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father daughter dance :(

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Re: father daughter dance :(

  • Jen4948 said:
    I never said that we're all entitled to our own opinions. I said that catering to the needs of your guests is going to look different from family to family and friend group to friend group. What may be rude towards one is not necessarily rude towards another. In the end, people have to accept that not all social circles are the same. What upsets one person is not going to upset another. "Etiquette" is about ensuring that your particular group is not adversely affected; not ensuring that some random group of people that you don't know and will not be inviting to your wedding is happy.
    Not true at all.  Etiquette is not just for one particular group of people.  And if you post about rudeness or discuss it with other people, including those who aren't in your particular circle of friends, they're going to point it out to you.  You have no right to expect everyone to bow down and pat you on the head and approve of everything you do because you're a bride-or for that matter, any reason.

    Jenniferurs, you've been arguing this ever since you joined recently and it just doesn't fly.  Sorry, but you do owe everyone you invite to your wedding the duty of making sure they are comfortable.

    Not only that, but there are some times and places when remembering the deceased in certain ways is not appropriate, because grief and loss are out of place.  Weddings are among them.

    Stop arguing this because your arguments are not true and don't work, and etiquette is not going to support you.  It's not just opinion here.


    Agree to disagree.

     

    And I am making sure that everyone attending my wedding is comfortable...which goes back to what I've been saying all along. What makes one person uncomfortable does not make every person uncomfortable. I know the people coming to my wedding. That's why they're invited. I'm close to them and I understand them. So long as I know that they're not going to be upset by the display, that's all that matters and that's how advice should be presented. Figure out what your guests' wants and needs are and cater to them. If that means that you have to deviate from your original plan? So be it. If it doesn't? Proceed. In the end, the only thing that should matter is that your guests have a great time. If they do, the rest is moot.


  • And I am making sure that everyone attending my wedding is comfortable...which goes back to what I've been saying all along. What makes one person uncomfortable does not make every person uncomfortable. I know the people coming to my wedding. That's why they're invited. I'm close to them and I understand them.


    How do you know for a fact that NONE of your guests will be upset? Is every single person invited to your wedding your BFF that you talk about every single life event and emotion with?
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    JoanE2012Jen4948

  • And I am making sure that everyone attending my wedding is comfortable...which goes back to what I've been saying all along. What makes one person uncomfortable does not make every person uncomfortable. I know the people coming to my wedding. That's why they're invited. I'm close to them and I understand them.


    How do you know for a fact that NONE of your guests will be upset? Is every single person invited to your wedding your BFF that you talk about every single life event and emotion with?


    Yes. They wouldn't be invited to my wedding otherwise. We didn't have room to invite acquaintances.

     

    The bottom line is this: some people like to go 100% by the book. And that's fine. But there are others, myself included, who don't like to engage in that kind of linear thought. If the policy rationale behind the promulgation of a given rule is not furthered by the specifics of a given fact pattern, then it's okay to deviate from the "norm." Everyone gets so caught up in rules that they forget to address the whole reason rules exist to begin with; the policy behind it all. I appreciate that your night would be ruined by the sight of a slideshow, but my friends just aren't like that. If they were, I'd avoid it. But they're not, and thus, I'm going to do what's right for me and my particular group of guests; not what's right for another group. Everyone else should do the same.

  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited September 2013

    And I am making sure that everyone attending my wedding is comfortable...which goes back to what I've been saying all along. What makes one person uncomfortable does not make every person uncomfortable. I know the people coming to my wedding. That's why they're invited. I'm close to them and I understand them.


    How do you know for a fact that NONE of your guests will be upset? Is every single person invited to your wedding your BFF that you talk about every single life event and emotion with?


    Yes. They wouldn't be invited to my wedding otherwise. We didn't have room to invite acquaintances.

     

    The bottom line is this: some people like to go 100% by the book. And that's fine. But there are others, myself included, who don't like to engage in that kind of linear thought. If the policy rationale behind the promulgation of a given rule is not furthered by the specifics of a given fact pattern, then it's okay to deviate from the "norm." Everyone gets so caught up in rules that they forget to address the whole reason rules exist to begin with; the policy behind it all. I appreciate that your night would be ruined by the sight of a slideshow, but my friends just aren't like that. If they were, I'd avoid it. But they're not, and thus, I'm going to do what's right for me and my particular group of guests; not what's right for another group. Everyone else should do the same.

    Oh, FFS.  We're talking about basic etiquette, not policy.  There's a time and place for everything.  You can try and spin it anyway you wish, but showing a slideshow of photos of your dead family member is just not appropriate at a wedding.  That would've been best done at a memorial service.  I wish people would use their head just a bit.  It's called common sense.
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    And I am making sure that everyone attending my wedding is comfortable...which goes back to what I've been saying all along. What makes one person uncomfortable does not make every person uncomfortable. I know the people coming to my wedding. That's why they're invited. I'm close to them and I understand them.


    How do you know for a fact that NONE of your guests will be upset? Is every single person invited to your wedding your BFF that you talk about every single life event and emotion with?


    Yes. They wouldn't be invited to my wedding otherwise. We didn't have room to invite acquaintances.

     

    The bottom line is this: some people like to go 100% by the book. And that's fine. But there are others, myself included, who don't like to engage in that kind of linear thought. If the policy rationale behind the promulgation of a given rule is not furthered by the specifics of a given fact pattern, then it's okay to deviate from the "norm." Everyone gets so caught up in rules that they forget to address the whole reason rules exist to begin with; the policy behind it all. I appreciate that your night would be ruined by the sight of a slideshow, but my friends just aren't like that. If they were, I'd avoid it. But they're not, and thus, I'm going to do what's right for me and my particular group of guests; not what's right for another group. Everyone else should do the same.

    I think it's pretty clear you can't engage in linear thought.



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