blow. But I don't let people leave drunk. I know at the reception I can't stop people from leaving if they're drunk but what I would like to do is put a cute sign up at the bar that has all of the local cab information on it. But I was told that that would be tacky and pointless. Opinions? 

Wowwwww. This is INCREDIBLY controlling. One person can blow .07 and be fine and one not. Both are below the legal limit. Let adults decide for themselves.

If you have underlying issues with alcohol...just have a dry wedding. Dry weddings are perfectly acceptable and you won't have to worry about being the "drunk police" and you can enjoy your wedding.

It really irks me when people treat adults like children.

NYCBruin

Ditto PPs on the issue of limited bars, it being ok to have alcohol even if there are alcoholics there, hiring licensed bar tenders, and having cab information available.

Please don't take people's keys or use a breathalyzer.  First, as other posters have pointed out, it's rude and patronizing.  The only way you can non-rudely stop people from drinking and driving is to have a dry reception, and even then, you can't stop people who might sneak in flasks (I think it's tacky as hell, but people do it).  

Second, taking actions like this can actually increase your legal liability.  Taking keys away and subjecting guests to breathalyzers before you give keys back can impose liability where there would not have been any absent such actions as you have taken upon yourself an obligation to make sure that people are actually ok to drive.  Breathalyzers are not super reliable, even the police breathalyzers are frequently "off."  Many DUI charges end up being dropped because the breathalyzer wasn't calibrated recently enough (sometimes if it wasn't calibrated that day, a defendant can get the charge dismissed).  So unless you calibrate your breathalyzer daily, it's not unlikely that it is giving you incorrect readings.  Don't give your guests a false sense of security (and put yourself on the hook) by telling them that your breathalyzer says that they are "ok," because in reality they may be over the legal limit.  

cmiles89

While I can appreciate being cautious about DUI (I confiscate firearms and keys after two drinks at my apartment, I think that's just a good idea if you knew my friends), there is a point at which you have to let people take care of themselves. Realize there will be all family and friends at your wedding and they will likely take care of each other so you don't have to. Having cab info available isn't a bad idea, either.

Beer, wine, and signature drinks is a good middle ground that is becoming very normal now. In dealing with alcoholics, all you can do is trust the bartenders. Of course, if they really want to drink themselves into a ditch they will, and there's nothing you can do. So enjoy your wedding and let adults do what they want- short of sabotaging your day.

AddieCake

cmiles89 said:

While I can appreciate being cautious about DUI (I confiscate firearms and keys after two drinks at my apartment, 

Do you have a lot of armed visitors?  I'm not being sarcastic; I'm genuinely curious. 

itzMS

AddieL73 said:

cmiles89 said:

While I can appreciate being cautious about DUI (I confiscate firearms and keys after two drinks at my apartment, 

Do you have a lot of armed visitors?  I'm not being sarcastic; I'm genuinely curious. 

I'm curious too!

Also, do you have a lock on your liquor cabinet or the beer cooler? Sounds like a super fun party if you're spending your time counting how much ADULTS are having to drink.

SammySue2016

I wasn't planning on taking keys or anything at the reception. I just said that that is what I do in my own home. I have a problem with people driving drunk because it has been an issue in my family and among my friends. Most of my family will not attend though if it is a sober event.  

alithebride

Jen4948 said:

AddieL73 said:

Yes, that is a great idea. You're correct that a cash bar is incredibly rude and tacky. Guests should never have to open their wallets at a party you are hosting for them. Having limited alcohol is a great and affordable way to provide alcohol to your guests w/o breaking the bank. 

As for the problem drinkers, you just have to trust the bartenders, who are legally required to cut people off if they feel they have had too much. 

You can't worry about the people getting hurt leaving. People go out all the time to functions, restaurants, etc, not associated with your wedding. They need to be responsible for themselves at your wedding the same way they would be at any other time. 

Putting a sign (please just put a sign and not a "cute sign") with the number for a cab is an excellent idea. 

Cosigned Jen4948 in its entirety.

cosigned again

banana468

SammySue2016 said:

I wasn't planning on taking keys or anything at the reception. I just said that that is what I do in my own home. I have a problem with people driving drunk because it has been an issue in my family and among my friends. Most of my family will not attend though if it is a sober event.  

My point is that you're out of line to do that anywhere. That kind of maneuver is used by high school administrators before a prom. If you did that to me in your home, our friendship would cease to exist.

NYCBruin

SammySue2016 said:

I wasn't planning on taking keys or anything at the reception. I just said that that is what I do in my own home. I have a problem with people driving drunk because it has been an issue in my family and among my friends. Most of my family will not attend though if it is a sober event.  

If you're really worried about it, you could pre-pay for a cab service and offer it to guests free of charge.  You could have a sign at the bar saying something like "If you feel you are unable to drive home safely, the bride and groom have arranged for XYZ cab company to take you home safely."  You could have the DJ make a similar announcement throughout the night.  Then have cabs lined up out front waiting to take people home.

I still want to restate my concern about using a breathalyzer for guests in your own home.  Seriously, they are not reliable.  You're potentially creating a bigger problem/liability hazard for yourself, not to mention being extremely patronizing.

manateehugger

NYCBruin said:

SammySue2016 said:

I wasn't planning on taking keys or anything at the reception. I just said that that is what I do in my own home. I have a problem with people driving drunk because it has been an issue in my family and among my friends. Most of my family will not attend though if it is a sober event.  

If you're really worried about it, you could pre-pay for a cab service and offer it to guests free of charge.  You could have a sign at the bar saying something like "If you feel you are unable to drive home safely, the bride and groom have arranged for XYZ cab company to take you home safely."  You could have the DJ make a similar announcement throughout the night.  Then have cabs lined up out front waiting to take people home.

I still want to restate my concern about using a breathalyzer for guests in your own home.  Seriously, they are not reliable.  You're potentially creating a bigger problem/liability hazard for yourself.

The bolded was going to be my follow-up suggestion as well.

And yeah, the personal breathalyzer's are not reliable in the slightest. Not to mention, the alcohol has to metabolize (or some other scientific word) to get an accurate reading. I could take one sip of wine right now and would probably blow a very high number.

itzMS

SammySue2016 said:

I wasn't planning on taking keys or anything at the reception. I just said that that is what I do in my own home. I have a problem with people driving drunk because it has been an issue in my family and among my friends. Most of my family will not attend though if it is a sober event.  

Then it's a choice you need to make.

#1, Trust your bartenders, trust your guests, and have options for pre-paid safe rides. Let go and have a good time...

OR

#2, Have a dry wedding for your own peace of mind and don't worry about your family's opinion

MuppetOverlord

Some of our friends carry sidearms. I've never confiscated one. I'm fascinated by this and am curious too. I can't imagine they'd give them to me if I asked them to surrender.

I say trust your guests to be adults and everything else Addie said

Dreamergirl8812

SammySue2016 said:

I just recently got engaged and have already started getting ideas together even though our date is almost 3 years from now. And we have already hit a road bump.

Alcohol. My parents who assisting with paying said we have to have a cash bar. Which I think is incredibly tacky and is not something I want. I know of a venue that lets you bring in your own alcohol to serve and own caterer so I'm thinking if I get only a few types of alcohol I can possibly get a discount if I order from the supplier.  I'm thinking 1 red wine, 1 white wine, 1 beer and a "bride and grooms" signiture drinks. His favorite drink is Vodka and Cranberry. Mine is Gin and Tonic with lime. So I thought having those two drinks plus beer and wine would be perfectly acceptable, as I don't want guests to have to empty their wallets at the bar. Is this a good idea or does it HAVE to be cash bar or open bar?

It was also suggested that we do a no alcohol reception because both my FH and I have full blown alcoholics and people who do not know when enough alcohol is enough in our family. I know that several members of my family will have a problem with a sober reception and will probably leave almost immediately if their is not alcohol available. How should I handle the problematic drinkers? And is it wrong to have alcohol when there are alcoholics in our families?

My 3rd alcohol related issue is I am terrified of people getting hurt leaving the reception. Currently at my home if someone is drinking I take their keys and wont give them back until I'm 100% sure they are sober, I also have a breathalyzer and when I wasn't sure how sober someone was I have asked them to blow. But I don't let people leave drunk. I know at the reception I can't stop people from leaving if they're drunk but what I would like to do is put a cute sign up at the bar that has all of the local cab information on it. But I was told that that would be tacky and pointless. Opinions? 

NOLAbridealmost

Ditto everything Banana said, Your wedding plans sound great. I knew you didn't plan to take wedding guests' keys or breathalyze at the wedding. It's still really rude and inappropriate to do that to guests in your home.