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Wedding Woes

FI Just Lost His Job!

I am very panicky and depressed right now. If anyone has read my other posts you know I had an initial budget of $2000 for my wedding. Well this was when he still had a job! I am finishing up college earning very little tutoring cash so I won't start making full time money until next spring.

He just found out yesterday (out of nowhere btw) that he is fired. He has started sending out resumes but no one in our area seems to be hiring right now. We have about $1400 saved up (2 months living expenses tops) that was supposed to go to the wedding as that is the only way we could afford something traditional. 

I can't fathom how we can afford a wedding in October 2014 now that our wedding savings is going to be used to cover our living expenses! If I hadn't already have bought the dress I'd be less depressed because now I fear I will need to sell the dress I love so much! 

As of Saturday morning I was in wedding planning swing, I've been getting information together and pricing things. I feel now as if I should force myself to stop planning and brace for what I want the least (which is a courthouse wedding with no reception afterwards) which is the most we could afford with my credit card covering the licence and officiant costs. 

I don't know what to do. I've been praying that he finds work quickly but I don't know how to prepare myself to lose the small wedding I had become so excited for.
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Re: FI Just Lost His Job!

  • I think you need to postpone your planning until both of you are working full time and in a better place financially - why do you need to get married in October 2014? Could you wait an additional year or two to allow yourselves time to become established? What's the rush?

    Are the two of you living together? Are you supporting yourselves now? Have you discussed financial planning with your FI? With your current minimal income, has it been discussed how you would support yourselves in the event that he lost his job? Have you discussed the possibility of you not finding a job immediately following graduation? where will you live? what about insurance? 

    I skimmed another of your posts, and you come off as really immature. Why are you afraid to discuss your wedding plans with your mother? why are you more concerned about planning a party than planning for your life?

    I am very panicky and depressed right now. If anyone has read my other posts you know I had an initial budget of $2000 for my wedding. Well this was when he still had a job! I am finishing up college earning very little tutoring cash so I won't start making full time money until next spring.

    He just found out yesterday (out of nowhere btw) that he is fired. He has started sending out resumes but no one in our area seems to be hiring right now. We have about $1400 saved up (2 months living expenses tops) that was supposed to go to the wedding as that is the only way we could afford something traditional. 

    I can't fathom how we can afford a wedding in October 2014 now that our wedding savings is going to be used to cover our living expenses! If I hadn't already have bought the dress I'd be less depressed because now I fear I will need to sell the dress I love so much! 

    As of Saturday morning I was in wedding planning swing, I've been getting information together and pricing things. I feel now as if I should force myself to stop planning and brace for what I want the least (which is a courthouse wedding with no reception afterwards) which is the most we could afford with my credit card covering the licence and officiant costs. 

    I don't know what to do. I've been praying that he finds work quickly but I don't know how to prepare myself to lose the small wedding I had become so excited for.

    Blue_BirdOliveOilsMomthejucheidea
  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Why was he fired? Will he be able to get unemployment? It does sound like its time to put wedding planning on hold, you do not want to go into debt for a wedding. And you still live at home right? I think you should both talk about what the next steps are- its scary but it will work out. Just dont add extra pressure by planning a wedding thats out of budget right now

    image
  • My fiancé has been laid off since June, so I feel your pain! He's not sure if they'll have work for him again so he may have to start looking elsewhere. Luckily he is getting unemployment - will your fiancé be able to get that?

    If you feel like you can't afford it I would maybe postpone it for awhile. Or if you feel really strongly about getting married on that date maybe do a small ceremony (or courthouse one) and have the reception later when you're in a better financial situation. Are your parents helping you out at all?

  • @PirateBarbie I would think if your thoroughly read through that post you would read the reasons why I may have had some difficulty. I admit I am not the perfectly matured person but you shouldn't judge me based on my postings about certain topics (if I took every one of your posts I doubt I would have an idea of who you were), these are the things that I am perhaps not mature or knowledgable enough to handle on my own. 

    In terms of any plans we have financially we did experience a slight bump at the very beginning of this year where he had no income for two months due to store renovations and that sucked the initial "cushion" dry and we had to start from scratch again without touching our wedding money. This newly saved emergency money has of course been used for some minor emergencies so what we have left right now is pretty significant to how much we need per month. If he were to find a job within a month then I'd be less concerned, but for now the wedding savings is back in our chequing account to cover expenses. This is about as far as I am going into this, all I can say is that I am very confident it would work out if he were to find work again within a month.

    Unfortunately he cannot get unemployment, they explained at the government centre that he just doesn't qualify. If he had been laid off they would be more willing to help. He was told it was because he was unreliable, but a manager told him privately that there was just someone new in management that just didn't like him and wanted him gone.

    The date itself is important to us. We've been engaged for over 2 years now so you could say there is a rush as there will always be something coming up to prevent it. If I cannot afford the wedding I had initially planned then I will go with the bare minimum and perhaps hope to have an event at our one year mark or something. 

    Unfortunately my parents (nor his) can afford to help out financially, they would be able to perhaps cover our transportation and some light snacks in their home if we went to the courthouse. It is part of the reason our budget is so low to begin with (particularly compared to some of my old friends getting married).

    I guess it is a good idea to just stop planning anything in case I cannot afford this, it'd probably just make me miserable anyways. Postponing the wedding isn't going to happen, if I do end up with the bare minimum for my wedding day then at least the money that I make afterwards can go to more productive things for our future.
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  • So a date is more important than starting a life together on sound financial footing? Ooooookay.
    kmmssghmonkeyVen&Radio
  • PirateBarbiePirateBarbie member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    @PirateBarbie I would think if your thoroughly read through that post you would read the reasons why I may have had some difficulty. I admit I am not the perfectly matured person but you shouldn't judge me based on my postings about certain topics (if I took every one of your posts I doubt I would have an idea of who you were), these are the things that I am perhaps not mature or knowledgable enough to handle on my own. 

    In terms of any plans we have financially we did experience a slight bump at the very beginning of this year where he had no income for two months due to store renovations and that sucked the initial "cushion" dry and we had to start from scratch again without touching our wedding money. This newly saved emergency money has of course been used for some minor emergencies so what we have left right now is pretty significant to how much we need per month. If he were to find a job within a month then I'd be less concerned, but for now the wedding savings is back in our chequing account to cover expenses. This is about as far as I am going into this, all I can say is that I am very confident it would work out if he were to find work again within a month.

    Unfortunately he cannot get unemployment, they explained at the government centre that he just doesn't qualify. If he had been laid off they would be more willing to help. He was told it was because he was unreliable, but a manager told him privately that there was just someone new in management that just didn't like him and wanted him gone.

    The date itself is important to us. We've been engaged for over 2 years now so you could say there is a rush as there will always be something coming up to prevent it. If I cannot afford the wedding I had initially planned then I will go with the bare minimum and perhaps hope to have an event at our one year mark or something. 

    Unfortunately my parents (nor his) can afford to help out financially, they would be able to perhaps cover our transportation and some light snacks in their home if we went to the courthouse. It is part of the reason our budget is so low to begin with (particularly compared to some of my old friends getting married).

    I guess it is a good idea to just stop planning anything in case I cannot afford this, it'd probably just make me miserable anyways. Postponing the wedding isn't going to happen, if I do end up with the bare minimum for my wedding day then at least the money that I make afterwards can go to more productive things for our future.
    Translation: YOU DON'T KNOW ME!

    ... also, i'm betting there's more to it than he's letting on. quality employees in a retail environment don't just get fired for no reason. 

    I'm judging the fact that you seem more concerned about having a party in October 2014 than how you're going to afford to support yourselves. 

  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I tried to quote but am on my phone- but HUGE red flag in that post about the reasoning for being fired. If you trust him that he didn't do anything wrong, he needs to file for unemployment and make them prove he was unreliable. But honestly, it sounds like he is lying to you about why he was fired. If you believe him, he should be willing to fight for the unemployment.

    image
  • I am giving a hairy-eyeball to the lies about not qualifying for unemployment.
    Because if he was fired/laid off without DOCUMENTED cause, he can get it.
    So...yeah, Lying McScammer
  • I know there is always more to the story than most tell about why they were fired, but I know this manager he spoke to and I believe that it is likely partially because someone just wanted him gone but there is also some truth to him being unreliable. 

    I did go down to the government building with him and they did flat out say he is out of luck, they may just be trying to get him to go away but perhaps I'll make some calls just to confirm he can't get anything. 

    @piratebarbie You're right, I am trying to get across the point that you don't know me, just as well as I don't know you. This "party" is not my only concern, it may seem as if it is my only concern because these are forums related to weddings, these are not the forums for me to be posting about my other top priorities. 

    As a matter of fact I am not more concerned about having a "party" than I am about not being able to live, I honestly think most future brides would have the same feelings as I would about this. Would you honestly not feel depressed about not being able to stick to your wedding plans? Would it not sting from having to go from planning a wedding to helping your FI find a job to live? Having a "party" is not my top priority, getting married is. I would hardly call a courthouse wedding a "party".


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  • Im new here but it sounds like you should seriously consider postponing your plans. You both sound very young and immature and I feel like if you get married you're headed for disaster aka divorce.
    [Deleted User]
  • So a date is more important than starting a life together on sound financial footing? Ooooookay.
    I just wanted to say that this date wouldn't put us into financial turmoil at all. The cost of a courthouse ceremony here is $400, something I could get by selling the dress I have and would probably have that much cash saved by then anyways. I'm not thinking of putting the $2000 on credit or anything just to have a big wedding party. If I cannot afford it then it is not happening as I don't feel that much debt is needed for something like this. 

    To me the date is important enough to not have a typical wedding, or even party afterwards. If all I can afford is the ceremony then so be it.

    Sidenote: I also realize after reading through the first post I probably should have waited a little while to actually absorb what had just happened before posting for advice. I just hope you all appreciate how it feels to go from thinking everything is great and you can actually have a wedding to finding out it could all go down the drain within a day.
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    NYCMercedes
  • I know there is always more to the story than most tell about why they were fired, but I know this manager he spoke to and I believe that it is likely partially because someone just wanted him gone but there is also some truth to him being unreliable. 

    I did go down to the government building with him and they did flat out say he is out of luck, they may just be trying to get him to go away but perhaps I'll make some calls just to confirm he can't get anything. 

    @piratebarbie You're right, I am trying to get across the point that you don't know me, just as well as I don't know you. This "party" is not my only concern, it may seem as if it is my only concern because these are forums related to weddings, these are not the forums for me to be posting about my other top priorities. 

    As a matter of fact I am not more concerned about having a "party" than I am about not being able to live, I honestly think most future brides would have the same feelings as I would about this. Would you honestly not feel depressed about not being able to stick to your wedding plans? Would it not sting from having to go from planning a wedding to helping your FI find a job to live? Having a "party" is not my top priority, getting married is. I would hardly call a courthouse wedding a "party".


    if you're both above the age of consent, and have $50 or so, you could have a courthouse wedding before the end of this week. 

  • if you're both above the age of consent, and have $50 or so, you could have a courthouse wedding before the end of this week. 

    Actually in my town it is $140 for the licence alone plus $250 for the clerk to officiate, I did my research and it is not as cheap as in the states. 
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  • I'm sorry to hear about the job loss. I think you might be a little rash posting this discussion so quickly after finding out. If you both want to get married on x date, then you both have to make a hard decisions. You could say that you are lucky that you didn't set anything in stone so you could be still flexible with the date. Personally, take a break from wedding stuff and attend to FI and help him get back on his feet. It's gotta be crushing to be rejected like that.

    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • I had a similar situation. My honey and I were supposed to get married this past March. However, last August I was in a pretty bad car accident and was able to return to my previous job as a slot attendent because my back was so messed up. Then, in October the business my fiancee and his friend had started back east went down the toilet. My parents were paying for the wedding and made the decision to postpone it for us. I was really upset about it. I had been so excited and had everything planned and deposits down everywhere, and it felt like it was all for nothing. We ended up postponing it to this November. As upset as I was, looking back I am happy we postponed it until we were more financially stable. The first year of marriage will be hard enough without the stress of job hunting and living paycheck to paycheck. Although you are excited, and don't want to postpone it, it may be the right choice to make.
  • You need to post pone it and not get hung up on all the traditional stuff. If you really want to celebrate your love in the union of marriage go to city hall and then have a small get together with close friends and family or just you guys and SAVE YOUR MONIES. I think it is insane that people blow their life savings or finance their weddings just because that's what you have to do. It's not about a fancy dress and big cake, it's about love.
  • natswildnatswild The F-f-f-rozen N-n-north (Northern Alberta) member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I agree with previous posters, but also strongly consider contacting your local labour board, this is the kind of thing they deal with. Good luck!

  • You still have a year. 

    But I have a bigger question.  If you really think there is something your FI is leaving out about his termination AND you agree that he can be unreliable, why do you want to marry him? Don't tell me you love him.  Love is not enough when you have bills, responsibilities and kids.  Make your decision to get married with your head as well as your heart because the only thing more expensive than a wedding, is a divorce.

  • Just an update: He has found a job and will soon be bringing in a paycheque again. It is a job flipping burgers but he actually seems more excited about it than he ever did for his prior job! I'm planning on picking back up with my planning but unfortunately I am lowering out budget for now until I know we'll be able to make it. 

    @dalm0m Since I've posted on here I have learned a little bit more about the situation. It turns out he began slacking off a bit because he noted another employee was getting away with it, but didn't realize that employee was related to someone in management so could get away with it (he of course knew I would be very disappointed in him if I found out). We've had numerous talks and he certainly has learned his lesson. Even though I know that he may not always be the most reliable at his job, he certainly is reliable to me. Every little chore or task I requested of him during him unemployment was completed not only without complaint but better than I would've done it myself. 
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    NYCMercedes
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