My fiance does not speak to his sister. His sister is bad news. She is drama, in trouble with the law, someone we do not trust or even feel SAFE around. We have made it clear that she is not invited to our wedding. Of course my fiances mom is not happy about this. There are 2 things my future MIL is paying for/putting on, the bridal shower and the rehersal dinner. While this is very nice of her, I have found the list of people invited to both and she has added on my fiances sister and child to both of them. She added the names onto the list I gave her. While I know she is paying, so there is not much I can do, I feel that this is rude. His sister shouldn't even be in town for the rehersal dinner if she is not invited to the wedding. We are worried that if she is in town, my future MIL will bring her to the wedding too. We did not want her to even know where the wedding is so she wouldn't show up and cause a scene. I would rather just pay for the rehersal myself and not have her there. What my MIL is doing is causing me a lot of anxiety and making the wedding process an upsetting one. Also, I'm afraid with all of this sister drama that my fiance will not follow through with the wedding. How should I proceed?
Re: Future MIL inviting person to shower/rehearsal dinner who are not invited to the wedding.
Why would your FI not proceed with the wedding?
Are you afraid that he won't marry you, or will want to change the wedding plans. I hope it is the latter, otherwise I have to suggest pre-marital counseling. As his wife, you should not have to be worried about his family effecting major decisions in your life together.
Your FI needs to tell his mother that he is not comfortable with his sister coming to the wedding or any related events. Decline both the shower and FMIL's offer to host the RD if necessary. She who pays says, but no one should be invited to pre-wedding parties that is not invited to the wedding, so FMIL needs to accept that.
I'm just worried this drama his mother is causing would be too much for him.
Solution: "Mom, [fiancee] and I are hosting our own wedding, and we are the people who decide who is invited to attend. You have repeatedly insisted that we invite [sister], but we will not be inviting her. We understand if this upsets you, but we're not changing our minds. If [sister] arrives at the wedding, security will ask her to leave."
You need to say no. That you will have her removed from any event you are hosting and you will not attend the events FMIL is hosting. Let your WP know that you are now hosting the RD, hire security and tell FMIL that she will be removed from the ceremony and reception as well if she is a party to any of this.
Your FI needs to stand up to his mother and fast. If this was my family, FMIL would be at serious risk of being cut out of our lives.
He keeps saying he will deal with it. But I don't know how he is going to do that???
I think its time that FI also re-evaluates his relationship with his mom too. You need to call FMIL and tell her that you are declining both the shower and the RD. Tell FMIL that, while she is welcomed to attend the wedding (if you decide to allow her - I'd probably revoke her invite), you will not allow FSIL to attend and she will be escorted out by security. HIRE SECURITY! Host your own RD. You may not have a shower now, but you never know, someone may feel bad about the situation and make something come together.
Also, if your wedding ceremony is in a church, FSIL cannot be turned away since its a public space. If this is an issue, speak openly and honestly with your priest/pastor. Maybe he will allow the ceremony to be held at your venue to avoid this public space issue.
I'd be worried about that response. I was hoping for something more ... forceful, I guess is the word? Direct? Contacting his mom and sister and saying that's not going to fly and they need to knock it off right now?
Welp, you can't have a bridal shower without a bride. Don't go, and decline the rehearsal dinner--it isn't necessary anyway. Get the word out to your WP and family that there won't be one (or that you won't be attending). Your FI needs to grow a pair and tell Mom no and back you up.
Does she know about the issues that you all have with the sister?
I really hope that you and your fiance can get past this issue with your FMIL. She sounds like she is completely disregarding your wishes, which is very selfish.
My thoughts exactly. Actually my larger fear was that "messaged" means Facebook messaged. I hope I'm wrong.