Bridal party date is mortal enemy (this one is long- sorry ladies)

KD+AR

I don't know about you but it seems that every guy I have ever dated there has always been that one friend of theirs I don't like. The more I like the guy the less I end up getting along with this one friend....

Well now I am engaged and this one friend is a DOOZY! Worst part is, its a girl and she is just mean. 

So my FH and this girl have been friend for like 6 years. The first time she met me ( for 5 min, when I was loopy on meds because I broke my leg) 4 years ago she told my fh she didn't like me. He kept us seperated until she got used to the fact that he was in a relationship. I tried being friends with her because she had started dating another close friend of my FH and they hung out together all the time, so I had tried to make lemonade out of lemons. When she had put a post on her FB about her friends ditching her on her BDay I had invited her over made her and her BF dinner and made her a cheesecake which I found out was her fav through my FH and got her some games (she loves board games). They came over and she threw like 4 temper tantrums, made a comment about what I was eating and then asked for the reciepts for one of the gifts and then openly said she was regifting the other. Then left without a thank you. This was annoying but I was like what evs... if I was in her other friend's shoes I would have ditched her too if I knew she was going to behave like that.

Then several weeks later she posted a picture of her and my fiance as her profile pic from before he and I were together. It was like her kissing his cheek and being all lovey and close. I had asked her to take it down nicely- I still had the original messages if anyone is interested... and she ignored me. When he asked her to take it down she called me all sorts of name and blocked us both on FB.

Now I unfortunately still work with this girl, not directly but in the same building, we see each other on occasion. The first time she saw me after this all happend she was like "Hey!! How are you? OMG!!!" I nodded my head to acknowledge her but nothing more so she called me a nasty name starting with a C and kept walking. When I got home I sent her a message politely letting her know that I had tried hard for years to be nice and at least civil for my FH sake and she was rude to me every time the last time resulting in the blow up fight. I told her I would be civil in at work or in public but wouldn't go out of my way to be friends with her anymore. She responded with calling me another name and tried to convince me that my FH had cheated on me with her.... which he would never do. He is no longer friends with her, wants nothing to do with her... Problem is, she is dating one of the groomsman. 

The groomsman didn't do anything wrong, its not fair to tell him he can't bring a date, nor would it be polite to say you can bring a date..just not her. I just don't want to see her on my wedding day. I am afraid of the fits she will throw the horrible things she would say to my family just to be awful. Do we say none of the bridal party gets to bring a date because of this??

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable here... she has caused so much anxiety in my relationship and tension between her boyfriend and I too. Its been awful. Please advice!

banana468

Let him bring her. If she gets out of line then have her removed.

I was in your position. A groomsman was dating someone that DH and I referred to as psychohosebeast. She spied on me in college by unscrewing the peephole in my dorm room door to see what I was doing. She flipped out on me numerous times in arguments, and she hit on my husband before we were dating and tried to get him to convince him to leave me once we were together. She even asked him how I was in bed.

But when we got married she was dating our GM so he brought her. I was nervous about what she'd do since she had an ex boyfriend and additional enemies that were our invited guests but she was perfect. I think she knew that no good would come to her relationship if she caused a scene at the wedding.

Let your situation go. If she creates a scene, she'll look like the psychohosebeast -not you.

allispain

KD+AR said:

I don't know about you but it seems that every guy I have ever dated there has always been that one friend of theirs I don't like. The more I like the guy the less I end up getting along with this one friend....

Well now I am engaged and this one friend is a DOOZY! Worst part is, its a girl and she is just mean. 

So my FH and this girl have been friend for like 6 years. The first time she met me ( for 5 min, when I was loopy on meds because I broke my leg) 4 years ago she told my fh she didn't like me. He kept us seperated until she got used to the fact that he was in a relationship. I tried being friends with her because she had started dating another close friend of my FH and they hung out together all the time, so I had tried to make lemonade out of lemons. When she had put a post on her FB about her friends ditching her on her BDay I had invited her over made her and her BF dinner and made her a cheesecake which I found out was her fav through my FH and got her some games (she loves board games). They came over and she threw like 4 temper tantrums, made a comment about what I was eating and then asked for the reciepts for one of the gifts and then openly said she was regifting the other. Then left without a thank you. This was annoying but I was like what evs... if I was in her other friend's shoes I would have ditched her too if I knew she was going to behave like that.

Then several weeks later she posted a picture of her and my fiance as her profile pic from before he and I were together. It was like her kissing his cheek and being all lovey and close. I had asked her to take it down nicely- I still had the original messages if anyone is interested... and she ignored me. When he asked her to take it down she called me all sorts of name and blocked us both on FB.

Now I unfortunately still work with this girl, not directly but in the same building, we see each other on occasion. The first time she saw me after this all happend she was like "Hey!! How are you? OMG!!!" I nodded my head to acknowledge her but nothing more so she called me a nasty name starting with a C and kept walking. When I got home I sent her a message politely letting her know that I had tried hard for years to be nice and at least civil for my FH sake and she was rude to me every time the last time resulting in the blow up fight. I told her I would be civil in at work or in public but wouldn't go out of my way to be friends with her anymore. She responded with calling me another name and tried to convince me that my FH had cheated on me with her.... which he would never do. He is no longer friends with her, wants nothing to do with her... Problem is, she is dating one of the groomsman. 

The groomsman didn't do anything wrong, its not fair to tell him he can't bring a date, nor would it be polite to say you can bring a date..just not her. I just don't want to see her on my wedding day. I am afraid of the fits she will throw the horrible things she would say to my family just to be awful. Do we say none of the bridal party gets to bring a date because of this??

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable here... she has caused so much anxiety in my relationship and tension between her boyfriend and I too. Its been awful. Please advice!

You should take the high road and invite her - not in a separate invitation, of course, but as the groomsman's date. Is there a chance that she will say or do something inappropriate at your wedding? Yes. If she does, have someone escort her out of the event. However, hopefully she will behave herself.

As for you being stressed over her presence at your wedding - you will be so caught up in the emotions of the day that you likely won't even think about her.

allispain

banana468 said:

Let him bring her. If she gets out of line then have her removed. I was in your position. A groomsman was dating someone that DH and I referred to as psychohosebeast. She spied on me in college by unscrewing the peephole in my dorm room door to see what I was doing. She flipped out on me numerous times in arguments, and she hit on my husband before we were dating and tried to get him to convince him to leave me once we were together. She even asked him how I was in bed. But when we got married she was dating our GM so he brought her. I was nervous about what she'd do since she had an ex boyfriend and additional enemies that were our invited guests but she was perfect. I think she knew that no good would come to her relationship if she caused a scene at the wedding. Let your situation go. If she creates a scene, she'll look like the psychohosebeast -not you.

Ummm... pyschohosebeast indeed!! Creepy!!!!

kmmssg

Psychohosebeast is my new word for the day.

KD+AR

Psychohosebeast desribes her perfectly.

She is the type of person to wear a white dress to the wedding- but the type of white dress that is cheap and disgusting on any occasion not just at a wedding. (no joke wore a dress to our New years eve party that the cups of the dress didn't cover her chest AT ALL!) Or she would talk through out the ceremony. Or throw some sort of tantrum through out the day...

Last week  the GM was trying to get together w my FH and another GM to head towards the BM's house and since she wasn't invited because it was for the WP men only she took their shared vehicle and left so he couldn't go- and he was the carpool since I had our car and the other GM had taken the train from 2 hours away to go to the BM house. So plans were cancelled because she wasn't invited to something.- I WASN'T INVITED! it was the for GROOM AND GROOMSMAN!

So yes thank you Banana468- Psychohosebeast is PERFECT... now I have to talk to my FH and see if he is willing to let her show up.

STARMOON44

So . . . You're the one who couldn't respond to her greeting at work with a simple "good morning, sorry in a rush" and she's the drama queen? She posted a Facebook photo you didn't like and instead of ignoring it you started WWIII? Grow up, stop chasing drama and I'm sure your wedding will be fine.

OliveOilsMom

Invite the girl, as terrible as she is.  Tell your venue about this girl.  Tell them that at anytime, she can be escorted out if she causes a problem.  Make sure you seat this GM and the girl far away from you and FI.

2012FutureMrsB

Um, I disagree with STARMOON44. The OP is definitely not the one causing drama here. She already went way out of her way to be friendly with this girl and was treated like scum - and the girl is clearly jealous of OP and her FH. Why on earth should she even speak to this other girl? When passing in the hallway, she acknowledged the other girl. That was plenty. There is no need to give her any more than that after what she's done to the OP.

mlg78

STARMOON44 said:

So . . . You're the one who couldn't respond to her greeting at work with a simple "good morning, sorry in a rush" and she's the drama queen? She posted a Facebook photo you didn't like and instead of ignoring it you started WWIII? Grow up, stop chasing drama and I'm sure your wedding will be fine.

I completely disagree. I don't think most women would be okay with another girl posting a photo of them kissing our significant other on Facebook.  I can't believe you would be okay with that.

STARMOON44

She was At Work!! I don't know where y'all work that not greeting a coworker is okay. Obviously this girl is trying to create drama by posting the pic. But the great thing about not being 7 is that you can ignore it. Block her on FB and walk away. That's how you get drama out of your life, by not playing into it.

Simply Fated

The groomsman didn't do anything wrong, its not fair to tell him he can't bring a date, nor would it be polite to say you can bring a date..just not her. I just don't want to see her on my wedding day. I am afraid of the fits she will throw the horrible things she would say to my family just to be awful. Do we say none of the bridal party gets to bring a date because of this??

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable here... she has caused so much anxiety in my relationship and tension between her boyfriend and I too. Its been awful. Please advice!

Please don't punish the entire bridal party because of one crazy person.




Just to review real quick....
She gave you a (seemingly?) friendly greeting and you gave her a very cold response. Of course it pissed her off.
Her reaction was overdramatic, but I'm not sure if you were surprised or hurt or what by her calling you names. I'm not sure you should have been surprised. You two are not friends. She has never been nice to you.

You definitely shouldn't have sent her that message on FB. She isn't your friend and it wasn't a picture of you. Also, it's Facebook. There should never be drama on Facebook. It's freaking Facebook. Nothing on Facebook should ever be taken seriously. Your fiance should have been the one from the start to PM her. What's done is done. Block her, keep her blocked and let it go. 

In order to get her out of your life, you need to get out of her life. Be cordial. I'm telling you, giving her the cold shoulder at work and dictating her fb pictures to her is not going to make your situation with her any better. From now until your wedding date, don't initiate contact with her and when you see her at work say, "Good to see you!" with a smile and keep on walking.



If this girl says anything at your wedding, it will only reflect poorly on her, not you. Keep your fingers crossed that the groomsman finds someone better before your wedding date lol.

delujm0

It sounds like this chick has a crush on your FI - so if i were you i'd totally invite her, and let her eat her heart out as she watches a guy she's wanted for years marry someone else.  Nothing she says to you or about you is going to make your FI leave you, or want her instead, so who cares that she's there or what she thinks about you?  I'd just block her on FB and pretend she didn't exist unless you see her in a social situation.  And I'd be super sweet to her in public - you catch more bees with honey, you know what i mean?

NYCMercedes

Good idea, @delujm0!

KatWAG

When is your wedding? If she is as crazy as you say, there is a good chance that they will break up before your wedding.

southernbelle0915

This girl sounds like an attention whore (and like she has/had a thing for your FI)! Unfortunately, if she is in a relationship with your GM, she gets an invite. If you can find it within yourself to see the humor in her histrionics (serious histrionics here), I would just try to laugh at how pathetic her attempts are to garner attention.

I'm with KatWAG - I'd be willing to bet he dumps her anyway. She sounds like a grade-A crazypants. 

HisGirlFriday13

I just want to weigh in and say describing this girl as your "mortal enemy," (true definition: someone who wants to KILL YOU), is being a major drama queen.

In this scenario, there's blame to share, on both sides -- hers and yours. Is she an AW? Probably. Is she being petty and childish? Yes. But so are you. She shouldn't have posted that photo of her and your FI, but you also can't really ask someone to take down their FB profile photo because you don't like it. She did that to get a rise out of you and it worked -- next time, don't rise to the bait.

Suck it up, be the bigger person, and invite her. You're likely not to see her much, or interact with her at all. They'll likely break-up before then AND if she acts up, you can have her removed.

Coghoot12

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I just want to weigh in and say describing this girl as your "mortal enemy," (true definition: someone who wants to KILL YOU), is being a major drama queen.

In this scenario, there's blame to share, on both sides -- hers and yours. Is she an AW? Probably. Is she being petty and childish? Yes. But so are you. She shouldn't have posted that photo of her and your FI, but you also can't really ask someone to take down their FB profile photo because you don't like it. She did that to get a rise out of you and it worked -- next time, don't rise to the bait.

Suck it up, be the bigger person, and invite her. You're likely not to see her much, or interact with her at all. They'll likely break-up before then AND if she acts up, you can have her removed.

Thank you!

I was hoping to read a post full of challenges to duels and epically bloody battles. Instead its hyperbole and Facebook drama.

It is a little unclear but the OP says she is a friend of your FH. Honestly, if this chic is still your FHs friend and not just a GMs date, you have a FI problem and not a +1 problem.

KD+AR

My FH doesn't want anything to do with her. (the mortal enemy thing was meant to be a joke.... I really don't hate anyone- she has just caused a lot of drama. She walks by me at work now a days and calls me a see you next tuesday.) I just don't want to be unfair to the groomsman by saying that he can't have a date or by saying that he can't bring her which could start a problem in their relationship.

OliveOilsMom

KD+AR said:

My FH doesn't want anything to do with her. (the mortal enemy thing was meant to be a joke.... I really don't hate anyone- she has just caused a lot of drama. She walks by me at work now a days and calls me a see you next tuesday.) I just don't want to be unfair to the groomsman by saying that he can't have a date or by saying that he can't bring her which could start a problem in their relationship.

She seriously does this?  That is harrassment and you should be talking to HR.  And if anyone has witnessed or heard her say this, you should ask them to come to HR with you as back-up evidence.

[Deleted User]

I have to agree with PP, send invite to GM +1. She keeps acting up like this to him, there is a good chance he won't want to bring her. But have a back up plan with venues on how to deal with her should she act up. It may involve asking GM to take responsibility for her & leaving. Hopefully if she comes she'll behave because if she doesn't, she is going to be the one that ends up looking bad to everyone, not you. Whatever happens, don't let anything she does ruin your wedding day because as long as you end up as husband and wife at the end of the day, nothing else really matters.

mikencindy

Your are NOT being unreasonable. I would be very upset if i were in your position. Have your fiance kindly explain the situation to the groomsmen- its Your wedding and YOUR day, you do not need it ruined. If the groomsmen pitches a fit; well he shouldn't have been asked to be in YOUR wedding in the first place!. It will get less stressful at least that's what people tell me lol . Good Luck

OliveOilsMom

No.  As soon as you start inviting other people to a wedding, it stops being solely about the B&G.  It's not YOUR day, unless you go and elope.  And presumably, this guy is a GM because he is close friends with the G.  And for the comfort of the GM, his GF needs to be invited - even if she is a raging hosebeast.

HisGirlFriday13

OliveOilsMom said:

No.  As soon as you start inviting other people to a wedding, it stops being solely about the B&G.  It's not YOUR day, unless you go and elope.  And presumably, this guy is a GM because he is close friends with the G.  And for the comfort of the GM, his GF needs to be invited - even if she is a raging hosebeast.

This. Times 1,000. If you want a day that's "all about MEEEEEEEEE" then you shouldn't be getting married. If you're old enough to be getting married, you're old enough to be considerate of other people.

Invite the GM with a +1 and realise that she'll probably be a short-term fixture in his life. If she acts up at the wedding, people will side-eye HER; if you bar her from the wedding, then people will side-eye YOU.

Ditto PPs, though, that if she is name-calling you, report her to HR. If you file an official report, and you have written evidence, THEN you have enough ammunition to bar her from the wedding. Right now, it's just she-said/she-said bad blood.

KD+AR

Thanks guys.. I gave up. and told my fiance what I wanted. At this point I am letting it be his decision as I told him she could come if she was going to behave. If he wants to let it go, he can.

iloveu4ever

mlg78 said:

STARMOON44 said:

So . . . You're the one who couldn't respond to her greeting at work with a simple "good morning, sorry in a rush" and she's the drama queen? She posted a Facebook photo you didn't like and instead of ignoring it you started WWIII? Grow up, stop chasing drama and I'm sure your wedding will be fine.

I completely disagree. I don't think most women would be okay with another girl posting a photo of them kissing our significant other on Facebook.  I can't believe you would be okay with that.


I agree even if they are friends it is disrespectful to the fiancé. Just invite her. Be the bigger person. You
probably won't even see her that much.

MrsRadke

I would have FI tell his GM "we know you two are in a relationship, but we would both feel very uncomfortable having her at our wedding." One of my BM asked to bring an ex as her date, and I said I thought it would be inappropriate to have an ex attend my wedding. Granted, she actually asked my opinion...

KD+AR

The GM isn't a bad guy but he is kinda thoughtless to those kinds of things.

Really ladies I thanks for all the feedback. However at this point I surrender and give the decision to my wonderful FH. She offered insult to both myself and him, I can ignore her for the day, but my fh doesn't get angry often, but when he does (and especially if they have upset me) then he doesn't forgive easily. So its up to him at this point. I can put in my two cents and leave it at that.

Thanks girls

OliveOilsMom

@KD+AR You didn't respond back to about how she treats you at work.  Did you go to HR?  Because you should.  You don't need to tell them all about all the stuff she does outside of work.  Just say that you don't get along outside of the office, but while you try to keep professional in the office, she does not.

KD+AR

I spoke to my direct supervisor, they told me to avoid her at all costs because we only see each other in passing once in a while. But she always makes sure I am alone before she says anything. Its tempting to just say what I'm thinking to her, but I just keep moving. One of these days someone will hear it. *shrug* until then, I will keep my remarks to myself.

OliveOilsMom

Your direct supervisor isn't doing enough for you then.  You should speak with someone in HR.  If you are continually being harassed by this woman at work and they have done nothing to stop it, they are opening themselves up to a huge lawsuit.  And a supervisor telling you to avoid her, is them doing nothing to stop this behavior and almost making it sound like its your fault because you happen to be near each other when she calls you names.