Just Engaged and Proposals

How long is too long to be engaged?

My boyfriend and I will be getting engaged soon.  We've discussed it, looked at rings, and one has been purchased (my future mother in law let it slip! Eee!).  The only thing is we aren't planning to get married until the fall of 2016.  A three year engagement.  My boyfriend is going back to school right now on a total career change and won't graduate until December 2015.  We figured that would give us about 9 months to get our act together, with him in a new job.  But the more I think about it, the more I feel it's silly to be engaged.  We spoke about this summer, but now his mom tells me he bought a ring?!  Is it too soon? Will our engagement be too long?
Carlaczv
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Re: How long is too long to be engaged?

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    It is up to you and your boyfriend when to get married/how long to be engaged for.  There is no universal engagement time limit.
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    lara_43@hotmail.com
  • There's really no such thing as too long. 

    Being engaged means simply have a common understand that you will be married. My fiance and I were "engaged" long before I started wearing a ring on my finger. 

    Otherwise - just relax! Be prepared in case he might hold onto that ring for a bit before he gives it to you. Just focus on your relationship and your lives together. Have you not spoken about marriage since this summer?
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    OhMyNykbickhart3120
  • jedsc17jedsc17 member
    10 Comments
    edited October 2013
    If you and your BF want to be engaged for 3 years then that's entirely your decision. For now - enjoy your relationship for what it is and be happy. :)
  • My parents were engaged for 3 years before they got married. Circumstance. Everyone's relationships differ and there is no set measurement of time for them. Some people meet and get married within a few months of actually meeting their partners and most people think they're mad but it ends up working out, others wait years. It's not about what other people suggest to you, or anyone's input, it's what you both feel is right for you. I would love to have a longer engagement and just enjoy being engaged, but we want to start a family and we have taken so long to get to this point that a long engagement for us just wouldn't really work. Each couple is different, everyone has different things going on.
    [Deleted User]lara_43@hotmail.com
  • My fiance and I have been engaged for almost two years now. I'm in nursing school right now and we decided to wait till I graduate. We want to be able to save up for a nice wedding. Although, we have considered elopement a few times. His parents were engaged for three years before they got married, but mine just went straight to a JOP. Everyone has there own time table and things to consider before marrying. You two should talk about what your time table is and figure it out. Don't let anyone bully you into getting married before you are ready.
    Nikita2013
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    There is no such thing as being engaged too long.  You and your FI have to decide what is best for the two of you as a couple and if that means a 3 year engagement then so be it.  If others judge you then they are assholes.

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    27 years. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    TeddiD34[Deleted User]lissacasprajahmd
  • Like others said, there's no set limit on engagements. No such thing as too short or too long. But why do you need to wait till your boyfriend is done with school? Weddings come in a wide range of styles and budgets, so if the two of you decide you'd prefer a shorter engagement, you can certainly pull something together. But again, it's an entirely personal decision.
  • There's no set length on how long you guys should be engaged - it's what the two of your are comfortable with. If you are both happy with three years, you're good to go!

    Keep in mind that just because he has the ring doesn't mean he will propose right away. A lot of guys sit on it for a while. I read about one lady on the boards whose now-H had the ring in their house for a year and a half before he proposed. Your BF might not wait quite that long, but a just a heads-up to keep the patience-pants handy. :)
  • My FI had the ring for almost 6 months in our house before he proposed. We are doing an 8 month engagement because of time restraints with my work. But it is entirely up to ya'll.

    Don't let anyone else judge you and your relationship.
  • My fiance had my ring about 14 1/2 months before I got it. He bought it around our 1 year anniversary and I saw it about 4 months later. He then proposed almost a year after that. I'd told him I wanted to get engaged when he was ready to plan a wedding. So our engagement will be about 8 months total.

    My best friend was engaged for almost 2 1/2 years. Do what is best for you guys. Everyone is different.

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  • Enjoy life. Dont focus on the ring, the question, or any of that. When he asks, answer him and don't sit there counting months on your fingers. 
    Carlaczv
  • My FI and I will be engaged for 23 months by the time we get married. I think as long as you actually plan on one day getting married, the length of your engagement is really not important. We got engaged, but wanted to save for our dream wedding and now we only have about 9 months to go!! It has FLOWN by!!
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  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I know a couple that's been engaged for 7 years. Do what works for you as a couple. 

  • However long works for you is fine...just please don't go get married in a courthouse then try to throw a "real wedding" later.  I know a couple who did that, however, they just continued to tell people they were engaged because they didn't get their "real wedding yet".  Doesn't sound like this is what you'd do though.  You have to do what works for you and your boyfriend.  
  • That is a personal decision between the two of you. FH and I will be engaged for 2 years, 1 month and 2 days when we get married. 
  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    rcotter90 said:
    My boyfriend and I will be getting engaged soon.  We've discussed it, looked at rings, and one has been purchased (my future mother in law let it slip! Eee!).  The only thing is we aren't planning to get married until the fall of 2016.  A three year engagement.  My boyfriend is going back to school right now on a total career change and won't graduate until December 2015.  We figured that would give us about 9 months to get our act together, with him in a new job.  But the more I think about it, the more I feel it's silly to be engaged.  We spoke about this summer, but now his mom tells me he bought a ring?!  Is it too soon? Will our engagement be too long?
    I'm actually getting married in Fall 2016, too! We got engaged this past Labor Day, so we are in the same boat. We chose it because my 2 older brother's wedding dates are Oct 27 and 29, so we will be 28. It also gives us time to save up for a home and finish our school degrees (should be finished by summer of 2015, so this gives a year for planning). 

    I keep getting told by family that I will get antsy and will push the date sooner, and I sometimes feel that because it is 3 years, but logically is just makes sense for us to wait since we can save up for everything now. 
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    Nikita2013
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    My fiancé and I had wanted to get married next year but we're also planning on buying a house so we've decided to push the wedding back a year. We'll have been engaged 23 months by the time we get married but it will also allow us to take our time planning it and saving the money to have a beautiful day.
  • We are late summer 2016! I'm glad I'm not the only one! We are moving in August from NJ to SC. That's when we'll start planning our wedding. I want to be down there before we start setting things into stone. Not just do it from 600 miles away. There's not set time limit to an engagement. You'll get 3 years of "Congratulations!!" which never gets old! :)

    Nikita2013
  • Nikita2013Nikita2013 member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    I know exactly how you feel! I'm getting married in spring 2016, I'm gonna be graduating from college in December 2015, and my fiance and I are gonna be saving up for the wedding and moving in together before the wedding too. So it's going to be a long process but it's going to be worth it. I agree with @AliLovesJD when she said "You'll get 3 years of "Congradulations!!" which never gets old!" which is completely true. Just enjoy yourself and if you really want to start planning gather up some ideas.
  • Three years is not too long if that is what is best for you. For various reasons, my fiancé and I have been engaged for 5 years. We didn't plan on it but that is just how it worked out. Whatever works best for the two if you is what you should do.
  • Thanks for all the support ladies! We are now ENGAGED! So excited, it happened sooner than I thought and we couldn't be happier or more excited! =D
    brendag323LabLove86
  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches the Northern Plains member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Congratulations!
    rcotter90
  • Congratulations!

    Honestly,there is no such thing. Do what feels right for you and your fiance. I agree that a long engagement is probably best because it gives him a chance to get into the swing of everything with his new job.

    My FH and I got engaged a month ago and we are getting married January 2016. I'm super excited and have already started planning, but a long engagement just suits us, and to hell with people who think it's too long. We were dating almost 7 years before he proposed, so what's a few more? Haha :-)


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  • Engaged for two and a half year. We knew we wanted to save the money.
  • My FI Aunt was engaged for 9 years! 3 years isn't that long, if it works for the two of you. As long as you are comfortable with it.
  • 20 years is long, I'd question things at that point. 
  • If you want it that long then that's just fine. My fiancée & I have been engaged just over 2 yrs & our wedding isn't until June 2014. It's all up to you
  • If you ask me, yes it is too long. My personal opinion is that you get engaged because you are ready to get married, therefore start planning for your wedding. I seems that you are not, since you too have goals to be achieved before marriage.  I see you point, I will be thinking that it would be silly to get engaged so early, but I'm not in your shoes. If you might feel pressure by friends/family/situation, then don't get engaged yet. I mean, if you two are sure what you feel then what difference is going to make when you get engaged But, do you care what I think? Probably not. So, what do YOU think? What I like to do when I'm not sure about a choice that I'm about to make, I ask myself with what option will I feel happy and in peace.
    Blessings to your future marriage!
    mattycam
  • My cousins lived together and we're engaged for almost ten years before they finally married
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