Moms and Maids

Bridesmaid Vent

First off, I'm on my phone so I apologize for wonky formatting. I am attempting paragraphs, I swear. Secondly, this is obviously a dummy account because my old one would probably be very easy to identify me through, and I have a feeling this bridesmaid is on this site.

I don't feel I ask a lot of my bridesmaids. I don't ask them to make center pieces, or help with invitations, or accompany me to bridal expos. I let them pick their own black dress, no restrictions on length, style, neckline, fabric, anything. If there's an accent color on it, fine. If it's made of glitter, go for it. Black pantsuit? Just as good, go nuts. I don't care what their hair looks like, if they opt to do their nails, what jewelry they wear.

To make a long story short, I have one bridesmaid that is being a bit of a handful. They threw me a bachelorette party (which was amazing of them, I love them for all the work they put into this) and until the day of, this bridesmaid insisted she wasn't coming. That's fine, everyone has their own lives, no big deal.

Except she did come. From start to finish, it was nonstop whining and complaining about not liking the drinks, not feeling pretty enough, not liking the locations, not wanting to dance and she even said to me before we left the house, "I don't even want to go do this." And if she wasn't whining, she was sermonizing to everyone else present about every minute detail of HER wedding...she is not engaged. But it was so over the top negativity coming from her, that I welcomed the topic, because it was the only time she wasn't moping or crying about everything. During a weekend long party.

This is already exceedingly long and I apologize. I'm heavily editing because this is basically just a post to vent and let myself say (type, I guess) that if this is how she behaves on the wedding day, I have no problem asking her to leave and accepting the friendship as dead.

Re: Bridesmaid Vent

  • Ugh, that sucks and I can understand why it would be incredibly distracting and put a damper on things.

    You didn't mention if she is usually a dramatic/whiny person. Although you say you don't have a problem with ending the friendship, maybe you could just tell her how you felt and see if you can find out why she acted that way. "Hey BM, last weekend at the party, I was really hurt that you complained the whole time and didn't seem to have any fun. Was something on your mind? I was worried about you since you weren't having a good time."
  • I would let it go. The time to have brought it up has passed. I'm sorry you're upset, and she sounds like a pain. I hope there were parts of the weekend you enjoyed. If she acts like this again, that would be the opportunity, then and there, to ask her what's bothering her. Don't suffer in silence.
  • Has your friend always been like that or is this something new? Crying and complaining throughout a party isn't normal behavior for an adult. Tell her you noticed she seemed very unhappy at your bp and ask her if there's something going on in her life that is affecting her mood. If she was just being a PITA, then do the best you can to avoid her until the RD or wedding. You'll be so busy the day of the wedding that you'll barely notice she's there.

    Wait until after the wedding to re-evaluate the friendship. Asking her to leave the wedding, would be a bridezilla move, unless her behavior is harmful, rather than annoying.
                       
  • Well, it is my fault for not seeing this coming. She is a terribly dramatic, whiny person, but she usually holds it in check in front of people she doesn't know (some of the other bridesmaids). I've known her since we were kids, we were best friends up until about age 16 when we had a big falling out. Since about three years ago, we have been talking and getting along well. Our families are VERY close (her sister is my MoH) so I sort of need to keep the peace, but truly, as time goes on and she gets more comfortable around me, i see she is a terrible, mean, bully of a person. She is absolutely the most mean spirited, negative person I have ever met, and I know I'm the idiot because I shouldn't have put her in the wedding.

    Her victim mentality is unparalleled, so if I bring it up, it's sure to be her (very sweet and accommodating) sister's fault, or her mother's for not giving her more spending money, or her boyfriend's fault for not packing her bags for her. Reality and responsibility are foreign words to her.
  • Other than her, though, it was a great weekend with some amazing women, one of whom I haven't seen in years! I love them for putting so much time and effort into it, and the fact that they planned one at all and travelled all that way made me tear up a little.
  • Stay away from her and cut her off after the wedding. In the meantime, if she is rude to you, tell her your'e not going to put up with that type of behavior and walk away.

    I'm glad you managed to have a good time, anyway. No one can make you unhappy without your permission.

                       
  • I agree with @mariepoppy. Don't bring up the wedding around her. But also don't say anything to her about the bachelorette party, it would be like feeding a troll.
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
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