Just Engaged and Proposals

How long is too long to be engaged?


Re: How long is too long to be engaged?

  • And personally have been engaged for over one year and our wedding isn't until October 2014
  • My fiancee and I are looking at a similar time frame - we were engaged in May and won't be getting married until May of 2016 - a 3 year and 10 day engagement, to be exact. We purchased a house two years ago that we've been renovating on our own, and want to make sure the house is done before we focus on planning our wedding. In the words of the famous Ron Swanson from Parks & Rec - "Never half ass two things, whole ass one thing." My fiancee said he's been planning on proposing for the past three years, and just couldn't wait any longer.

    On the other hand, my parents were engaged for two weeks and celebrated their 41st year of marriage this summer. I guess when you know - you know!
  • My fiance and I have been engaged for 5 years this September, and our wedding is not until next December. If you love each other, it does not matter how long it takes. You are getting engaged as a commitment to each other. We waited the first year because I was in school, the second year because my job took me out of the country for 7 months, then when I finally got back I realized that I wanted to get my parents' approval before we get married. That took 3 more years. My fiance is awesome for sticking around until we can do this right, but we are going this very right. We saved up to pay for a wedding ourselves and are getting a new house at the same time.

    If you love each other and want to commit to each other with an engagement, go for it, no matter how many years you will need to wait. Just know that people will keep on asking you when you are getting married when they find out that you are engaged. You might get tired of explaining, but you have a good answer.

    Good luck and don't drive him crazy with 3 years of wedding planning!
  • However long you need. Peoplewill always be astonished when you wait a litle but its you life and your day. We are getting married in a year and a half and people are saying thats way tool ong to wait. I will be finishing my first year of med school when we get married so its impossible for it to be anytime before or after that

  • A long engagement means plenty of time to save money and you can book the venders you want before they are all booked up.
  • My fiance and I have been engaged for just under a year, and have a year and a half to go until our July 2015 wedding.  He's in the Marines, so we decided to wait until he is nearly out to get married so we wouldn't have to move me across the country for just a year (that would be way too expensive for us!).  This way I am able to live at home and work and save up for starting our household together.  One of my dearest friends has been engaged for about three years now (her fiance is also a Marine).  Do whatever works for you and your relationship.  Personally, I would be unhappy with an engagement over three years, but my way is not anyone else's way, and if you decide that it would be best for the two of you to wait three or four or ten years before getting married, that is your prerogative and no one should ever judge you for that!
  • It's your personal preference. Everyone keeps asking me why the long engagement when I have already waited 9 years to be proposed to. Like you, we set our wedding date to Feb 2015. It gives us enough time to save money and put funds aside especially since we are paying for this wedding ourselves.
  • Three years may seem like forever but the time will fly by and your wedding will be right there before you know it! My FI and I will have been engaged for four years come February and will be tying the knot in May of 2014. Now that the wedding is only 5 months away looking back it seems like I blinked and now the time is here!

    Best of wishes for you and your FI! Good luck with the job changes. Those can be rough.
  • cafecremecafecreme member
    First Comment
    edited January 2014
    IMO I think its too long. If you look at the correlation of how long engagements are, and the rate of divorces, it gets higher and higher the longer the engagement is drawn out (specifically it starts to get high after 18 months+ of an engagement). Just something to think about. 
  • IMO I think its too long. If you look at the correlation of how long engagements are, and the rate of divorces, it gets higher and higher the longer the engagement is drawn out (specifically it starts to get high after 18 months+ of an engagement). Just something to think about. 
    Please show me your statistical evidence here. I've never heard of this and it sounds ridiculous. Divorces do not happen based solely on one or two factors. 

    There's no way a long engagement by itself is large factor of a divorce. 
    misscoffeepleaseKeptInStitches[Deleted User]
  • My fiancé and I have been engaged for 3 years and we have just set a wedding date. There's no timeframe on engagements. Just make sure it's the right thing for you both :)
  • Congratulations!! 

    As pretty much everyone has said, there is no such thing as "too long" if that's what you guys are comfortable with. My fiance and I just got engaged on Christmas (yay!) and are planning a wedding for the spring after yours (May/June 2017). There are a lot of different factors that played into our decision, but for our budget, and other milestones happening between now and then, it just seems right. My sister thinks we are crazy, but she also met, got engaged, and was married in one year. Take your time, and don't compromise for anyone else. This time is going to fly by!
  • We'll have been engaged for just shy of 2 years when we get married.  A friend of ours (getting married 6 months before us) will have been engaged for 2 1/2 years when they finally tie the knot.  Like everyone has said, do what's right for you two.  Waiting until after he finishes school is a great reason to hold off. :)
  • By the time I get married it will almost two years. I'm down to six months now but I would not do this long of an engagement if I did it again. I am burnt out on planning the wedding and am just ready for it to be here! I'd say wait. 
  • I just got engaged March 2014 and am getting married May 7, 2016. So it will be a 26 month engagement for us. My fiance‘s brother is a Marine who is stationed overseas until December 2015 and my fiance wants him to be his best man. That is our main reason for waiting until 2016. 

    I do not think there is any timeframe on engagements. 
  • I got engaged last July, and we are planning for our wedding hopefully in August of 2016 or 2017. My fiance thinks we would be able to get married in 2 1/2 years, I think a little longer since we want to move in together and I'm finishing up my bachlor's degree. But as everyone else has said its based on what you feel is right as a couple. Good luck and congradulations!
  • I think a longer engagement is better.  To me planning my wedding under a year would have be so stressful.  I've only been engaged for 9 months and we only booked the venue and minister.  We will be married on June 7, 2015 (2 year engagement).  Taking your time to really review your venues and vendors and find out the entire style of your wedding is the fun part.  I would suggest to newly engaged couples to plan to be married no sooner than a year and a half to really enjoy and take your time planning the wedding.
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  • Just because there is a correlation between divorce rates and length of engagement does not mean that the length of engagement was the cause of the divorce. There are many other factors to consider. We've been engaged for 2 years and our wedding is this year. We had a longer engagement to save money since we are paying for everything ourselves and my fiance was finishing up his last two years in an apprenticeship. We had good reasoning for waiting this long and I wouldn't change a thing. It gave us ample time to plan everything the way we wanted without having to sacrifice due to lack of money or time constraints. By no means does this mean we'll end up divorced; what a ridiculous comment. We got engaged that early simply because he couldn't wait any longer to propose (we've been together over 7 years).
  • There is not set time for engagements. I think the time frame should be solely based on whatever timeframe you both feel comfortable with!
  • That won’t much of a concern once you get engaged it will help you keep more involved into each other and also it would help you prepare for your future planning about what needs and not needs to be done.

  • bridetobe5115bridetobe5115 member
    First Comment
    edited April 2014
    My fiance and I will have been engaged for 3 years by the time we get married next May. We chose to wait that long because we wanted to be completely financially stable and set before we got married. When he proposed to me, he was in the process of getting an amazing job. It fell through, though, and ever since, he has been trying to get a better job. We would have been married much sooner, but there is NOTHING wrong with being engaged 3 years. It's been kind of hard, but we've enjoyed being able to become closer together and grow as a couple. We have matured so much these past two years which has made me so thankful that we have had to wait this long to get married. It has definitely been a blessing in disguise!
    Marrying my best friend on May 1, 2015!

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  • FH and I will have been engaged for 3 years and 8 months when we get married October 3rd 2014.  I am happy that we did it this way, we got to plan the wedding that we wanted and not the one we could afford.  That of course wasn't the only reason, we were also in a car accident that pushed back our wedding quite a bit. 

    But as for the long engagement, don't let anyone tell you that it is wrong.  You can be engaged for as short or as long as you want and there will always be someone who will share their negative opinion.

    If you are going to be engaged for so long, enjoy the relaxing process.  Decided on the things that you like and the styles that you want. Compose a plan and then when it comes time to book you are ahead of the game! <3

  • goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826 I'm Canadian, eh! member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    We got engaged March 2013 and getting married November 2014.  We had the discussion of the length of engagement and I remember saying "No more than 2 years" but that's because I wanted to start budgeting and planning right away, lol
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  • tortoisebridetortoisebride member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    I'd say a long engagement is fine, but have something to say when people ask you for a date! Even if it's just "spring 2017" that's at least a sign that you have a plan and aren't just kinda sorta engaged and will get married whenever.

    I disagree that you need a year or a year and a half to plan a wedding. If budget is an issue then absolutely wait as long as you need to to save up. But if you have the money already, why wait? I got engaged a month ago, set the date for July 26, and I've got my dress & sent it for alterations, venue & food, officiant, decorations/most flowers, and photographer all lined up. I could possibly have waited longer to get something that was closer to my dream wedding, but I want to finally marry my beloved much more than I want to have daffodils in the centerpieces or a white arch and a beautiful sunny spring day.
    This is me reading threads on TK
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  • eilis1228eilis1228 Southwest member
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    I think the length of an engagement is whatever you and your FI want it to be. Just be prepared for people to ask questions no matter what. For example, my boyfriend and I mutually decided that we did not want a long engagement, so he's waiting until closer to when we want to get married to actually propose. We know we're going to get married, but we only wanted to be engaged long enough to plan the wedding. However, since we've been together for 3 years now, he's CONSTANTLY bombarded with questions from friends, family, even people we barely know about when he's going to propose and why he hasn't. It's unreal! But if we were to go ahead and get engaged and wait a few years, people would bombard us with questions about why we were waiting so long. So I mean, you really can't win in that regard. Just do what you guys feel is right because like everyone has said already, there's no defined time limit on an engagement. 

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  • Blackbird230Blackbird230 Connecticut member
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    FI and I are doing 2 years. We are looking at venues and considering budget and guest list, but we know we want to save up. When someone asks us if we have set a date, we just say two years and that we're saving. Haven't run into any issues yet!

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  • Honestly, I personally think that you could be engaged for 10 years, engaged for forever and not get married if you wanted. If you're going to be together forever, what is the rush? Just do it when you want to do it. Wait as long as you need or want. The only problem is if you and your spouse to be don't agree on how long it should be. But as far as everyone else is concerned, it's none of their business.
  • I know a person who is engaged and has been for 8 years. She had a kid with her "fiancee" about 3 years after being engaged. She said once they were engaged she didn't even feel the need to be "married". They lived together, owned a house together, and as they weren't religious they felt no compulsion to get married. She said maybe one day they would do it, just to have all their family have a blast together, but that they knew that they were happy and settled and what was the ceremony for in that case?
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