Wedding date drama

delong21

I've always wanted a small wedding with no fuss or hassle, especially because my fiance and I are just starting out. My mom has always wanted me to have a large wedding so all of her friends and our family could attend. She refused to come to a smaller wedding so I consented to a larger one as long as she paid for the extra guests and costs (larger venue, more food, etc.) We chose a date but then found out my best friend and my fiance's sister were both pregnant and due within days of the wedding date. We absolutely want them both there but my mom refuses to listen to any change of date plans because the original wedding date is a better time for her and she says we shouldn't change our plans for others. Nothing has been set in stone yet because the wedding and reception venues are at a local church and can be changed and my dress is the only thing that has been purchased. I desperately want my mom, and consequently some of her side of the family, to be there but she will not listen to reason even after offering to change to a smaller wedding that we would pay for. How can I make this process easier without waiting and hoping she comes?

Teddy917

Babies can be early or late. Would it be a bummer if your friend and sister couldn't make it, yes. But I wouldn't worry about it.

kmmssg

Personally, your mom is bullying you to get her way and her party.  Decline her money and call her bluff.  I'm betting she has always been this way and gets her way because people cave in to her.  It is time to set some boundaries and have the wedding you really want.

allispain

kmmssg said:

Personally, your mom is bullying you to get her way and her party.  Decline her money and call her bluff.  I'm betting she has always been this way and gets her way because people cave in to her.  It is time to set some boundaries and have the wedding you really want.

I second this. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to plan your own wedding without needing your mom's money (which it sounds like you didn't really want in the first place). 

HisGirlFriday13

Ditto PPs. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to cut the apron strings and tell your mother, 'enough!'

She sounds like a bully, and you're letting her bully you. If she gets her way about this, what will she want her way about next? How you raise your kids? How many you have? What you name them?

Call her bluff. Tell her, 'Mom, FI and I have decided to have a small ceremony on X date. This is what we want, so the discussion is over.'

Also, I recommend planning the wedding you and your FI can afford and doing it quickly so that everything is done and she can't object or change anything.

blueobsidian

allispain said:

kmmssg said:

Personally, your mom is bullying you to get her way and her party.  Decline her money and call her bluff.  I'm betting she has always been this way and gets her way because people cave in to her.  It is time to set some boundaries and have the wedding you really want.

I second this. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to plan your own wedding without needing your mom's money (which it sounds like you didn't really want in the first place). 

All of this.  Cancel the date, decline the money, and plan the event you want (and can afford).  When your mom throws her temper tantrum about not attending a smaller wedding, tell her that she will be missed if that is her decision.  

There is no reason to "refuse to attend a smaller wedding" unless she is trying to take charge and bully you into letting her make all the decisions.  Is this really the kind of relationship you want to have with a parent as you enter a new phase of your life?  What will happen if she disagrees with decisions about buying a home or having children?  Are you going to let her tell you what to do in those areas too?

cruffino

mom, we've decided to get married on X date at X place. hope you can make it. it wouldn't be the same without you. 

KeptInStitches

The only thing I would add to @cruffino's reply would be "We'll miss you in the photos" if she says she still won't come.

Jen4948

cruffino said:

mom, we've decided to get married on X date at X place. hope you can make it. it wouldn't be the same without you. 

This.  Perfect.  Just pay for everything yourself.

prettyfacegal

Let her make the choice to come to your wedding. If not, oh...well...she will be missed but not forgotten.

WildMagelet

Have the wedding that you want when you want it.  Call her bluff, decline the money from mom and tell her you'll miss her if she still refuses to attend.  She's manipulating you into getting what she wants.  The only one who it will reflect poorly on if she doesn't show up is her - the woman who refused to attend her daughters wedding because she couldn't have her way.  

SBmini

These girls are right. The sooner you level with your mom, the sooner wedding planning will be fun. So long as everything is about her you aren't going to enjoy your wedding. Cut the cord.