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Reception Ideas

Speeches

Can someone tell me the general order of the speeches?

I've looked on some websites and I've found that the order varies.

Would it be weird if we did:

-Parents of the Groom
-Parents of the Bride
-Brother of the Groom
-Brother of the Groom
-Bridesmaid
-Best Man
-Maid of Honour
-Bride & Groom

Both of my fiancé's brothers are groomsmen and would like to say a speech, and just one of my bridesmaids (along with the maid of honour) would like to say a speech. (There are 4 bridesmaids & groomsmen, including best man & maid of honour).

 

Thanks!

«13

Re: Speeches

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited September 2013
    You can do whatever order you want.  Make sure they keep it short, maximum five three minutes maybe.  Also, you could space them out during the reception so your guests don't have to sit through a long line up of speeches.  Edit in red
    image
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Majelin86 said:

    Can someone tell me the general order of the speeches?

    I've looked on some websites and I've found that the order varies.

    Would it be weird if we did:

    -Parents of the Groom
    -Parents of the Bride
    -Brother of the Groom
    -Brother of the Groom
    -Bridesmaid
    -Best Man
    -Maid of Honour
    -Bride & Groom

    Both of my fiancé's brothers are groomsmen and would like to say a speech, and just one of my bridesmaids (along with the maid of honour) would like to say a speech. (There are 4 bridesmaids & groomsmen, including best man & maid of honour).

     

    Thanks!

    That is a lot of speeches; that would be torture for me. And keep them to way less than 5 minutes each. They really should be 1-2 mins.



    Anniversary
    image

    image
  • Why are so many people giving toasts (NOT speeches)? This is way too many people - even if everyone kept their toast to 2 minutes, you'd have over 15 minutes of toasts.

    I suggest having the hosts and one person from each side max. And have them keep it to 1-2 min each. Everyone else could give toasts at your RD.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    CrazyCatLady3
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Why are so many people giving toasts (NOT speeches)? This is way too many people - even if everyone kept their toast to 2 minutes, you'd have over 15 minutes of toasts. I suggest having the hosts and one person from each side max. And have them keep it to 1-2 min each. Everyone else could give toasts at your RD.
    This.  No one wants to listen to 8 people give toasts!  They are going to be groaning each time someone takes the mic.  Please don't torture your guests!  
    CrazyCatLady3
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It's great that so many people are offering toasts, but that's far too many for a wedding.  Typically there's one or two during the reception, and it shouldn't take more than 3-5 minutes total.  

    Perhaps your WP could give toasts at the RD instead?  The RD is a little more suited to several toasts.  
  • I'm not going to say that 'oh you can give a speech but you can't'. I've seen weddings where everyone in the wedding party gave speeches! My bridesmaid has said she will be keeping her speech very short. I may remind everyone to try to keep it short, but I'm not going to cut people out.

    And I didn't ask about the number of people giving speeches....I asked about the order in which people should do their speeches....

  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Majelin86 said:

    I'm not going to say that 'oh you can give a speech but you can't'. I've seen weddings where everyone in the wedding party gave speeches! My bridesmaid has said she will be keeping her speech very short. I may remind everyone to try to keep it short, but I'm not going to cut people out.

    And I didn't ask about the number of people giving speeches....I asked about the order in which people should do their speeches....

    The order is not important. Making your guests sit through 40 minutes of toasts is the problem. Focus on what actually matters.



    Anniversary
    image

    image
    doeydoCrazyCatLady3SKPMtmclawchick
  • I'm just going to stop posting new discussions as people always just pick them apart. All I asked about was the order of the speeches, I didn't want to be judged on how many there were or be told that I'm basically making my guests suffer. People on these boards are way too judgmental. No wedding is going to be perfect.
    RaineHWedReMix13
  • Majelin86 said:

    I'm just going to stop posting new discussions as people always just pick them apart. All I asked about was the order of the speeches, I didn't want to be judged on how many there were or be told that I'm basically making my guests suffer. People on these boards are way too judgmental. No wedding is going to be perfect.


    Let me tell you a story about a wedding I went to last month. They had less "speakers" than you are planning, but it was still wayyyyy more than there should have been. The wedding would have been lovely, but sitting through nearly an hour of any sort of speeches is boring as hell. People were rolling their eyes, whispering to each other, texting each other about how boring/rude/riduculous the situation was. People near the exits kept getting up to get more drinks just to have something to do. The food was held until the toasts concluded, so guests had cold dinners and many were rip-roaring drunk.

    I have seen some of the other guests a few times since the wedding and EVERY SINGLE TIME it has been brought up how absurd the toasting situation was at *name's* wedding. This is the ONLY thing that people remember about this wedding.

    We aren't telling you that this is a bad idea to be mean. We are trying to spare your guests the boredom and you the embarrassment this will lead to.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    doeydo
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Majelin86 said:
    I'm just going to stop posting new discussions as people always just pick them apart. All I asked about was the order of the speeches, I didn't want to be judged on how many there were or be told that I'm basically making my guests suffer. People on these boards are way too judgmental. No wedding is going to be perfect.
    The thing is, the point of this board is to have people help you make your wedding a success.  Having all these speeches is going to make your reception boring and tedious.  Your guests will be bored, and they may leave.  Even if they stay, they won't be happy.  

    Isn't the point to have a good wedding, rather than to be right?  Take the advice and decline the excessive toasts.  You'll be happier when your guests enjoy attending your wedding.  
    doeydoDreamergirl8812
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Majelin86 said:

    I'm not going to say that 'oh you can give a speech but you can't'. I've seen weddings where everyone in the wedding party gave speeches! My bridesmaid has said she will be keeping her speech very short. I may remind everyone to try to keep it short, but I'm not going to cut people out.

    And I didn't ask about the number of people giving speeches....I asked about the order in which people should do their speeches....

    Order them however you want, because after the first 2 or 3, no one is going to be paying attention anyway to know who is speaking or what they are saying. 
    doeydoDreamergirl8812shamrock789
  • Yep, just keep going with the snarky comments, I'm getting used to it.
  • Can people share speeches at all just to cut down the list? We are going to have my mum, his parents, my best friend then the groom to give a thank you speech. So 4 speeches all up. Our dj knows when to cue the music if people ramble.

    Can't wait to say 'I do' on April 14, 2014 - Planning Bio

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  • missmo14 said:
    Can people share speeches at all just to cut down the list? We are going to have my mum, his parents, my best friend then the groom to give a thank you speech. So 4 speeches all up. Our dj knows when to cue the music if people ramble.

    I thought that my maid of honour & the best man were going to do one together (the best man is my brother and he's engaged to my maid of honour) but she told me yesterday that they're doing separate ones - he's going to talk more about the early days & she's going to talk more about more current things apparently.


     

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    We aren't being snarky when we tell you that, that is way too many toasts or speeches for one wedding.  We are telling you from experience that it is too many.  After 2 toasts or speeches I am bored and just want the party to get started.  If I had to sit through 8 toasts I would want to rip my ears off.

    It is great that all of these people want to say wonderful things about you and your FI but 1) they will most likely repeat each other 8 times over and 2) your guests will stop listening and caring.  In fact your guests will most likely start talking amongst themselves.

    Again we are not saying this to be snarky.  We are trying to give you an idea, from the guest perspective, how one would feel sitting through that many toasts/speeches.  As a guest, would you want to listen to 40 minutes worth of inside stories or the same thing repeated over and over again?  And answer that truthfully.

    Dreamergirl8812SKPM
  • RedJacks25RedJacks25 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    One of the things I hate the most about weddings is when people give "speeches" of inside jokes and stories of the past that only include one or two people in attendance. It is so boring to the other 98% of the guests.


    Edited because of words are hard and it's early.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Maggie0829
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Can some of these people give a short toast at the RD? 8 is way too many, no matter how short they are.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Majelin86 said:

    I'm not going to say that 'oh you can give a speech but you can't'. I've seen weddings where everyone in the wedding party gave speeches! That sounds totally miserable for the guests... My bridesmaid has said she will be keeping her speech very short. I may remind everyone to try to keep it short, but I'm not going to cut people out. You don't have to cut them out - just split them up: hosts, BM and MOH do theirs at the wedding and the rest do theirs at the RD. Easy.

    And I didn't ask about the number of people giving speeches....I asked about the order in which people should do their speeches.... People are allowed to comment on whatever. No one here is trying to nit-pick - everyone just wants you to have the most successful wedding possible. And we're just making sure you know that guests do not like to sit through "speeches". They are fine with short toasts, but not speeches.

    Majelin86 said:
    I'm just going to stop posting new discussions as people always just pick them apart. All I asked about was the order of the speeches, I didn't want to be judged on how many there were or be told that I'm basically making my guests suffer. People on these boards are way too judgmental. No wedding is going to be perfect.
    For crying out loud... no one is judging you. People are trying to HELP you come up with alternatives to having your guests sit through what in all likelihood will be 40 minutes of listening to people talk. No one is judging you. 

    Objectively, it is super boring to sit through the microphone being passed between 8 groups of people (11 people total - assuming your parents aren't divorced and remarried). I was at a wedding where the toasts lasted for over 15 minutes and guests were just shifting in their chairs, staring at their plates, playing with the ice cubes in their empty drink, bored but trying to be polite, etc. It sucked. 

    If you only want answers on how things are normally ordered, here's how it usually goes: father of the bride (or the hosts), then BM, then MOH. That's it. See? That's not helpful because your situation is unique. People are trying to work with your situation and give you alternatives that are best for your reception guests and still incorporate everyone.


    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • Majelin86 said:

    I'm not going to say that 'oh you can give a speech but you can't'. I've seen weddings where everyone in the wedding party gave speeches! That sounds totally miserable for the guests... My bridesmaid has said she will be keeping her speech very short. I may remind everyone to try to keep it short, but I'm not going to cut people out. You don't have to cut them out - just split them up: hosts, BM and MOH do theirs at the wedding and the rest do theirs at the RD. Easy.

    And I didn't ask about the number of people giving speeches....I asked about the order in which people should do their speeches.... People are allowed to comment on whatever. No one here is trying to nit-pick - everyone just wants you to have the most successful wedding possible. And we're just making sure you know that guests do not like to sit through "speeches". They are fine with short toasts, but not speeches.

    Majelin86 said:
    I'm just going to stop posting new discussions as people always just pick them apart. All I asked about was the order of the speeches, I didn't want to be judged on how many there were or be told that I'm basically making my guests suffer. People on these boards are way too judgmental. No wedding is going to be perfect.
    For crying out loud... no one is judging you. People are trying to HELP you come up with alternatives to having your guests sit through what in all likelihood will be 40 minutes of listening to people talk. No one is judging you. 

    Objectively, it is super boring to sit through the microphone being passed between 8 groups of people (11 people total - assuming your parents aren't divorced and remarried). I was at a wedding where the toasts lasted for over 15 minutes and guests were just shifting in their chairs, staring at their plates, playing with the ice cubes in their empty drink, bored but trying to be polite, etc. It sucked. 

    If you only want answers on how things are normally ordered, here's how it usually goes: father of the bride (or the hosts), then BM, then MOH. That's it. See? That's not helpful because your situation is unique. People are trying to work with your situation and give you alternatives that are best for your reception guests and still incorporate everyone.
     
     
    Stuck in the box. But when people are trying to 'help' me with things that I didn't ask for help with it just becomes annoying. The amount of people is staying, like it or not - this is not what the post is about. I'm going to ask wedding party people to keep it to 2-3mins, but I don't exactly want to impose a time limit on our parents. I just wanted to know if the order sounded ok or not, I wasn't sure if parents go first usually or right before the bride & groom. So I guess based on your post parents would be first. Thanks to everyone who answered my actual question.
  • Majelin86 said:


    Majelin86 said:

    I'm not going to say that 'oh you can give a speech but you can't'. I've seen weddings where everyone in the wedding party gave speeches! That sounds totally miserable for the guests... My bridesmaid has said she will be keeping her speech very short. I may remind everyone to try to keep it short, but I'm not going to cut people out. You don't have to cut them out - just split them up: hosts, BM and MOH do theirs at the wedding and the rest do theirs at the RD. Easy.

    And I didn't ask about the number of people giving speeches....I asked about the order in which people should do their speeches.... People are allowed to comment on whatever. No one here is trying to nit-pick - everyone just wants you to have the most successful wedding possible. And we're just making sure you know that guests do not like to sit through "speeches". They are fine with short toasts, but not speeches.


    Majelin86 said:

    I'm just going to stop posting new discussions as people always just pick them apart. All I asked about was the order of the speeches, I didn't want to be judged on how many there were or be told that I'm basically making my guests suffer. People on these boards are way too judgmental. No wedding is going to be perfect.

    For crying out loud... no one is judging you. People are trying to HELP you come up with alternatives to having your guests sit through what in all likelihood will be 40 minutes of listening to people talk. No one is judging you. 

    Objectively, it is super boring to sit through the microphone being passed between 8 groups of people (11 people total - assuming your parents aren't divorced and remarried). I was at a wedding where the toasts lasted for over 15 minutes and guests were just shifting in their chairs, staring at their plates, playing with the ice cubes in their empty drink, bored but trying to be polite, etc. It sucked. 

    If you only want answers on how things are normally ordered, here's how it usually goes: father of the bride (or the hosts), then BM, then MOH. That's it. See? That's not helpful because your situation is unique. People are trying to work with your situation and give you alternatives that are best for your reception guests and still incorporate everyone.
     
     
    Stuck in the box. But when people are trying to 'help' me with things that I didn't ask for help with it just becomes annoying. The amount of people is staying, like it or not - this is not what the post is about. I'm going to ask wedding party people to keep it to 2-3mins, but I don't exactly want to impose a time limit on our parents. I just wanted to know if the order sounded ok or not, I wasn't sure if parents go first usually or right before the bride & groom. So I guess based on your post parents would be first. Thanks to everyone who answered my actual question.




    if you cannot handle people responding to your postwith their candid thoughts then you shouldn't use the Internet
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    NYCMercedesMyNameIsNotDreamergirl8812
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Majelin86 said:
    Majelin86 said:

    I'm not going to say that 'oh you can give a speech but you can't'. I've seen weddings where everyone in the wedding party gave speeches! That sounds totally miserable for the guests... My bridesmaid has said she will be keeping her speech very short. I may remind everyone to try to keep it short, but I'm not going to cut people out. You don't have to cut them out - just split them up: hosts, BM and MOH do theirs at the wedding and the rest do theirs at the RD. Easy.

    And I didn't ask about the number of people giving speeches....I asked about the order in which people should do their speeches.... People are allowed to comment on whatever. No one here is trying to nit-pick - everyone just wants you to have the most successful wedding possible. And we're just making sure you know that guests do not like to sit through "speeches". They are fine with short toasts, but not speeches.

    Majelin86 said:
    I'm just going to stop posting new discussions as people always just pick them apart. All I asked about was the order of the speeches, I didn't want to be judged on how many there were or be told that I'm basically making my guests suffer. People on these boards are way too judgmental. No wedding is going to be perfect.
    For crying out loud... no one is judging you. People are trying to HELP you come up with alternatives to having your guests sit through what in all likelihood will be 40 minutes of listening to people talk. No one is judging you. 

    Objectively, it is super boring to sit through the microphone being passed between 8 groups of people (11 people total - assuming your parents aren't divorced and remarried). I was at a wedding where the toasts lasted for over 15 minutes and guests were just shifting in their chairs, staring at their plates, playing with the ice cubes in their empty drink, bored but trying to be polite, etc. It sucked. 

    If you only want answers on how things are normally ordered, here's how it usually goes: father of the bride (or the hosts), then BM, then MOH. That's it. See? That's not helpful because your situation is unique. People are trying to work with your situation and give you alternatives that are best for your reception guests and still incorporate everyone.
     
     
    Stuck in the box. But when people are trying to 'help' me with things that I didn't ask for help with it just becomes annoying. The amount of people is staying, like it or not - this is not what the post is about. I'm going to ask wedding party people to keep it to 2-3mins, but I don't exactly want to impose a time limit on our parents. I just wanted to know if the order sounded ok or not, I wasn't sure if parents go first usually or right before the bride & groom. So I guess based on your post parents would be first. Thanks to everyone who answered my actual question.
    Then do whatever the fuck you want to do!  When you come here and ask a question you will get answers.  They may not always be the answers you want but in the end we are just trying to be helpful.  If you don't want helpful responses then don't fucking post.

    This is the second or third post that you have complained about that no one was answering the question you posed.  Many times when a lot of people agree that, in this case, 8 speeches is too many and your guests will be bored out of their minds, then maybe you should take a step back and think about it instead of being all pissy that we weren't answering your exact question.

    Here is your order...most important person first, then your second most important then whoever the hell you want because people will have tuned out.

    MyNameIsNotSKPM
  • Majelin86 said:
    Majelin86 said:

    I'm not going to say that 'oh you can give a speech but you can't'. I've seen weddings where everyone in the wedding party gave speeches! That sounds totally miserable for the guests... My bridesmaid has said she will be keeping her speech very short. I may remind everyone to try to keep it short, but I'm not going to cut people out. You don't have to cut them out - just split them up: hosts, BM and MOH do theirs at the wedding and the rest do theirs at the RD. Easy.

    And I didn't ask about the number of people giving speeches....I asked about the order in which people should do their speeches.... People are allowed to comment on whatever. No one here is trying to nit-pick - everyone just wants you to have the most successful wedding possible. And we're just making sure you know that guests do not like to sit through "speeches". They are fine with short toasts, but not speeches.

    Majelin86 said:
    I'm just going to stop posting new discussions as people always just pick them apart. All I asked about was the order of the speeches, I didn't want to be judged on how many there were or be told that I'm basically making my guests suffer. People on these boards are way too judgmental. No wedding is going to be perfect.
    For crying out loud... no one is judging you. People are trying to HELP you come up with alternatives to having your guests sit through what in all likelihood will be 40 minutes of listening to people talk. No one is judging you. 

    Objectively, it is super boring to sit through the microphone being passed between 8 groups of people (11 people total - assuming your parents aren't divorced and remarried). I was at a wedding where the toasts lasted for over 15 minutes and guests were just shifting in their chairs, staring at their plates, playing with the ice cubes in their empty drink, bored but trying to be polite, etc. It sucked. 

    If you only want answers on how things are normally ordered, here's how it usually goes: father of the bride (or the hosts), then BM, then MOH. That's it. See? That's not helpful because your situation is unique. People are trying to work with your situation and give you alternatives that are best for your reception guests and still incorporate everyone.
     
     
    Stuck in the box. But when people are trying to 'help' me with things that I didn't ask for help with it just becomes annoying. The amount of people is staying, like it or not - this is not what the post is about. I'm going to ask wedding party people to keep it to 2-3mins, but I don't exactly want to impose a time limit on our parents. I just wanted to know if the order sounded ok or not, I wasn't sure if parents go first usually or right before the bride & groom. So I guess based on your post parents would be first. Thanks to everyone who answered my actual question.
    Then do whatever the fuck you want to do!  When you come here and ask a question you will get answers.  They may not always be the answers you want but in the end we are just trying to be helpful.  If you don't want helpful responses then don't fucking post.

    This is the second or third post that you have complained about that no one was answering the question you posed.  Many times when a lot of people agree that, in this case, 8 speeches is too many and your guests will be bored out of their minds, then maybe you should take a step back and think about it instead of being all pissy that we weren't answering your exact question.

    Here is your order...most important person first, then your second most important then whoever the hell you want because people will have tuned out.


    Classy - swearing and everything! I think maybe you need to take a step back. Entertaining though.

    RaineH
  • RedJacks25RedJacks25 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2013


    I love that someone who is so determined to be rude to her nearest and dearest is calling out someone else for being classless.
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    Dreamergirl8812casey8784
  • To answer the rehearsal dinner question - where I'm from people don't normally give speeches (or toasts as you guys call them) at the rehearsal dinner. Basically we go over the ceremony and then are having dinner at my fiancé's parents house, very casual, they're ordering some pizza for everyone. Basically people mingle and the wedding party kind of get to know each other a little better. Nobody gives speeches or anything like that. It would be odd for me to ask some people to say their speech at the rehearsal dinner and I think they'd feel hurt if I did that.
  • Majelin86 said:
    To answer the rehearsal dinner question - where I'm from people don't normally give speeches (or toasts as you guys call them) at the rehearsal dinner. Basically we go over the ceremony and then are having dinner at my fiancé's parents house, very casual, they're ordering some pizza for everyone. Basically people mingle and the wedding party kind of get to know each other a little better. Nobody gives speeches or anything like that. It would be odd for me to ask some people to say their speech at the rehearsal dinner and I think they'd feel hurt if I did that.
    These people are adults.  Adults understand that just because they want to do something doesn't mean they get to.  What is so difficult about saying, "that's really sweet of you to offer, but we are already running long on toasts.  If you'd like to say something at the RD you can, but I understand if you don't want to."

    No isn't a four letter word.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    SKPM
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    NYCBruin said:
    Majelin86 said:
    To answer the rehearsal dinner question - where I'm from people don't normally give speeches (or toasts as you guys call them) at the rehearsal dinner. Basically we go over the ceremony and then are having dinner at my fiancé's parents house, very casual, they're ordering some pizza for everyone. Basically people mingle and the wedding party kind of get to know each other a little better. Nobody gives speeches or anything like that. It would be odd for me to ask some people to say their speech at the rehearsal dinner and I think they'd feel hurt if I did that.
    These people are adults.  Adults understand that just because they want to do something doesn't mean they get to.  What is so difficult about saying, "that's really sweet of you to offer, but we are already running long on toasts.  If you'd like to say something at the RD you can, but I understand if you don't want to."

    No isn't a four letter word.
    Agree.  YOU choose who gives a toast.  It's not a free for all where everyone who wants to get up and say something gets to.  

    But hey, if you want to put everyone to sleep, go right ahead.  Just keep in mind, you'll be the wedding people talk about behind your back for years to come, and not in a good way. 
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Majelin86 said:
    Majelin86 said:

    I'm not going to say that 'oh you can give a speech but you can't'. I've seen weddings where everyone in the wedding party gave speeches! That sounds totally miserable for the guests... My bridesmaid has said she will be keeping her speech very short. I may remind everyone to try to keep it short, but I'm not going to cut people out. You don't have to cut them out - just split them up: hosts, BM and MOH do theirs at the wedding and the rest do theirs at the RD. Easy.

    And I didn't ask about the number of people giving speeches....I asked about the order in which people should do their speeches.... People are allowed to comment on whatever. No one here is trying to nit-pick - everyone just wants you to have the most successful wedding possible. And we're just making sure you know that guests do not like to sit through "speeches". They are fine with short toasts, but not speeches.

    Majelin86 said:
    I'm just going to stop posting new discussions as people always just pick them apart. All I asked about was the order of the speeches, I didn't want to be judged on how many there were or be told that I'm basically making my guests suffer. People on these boards are way too judgmental. No wedding is going to be perfect.
    For crying out loud... no one is judging you. People are trying to HELP you come up with alternatives to having your guests sit through what in all likelihood will be 40 minutes of listening to people talk. No one is judging you. 

    Objectively, it is super boring to sit through the microphone being passed between 8 groups of people (11 people total - assuming your parents aren't divorced and remarried). I was at a wedding where the toasts lasted for over 15 minutes and guests were just shifting in their chairs, staring at their plates, playing with the ice cubes in their empty drink, bored but trying to be polite, etc. It sucked. 

    If you only want answers on how things are normally ordered, here's how it usually goes: father of the bride (or the hosts), then BM, then MOH. That's it. See? That's not helpful because your situation is unique. People are trying to work with your situation and give you alternatives that are best for your reception guests and still incorporate everyone.
     
     
    Stuck in the box. But when people are trying to 'help' me with things that I didn't ask for help with it just becomes annoying. The amount of people is staying, like it or not - this is not what the post is about. I'm going to ask wedding party people to keep it to 2-3mins, but I don't exactly want to impose a time limit on our parents. I just wanted to know if the order sounded ok or not, I wasn't sure if parents go first usually or right before the bride & groom. So I guess based on your post parents would be first. Thanks to everyone who answered my actual question.
    3 minutes each (in the very unlikely case that your wedding party members will stick to 3 minutes or less and your parents don't natter on even though you're not bothering to tell them the time constraint) times 8 people, plus 1 minute in between each speech to hand off the microphone to the next person = 31 minutes.  31 minutes straight of speeches, at a minimum. 

    I'm going to go ahead and openly judge.  Deliberately and knowingly subjecting your guests to half an hour or longer of watching speeches makes you (general you) a terrible host. 

    Also, we're not calling speeches toasts.  They are two different things (or rather a toast is a very specific type of speech), and everybody other than the host of your wedding should be giving a toast, not a speech.  The host of the wedding should give a short speech to thank the guests for coming, which may end in a toast to the bride and groom.  Other speeches in honor of the bride and groom should be in the form of toasts, which are short and to the point (and don't involve long, boring, awkward stories about the time you passed out in a strip club and wound up wearing two pairs of panties). 



    southernbelle0915
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2013
    Majelin86 said:
    Majelin86 said:
    Majelin86 said:

    I'm not going to say that 'oh you can give a speech but you can't'. I've seen weddings where everyone in the wedding party gave speeches! That sounds totally miserable for the guests... My bridesmaid has said she will be keeping her speech very short. I may remind everyone to try to keep it short, but I'm not going to cut people out. You don't have to cut them out - just split them up: hosts, BM and MOH do theirs at the wedding and the rest do theirs at the RD. Easy.

    And I didn't ask about the number of people giving speeches....I asked about the order in which people should do their speeches.... People are allowed to comment on whatever. No one here is trying to nit-pick - everyone just wants you to have the most successful wedding possible. And we're just making sure you know that guests do not like to sit through "speeches". They are fine with short toasts, but not speeches.

    Majelin86 said:
    I'm just going to stop posting new discussions as people always just pick them apart. All I asked about was the order of the speeches, I didn't want to be judged on how many there were or be told that I'm basically making my guests suffer. People on these boards are way too judgmental. No wedding is going to be perfect.
    For crying out loud... no one is judging you. People are trying to HELP you come up with alternatives to having your guests sit through what in all likelihood will be 40 minutes of listening to people talk. No one is judging you. 

    Objectively, it is super boring to sit through the microphone being passed between 8 groups of people (11 people total - assuming your parents aren't divorced and remarried). I was at a wedding where the toasts lasted for over 15 minutes and guests were just shifting in their chairs, staring at their plates, playing with the ice cubes in their empty drink, bored but trying to be polite, etc. It sucked. 

    If you only want answers on how things are normally ordered, here's how it usually goes: father of the bride (or the hosts), then BM, then MOH. That's it. See? That's not helpful because your situation is unique. People are trying to work with your situation and give you alternatives that are best for your reception guests and still incorporate everyone.
     
     
    Stuck in the box. But when people are trying to 'help' me with things that I didn't ask for help with it just becomes annoying. The amount of people is staying, like it or not - this is not what the post is about. I'm going to ask wedding party people to keep it to 2-3mins, but I don't exactly want to impose a time limit on our parents. I just wanted to know if the order sounded ok or not, I wasn't sure if parents go first usually or right before the bride & groom. So I guess based on your post parents would be first. Thanks to everyone who answered my actual question.
    Then do whatever the fuck you want to do!  When you come here and ask a question you will get answers.  They may not always be the answers you want but in the end we are just trying to be helpful.  If you don't want helpful responses then don't fucking post.

    This is the second or third post that you have complained about that no one was answering the question you posed.  Many times when a lot of people agree that, in this case, 8 speeches is too many and your guests will be bored out of their minds, then maybe you should take a step back and think about it instead of being all pissy that we weren't answering your exact question.

    Here is your order...most important person first, then your second most important then whoever the hell you want because people will have tuned out.


    Classy - swearing and everything! I think maybe you need to take a step back. Entertaining though.

    Really?  I am telling you to do whatever you want and I am classless.  You come on here and post a discussion.  Then you bitch when people don't only answer your question and instead try and give you really good advice that what you are planning is going to bore the crap out of your guests. Then you get all defensive that we aren't "answering your question."  We are just trying to help you be courteous to your guests and making them sit through a half hour or more of speeches is not being courteous.

    But again, you can do whatever the hell you want.  Have 20 speeches, we really don't care, but just know your guests are going to get bored and will be mumbling to each other about the ridiculous amount of speeches being given.

    PS - If you haven't noticed I do curse, a lot in my posts.  That is how I talk and how I am.  If you don't like it I really couldn't care less.  And no, I am not going to "take a step back."  I feel like you need to take a step back and maybe really think about the advice being given rather then coming back and negating everything that we are saying.

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