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Etiquette

Bad ideas your FH has come up with?

climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
Sort of a spin-off of the other post. Needless to say I love my FH dearly. I've been married before, he hasn't. We both agreed that we didn't want a wedding that felt like a wedding. No cake cutting, no special dances with our parents, no bouquet or garter toss, no big wedding party. But now, he's taken the non-wedding thing a little too far. He wants no place cards. He wants everyone to sit wherever they want. 
He doesn't think we need invitations. 
He doesn't want his brother to be his best man - that's a whole other story. Ay yi yi. 
He was also surprised that I was going shopping for a wedding dress. 
And he's inviting like every person he knows. 

Thankfully I've able to convince him that most of his ideas are not good. He's thankfully really easy going about the whole thing. 

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Re: Bad ideas your FH has come up with?

  • FI originally wanted a dollar dance and games at the reception to keep guests entertained. Other than those, he's been very helpful. :)
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  • FI originally wanted a dollar dance and games at the reception to keep guests entertained. Other than those, he's been very helpful. :)
    Same here.  He thought I was taking away everyone's fun by removing it. He also doesn't understand why no garter removal... I got one in a box I got for free that he can toss if he wants. Mine isn't coming off my leg though.
    image image image

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
    SoontobeMrs2014casey8784
  • FI originally wanted a dollar dance and games at the reception to keep guests entertained. Other than those, he's been very helpful. :)
    He also doesn't understand why no garter removal... I got one in a box I got for free that he can toss if he wants. Mine isn't coming off my leg though.
    Yep, same here! He's very insistent that he remove my garter. I'm even more insistent that there's no way at all he's taking it off my leg in front of everyone I know.
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  • My H wanted to charge $1 per shot of hard liquor to offset the costs of our open bar. I put my foot down on that one. I explained to him that people were traveling to come to our wedding, the reception was a thank you, and if liquor was going to bankrupt us we just wouldn't have it. We could afford it, he was just being cheap. Later he was glad I talked him out of it.

    Ftr, I know this is an unpop op, but I don't see a problem in not having place cards. I have never been to a wedding with them. We didn't have them. We had plenty of seating, so everyone could sit with whomever they pleased.
    kgkmom
  • msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited September 2013

     Invitations more than 6 months before the wedding. He's convinced none of his family will book their travel until the invitations go out so the inviations need to go out in November for a May weding. But we sent out save the dates with our travel agent's info on them in July. We are still working out a compromise on that one.

    Everything else has been pretty easy.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • Our venue is made up of a lobby, a main space (dance floor, tables and chairs), a kitchen, and an upstairs room with a bar, a balcony and 60-person capacity (the venue fits 240 and there will be about 150 guests). FI wants the upstairs room to be a party zone with all this extra booze and whatnot (we are only serving beer, wine, and one or two signature drinks). I told him he is King Wrong of the bastard fucking Wrong people if he thinks we are doing that. First of all, I am not giving up that room at a home-base for the WP. It is a "nope zone" for everyone else. Secondly, it is crabbed and savage to drink something we are not offering ALL of our guests, whether it is consumed in a different room or not. And third, I'd hate to split the party with some guests up there and the rest downstairs. 

    FI also wants to play Pink Floyd at the wedding (he is a huge fan). Dislike. 
    image
    grumbledore
  • WonderRedWonderRed member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    FI would be eaten alive by this board.  He wanted to register only for things, lots and lots of things,  that are $300 and up.   A family friend said something, off the cuff, about paying for a night at a super posh hotel in NOLA on our honeymoon and FI got excited and thought maybe we could get everyone in his family to pay for the other nights to cover the whole thing.   He had XX amount of people he could invite and it took him until two weeks after we sent all the others out to decide who he wanted to send the last two invitations to.  No one was B listed but those people got them 2 weeks later and I know they knew that family got them sooner so I'm afraid they think they were, even though they still came 6 weeks before the RSVP deadline.  He wanted to do open beer and wine but make hard liquor a cash option.

    Bless his heart.

    ETA:  But we haven't really disagreed on anything, despite this.  When it comes down to it we've either agreed or he's just let me make the final decision. 
  • Orange flowers for the bridesmaids. Would clash with their dresses.  Poor guy. 

    (But, he did then choose the types of flowers and other ideas for our centerpieces. But, they're not orange. There is no shade of anything orange or even remotely close in any of our plans, and it is not even a color that would look cool as a complementary color.)
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    image 293 (Adults) Invited
    image198 Yes (+ 12 children and 3 babies)
    image95 No
    image0 Unknown

  • DH wanted to B-list. It was like, "I love you but....

    image"
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    image
  • Mine has said so many, many things that it would take me forever to type it all out.  My least favorite so far has been, "Oh, well, we'll just have my dad DJ, it can't be THAT hard."
  • DH wanted to B-list. It was like, "I love you but....

    image"
    This was my initial reaction when I found out my guy thought it would be okay to have a cash bar.  I was actually telling him, "A forum I post on a lot made one of my posts a sticky!" and he asked what it was about - I told him it was about cash bars and why they are bad form and he was like, "Say what?"  We had a 45 minute argument about it that ended with me convincing him but he's still annoyed about the cost.  I told him if he doesn't like the cost, we can just serve beer and wine or no alcohol, and he said, "Hmmph fine."  It was quite a night.

    (I actually had to send him a "How much alcohol do I need for x people" calculator to run to set his mind at east - our venue lets us supply our own bar.)

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    Dreamergirl8812PolarBearFitz
  • FI hasn't pushed a cash bar, but is peeved enough about the venue's alcohol prices that he has actually scouted the venue a couple times to see where he might be able to "hide a keg". :-S
    harper0813ruchie81
  • Most of this was joking, but still...
    Potluck wedding
    Bring your own booze, plus some for the bride and groom
    For that matter, why have a reception at all? Just invite them to the wedding and then shove people out the door
    List our bank's website and our email address on the invitations so they can transfer money directly to us
    deejahweejah
  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 at the corner of Wine Ave. and Margarita Ln. member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    FI was suggesting cake smashing. He's been warned that doing so will result in an immediate come to Jesus moment, and a lack of "personal interaction" for at least two days. Reminded him a couple of professionals I am friends with will be in attendance, and my professional reputation has to be maintained.

    To stave off any lingering ideas of his, I told him the groom feeds the bride first, so I'd have the option of more ammo :)

    [Deleted User]jessieloowho
  • B list.  Until I explained to him that if the declines turn around and say their plans changed and they can now come, we're screwed.  That's how he understood it wasn't a good idea and he regurgitated that line to his mother when she suggested the same thing. :)  I was so proud.

     

  • Blue tux.... ala Dumb and Dumber.... (he said that since he wore the Orange one for his high school grad that somehow justifies this!)

    I almost cried  when I found out he was serious and said I am not getting married to someone in a blue tux!

    He wonders how people will know he's the groom if all the men are in black suits.

    image

    Dreamergirl8812WonderRedKnotPorscha
  • DH wanted to B-list. It was like, "I love you but....

    image"
    FI also wanted to B-list, and still doesn't see a problem with it.  I only got him to agree not to by pointing out that our friends and family that would be on that list need to fly here and shortening the amount of time they have to make travel arrangements isn't nice.

    He also thought it would be cool to offer higher end liquor on a cash bar basis for his dad and a few family members who only drink really nice scotch.  In his head as long as we were offering a scotch hosted it was OK to offer the higher end stuff for cash.  Needless to say that's not happening.
  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    He wanted his home town church but the reception venue place that we liked. They are an hour and 20 minutes apart!

    image
    ruchie81
  • DH was DYING for a dollar dance for some time. He also entertained the idea of getting married in a Catholic Church just to appease his judgmental uncle.

  • LOL at this! Similar to FH suggesting he wear a suit with a light purple vest/tie because he saw it in a Jos A Bank ad for their new formal wear line and he thought it looked nice. Ummmm...NO. There is nothing about our wedding that includes the color purple. Nothing!
    mimiphin said:

    Blue tux.... ala Dumb and Dumber.... (he said that since he wore the Orange one for his high school grad that somehow justifies this!)

    I almost cried  when I found out he was serious and said I am not getting married to someone in a blue tux!

    He wonders how people will know he's the groom if all the men are in black suits.image


    merid34Jessmichaud
  • FH wanted nothing played at the wedding but classic rock, which is mostly what we listen to. It took awhile to explain to him that in order for people to have a good time we need a variety of music and not just what WE like. Thankfully he caved and I told him to let the DJ handle it because it's his job. He was okay with this after I let him create a do not play list.

     

    He also had a hard time understanding why we needed to call people who didn't RSVP by the RSVP date. His theory was "If they didn't care enough to RSVP then assume they're not coming." I had to explain multiple times that  while yes, some people are just bad RSVPers there is a chance things get lost in the mail. It was easier to convince him when one of the people we had to call was his dad. lol

  • Oh there are so many, but just to name a few...

    -Honeymoon fund
    -Ice cream wedding cake
    -9 Groomsmen in all white tuxes
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    JulietteMine
  • DH actually really didn't have any horrible ideas. He did want to smash cake in my face, but I let him know that there was no way that was going to happen. He whined a bit about it, but got over it.

    Probably the only one besides that was that he wanted to have some random slow jazz song play for our entrance to the reception. I told him that we should have something more upbeat - after some back and forth (we have very different taste in music) we agreed to "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles.
    image
    elainema503
  • Ice cream wedding cake

     Stuck in the quote box...   
    I totally want an ice cream wedding cake now!  I suppose it would be side-eyed by some, but it would be a highlight for me to have ice cream cake instead of "regular" cake.
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    [Deleted User]smalfrie19kalyncampbell[Deleted User]
  • Ooh, I almost forgot, mine suggested an outdoor ceremony with no chairs!  He was initially shocked when I told him absolutely not because apparently he's been to a ton of weddings with outdoor ceremonies and no chairs and never thought about it, but once I explained it he was like, "Damn, that does kind of suck, doesn't it?"

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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    That is too funny. The only time I had to stand during an outdoor wedding was when I was a bridesmaid. And it sucked donkey balls. She also made us wear gloves in June and it was 95 degrees, but that's another story :-P

  • clg1213 said:

    Ice cream wedding cake

     Stuck in the quote box...   
    I totally want an ice cream wedding cake now!  I suppose it would be side-eyed by some, but it would be a highlight for me to have ice cream cake instead of "regular" cake.

    Belle2188 said:
    Oh there are so many, but just to name a few...

    -Honeymoon fund
    -Ice cream wedding cake
    -9 Groomsmen in all white tuxes
    If ice cream cake is wrong, then I don't want to be right.
    I love ice cream cake too, but since wedding cakes generally sit out all night, I'm foreseeing a slight melting issue!
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  • Putting out a FB request to the effect of "Who wants to be invited to our wedding?" Apparently this would make his assembly of a guest list a breeze... I don't know what the true etiquette is on that, but it seems kinda tacky to me.
  • Putting out a FB request to the effect of "Who wants to be invited to our wedding?" Apparently this would make his assembly of a guest list a breeze... I don't know what the true etiquette is on that, but it seems kinda tacky to me.
    One of my friends from high school did this (she was 19 and a Sophomore in college at that point, so I think she just didn't think about it) and since I hadn't really stayed in touch after graduation I didn't feel comfortable answering a blanket "give me your addresses for wedding invites!" post. One of our mutual friends from high school did and did get an invite, and then was surprised when I didn't. I was like, if she had messaged and asked I would have answered...I guess she didn't want me there enough to do that. (Her wedding was the week of move in for my college anyway for Junior year so I wouldn't have been able to go even if I had wanted, but that's neither here nor there).
    photo a826c490-726a-4824-af5c-d938878de228_zpseb85bb5a.jpg
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