Is there a settled opinion re: bridal party dates?

photokitty

kitty8403 said:

I was actually thinking that renting a hotel suite and chilling with the girls I never get to hang with anymore would be fun. It beats being stuck alone someplace--do people really think it's appropriate to stay with their SOs the night before they marry now?

I know of one couple who rented separate houses and stayed with their own attendants the night before. FI was a groomsman, and I was allowed to stay at the guys' house. We had our own space someplace. I don't know if most of the bridesmaids had dates, but I would think they had the same option at the other house. I drove separately so I don't remember the rehearsal being an issue. Seems like a decent way to do this, albeit somewhat expensive.

If you pay for a suite abd invite your bridesmaids to stay with you that is generous. If you denand they stay with you it is selfish. As far as staying with your fiance the night before your wedding~ i think it is a personal choice. While i didn't stay with DH, i certainly don't think it is inappropriate if a couple chooses to stay together the night before.

phira

kitty8403 said:

I was actually thinking that renting a hotel suite and chilling with the girls I never get to hang with anymore would be fun. It beats being stuck alone someplace--do people really think it's appropriate to stay with their SOs the night before they marry now? I know of one couple who rented separate houses and stayed with their own attendants the night before. FI was a groomsman, and I was allowed to stay at the guys' house. We had our own space someplace. I don't know if most of the bridesmaids had dates, but I would think they had the same option at the other house. I drove separately so I don't remember the rehearsal being an issue. Seems like a decent way to do this, albeit somewhat expensive.

Um ... yes, some people really do think that it's appropriate to stay with their fiance(e)s the night before the wedding. Thanks for your judgment.

lizandmark2014

I agree with pp that SO should be invited to the RD. No to them being invited to sleepover/ bridesmaid bonding time. If they hang out during photographs that is fine. 

I hung out during photos at my FI friend's wedding it wasn't a problem. I ended up helping, (I'm just that way.) The wedding party was getting thirsty and some were hungry. I went and picked up drinks and snacks at the gas station. They insisted I keep their change.

climbingsingle

kitty8403 said:

I was actually thinking that renting a hotel suite and chilling with the girls I never get to hang with anymore would be fun. It beats being stuck alone someplace--do people really think it's appropriate to stay with their SOs the night before they marry now? I know of one couple who rented separate houses and stayed with their own attendants the night before. FI was a groomsman, and I was allowed to stay at the guys' house. We had our own space someplace. I don't know if most of the bridesmaids had dates, but I would think they had the same option at the other house. I drove separately so I don't remember the rehearsal being an issue. Seems like a decent way to do this, albeit somewhat expensive.

It sucks being alone? Hell no. I'm an adult. I don't need to demand my friends to be by my side because I don't want to be alone. 

I'm spending the night before we get married with my FI. It's not inappropriate. It's a personal choice. 

phira

I also kind of love how it's like, "I don't want to spend the night before my wedding alone! You all have to spend time with me!" But then, "What, you can't spend ONE NIGHT away from your SO?" towards the wedding party.

southernbelle0915

kitty8403 said:

I was actually thinking that renting a hotel suite and chilling with the girls I never get to hang with anymore would be fun. It beats being stuck alone someplace--do people really think it's appropriate to stay with their SOs the night before they marry now? I know of one couple who rented separate houses and stayed with their own attendants the night before. FI was a groomsman, and I was allowed to stay at the guys' house. We had our own space someplace. I don't know if most of the bridesmaids had dates, but I would think they had the same option at the other house. I drove separately so I don't remember the rehearsal being an issue. Seems like a decent way to do this, albeit somewhat expensive.

We lived together for a year and a half before we got married, so the night before the wedding didn't really matter considering we were already "living in sin". Yes, I think it is appropriate for couples to do this. If we hadn't stayed together, I would have stayed by myself. I wanted to be well rested and didn't want to turn our hotel suite into a youth hostel by inviting people to sleep all over the place. No thanks. The way you phrased your question is judgey.

To answer your question, I think it's fine if you decide to rent a suite and offer for your friends to stay there. Make sure they know they can do whatever they want, though. And do not ask them to contribute financially. If you decide to do this, it's on you.

[Deleted User]

I think you need to be curtious to bridal party dates/SO. Given they are traveling, I think it would be nice to extend the invite for them to tag along the night before. They may decline due to not knowing anyone, but at least the invite has been extended. And in regards to the photos, what are their dates suppose to do in regards to getting from Ceremony to reception since the GM would have the car for getting around?

We did a limo bus for our wedding party. Two of the spouses are good friends & decided they didn't want to do the bus, they would rather go have a few drinks while we took care of photos. One GM, his finance had major surgery less then two weeks before the wedding and didn't have medical clearance to drive yet. So the fiance and his two kids joined us on the bus. Another GM, his GF didn't drive so she went to breakfast with the guys in the morning & then joined us on the limo bus too. It made for a snug limo ride, but it all worked out.

So basically, it's nice to accomodate the bridal parties dates/SO to make the day just as enjoyable for them. If they are relaxed and included, it just adds to that many more nice things people will remember about their weddeding.

mmm4763

As a person who has been a WP member where the bride behaved like this, I just have to say it SUCKED. (I actually wrote about it over in the "worst weddings" thread). And it's the very reason that my (now) FH did not travel with me to the wedding. The bride was insistent about her schedule/who was staying where/who was included & not included/etc and it was not worth it to me to have him come sit alone (and incur the extra expenses---plane ticket, hotel room, food, etc--for me to essentially ONLY see him on the plane ride since the WP also had to sit at the head table away from their dates)

I just can't describe how draining the whole experience was. Inviting us to a "sleepover" in the suite but essentially making us finish all of the DIY projects and staying up until the wee hours of the morning to accomplish this when we had an early a.m. hair/makeup call? WP members are not cast members or "extras".

phira

mmm4763 said:

As a person who has been a WP member where the bride behaved like this, I just have to say it SUCKED. (I actually wrote about it over in the "worst weddings" thread). And it's the very reason that my (now) FH did not travel with me to the wedding. The bride was insistent about her schedule/who was staying where/who was included & not included/etc and it was not worth it to me to have him come sit alone (and incur the extra expenses---plane ticket, hotel room, food, etc--for me to essentially ONLY see him on the plane ride since the WP also had to sit at the head table away from their dates)

I just can't describe how draining the whole experience was. Inviting us to a "sleepover" in the suite but essentially making us finish all of the DIY projects and staying up until the wee hours of the morning to accomplish this when we had an early a.m. hair/makeup call? WP members are not cast members or "extras".

UGH. A sleepover is supposed to be FUN. Not, "Hey, come have a sleepover! Okay now do all these projects I was supposed to finish myself."

mimiphin

When I was a BM the bride did the sleepover the night before. Thank god SO and I were staying in the same hotel so I didn't spend the night with 'the girls' fyi the MOH was the brides ex-bi-lover I ain't sharing a room with those two, ick.

Also SO's weren't allowed at the Rehearsal dinner since the bride didn't want her mothers husband to come and they couldn't afford it. I even offered to pay for SO.

I didn't go to the RD

1, I didn't want SO to be by himself in a city he had never been to before and

2. I felt like crap and had just gotten sick, I wish I could say I was faking but damn was I sick!! 

But 2. was quite convenient because of 1.  

mimiphin

Oh and I am spending the night before my wedding in a 1 bedroom suite without anyone else. SO and I have lived together for 3 years and I want one last night to have a king sized bed to myself.

The suite is so that we can have the girls come over in the morning to get ready and not worry about me making the bed ect. and having the bedroom part looking presentable for pictures.