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Disaster! BF/Fiancé -to-be had cold feet?

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Re: Disaster! BF/Fiancé -to-be had cold feet?

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    @kida07   are you seriously saying that he left your home, that you shared together, and just said "goodbye" and you haven't heard from him?  there was no discussion before that?  Did you see him packing his stuff?   Was there a fight or conversation before the "goodbye". 

    I'm trying to figure out, how if you shared a home together, and you noticed he was packing his belongings, and he left by saying "goodbye" you didn't say "what the fuck is going on here?"    Did you think he was leaving on a trip or something?

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    I'm trying to figure out, how if you shared a home together, and you noticed he was packing his belongings, and he left by saying "goodbye" you didn't say "what the fuck is going on here?"    Did you think he was leaving on a trip or something?

    DITTO!!! There are usually signs that things aren't working... 
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    @kida07   are you seriously saying that he left your home, that you shared together, and just said "goodbye" and you haven't heard from him?  there was no discussion before that?  Did you see him packing his stuff?   Was there a fight or conversation before the "goodbye". 

    I'm trying to figure out, how if you shared a home together, and you noticed he was packing his belongings, and he left by saying "goodbye" you didn't say "what the fuck is going on here?"    Did you think he was leaving on a trip or something?


    Yeah, this.  So either he dumped you and you just weren't paying attention to him getting his things together, he's left all his things behind, OR he's truly disappeared and you should call 20/20.
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    @kida07   are you seriously saying that he left your home, that you shared together, and just said "goodbye" and you haven't heard from him?  there was no discussion before that?  Did you see him packing his stuff?   Was there a fight or conversation before the "goodbye". 

    I'm trying to figure out, how if you shared a home together, and you noticed he was packing his belongings, and he left by saying "goodbye" you didn't say "what the fuck is going on here?"    Did you think he was leaving on a trip or something?

    When someone is elbow-deep in preplanning their wedding, they rarely see what's going on around them, like their boyfriend packing their shit and moving out.....

    So, yeah, I could see this happening.

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    phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'm guessing this boyfriend was also young, about 21? Too young to know that if you're unhappy with your girlfriend planning your wedding, you can use your words and say things like, "We're not engaged yet, so please stop planning the wedding."

    OP, you clearly were with a dud. To just leave you like that, saying, "Goodbye," and disappearing, isn't mature or appropriate. Take some time to heal and move on.

    And next time you're in a relationship, don't get carried away planning your wedding when there isn't one to be planned.
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    Yeah there's got to be more to this. I would assume there was some sort of lease involved? How can you both just up and leave?  Did you ever call him to see where in the hell he was?
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
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    Yeah, OP, come back and give us details?
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    I had a boyfriend say he wanted to marry me in that fall (it was spring) broke up with me a month later. I moved on with my life. Fell in love with my DH a month after that and come fall he proposed to me and I was laughing at how ironic it was that he proposed to me around the time that I would've gotten married to Jerkzilla.
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    CMGr said:
    Congratulations. You have just avoided marrying the wrong man. What you are experiencing right now is called growth. It hurts. It may happen several times more before you meet the right man. Give yourself a few years to recover and mature. In five years you will be a very different person than you are now. Concentrate on education and job training. You need to be happy as an independent person before you can be happy as one half of a married couple. Things will get better. Good luck.
    Exactly!! 10 years down the road you are going to look back and think "Thank God I didn't end up with that asswipe. Best thing that ever happened to me." As cliche as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. 
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    kjlambkjlamb member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Be happy-my last serious bf proposed to me then broke up with me 2 weeks after the fact. I am now marrying the man of my dreams and realize it more than ever how wrong my ex was for me. 


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    MajideMajide member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited July 2013

    Yep, I've had something like this happen.  But I was the one who ended it.

    I was almost 19.  On our two year anniversary, he gave me a promise ring, at one point he asked me to marry him.  I never considered it official, but I suppose it was.  I was young and not ready for those things.  I didn't really want to accept it yet.

    Half a year later, I realized this wasn't the man for me.  We had a discussion, decided to take a "break" for two weeks.  And I never talked to him again after that pre-two week break conversation.

    And I'm glad.  He did try to contact me, but I didn't answer, didn't respond.  Found out later that during our two-week "break" that he had done some very awful things (and he ended up in jail). 

    So things do work out for the best.  It may be hard to see now, but there is so much more in store for you, and there will be a guy out there who will be more stable.  Someone out there you can depend on :)

    My ex was a horrible influence, very depressing, and not a good person.  My fiance is positive, supportive, optimistic, friendly - the complete opposite of my ex.  I am so happy I went through that difficult breakup nine years ago.

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    You've never heard of this happening before? Ever? How about in every premise to most any romcom evar?!

    Not to make light of this situation, but you are young and if you'll believe any guy who talks about marriage, you need to learn some more about yourself. So this is overall a good experience for you IMO. Take a break, soul search, be a girl. You'll be better off for it.
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    hlvonbhlvonb member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    It has not happened to me personally but it happened to my cousin... She's now married to an awesome guy and have an adorable baby boy and the jerk is in jail. 

    But like others have said, you will move on and find happiness with someone who isn't a jerk. 

    Also, divorces are a lot more expensive than break-ups. Be glad you didn't end up marrying him at some point and then he leaves you! 

    We're here for you though. Keep your head up! You're better than all this drama and you deserve a great guy and you will find one
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    The first relationship following my divorce was brutal. The guy discussed marriage and adopting my daughter. I was so infatuated with him. Then all of a sudden, he said he would be at my house and then not show up and not answer his phone. A few days later, he would text and say that he couldn't handle me having a kid or he just wasn't attracted to me anymore. This happened 3 times over the course of a year. Finally he straight up broke up with me and I accepted it. I met FI 4 months later and the exbf tried to contact me to go out again. Too little too late, buddy. I didn't understand what a douche he was until I met FI. He showed me the true meaning of a soul mate. He whole heatedly accepted my daughter as his own, no question. He tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me everyday.

    Believe me, you'll know it when find it and this experience will become more clear.
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    Am I seriously the only one that isn't automatically assuming that the boyfriend is an asshole?  It just sounds like he broke up with her at this point.  OP hasn't come back to answer any of the questions she was asked, and she was pre-planning a wedding and a honeymoon with someone that hadn't asked her to marry him. 

    I'm right there with you.  After reading everything she wrote I got the sense that he broke up with her and she is in denial.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    NYCBruin said:

    Am I seriously the only one that isn't automatically assuming that the boyfriend is an asshole?  It just sounds like he broke up with her at this point.  OP hasn't come back to answer any of the questions she was asked, and she was pre-planning a wedding and a honeymoon with someone that hadn't asked her to marry him. 

    I'm right there with you.  After reading everything she wrote I got the sense that he broke up with her and she is in denial.
    that's what I'm thinking... like "he left and just said goodbye... and hasn't talked to me in weeks...  is that normal?"   Um.  It sounds to me like he broke up with her, and she is thinking that is some sort of test and he'll be back to continue their relationship and wedding planning.
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    NYCBruin said:

    Am I seriously the only one that isn't automatically assuming that the boyfriend is an asshole?  It just sounds like he broke up with her at this point.  OP hasn't come back to answer any of the questions she was asked, and she was pre-planning a wedding and a honeymoon with someone that hadn't asked her to marry him. 

    I'm right there with you.  After reading everything she wrote I got the sense that he broke up with her and she is in denial.
    that's what I'm thinking... like "he left and just said goodbye... and hasn't talked to me in weeks...  is that normal?"   Um.  It sounds to me like he broke up with her, and she is thinking that is some sort of test and he'll be back to continue their relationship and wedding planning.
    Yeah.  I think she was hoping someone would post something like, "Yes, I was doing all this pre-engagement planning and it freaked him out so he broke up with me.  But then he realized that we were perfect together and came back to me.  And we got married and lived happily ever after."

    Obviously that's not a real thing that happens.  But heartbreak can make people harbor crazy hopes.  
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    Am I seriously the only one that isn't automatically assuming that the boyfriend is an asshole?  It just sounds like he broke up with her at this point.  OP hasn't come back to answer any of the questions she was asked, and she was pre-planning a wedding and a honeymoon with someone that hadn't asked her to marry him. 


    I don't know whether he's an asshole or if OP was actually broken up with and is just refusing to believe it ... but whatever happened I stand by my PP in this thread: he's just not that into her.


    *I felt sorry for my husband before I met him. Take a number.*
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    The biggest red flag was "Fiance to be."



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    The biggest red flag was "Fiance to be."


    I agree.  talking about maybe getting married someday, is not the same as "Will you marry me?"

    I also think the fact that she hasn't come back to further explain speaks volumes.

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    rajahmdrajahmd member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    edited August 2013
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