I wish I could just hit the restart button on planning

SBmini

I was going through the catering proposal with my fiance and we were both starting to get really upset. It's costing way more than what we thought it would and we aren't getting as much as we thought we were going to be getting. Just more than more, I'm planning a wedding I don't want, that my fiance doesn't want, and which doesn't represent us.

The venue was sort of a panic, impulse selection that I booked because we weren't finding anything else that was affordable and available. It's OK, but far from what I originally wanted. The layout for the reception isn't ideal and the ceremony site could be prettier. The venue also seemed like a good deal because a lot of things came included. But now we realized that a lot of these bonuses will need to be upgraded. For example, the standard chairs are really uncomfortable, so we'll need to rent replacements. This is our fault for not asking the right questions. 

I'm not thrilled with the caterer that comes with the venue. The food is good, but the lack of compromise (or illusion of compromise) is frustrating. They won't let us bring any outside food or drink and are charging so much for every little request we have. Like $3.50 a person for hummus and pita bread! That's just outrageous considering some of their plated antipasto appetizer w/ meat, olives, cheese, etc is only $1.25 a person. When we booked the venue they went on and on about how much they work with people and how they'd be able to accommodate a custom menu that would include items from my fiane's culture. But that's not the case.

It's 7 months and 3 weeks out and I seriously wish I could just start over. I'm having such a compromise wedding and as a result- I feel like no one is happy. My fiance and his family is upset over the food situation, that the dance floor is far from the tables and because the reception ends early. I'm not happy because they aren't happy and for the reasons listed above. 

I'm at a loss for a solution here. I feel like it is too late now to start from scratch. I had such a hard time finding a venue four months ago that I have no faith that anything would be available if I tried to start over now. At the same time- I don't want to have a wedding that no one likes. That seems to be the direction we're going in right now.

nebullama

So it sounds like your chief issues are with the food, unexpected costs (for chairs and food upgrades), aesthetics, distance to dance floor, and early end time.

When you first began planning your wedding did you prioritize your wish list?  If so, and food was at the top of the list maybe you should at least look into making some changes.  You would first need to figure out how much you would lose in doing so, and whether or not you can afford that.  If you can, then maybe you can find other options. 

Sometimes venues are willing to negotiate a bit on their prices when you're booking closer to your wedding date (within 6 months or so), which might open up a few options that you didn't have before.  6 months before my first wedding the hall I had booked got busted for the illegal gambling parties they were regularly hosting, leaving us without a venue.  I panicked at first, but with some effort I was able to find a new venue within 2 weeks.  It is possible.

I'm also curious to know how far away the dance floor is from the tables, and how early the reception will end.  Is it going to be cut short, or is it ending earlier because it begins earlier?  Depending on the answers, these issues may not seem so bad if you take a step back and really look at them.  Is there any way to set up a small cocktail sort of area closer to the dance floor?

If there really is no way to change what you've already planned, then you need to find some way to fall as much in love with your plans as you are with your fiance (or almost as much).  Is there anything else on your wish list that IS going the way you'd hoped that you can focus on?  Any other ways to bring in your FI's culture other than food?

Above all else, remember that you are getting married.  None of the other stuff is nearly so important as that.   A couple of months ago I hit a point where my wedding mantra became "it's better than nothing" which really made me sad.  A good period of reflection on the love my FI and I share, and what we were about to do snapped me out of that in a hurry.

SBmini

Thank you for your thoughts. All and all I think I'm just having a planning panic, but I really do wish I loved my selections more than I do. 

Yes, we did make a list. But as more and more of the places we called were booked, things on the "need to have" started moving into the "nice to have" list. These included outside catering and an end time after midnight. This place has neither of those things. End time is midnight, so realistically 11:30. My fiance's family's receptions typically go until 2 am. But as you said, they do tend to start later. We're starting early by their standards at 5:30.

Our venue has three outdoor patios we'll be using opposed to one large space. I attached a photo for you to see. I originally envisioned all the tables on the lower levels and the dance floor on the upper level. When I brought my fiance and his mom over to see the venue a few weeks ago, she suggested we put his family on the upper patio. I feel like they would be segregated up there and feel second-tier, but she really felt that was the right thing to do. 

My plan is to call the caterer tomorrow and try to talk things through to see if we can't decrease the cost. Based on the info I was given it looked like it was going to cost about $75 a person ($60 plus taxes and fees). The original quote is $126 a person! There are a few additions, but nothing worth nearly doubling the cost! I definitely need to call and get us back to base. 

SBmini

The attaching function on this site is really quite awful. 

msdds51

If food is a priority, forget the "comfy" chairs.  People should have their butts up and dancing anyways!  But over $120/person does sound insane! to me.  Figure out plan B with the caterer situation.  As for the other worries.... take a step back.... and a deep breath.... and remember that you are marrying the love of your life and spending a fantastic night with your family and friends.  It's going to be awesome because it's about you and him.

SBmini

The chairs are really unbearable. I was at an event last week that had the same chairs.  An hour in them was unbearable. Other people were complaining about the chairs too. Not everyone will be dancing all night. My cousin with her six-month-old baby, my 87 year old grandmother... they are going to want that comfort. 

jojobrn

Won't you just be able to make the money back from your guests?

SBmini

jojobrn said:

Won't you just be able to make the money back from your guests?

That's quite rude and besides the point. 

hmonkey

OH SNAP @JOJOBRN

Jstump2

What if you just rented some comfy chairs/couches for a lounge area for people who don't want to/can't dance. I would imagine that would be more cost effective than renting all different chairs.

SBmini

Jstump2 said:

What if you just rented some comfy chairs/couches for a lounge area for people who don't want to/can't dance. I would imagine that would be more cost effective than renting all different chairs.

That's a good idea. The inside portion of the venue actually has couches, but it's separate from where the dancing/seating will be. I called the caterer today and we walked through the menu item by item. I explained to her where I wanted the price point and she'll get back to me in a few days with a new estimate. 

I'm hoping this all works out... I like the venue, but I'm definitely not in love with it.