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Kids at Wedding

My F and I are getting married August 31st, 2014 and we can't be more excited! Something that has come up in recent discussions is having kids at the wedding. Our niece (she will be 2) is our flower girl and our nephew (he will be 5) is our ring bearer. So, obviously, they will be there. The only people we know with kids are close friends. My question is: Is it rude to have our niece and nephew at the wedding but to politely ask our friends to leave their kids at home? Or instead of addressing the invitation to "The Smith Family", word it as "Roger and Danielle Smith", leaving the kids completely out of the invitation altogether? I don't want to offend anyone but I also don't want kids screaming during the ceremony or running around like crazy during the reception. 

Re: Kids at Wedding

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    rgilman91 said:
    My F and I are getting married August 31st, 2014 and we can't be more excited! Something that has come up in recent discussions is having kids at the wedding. Our niece (she will be 2) is our flower girl and our nephew (he will be 5) is our ring bearer. So, obviously, they will be there. The only people we know with kids are close friends. My question is: Is it rude to have our niece and nephew at the wedding but to politely ask our friends to leave their kids at home? Or instead of addressing the invitation to "The Smith Family", word it as "Roger and Danielle Smith", leaving the kids completely out of the invitation altogether? I don't want to offend anyone but I also don't want kids screaming during the ceremony or running around like crazy during the reception. 
    Yes, you can address the invites by name.  Some people, though, might still RSVP with their kid(s) and in that case you need to talk to call them and explain that you are sorry but the invitation was only meant for Mr. James Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith and not their little ones. 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You should always address by name anyway. And it's fine to have only your wedding party kids there.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Invite by name and you should be fine.  We are in our 30s and many of our friends have kids.  We addressed the invitations to the couple.  Not one asked to bring their kids.  No one showed up with them.  And it's fine to just have the WP children there.
    Cindy9714
  • It's normal (and polite) for kids who are in the wedding to be at the reception of adult only weddings. Don't worry about it.

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  • Cindy9714Cindy9714 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2013
    http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/comment/6923427#Comment_6923427

    I had a similar post...the link is above...it's nice to know Im not the only bride who would like a mostly "child free" wedding. Good luck planning - and I hope these ladies are kind to you..lol
  • My 6 year old son will be the only kid at our wedding.  No one has asked to bring them.  (Just had the one crazy who threw her own private tempertantrum then forbid FI's best friend to attend.)  All of my mom friends are glad to get a night out alone.
  • You could also consider hiring a baby-sitter for the night, and setting up the kids in a separate room with a Nintendo Wii and they'll be happy campers! It's totally within your right to institute a "no kids" policy, but just thought I'd throw out another idea. 
  • My fi and I were planning on having only out 2 sons at our wedding. We addressed the invitations with just the adults' names and a week later got angry phone calls from family members about not inviting their children. I simply stated that I wanted adults only and they still persisted. My FI's father even refused to come if the kids were not invited. All that matters is that you and your fi are on the same page about no kids. I wish you all the best! It's your and your fi's big day!
  • I just got engaged but we are already making plans for the wedding.  I don't really want kids at the reception...what I might do it have the kids for dinner at the reception but than maybe have them go home after that?  Is that bad?
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    It's bad. If you have kids at the ceremony, you have to have kids at the reception.
  • You can't ask parents to leave your reception to take their kids home - they won't come back, I know I wouldn't.

    I would not be offended if my kids weren't invited at all.  However, if you invite kids to the ceremony, you invite them to the whole reception.
  • You could also consider hiring a baby-sitter for the night, and setting up the kids in a separate room with a Nintendo Wii and they'll be happy campers! It's totally within your right to institute a "no kids" policy, but just thought I'd throw out another idea. 
    This is what we're doing. Most of my cousins have children, I want them to come, I want to see the kids, but I also want all of my cousins to have fun. We're turning the bridal room at the reception venue into a baby sitter room. Parents can drop off and pick up their kids when ever they want. It's a small price to pay to avoid all the drama that can come with not inviting kids, IMO.
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