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Living with mom and dad after the wedding?

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Re: Living with mom and dad after the wedding?

  • Char91 said:
    All the negative comments that are being left here really aren't necessary, she simply asked if anyone else was in this situation, and I'm sure she was not expecting to get all this backlash. Sure, living with your parents after marriage may not be ideal or considered the "norm" to most people, and if you disagree that's fine, you just don't have to be mean about it. In our society we are taught to be independent, but in other cultures living all together as a family is normal and comfortable to them, you don't know the situation. Plus, I'm sure she is not holding a gun to her parent's heads and forcing them to allow her to stay, it has to be a mutual decision. I know plenty of people who have done that for some time before moving out to their own place, and personally I don't see anything wrong with that. My parent's did that for a bit, as well as my fiance's parents. If you're doing it because you refuse to spend money then that's one thing, but when you are doing it because you are trying to save up and start a life and family of your own, then I say as long as your parent's are okay with it as well then there is no harm done. So again, if you don't like it that's fine and we all have the right to our own opinions, but there are ways to express them that might not be so harsh, Or, you don't have to say anything at all.
    Are you "Captain Save-A-Newb" or something?

    She asked us a question.  We all gave our answers and opinions on the topic as we are free to do on a public forum.  There is no right or wrong way to post and everyone posts differently.  If you don't like certain people's responses then just ignore them.  But to come on here and preach to all of us like we are 5 and need a good reprimand from Mommy, is just ridiculous and pointless. Your post will not make anyone change how they write.  But good try.
     
     
    I'm not trying to preach to anyone, all I was trying to say was that if someone doesn't agree with what she is asking then that's perfectly fine, and it's to be expected that most people would not have something positive to say about the situation. But being so judgemental because she is making the decision to live at home after marriage doesn't really need to be happening.

  • Char91 said:
    Char91 said:
    All the negative comments that are being left here really aren't necessary, she simply asked if anyone else was in this situation, and I'm sure she was not expecting to get all this backlash. Sure, living with your parents after marriage may not be ideal or considered the "norm" to most people, and if you disagree that's fine, you just don't have to be mean about it. In our society we are taught to be independent, but in other cultures living all together as a family is normal and comfortable to them, you don't know the situation. Plus, I'm sure she is not holding a gun to her parent's heads and forcing them to allow her to stay, it has to be a mutual decision. I know plenty of people who have done that for some time before moving out to their own place, and personally I don't see anything wrong with that. My parent's did that for a bit, as well as my fiance's parents. If you're doing it because you refuse to spend money then that's one thing, but when you are doing it because you are trying to save up and start a life and family of your own, then I say as long as your parent's are okay with it as well then there is no harm done. So again, if you don't like it that's fine and we all have the right to our own opinions, but there are ways to express them that might not be so harsh, Or, you don't have to say anything at all.
    Are you "Captain Save-A-Newb" or something?

    She asked us a question.  We all gave our answers and opinions on the topic as we are free to do on a public forum.  There is no right or wrong way to post and everyone posts differently.  If you don't like certain people's responses then just ignore them.  But to come on here and preach to all of us like we are 5 and need a good reprimand from Mommy, is just ridiculous and pointless. Your post will not make anyone change how they write.  But good try.
     
     
    I'm not trying to preach to anyone, all I was trying to say was that if someone doesn't agree with what she is asking then that's perfectly fine, and it's to be expected that most people would not have something positive to say about the situation. But being so judgemental because she is making the decision to live at home after marriage doesn't really need to be happening.

    Sometimes I think these boards do get rather snarky, but honestly, I thought this thread was totally respectful. People used "I" statements and everything! They just shared about their own decisions regarding this issue and gave the OP some points to consider on her own. I didn't read any of these posts as judgmental.
    KeptInStitchessouthernbelle0915ShesSoColdAjuliana

  • Amapola14 said:
    Char91 said:
    Char91 said:
    All the negative comments that are being left here really aren't necessary, she simply asked if anyone else was in this situation, and I'm sure she was not expecting to get all this backlash. Sure, living with your parents after marriage may not be ideal or considered the "norm" to most people, and if you disagree that's fine, you just don't have to be mean about it. In our society we are taught to be independent, but in other cultures living all together as a family is normal and comfortable to them, you don't know the situation. Plus, I'm sure she is not holding a gun to her parent's heads and forcing them to allow her to stay, it has to be a mutual decision. I know plenty of people who have done that for some time before moving out to their own place, and personally I don't see anything wrong with that. My parent's did that for a bit, as well as my fiance's parents. If you're doing it because you refuse to spend money then that's one thing, but when you are doing it because you are trying to save up and start a life and family of your own, then I say as long as your parent's are okay with it as well then there is no harm done. So again, if you don't like it that's fine and we all have the right to our own opinions, but there are ways to express them that might not be so harsh, Or, you don't have to say anything at all.
    Are you "Captain Save-A-Newb" or something?

    She asked us a question.  We all gave our answers and opinions on the topic as we are free to do on a public forum.  There is no right or wrong way to post and everyone posts differently.  If you don't like certain people's responses then just ignore them.  But to come on here and preach to all of us like we are 5 and need a good reprimand from Mommy, is just ridiculous and pointless. Your post will not make anyone change how they write.  But good try.
     
     
    I'm not trying to preach to anyone, all I was trying to say was that if someone doesn't agree with what she is asking then that's perfectly fine, and it's to be expected that most people would not have something positive to say about the situation. But being so judgemental because she is making the decision to live at home after marriage doesn't really need to be happening.

    Sometimes I think these boards do get rather snarky, but honestly, I thought this thread was totally respectful. People used "I" statements and everything! They just shared about their own decisions regarding this issue and gave the OP some points to consider on her own. I didn't read any of these posts as judgmental.
    @Char91: I thank you for this post because I felt that I was being judge also for a question. I appreciate that you were the only one that understood the question. I was wondering if anyone was in this situation. I know 2 couples from college that stayed with their families for a year to save money after they got married. This is why the world is so mess up, because people take things to the extreme. I understand people have an opinion but people dont need to mean or offensive about it. I was always taught if you dont have anything nice to say dont say it at all. If we all lived like that the world would be a better place.
    RaineHchibiyui
  • Honestly, it was a mutual agreement between my parents and I. My parents dont pay my bills or do my laundry. My fiance and I live with my parents now because my fiance has a job in NJ and his parents house is like 3 hours from his job. As of right now, we all like roommates. Believe or not my parents would love for us to stay as long as we want. I am planning on moving hopefully a year in a half or 2 years after the wedding. As right now, I am trying to change my career and get a full time job instead of working two part time jobs. The one reason why we are living with my parents after the wedding other than saving for a house is because my fiances job. He works second shift and a lot of the time he gets drafted into night shift. I know this is childish but I do not like to be home at night by myself. I hope when he hits his one year mark he will move up and get 1st shift. I told him once he moves to first shift, then we can start looking for a house.
  • We could never do this; it wouldn't work for us. However, I have friends who have. Usually, it's a situation where they could afford to rent, but the parents offer them this option to help them save for a down payment more quickly. They always pay their own bills, do their own chores, at least offer to pay rent, etc. If it's done in that manner, I don't judge.

    OP, I would work on the being alone at night issue. It's just going to happen sometimes, it's a part of life. My H was just at a "guys' weekend" for two nights, for example. And with your FI's job , it's likely he'll have to work third shift sometimes. What happens when he gets sent to a conference or something? Honestly, I just read this whole thread and that's the first thing you've said that's raised my alarm bells.
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    If I couldn't afford my own place/was too scared to be home alone at night, I would also not be ready to get married.
    This!  Sorry OP, but why are you getting married right now?  It's one thing to live with parents for a short time, but you are going to be living with your parents for 2 YEARS!  Hey if your parents are cool with it, I guess no one else should care, but most posters think you shouldn't be getting married if you can't live on your own.  My FI's brother is 26 and lives with his parents because he is in grad school and doesn't have a full time job. But he also doesn't have a wife. 
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