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Stupid Questions you've gotten..

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Re: Stupid Questions you've gotten..

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    I think the only stupid question we got was when we were going to start having babies.  We weren't even married yet.  And the answer was always never.  


    THIS. And then the insistant, "Oh you'll change your mind - you do want kids". Really? Because you know my history, ovaries and future better than me. Good to know. Are you going to pay for these kids that I apparently want?

    FI and I live in Chicago and we want to move to Montana after the wedding. Whenever we tell anyone, they aways say something like, "Do you know how cold it is there?! What about your family?! There's nothing to do!" and never believe me when I say the area we're looking at has a similar climate to here, for us, there's plenty to do and we're not that close with our families. Yes, dumbass. I'm saving for and planning to move to a random place that I know NOTHING about. You're right, I have done zero research but I did see a pretty picture once. Gah just shut your face.

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    grumbledore
  • My only annoying question so far is "Did you get married yet?" all from co-workers. Uh. I think you would notice if I got married yet. They all know I'm orig. from PA.... I think I would be taking some long time off for the wedding... so. uh, no.. I didn't get married yet.
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I think the only stupid question we got was when we were going to start having babies.  We weren't even married yet.  And the answer was always never.  
    I get this a lot as well. Some people cannot grasp that fact that some people just do not want children. However, in my case, its even more absurd because my DH is 51 and has two adult children. While I know it happens, I'm shocked that people think he actually wants to start a new family. He's trying to retire in 5 years, not keep working for another 20.

     







  • The kids thing is the worst.  I used to think I didn't want kids ever.  Now I'm on the fence about it and probably will eventually, but it is ridiculous that people just assume EVERYONE wants kids or will want kids.   Plenty of people are truly happy spending their entire lives not procreating.  I don't understand the need to pressure people about it.  It's not like our species is dying out or anything.  There are plenty of humans.  

    Also, I feel its one of those things where it is really rude to push the issue. Some woman want kids, but simply can't have them.  It's a lot easier on ones emotions to just say "We don't want kids" than to explain to every asshat that brings up the subject "Well we really wish we could but I've miscarried x number of times so no doesn't seem like we are going to get the pleasure of procreating, thanks for bringing it up." 
    KeptInStitchesNYCBruinRebeccaB88CLoGreenEyes
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I hate the kid thing too.  We got asked this question before we were engaged, while we were engaged and now after we are married.

    When I tell people that we are leaning towards not having kids I get super judgey eyes shooting at me like I am being a selfish person for not wanting to have children.  Isn't better that I don't have children if I really don't want them, then to have them just because everyone thinks I should?

    thisismynickname2
  • The kids thing is the worst.  I used to think I didn't want kids ever.  Now I'm on the fence about it and probably will eventually, but it is ridiculous that people just assume EVERYONE wants kids or will want kids.   Plenty of people are truly happy spending their entire lives not procreating.  I don't understand the need to pressure people about it.  It's not like our species is dying out or anything.  There are plenty of humans.  

    Also, I feel its one of those things where it is really rude to push the issue. Some woman want kids, but simply can't have them.  It's a lot easier on ones emotions to just say "We don't want kids" than to explain to every asshat that brings up the subject "Well we really wish we could but I've miscarried x number of times so no doesn't seem like we are going to get the pleasure of procreating, thanks for bringing it up." 
    I agree with this!  The decision to have or not have kids and/or when to have them is incredibly personal.  I don't know why people think it's ok to ask about it.  It's none of your business!

    I do like the advice to just go into details about your sex life when people ask about kids.  I could never do it but I find it amusing.  The most I've ever said to the "when are you guys having kids" is "not for a while, but we're having fun practicing."
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  • I'm getting more "Are you nervous/excited/scared?" several times a day.  Someone yesterday commented that I'm going to be depressed and have nothing to do after the wedding is done.  Yeah, thanks for that, because my life totally ends after I get married.  We get the kids thing all the time...*rolls eyes*.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm getting more "Are you nervous/excited/scared?" several times a day.  Someone yesterday commented that I'm going to be depressed and have nothing to do after the wedding is done.  Yeah, thanks for that, because my life totally ends after I get married.  We get the kids thing all the time...*rolls eyes*.
    I actually went through a slight, not depression, but a bit of a down time after everything was done and over with.  The year leading up to our wedding was crazy and busy (a lot of DIY, bought a new house, etc) so when it was all done and over with I felt a void.  You don't realize just how much time planning a wedding eats up especially when it gets really close.  So when I got back from the HM and went back to my normal routine it felt like something was missing or that I was supposed to be doing something.  It took me a bit to get over the downer that comes once everything is over with.  But I move on and then realized that I had all this open time to decorate our home, hang out with my H and not talk solely about wedding crap, and relax and enjoy being married.

    lfk2013
  • I'm getting more "Are you nervous/excited/scared?" several times a day.  Someone yesterday commented that I'm going to be depressed and have nothing to do after the wedding is done.  Yeah, thanks for that, because my life totally ends after I get married.  We get the kids thing all the time...*rolls eyes*.
    I actually went through a slight, not depression, but a bit of a down time after everything was done and over with.  The year leading up to our wedding was crazy and busy (a lot of DIY, bought a new house, etc) so when it was all done and over with I felt a void.  You don't realize just how much time planning a wedding eats up especially when it gets really close.  So when I got back from the HM and went back to my normal routine it felt like something was missing or that I was supposed to be doing something.  It took me a bit to get over the downer that comes once everything is over with.  But I move on and then realized that I had all this open time to decorate our home, hang out with my H and not talk solely about wedding crap, and relax and enjoy being married.
    Thanks.  :)
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  • I think the only stupid question we got was when we were going to start having babies.  We weren't even married yet.  And the answer was always never.  
    My new favorite response for the babies question is, "Right after you" ;) Shuts them up quick.
    [Deleted User]
  • This wasn't necessarily a stupid question... but FI's aunt didn't send her RSVP back. The RSVP date passed and his mom called her to find out if she was coming and why she didn't bother to send it back. Mind you I hand delivered the invitiation bc I knew she was moving and it had a preaddressed and stamped return envelope.

     

    Her response "Well I've been so busy moving and unpacking and I don't know what I want. I'll just send the RSVP back and check yes and check both meals. That way I can have one of each and decide that night what I want. But I still might not sure if I can make it." Thankfully FI's mom put her in her place with that one.

    Dreamergirl8812
  • I think the only stupid question we got was when we were going to start having babies.  We weren't even married yet.  And the answer was always never.  
    lol my FMIL hit my FFIL when he asked that right after we got engaged. One thing at a time please!
    image
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I got a lot of "How old are you?  Aren't you too young to get married?" or worse still, the statement "You're too young to be getting married."

    Umm, I'm over 18, pretty sure I'm old enough to get married.  (Heck, you can get married under 18 if your parents sign.)  Also, yes, I may be younger than the "average" age people get married but you clearly do not understand what an average is.  It's all of the ages people get married at divided by the number of people getting married.  It includes numbers all the way from 16 or 17 up to 80.  An average is NOT the age everybody gets married at.

  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm getting more "Are you nervous/excited/scared?" several times a day.  Someone yesterday commented that I'm going to be depressed and have nothing to do after the wedding is done.  Yeah, thanks for that, because my life totally ends after I get married.  We get the kids thing all the time...*rolls eyes*.
    I actually went through a slight, not depression, but a bit of a down time after everything was done and over with.  The year leading up to our wedding was crazy and busy (a lot of DIY, bought a new house, etc) so when it was all done and over with I felt a void.  You don't realize just how much time planning a wedding eats up especially when it gets really close.  So when I got back from the HM and went back to my normal routine it felt like something was missing or that I was supposed to be doing something.  It took me a bit to get over the downer that comes once everything is over with.  But I move on and then realized that I had all this open time to decorate our home, hang out with my H and not talk solely about wedding crap, and relax and enjoy being married.
    This made me understand why so many people have kids (other than actually wanting them of course).  I realized that you grow up, get a license, graduate school/University, etc., turn 18, 21, buy a house, get engaged, get married and then there's really nothing major left until retirement.  No major milestones.  I honestly think some people have kids to re-live those milestones since they don't really have any more lined up for themselves, if that makes sense.  Other than pregnancy I suppose.  DH and I have no major life milestones other than retirement and hitting 100.  Which I am determined to do so I can get my letter from the Queen/King.  ;)
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    lfk2013
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm getting more "Are you nervous/excited/scared?" several times a day.  Someone yesterday commented that I'm going to be depressed and have nothing to do after the wedding is done.  Yeah, thanks for that, because my life totally ends after I get married.  We get the kids thing all the time...*rolls eyes*.
    I actually went through a slight, not depression, but a bit of a down time after everything was done and over with.  The year leading up to our wedding was crazy and busy (a lot of DIY, bought a new house, etc) so when it was all done and over with I felt a void.  You don't realize just how much time planning a wedding eats up especially when it gets really close.  So when I got back from the HM and went back to my normal routine it felt like something was missing or that I was supposed to be doing something.  It took me a bit to get over the downer that comes once everything is over with.  But I move on and then realized that I had all this open time to decorate our home, hang out with my H and not talk solely about wedding crap, and relax and enjoy being married.
    This made me understand why so many people have kids (other than actually wanting them of course).  I realized that you grow up, get a license, graduate school/University, etc., turn 18, 21, buy a house, get engaged, get married and then there's really nothing major left until retirement.  No major milestones.  I honestly think some people have kids to re-live those milestones since they don't really have any more lined up for themselves, if that makes sense.  Other than pregnancy I suppose.  DH and I have no major life milestones other than retirement and hitting 100.  Which I am determined to do so I can get my letter from the Queen/King.  ;)
    This is a really good point and I completely agree.  I know quite a few married couples who immediately started trying to have kids after they got married.  As to whether that was because they really wanted them or felt like they had to have them or what, I do not know, but I agree that sometimes I think couples do that because they have nothing else "to look forward to" or any other big milestones on the horizon once the wedding is over with.

  • I am not even married yet and we get the kids question every so often. I just say no kids, just lots and lots of Shoes! (Note: we are still undecided)

    If I am going to have a shoe closet like this then there isn't much room for a Baby in the house Haha.

    This FAB shoe closet belongs to..... Mariah Carey!

    lfk2013RebeccaB88SteelHibiscus
  • I got so sick of the kids question.  H and I always knew we wanted to just be married for a while before we tried to have kids, but that didn't stop some of our more annoying relatives from asking every single time we saw them.  "When are you having kids".  "We want to have some time to travel and just be married first".  Two weeks later from the same person "When are you having kids"  "Are you serious?  Did I somehow go on several vacations in the last two weeks that I didn't know about?  My answer is the same, so quit fucking asking".
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    mimiphin said:

    I am not even married yet and we get the kids question every so often. I just say no kids, just lots and lots of Shoes! (Note: we are still undecided)

    If I am going to have a shoe closet like this then there isn't much room for a Baby in the house Haha.

    This FAB shoe closet belongs to..... Mariah Carey!

    Oh man, I am drooling right now! This is my kind of porn.

  • KytchynWitcheKytchynWitche Ridin' the Zebra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I have to say FI and I are pretty lucky on the kids question thing.

    We both have health issues (his physical, mine mental) which we don't want to pass on to another generation. In my case, it's guaranteed - they will get the bad gene/s from me, it's just a matter of whether they manifest as dominant or recessive in my children. Right off the bat, there's a 50% chance my kids will suffer the same debilitating symptoms I have. FI's issues are supposedly non-hereditary, but it's not a chance we're willing to take at this point. Maybe if we could, at some point in the future, do accurate gene analysis stuff and the stats were favourable, we'd reconsider.

    Pretty much everyone in our lives knows this, so we don't get the question very often. So far we've gotten it once (before we got engaged) from his maternal grandmother who desperately wants great-grandchildren before she dies, and seeing as the eldest of her 3 grandchildren is gay, that leaves FI and his sister (who is teaching and prepping to do her Masters). And once from a friend of mine, not in a pressure way but in a genuine "I care about you and am interested in your life" kinda way.

    Also, @mimiphin I LOVE that shoe closet!
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  • urbaneca said:
    I have to say FI and I are pretty lucky on the kids question thing.

    We both have health issues (his physical, mine mental) which we don't want to pass on to another generation. In my case, it's guaranteed - they will get the bad gene/s from me, it's just a matter of whether they manifest as dominant or recessive in my children. Right off the bat, there's a 50% chance my kids will suffer the same debilitating symptoms I have. FI's issues are supposedly non-hereditary, but it's not a chance we're willing to take at this point. Maybe if we could, at some point in the future, do accurate gene analysis stuff and the stats were favourable, we'd reconsider.

    Pretty much everyone in our lives knows this, so we don't get the question very often. So far we've gotten it once (before we got engaged) from his maternal grandmother who desperately wants great-grandchildren before she dies, and seeing as the eldest of her 3 grandchildren is gay, that leaves FI and his sister (who is teaching and prepping to do her Masters). And once from a friend of mine, not in a pressure way but in a genuine "I care about you and am interested in your life" kinda way.

    Also, @mimiphin I LOVE that shoe closet!
    Exactly.  People have all kinds of very personal reasons not to have kids.  Just out of curiosity, I don't know if you guys even want kids aside from the not wanting to pass on the genes, is adoption potentially on the table?  I know a couple who have similar reasons for not wanting to actually get pregnant, but they adopted two kids.  People treated them weird too.  They got "oh, but won't you regret not being able to have, ya know, YOUR OWN kids?"  Which to them is really offensive, because their adopted kids ARE their own kids. Her usual response is "So what your saying is I can't experience all the love and joys of motherhood without actually physically pushing a kid out of my vagina?" Umm, no, the way they see it, they got to skip all the crappy parts about being pregnant.  These comments do make her feel bad though because sure, she is sad that they didn't get to have that moment of seeing and holding their new baby right after giving birth to it.  Thanks for the reminder...  People can just  unintentionally be real a-holes about the kids issue.  
  • We get the, "Are you sure you want to get married, your so young!", alot. Also the kids thing. When it comes from the same person back to back though is my favorite. So I'm not sure about my marriage because I'm too young, but since I'm going to go through with it, I should start popping out babies asap. Um, no thanks.
  • A lot of people asked my husband if things would change after we got married. He also got the "Are you nervous?" all the time. I got it less frequently, but I got "Are you excited??" all the time. I know it's just people trying to make small talk but it drove me CRAZY.
  • KytchynWitcheKytchynWitche Ridin' the Zebra member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    urbaneca said:
    I have to say FI and I are pretty lucky on the kids question thing.

    We both have health issues (his physical, mine mental) which we don't want to pass on to another generation. In my case, it's guaranteed - they will get the bad gene/s from me, it's just a matter of whether they manifest as dominant or recessive in my children. Right off the bat, there's a 50% chance my kids will suffer the same debilitating symptoms I have. FI's issues are supposedly non-hereditary, but it's not a chance we're willing to take at this point. Maybe if we could, at some point in the future, do accurate gene analysis stuff and the stats were favourable, we'd reconsider.

    Pretty much everyone in our lives knows this, so we don't get the question very often. So far we've gotten it once (before we got engaged) from his maternal grandmother who desperately wants great-grandchildren before she dies, and seeing as the eldest of her 3 grandchildren is gay, that leaves FI and his sister (who is teaching and prepping to do her Masters). And once from a friend of mine, not in a pressure way but in a genuine "I care about you and am interested in your life" kinda way.

    Also, @mimiphin I LOVE that shoe closet!
    Exactly.  People have all kinds of very personal reasons not to have kids.  Just out of curiosity, I don't know if you guys even want kids aside from the not wanting to pass on the genes, is adoption potentially on the table?  I know a couple who have similar reasons for not wanting to actually get pregnant, but they adopted two kids.  People treated them weird too.  They got "oh, but won't you regret not being able to have, ya know, YOUR OWN kids?"  Which to them is really offensive, because their adopted kids ARE their own kids. Her usual response is "So what your saying is I can't experience all the love and joys of motherhood without actually physically pushing a kid out of my vagina?" Umm, no, the way they see it, they got to skip all the crappy parts about being pregnant.  These comments do make her feel bad though because sure, she is sad that they didn't get to have that moment of seeing and holding their new baby right after giving birth to it.  Thanks for the reminder...  People can just  unintentionally be real a-holes about the kids issue.  
    We haven't really spoken about adoption. I know it's a definite option for my, there are a lot of people in my life who I am blessed to know, but only know because they were adopted into my family or close friends' families. Of course that would depend entirely on our financial readiness.

    I get so annoyed at people who see families with adopted children and go "oh, but don't you want your own kids?" like it's not obvious that they CHOSE to adopt those children who are a part of their family whether biologically or not. Like they don't think that maybe there's a reason behind that choice, that maybe one or both of the parents was physically incapable of having children, or that maybe, just maybe, the parents thought it would be better to take care of some of the starving mouths already in the world instead of just adding a couple more in there.

    Wow, that turned ranty really quickly. Anyway, my godmother adopted her eldest son (who is now probably almost 40) because she and my uncle tried for years and couldn't fall pregnant. As soon as they adopted and the "pressure" was off, she fell pregnant. She has one adopted child, and two biological children, and unless someone told you that one of them was adopted, you'd never know. All her children were well-loved and cared for, and are successful adults today.
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  • I haven't gotten questioned about kids, but my FI has.  I had one person ask me if I was trying to "get all skinny for the wedding" because I was taking my regular (started well before I got engaged) walk.  

    The one that's annoyed me the most is when people ask me if I'm going to be wearing my glasses for the wedding.  Um... I'd like to be able to see more than 6" in front of me so yes.  I wear them every frickin day so why the hell would my wedding change that? I can understand it being a question if you only need them sometimes or regularly switch between frames and contacts, but I've had glasses for nearly 20 years now and guess what? I think I look awesome in them!


  • seshat303 said:
    I haven't gotten questioned about kids, but my FI has.  I had one person ask me if I was trying to "get all skinny for the wedding" because I was taking my regular (started well before I got engaged) walk.  

    The one that's annoyed me the most is when people ask me if I'm going to be wearing my glasses for the wedding.  Um... I'd like to be able to see more than 6" in front of me so yes.  I wear them every frickin day so why the hell would my wedding change that? I can understand it being a question if you only need them sometimes or regularly switch between frames and contacts, but I've had glasses for nearly 20 years now and guess what? I think I look awesome in them!


    Yeah, if you never wear contacts in your daily life, why would you switch just for your wedding. Today FMIL asked me if I was going to be wearing something to cover the tattoo on my forearm.  I was like "uh, no?" Its a tattoo.  Its permanent.  I got it because I love it and always will.  It is a part of me, literally and figuratively.  Why would I cover it just for my wedding?  I don't care how other people feel about tattoos.  Either they like me, tats and all, or they don't.  And if someone decides they don't like me just because of my ink, well then that says more about them than it does me.  I think my tattoos actually look really great with my wedding dress.  
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