Oh, this is me embarrassed...

HisGirlFriday13

So DH and I got a present in the mail from his grandmother's cousin and her husband. They had been invited to the wedding, at BSC gma's insistence, but they live about an eight-hour drive away, so we didn't expect them to come and weren't shocked when they didn't.

But they sent a present, which was lovely and so kind and thoughtful, even if it is a two-foot-wide salad bowl I have no idea what I'm going to do with.

I'm looking at the card, and they've signed it, 'Love, Anne and Gilbert Bary.'

I look at that and realise that on every piece of WR-correspondence I have sent them, I have spelt her first name (no 'e' and there should be an 'e') and their last name (a 'g' for an 'x' -- how does that even happen?!) incorrectly because DH's grandmother gave me the information incorrectly.

So now I feel like a heel. This is right up there with addressing the STDate to 'Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So' as instructed by GMIL only to find out that the wife had kept her maiden name, which GMIL knew but didn't agree with, so she gave me wrong information.

speedyblazer11

I had that happen with save the dates, and I felt awful.  At least now when you send the thank you note you can address them correctly.  They probably know that you were given the wrong information and they will forgive you for it.

huskypuppy14

If that was the first time you saw the correct spelling of their names I wouldn't worry too much about it. I have a first name that is constantly misspelled because it's not the "normal way" and it only bothers me if it's a friend who knows that I spell it differently (my friend that I LIVED WITH spelled my name wrong when she sent her wedding invitation), or if I've constantly respelled it for them, and they still get it wrong. I don't think they should be annoyed at you (you didn't know), they should be mad at the people (GMIL?) who gave you the incorrect info. 

deannagirly

People always misspell my name because it is not normal. It doesn't bother myself. Especially if you weren't sure how to spell it before. The only person it bothers me with is my FMIL because FI and I have been together for about 4 years, and she still misspells it. Even though myself and FI have told her how to spell it a number of times.

JoanE2012

HisGirlFriday13 said:

So DH and I got a present in the mail from his grandmother's cousin and her husband. They had been invited to the wedding, at BSC gma's insistence, but they live about an eight-hour drive away, so we didn't expect them to come and weren't shocked when they didn't. But they sent a present, which was lovely and so kind and thoughtful, even if it is a two-foot-wide salad bowl I have no idea what I'm going to do with. I'm looking at the card, and they've signed it, 'Love, Anne and Gilbert Bary.' I look at that and realise that on every piece of WR-correspondence I have sent them, I have spelt her first name (no 'e' and there should be an 'e') and their last name (a 'g' for an 'x' -- how does that even happen?!) incorrectly because DH's grandmother gave me the information incorrectly. So now I feel like a heel. This is right up there with addressing the STDate to 'Mr. and Mrs. So-and-So' as instructed by GMIL only to find out that the wife had kept her maiden name, which GMIL knew but didn't agree with, so she gave me wrong information.

Don't worry about it.  The important thing is you get it right when you write the thank you.  

WinstonsGirl

I did the same thing with the first e-mail to my MIL.  Eek!!  She never mentioned it though.  Just spell their thank you card correctly and leave it at that

AprilH81

That sucks, but that reminds me of Anne of Green Gables, there is a scene where she corrects the teacher and se tends to introduce her self as "Anne with an e".  lol

Aray82

A two foot wide salad bowl sounds awesome! I never seem to have enough room to toss and mix in mine without some of it spilling out...

But yeah, I agree with PPs and wouldn't worry too much about it. As conscientious as you are, you have no control over people giving you the wrong information. With the last name, if GMIL doesn't agree with it, she's likely made a big deal about it and it's probably not the first time cousin's wife has experienced something like that--in fact, I'd venture that she probably knows it's coming from Grandma and not from you.

emmyg65

I did this on the invitation for my husband's cousins. He didn't know that his cousin's wife kept her last name. Ugh. But I corrected it on the seating chart and for their thank you note.

My uncle's second wife repeatedly misspelled my mom's name on all correspondence for the five years they were together. Her husband's sister! That's not cool.

short+sassy

I agree that these folks will probably not be offended, especially when they receive the thank-you card with the correct spellings.

As for the big salad bowl, I got one of those also.  I plan to use it as a decoration in my kitchen to hold apples.  Perhaps you could use yours as a decorative container, in some way.

cowgirl8238

As someone who's first name is constantly mispelled because its "not normal", and who has a ridiculous last name...I wouldn't be offened if you spelt my name wrong!  I would just correct it on the Thank You Card and call it a day.  No worries

kitty8403

I just spent like two hours last night going over FMIL's notes and stalking Facebook questioning names, ESP of kids, SOs and unmarried partners. Even with all that, I'm afraid we'll miss something somewhere.

My name is constantly misspelled or misappropriated (last name tough to spell, and the diminutive I go by is short for a different first name than most people assume, so odds are that if they try to write out my full name, they'll be wrong). It doesn't offend me, but I'd feel a bit mortified if I screwed up someone else's accidentally.

Jen4948

I've had my name misspelled too.  As long as you write your thank-you note with the correct spelling of her name and use the correct spelling going forward, you should be fine.

LDubHawksFan

I had this happen with our invitations also. One of H's frat brother's wife's name is really unusual and I asked him if it was spelled correctly. Sent the STD and invitation with a spelling and it wasn't until we received a gift (they were one of the ppl that didn't rsvp and he called to find out they weren't coming), that I realized it was spelled wrong! I was mortified and H got an earful! I just made sure to spell it correctly in the TY and change it in my address book. It happens.

harper0813

We were given a lot of names incorrectly - their neighbors of 20 years, our ringmaker (DH's aunt's friend who was absolutely terrible at the wedding...), DH's cousin's boyfriend... These were misspelled on the STDs, invites AND escort cards. I was so embarrassed at first, but I let it go. My name is misspelled every day and it doesn't bother me.

KeptInStitches

I'm very used to having my name misspelled. As long as you use the correct spelling from this point on, you're more than fine.

APDSS22

I accidentally misspelled the last name of one of H's groomsmen on his invitation.  I felt awful about it for a little while but I spelled it correctly on his thank you and he probably didn't even realize I spelled it wrong since his mom did his RSVP card for him.  We had given him a plus one and she sent in the RSVP for two so we ended up paying for a meal that didn't get eaten.  We're probably even.

princessleia22

Unless it is someone you are really close with, don't worry about it... I'm sure they aren't worried about it. They may not have even noticed.

And as far as not hyphenating someone's name, I'm sure that isn't uncommon either.  All the women I know who hyphenated last name or kept their maiden name don't usually mind if they get referred to as "Mr. & Mrs. Whatever".  When doing my invites I had family friend who I was pretty sure kept maiden name, but I know all family invites in the past to them have to "Mr. & Mrs. Whatever" and we never really thought about it.  But, I called to ask and they were flattered that I thought to ask, but said it didn't matter to them and I could still put "Mr. & Mrs. Whatever".  But, if you have different surname than spouse, that's just one of those things that you learn to deal with since it is the societal standard to share name with spouse.

huskypuppy14

nicoann said:

Unless it is someone you are really close with, don't worry about it... I'm sure they aren't worried about it. They may not have even noticed.

And as far as not hyphenating someone's name, I'm sure that isn't uncommon either.  All the women I know who hyphenated last name or kept their maiden name don't usually mind if they get referred to as "Mr. & Mrs. Whatever".  When doing my invites I had family friend who I was pretty sure kept maiden name, but I know all family invites in the past to them have to "Mr. & Mrs. Whatever" and we never really thought about it.  But, I called to ask and they were flattered that I thought to ask, but said it didn't matter to them and I could still put "Mr. & Mrs. Whatever".  But, if you have different surname than spouse, that's just one of those things that you learn to deal with since it is the societal standard to share name with spouse.

I'm assuming your name isn't spelled wrong often, because I may not mind depending on the circumstance, but I certainly notice if my own name is spelled incorrectly.  And even if the majority of women take their husbands name, people should try to get her last name correct if possible.  It's this attitude that causes women to think it's just easier to change it, even if they would prefer to keep their name.

RebeccaB88

nicoann said:

But, if you have different surname than spouse, that's just one of those things that you learn to deal with since it is the societal standard to share name with spouse.

Bull. If we're close enough for you to invite me to your wedding, we're close enough for you to know what my name is, and use it correctly. Not just using any old name because it's 'easier' or YOU think it's expected. Purposely calling someone a different name than they actually have, when you know what they prefer, is incredibly rude and disrespectful. If you don't know for sure, ask. And then do it right.

HisGirlFriday13

Call me crazy, but I think that people deserve to be called by their correct names -- and if the woman chose to keep her maiden name, AND PEOPLE KNOW IT, then it's on us to address things correctly.

Also, DH's grandmother KNEW the woman had kept her maiden name, but "doesn't agree with that new-fangled women's lib stuff. If she doesn't want to take his name, it's because she's not serious about the marriage, and just because she wants to be called that doesn't mean I need to follow that." 

Well, yes, actually, that's *exactly* what that means. So I felt badly because I know this woman has had to fight the family on her decision and here was our STDate, being wrong. It was correct on the wedding invite, though, because I found out about it and corrected it.

And my bigger complaint is that DH's grandmother pitched a freaking temper tantrum hissy fit that we HAD to invite this cousin, it was her FAVOURITE cousin, she and this cousin were SO CLOSE. 

Really? You're so close you don't know how to spell her damn name? Whatever.

Jesusfreak414

My facebook says "Matthew Wilson Martin."  My fiance's friend knows what my name is, has met me quite a few times at their college's bible studies and what not, but in the invitation "and" the place card, it stated my fiance's name and Matthew Wilson.  Oh well...I guess with a first, middle, and last name that can really be any of them, that can be a little confusing.  Haha.

HisGirlFriday13

I did correct it for the TY card, which was the first opportunity I'd had. Both the STDate and wedding invite went out ages ago, and this couple didn't bother to return their RSVP, so I didn't see the last name written down until the card in the wedding gift. So I feel better about it now. But I'm still ticked.

princessleia22

laurynm84 said:

nicoann said:

Unless it is someone you are really close with, don't worry about it... I'm sure they aren't worried about it. They may not have even noticed.

And as far as not hyphenating someone's name, I'm sure that isn't uncommon either.  All the women I know who hyphenated last name or kept their maiden name don't usually mind if they get referred to as "Mr. & Mrs. Whatever".  When doing my invites I had family friend who I was pretty sure kept maiden name, but I know all family invites in the past to them have to "Mr. & Mrs. Whatever" and we never really thought about it.  But, I called to ask and they were flattered that I thought to ask, but said it didn't matter to them and I could still put "Mr. & Mrs. Whatever".  But, if you have different surname than spouse, that's just one of those things that you learn to deal with since it is the societal standard to share name with spouse.

I'm assuming your name isn't spelled wrong often, because I may not mind depending on the circumstance, but I certainly notice if my own name is spelled incorrectly.  And even if the majority of women take their husbands name, people should try to get her last name correct if possible.  It's this attitude that causes women to think it's just easier to change it, even if they would prefer to keep their name.

Actually, I do get mine misspelled often.  I will politely correct people, but I've grown accustomed to it and don't get insulted by it, unless it is someone close enough that really should know better.  My grandfather never spelled my name correct in his entire life.  I do very much appreciate it when people go out of their way to find out the correct spelling though, which is why I will go out of my way to try and make sure I also have it correct for other people. Although most of my family & fiancee strongly believe wife should take husbands last name (my dad threw a fit when my sister-in-law didn't take my brothers name), I plan to hyphenate my name, so I expect to come across this issue often.  Mainly because I am hesitant to completely abandon my maiden name for professional reasons.  Already, fiancee and I have been together long enough that I already get referred to often as his wife and we get invites addressed to "Mr. & Mrs. HusbandsName"... and we aren't even married yet.  But, I don't get offended by it.  And depending on the scenario, we often don't even correct people on that.  I don't think there is any need to take everything so personally... especially if it's just a simple mistake.  

But, the OP just wrote the names as they were provided by others, so I don't think she has anything to be embarrassed about.  I agree that grandmother is completely in the wrong and grandmother should probably be embarrassed by her actions (although I'm sure she isn't).  But, you can't be held liable for others giving you incorrect information.  And even if it wasn't from being given incorrect information, mistakes can and do happen.  And you did correct it on the thank you cards, so I'm sure that is appreciated.