Engagement questions..

[Deleted User]

Looking to you all for advice- when is it appropriate to get engaged? How long had you been dating before you proposed? How long had you been out before you proposed? All discussion is welcomed. I'm only asking because I know I've found the love of my life.. We have talked about marriage, currently live together, and I have bought her a ring.. But I don't want to rush into things or jeopardize our future by moving to fast. So im looking to you to let me know your thoughts..

QueerFemme

Mrsby2015 said:

Looking to you all for advice- when is it appropriate to get engaged? How long had you been dating before you proposed? How long had you been out before you proposed? All discussion is welcomed. I'm only asking because I know I've found the love of my life.. We have talked about marriage, currently live together, and I have bought her a ring.. But I don't want to rush into things or jeopardize our future by moving to fast. So im looking to you to let me know your thoughts..

I honestly think it depends on the couple,and on your age. If you are 20, or 25, you might want to wait a little longer.  I am not saying you can't find true love at those ages, but I think we tend to "jump" a little too quickly when you are younger. 

I'm 43.  My partner and I moved in together after a short time, but we didn't even discuss marriage until after we had been together a year. We didn't get engaged until we were together for almost 2, and we had an 18 month engagement. So, by the day the wedding rolled around, we were together for 3 1/2 years. 

mrpbn7

My fiancee and I are 25 and 26 and we've been engaged for 18 months - not having our wedding (which we refer to as our love party) until next September. By the time we have the ceremony, we will have been together for *almost* five years. 

It's tempting to move quickly when you are so happy. Our human nature is to crave the security that comes with commitment - and an engagement and the marriage that follows are the pinnacle of commitment. But my advice is to get the most out of the time in between the big moments. Enjoy dating. Enjoy being engaged. Enjoy being married. And enjoy them all equally -- each stage of your relationship comes with its own unique experiences.

There is definitely no "right" amount of time to be together before you take the next step. I think what's important is to be able to enjoy simply standing still. You should propose when you feel confident that you've gotten the most of this stage and you're ready for the next one. Only you can know when that is. 

Good luck and congratulations on finding someone to share your life with!

MayDay513

Mrsby2015 said:

Looking to you all for advice- when is it appropriate to get engaged? How long had you been dating before you proposed? How long had you been out before you proposed? All discussion is welcomed. I'm only asking because I know I've found the love of my life.. We have talked about marriage, currently live together, and I have bought her a ring.. But I don't want to rush into things or jeopardize our future by moving to fast. So im looking to you to let me know your thoughts..

I think everyone is different. Every situation is different. If you feel it is going to fast then it is, if not, then F*** everyone and their BS. I'm 24 been married 10 weeks, and some crazy had the nerve to tell me I was too young to be married. My DH and I dated for 2.75 years. We had been dating for almost 2 years. Have known each other 9.

minsu5

I think it's a positive step to at least talk about what life may be like and how both of you view a long-term, committed relationship.

My FI and I were together for 4 1/2 years before we engaged. I'm 26 and he's in his early 30s. Prior to that, many of my friends and acquaintances wondered if we were going to move in together, would we marry in DC, and if we would have children.  At times, the questions (and pressure) were annoying because I felt everyone was loading their expections onto my relationship. When our mutual friends started to marry, the expectations heighten.  Thankfully, we ostensibly maintained our independent road to matrimony. After about 18 months, we exchanged promise rings. After our second year, we opened a joint checking account to save money for our vacations (we love to travel).  Soon, we entered into a domestic partnership, and after the November 2012 elections, we engaged. 

Again, I applaud you discussing what marriage means to both you and your partner.  That's a good first step. Keep the conversation going and delve into why you want to marry. Marriage is much more than love; it's a major financial and legal merger. For example, my partner and I had a long, interesting conversation about living wills and what we wanted if we were in a vegetative state. The more you talk, the more you learn, and if you're making a lifelong commitment, why not get the nitty gritty details?

townchungwedding

I don't think there is any right answer here. We are in our mid/late 30's, and were together about a year before we started talking about marriage. At 18 months I proposed, and we will be married at 2 years and 7 months. It's a hard balance to figure out when the right time is. I suppose it would depend on how many "life experiences" you have had together. Have you had your share of ups and down, and struggles to know that you can get through things together, or has it been all bliss, and once married, at the sign of the first big bump, things will maybe fall apart? We had been through illnesses (hospitalizations), family drama, fights, major work stress, etc. Take a 2-3 week vacation together. If you can do a 14 hour flight, some quality time in the car, and survive a family holiday (Christmas, etc.), you'll do fine.

[Deleted User]

Every couple is different.  I don't know how long you've been together, but if both of you feel ready to make that commitment, then go for it. 

SheMarie82

I think that every couple is different.  There is no certain time that you need to wait, nor do you need to rush.  If you are having the conversations, and you are both serious, think about taking the leap!

My wife and I had been together for 10 years, and broke up, then played the off/on game until I was done playing and just decided to propose! It is the best decision that I ever made!  We had a year engagement, and wed, though not legally in Michigan in front of our friends and family last weekend.

Our path is not one for any other couple, but it worked for us!

luckyus10

Mrsby2015 said:

Looking to you all for advice- when is it appropriate to get engaged? How long had you been dating before you proposed? How long had you been out before you proposed? All discussion is welcomed. I'm only asking because I know I've found the love of my life.. We have talked about marriage, currently live together, and I have bought her a ring.. But I don't want to rush into things or jeopardize our future by moving to fast. So im looking to you to let me know your thoughts..

I'm 33 and she's 36, we were together 3.5 years before we got engaged. She had been out her entire life and I had been out for 6 years. I do agree with the idea of being a bit older when you get engaged just because you're a little wiser to life and how it works, i think as younger people sometimes we have unrealistic expectations, but not always. Either way, congratulations on finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, it's a beautiful thing when you finally find the one.