Writing 'and Family' on envelope?

SereneTiger

My FMIL is insisting that we have to write 'and family'  when addressing the envelopes.  

But everything I see says you should just put the "Mr & Mrs" on the front envelope and then write everyone's name on that is invited on the inner envelope.

So not be all 'who is right?' but who's right in this situation?

manateehugger

DO NOT write "and family" unless you want your guest to interpret that as they will. If you wrote "PDKH and Family," I could bring 50 cousins with me because they are "family."

You write only who is invited (plus titles). If they have kids you are inviting, list them by name below their parents' names. Anyone 18 and over gets their own invitation, even if he or she still lives at home. 

You're right haha. Crane's and Emily Post are good references if you need more back up against FMIL.

HisGirlFriday13

SereneTiger said:

My FMIL is insisting that we have to write 'and family'  when addressing the envelopes.  

But everything I see says you should just put the "Mr & Mrs" on the front envelope and then write everyone's name on that is invited on the inner envelope.

So not be all 'who is right?' but who's right in this situation?

Any bride who writes "and family" on her wedding invitation deserves what she gets -- including the couple RSVP'ing for not only their children, but possibly their siblings/parents/friends/dog-sitter.

You are correct -- invitations go to people by name. That means:

Mr. and Mrs. Bob Jones

Miss Sally Jones

Mr. Joe Jones 

Ditto @PDKH. Kids over 18 get their own invites, even if still living at home.

Jen4948

If you write "and family" then you are opening yourself up to the possibility that they will bring every member of their family in existence, including grandparents, aunts, uncles, children, grandchildren, and cousins to every degree as well as SOs.

So aside from issues of correctness, listing each person you are inviting by name clarifies just who is invited, and anyone not listed is presumed to not be invited.  As @PDKH says, anyone 18 and over should receive an invitation of his/her own together with their SOs, even if they live at home.

banana468

It's not a victimless crime. It's rude not to invite people by name.

Jen4948

scribe95 said:

I did "and family" and it worked fine. I know it is technically against etiquette but sort of considered it a victimless crime. No one brought random people. They RSVP'd for the people in their family at that address who could come and it worked great.

That worked for you but it doesn't work as a rule for everyone else.

banana468

scribe95 said:

Never said it was for everyone. Just gave my experience. And no 10-year-olds were annoyed that their name wasn't on the invitation.

You don't know that the children weren't upset or that their parents weren't irritated either.

Plenty of things can work that aren't appropriate - just ask the brides who had cash bars.  (and no - I don't think this is on the same scale).

doeydo

Write the names of those invited.

SereneTiger

Thanks for clarifying everybody! 

@PDKH @HisGirlFriday13 and @Jen4948 That's exactly what I was worried about! I really don't want random people showing up to my wedding!