Personal Opinions Requested

wajohnson09

I was invited to a wedding like this for one of my college friends. It was family only (small church and large extended family) everyone else at reception. I thought it was odd but wasn't really offended, just I don't know confused? First and only time I've had that happen.

We are getting married on a Friday, ceremony will likely be at 4:00 or 4:30 with reception beginning at 6. I won't be offended if people don't make it to our ceremony and come to the reception. We are about an hour out in the burbs and know not everyone can or wants to leave work early.

ETA: probably should note I didn't attend friend's wedding due to other commitments, but did send a gift

SP29

I'd rather not be invited. If I knew you invited 100 guests to the ceremony and I was an add on, I'd be offended.

I am also the sentimental type, and the ceremony if my favourite part. I do think it is sad when guests aren't interested in going to the ceremony (the point of a wedding) and are only interested in the free food and drink. 

StephJean83

Jstump2 said:

A lot of venues we looked at told us to expect a good chunk of the guest list not to show up to the ceremony. I was surprised to say the least, as I would never not show up to the ceremony and then go to the reception.

I had a venue tell me that most guests skip the ceremony and to plan on about 100 people coming out of our 300 guest list. When I said that all of our guests are traveling at least 1 hour drive, with most coming from OOS, he said most will fly in Saturday and skip the ceremony anyways.

Count me in the B group. I love the ceremony, the vows, you know the MARRIAGE! Yes, the reception is fun but the whole point of the day is the couple getting married. For me since most guests will be traveling, I purposely wanted an all in one ceremony and reception venue.

Gisellerina

A.  I'll happily come to the reception (as long as it's an invitation to the entire reception).

However, I grew up in a religion where the wedding ceremonies were very small and limited to adults in good standing with the church, but then the reception was as big or small of a wedding reception as the couple chose to have - most of my friends had large receptions, so I'm accustomed to (and enjoy) attending only the reception part of the wedding.  My perspective on reception-only invitations is probably very different from the majority.

rakkaya87

Here's a twist..... I am not having a ceremony.  We are both from two different religions, where mine we do not have day-of ceremonies, just a reception... and he is the standard catholic ceremony then reception.   we are being "married" a couple of days prior with the required witness, and are just having a reception. so my invites will all read "you are invited to the wedding reception of" 

Maggie0829

Here's a twist..... I am not having a ceremony.  We are both from two different religions, where mine we do not have day-of ceremonies, just a reception... and he is the standard catholic ceremony then reception.   we are being "married" a couple of days prior with the required witness, and are just having a reception. so my invites will all read "you are invited to the wedding reception of" 

Actually it should read "you are invited to the marriage celebration of" because you will already be married a few days prior to the party. So what you are really having is a party to celebrate your recent marriage. A wedding reception is a party that immediately follows (meaning the same day) the actual wedding ceremony.

NicoleMAllen

B.

I was a reception-only invitee last summer. I could tell the majority of the people had been there for the ceremony and I felt awkward and uncomfortable the whole time. That's just me, though!

APDSS22

Just had a thought, how awkward would it be to be invited to the whole wedding and reception...but be one of those people mentioned above who skips the ceremony to only come to the reception?  I bet you'd feel like a giant douchecanoe when you heard some of the guests complaining about not being invited to the whole thing or wishing they could've seen the vows, etc.

AddieCake

I would rather not be invited at all. I understand that you can't afford to invite everyone you'd like and that you have space restrictions sometimes. If I don't make that cut, that's cool by me. 

rakkaya87

Maggie0829 said:

Here's a twist..... I am not having a ceremony.  We are both from two different religions, where mine we do not have day-of ceremonies, just a reception... and he is the standard catholic ceremony then reception.   we are being "married" a couple of days prior with the required witness, and are just having a reception. so my invites will all read "you are invited to the wedding reception of" 

Actually it should read "you are invited to the marriage celebration of" because you will already be married a few days prior to the party. So what you are really having is a party to celebrate your recent marriage. A wedding reception is a party that immediately follows (meaning the same day) the actual wedding ceremony.

true, thank you

grumbledore

itzMS said:

B. The ceremony is the important part. I almost always decline "reception only" invitations. It offends me that the couple doesn't deem me "close enough" to witness their vows, but I'm close enough to come to the reception and send a gift! The reception is the "thank you" to guests for witnessing the ceremony...sooo...,

This.  Take me off the list.

NYCBruin

Am I the only one who would be totally offended by this question?

It's SO CLEARLY GIFT-GRABBY.  If you are asking me if I would like a second class invitation to your event or none at all, I can only assume that if I respond to just take me off the guest list (which would be my answer) that you're going to invite someone else to "fill my spot" in steerage because you have a present quota to meet.

The answer is C. Take me off the guest list and let me rethink this relationship.

delujm0

The only time it is appropriate to send "reception only" invites is if the ceremony is truly immediate family only - as in you, your FI, both of your parents, your grandparents, and siblings.  Possibly one MOH or BM if they are not related to you, and any SOs.  Even once you start inviting aunts and uncles, etc, it starts to get questionable.  If you want a truly small, intimate, family only, private ceremony, that is fine.  If you just want to have pictures taken in a cute little chapel that only seats 100 but then invite 200 to the reception, that is offensive.  It's like you're saying "I don't consider you to be one of the 100 most important people in my life.  You're not even important enough for me to find a venue that will fit you in it!  But please still bring me a gift.  I'll buy you dinner if you do!"  Tacky.

 

Probably the only thing MORE tacky is B-list invites, especially when you have like 200+ people at your wedding.  That message is "You're not even one of the 200 most important people in our lives, but we want to fill this hall up and get a bunch of gifts, so please change your plans at the very last minute and join us, because a bunch of more important people can't make it!"

mrs4everhart

A. So you're inviting me to a party to celebrate your wedding? Cool, thanks for the invite! I wouldn't spend any time pondering who is or isn't invited to the ceremony. I wouldn't ponder the logistics, the reasons, etc. for why the invitation was extended the way it was. I certainly wouldn't ask for a post-game analysis of the ceremony (I've been to enough weddings, I'd know what happened). I'd just be psyched to party with my friend or family member and their new spouse and our mutual friends and/or family. Game on.

grumbledore

I would almost universally decline a reception only invite.  A wedding is about two people getting married.

ashleyep

I'd like to say that my answer would be B - that it's offensive to be ranked as a second tier guest. But how I react in reality would depend mostly on who the B&G were and my relationship with them. If they're willing to shell out the money for me to go to the reception, I might go, but I'd hate it if I was in a small minority of guests who weren't invited to the ceremony. 

I'd probably try and get a feel for your reception and decide from there honestly.

annathy03

Unless the ceremony is truly intimate, take me off.

I've been to one "at home reception", where the B&G had a DW with just their immediate family and grandparents, and was fine with that.  But I'd rather not go if half the guests may be talking about the ceremony I wasn't invited to.

daria24

B, except in certain circumstances. If the couple is having a Mormon Temple Sealing, my heathen ass isn't allowed in there, so I would understand. If the couple was having a very intimate ceremony with just their parents present, I would raise a small eyebrow but I could deal with it. If the couple was
Getting married while hanging off a cliff a la @Climbing, yeah no thanks see you at the reception.

The church only holds 100 people? Leave me off the list thanks.

msdidonato

I would be highly offended if someone asked me to come to the reception only. I probably would tell them to F off. 

In my eyes, a Wedding is the joining of two individuals lives. The guest are your friends and family that you want to be there to celebrate this with. The reception is the party/trend that has become what "Weddings" are all about. People tend to forget this when they get married now a days, IMO. 

 

Jen4948

Take me off the list.  I don't feel like celebrating what I'm not being invited to witness.

arrippa

Musikalizzie said:

I can't do gaps. 

My cousin got married around 1 at a catholic church and her reception was at 6. My family (thank God we were local) went to eat at IN N OUT, went back home and drove to the reception site around 5:30pm and we were still early...

I love her but I hated her that day... 

The people in the table I was in couldn't stop talking about how rude it was. 2 of them were out of towners and they were like, "I walked around Target like a dubmass for a while"

Don't do it!

Yeah, I agree gaps suck but I wanted to comment on the highlighted part. I am also known to walk around Target to kill time too. I have never heard of anyone else doing that so I feel better that there are people like me out there.

robinwinegirl

What about LDS brides and grooms (I'm not?) Only LDS members in good standing with the church are allowed to attend weddings with the Temple? Or does this not apply?

staceyycky

This sort of thing doesn't bother me at all. And I would feel no guilt in just inviting someone to the reception or not inviting them at all. One of the best men at our wedding is in a relationship, but I'm only inviting his girlfriend to the reception.

bethsmiles

@robinwinegirl - A lot of my friends are LDS. I'm not so obviously I can't attend the ceremony so I always get 'reception only' invitations. It doesn't offend me, I understand they can't invite me (well actually they could have a ceremony outside the temple and then get sealed later but the only people I know who have done that are couples where one of them wasn't temple-worthy at the time of the wedding). However, I'll admit I won't make as much of an effort to make it to the reception, like I won't take time off school or my job because to me the ceremony is what's important.

If I was invited to only the reception under any other circumstances I would decline.

feeislove

If it was explained to me that the ceremony was supposed to just be close friends and family (assuming this wasn't a cousin) then I wouldn't be offended.

NYCBruin

robinwinegirl said: What about LDS brides and grooms (I'm not?) Only LDS members in good standing with the church are allowed to attend weddings with the Temple? Or does this not apply?


------------------------------------------------ I don't think anyone would side-eye that.  Of course I can only speak for myself, but I would never judge/be offended by someone doing what their religion requires them to do.

I also wouldn't judge a truly intimate ceremony (10-15 people only).  

Edited because quote boxes are drunk and should go home.

Amyzen83

Hmmm... I agree with PPs, that the wedding ceremony is the part I'd want to see because that's the whole reason for the gift giving and partying because I want to see the vows, I want to see the marriage, however I believe in cases where a particular religion only allows people who are affiliated with the church/temple/synagogue into the ceremony, I totally get that! Other than that, I'd just rather make other plans for that day. I may go, only if it's a super close friend and only the immediate family is attending the ceremony.

TiaTea

"...inviting people to the reception that were not invited to the ceremony..."

In my circles it is understood that :

1. Guests going to the ceremony ( church, or court ) means that the  guests are doing it for the bride and groom. As in "favour",  for lack of better word.
2. Guests going to the reception ( party) - the bride and groom are doing "a favour"  for the guests ( throwing a party, offering food and drinks and entertainment)

So, if you are invited ,as a guest,  to the ceremony only , it is rude of the bride and groom to do that.  It's like they ask you for a "favour", but don't want to share the party with you.

 If you are invited to the reception only, it is not rude of the bride and the groom,  because they invite you to actually do something for you ( to buy you a dinner or a drink , so to speak)

If you are a guest,  and are invited to both, but only go to the ceremony, it is still polite. It is considered that you go there to show your love and respect , and if you can't go to the reception that's fine.
If you are invited to both , but only go to the reception, it is rude, because it is as if  you are going for the free meal/drinks only.

Pay attention that there is no mention of gifts. Gifts are never implied and expected. Also in my circles showers and gift registries are considered rude and gift grabbing. It is entirely up to the invited person to bring a ginft, if he/she wants to do it.

Inkdancer

Very good friends of mine and FI's got married this summer in a private ceremony at their home, with only about 20 people in attendance. Then they had a huge reception and invited all of their friends. I wasn't offended at not being invited to the ceremony, until I realized that most of our closest friends from college had been invited, but not me and FI! It really hurt to feel like we ranked lower than everyone else. If it had been just family, it would have made sense to me. But picking some friends and not others is just really rude.

Amyzen83

I agree with @inkdancer, if you only invite some friends in your circle but not others, feelings may get hurt that they were not close enough to you to watch the ceremony. I'd invite family only to that part if you are going to go the rout of some invited to ceremony and everybody at reception. It puts a hierarchy on your friendships. Granted I guess bridal parties kind of represent hierarchy in friendships as well... but usually those are either family or your besties.

Being a guest is a honor though, so if you are invited to the wedding and reception that means that you are important enough to us that we want you to witness this intimate part of our lives and we want to eat, drink and party it up with you as well. If you remove the ceremony part from some of your guests, it's like your saying, "We love to party it up with you and drink and dine with you, but we don't want you a part of the important parts of our lives."