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Maid of Honor issues

gingergirlk9gingergirlk9
First Comment
in Texas-Houston

I have two sisters whose relationship with me is complicated.  I talk to my older sister every so often each month.  My younger sister lives with my folks and we talk with eachother when I visit. I'm going to be my older sisters maid of honor next november.   I had already told them that they are both my maid of honors but I'm having second thoughts.  My mom who is paying for most of the wedding wants my younger sister to be my maid of honor bc she is my sister who I grew up with.  Compared to my older sister who is my half-sister. However my best friend who has been there for me to vent with seems to be the better choice.  How do I tell my older sister that she is not going to be my maid of honor?  But what if she is going to be mad at me and I'm not going to be invited to her wedding?  I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to upset people.  Please help me!      

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Re: Maid of Honor issues

  • MdniteMustang00MdniteMustang00
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    just have the two maid of honors. its your wedding, not your mothers.

    i had two maid of honors...my sister and my best friend.
    Becca & Justin - 5/16/09 - Planning Bio My Blog(updated 3/12)

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  • gingergirlk9gingergirlk9
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    so you are saying that I should replace my little sister for my best friend?

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  • rien713rien713
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would keep it as is, since it's pretty hurtful to be "demoted" from MOH to BM. Leave your sisters in their original positions and have your friend as a BM.
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  • akg0053akg0053 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm going to be honest here, and I really want you to understand that this means no offense to you whatsoever, but I'm going to be blunt.

    First of all, your mother doesn't get to select your wedding party. That's great that she's paying for the wedding, but that doesn't mean she gets to encroach on a decision that is totally yours. I truly fail to see why being a half-sibling matters.

    Secondly, if you have already asked them to both be your maids of honor, then your hands are basically tied because the rudest thing you can do is replace or demote one or both of them. Your friend should realize that your sisters are your sisters, and your friend will be fine being a bridesmaid.

    Third, while it's perfectly fine to be the kind of person that doesn't like to upset other people, you need to realize that through the wedding planning process you're going to have to tell people no, etc. and be ok with it, or else other people are going to run your wedding. I'm not saying to be a bridezilla, but there is no harm in standing up for what you want (i.e. having your sisters as your maids of honor).
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  • STBMrsMartinSTBMrsMartin member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-houston_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:121Discussion:129c86ad-2a98-4d57-bdc5-5ecb560697bePost:2e4a5c01-6d30-42da-8d2b-21e5dffcd69f">Re: Maid of Honor issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm going to be honest here, and I really want you to understand that this means no offense to you whatsoever, but I'm going to be blunt. First of all, your mother doesn't get to select your wedding party. That's great that she's paying for the wedding, but that doesn't mean she gets to encroach on a decision that is totally yours. I truly fail to see why being a half-sibling matters. Secondly, if you have already asked them to both be your maids of honor, then your hands are basically tied because the rudest thing you can do is replace or demote one or both of them. Your friend should realize that your sisters are your sisters, and your friend will be fine being a bridesmaid. Third, while it's perfectly fine to be the kind of person that doesn't like to upset other people, you need to realize that through the wedding planning process you're going to have to tell people no, etc. and be ok with it, or else other people are going to run your wedding. I'm not saying to be a bridezilla, but there is no harm in standing up for what you want (i.e. having your sisters as your maids of honor).
    Posted by akg0053[/QUOTE]

    well said....I agree.
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  • gingergirlk9gingergirlk9
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    so you guys are saying that I should keep my little sister and my older sister as my maid of honors? 
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  • aggiebugaggiebug member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    yes that is exactly what we are saying.  You asked and to unask is only going to hurt feelings and relationships.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Love is like infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're "equally infinite." Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is, too.
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  • gingergirlk9gingergirlk9
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I never really asked for my younger sister to be my maid of honor.  It was just assumed, because she was the sister I grew up with.
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  • aggiebugaggiebug member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    you still run the risk of hurting her feelings by not asking her.  You are the only one who can gauge the relationship you 2 have and how much it would hurt her feelings to not be a MOH.  If that is the case (little sister not been asked) then the choice is up to you.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Love is like infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're "equally infinite." Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is, too.
    Fred Rogers
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  • MdniteMustang00MdniteMustang00
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-houston_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:121Discussion:129c86ad-2a98-4d57-bdc5-5ecb560697bePost:72028f46-a113-4196-907a-aaadabf30987">Re: Maid of Honor issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]so you guys are saying that I should keep my little sister and my older sister as my maid of honors? 
    Posted by gingergirlk9[/QUOTE]

    yep.
    Becca & Justin - 5/16/09 - Planning Bio My Blog(updated 3/12)

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  • lewisc2002lewisc2002
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You wrote, "I had already told them that they are both my maid of honors but I'm having second thoughts." THe way your post read, it sounded like you had asked both of your sisters to be your maids of honor. But then you wrote, "I never really asked for my younger sister to be my maid of honor.  It was just assumed, because she was the sister I grew up with." This needs to be clarified.

    The bottom line and (I think) the consensus here it to keep whomever you asked to be your maids of honor as your maids of honor and not to change anything b/c of your mother's pressure.
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  • akg0053akg0053 member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-houston_maid-of-honor-issues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:121Discussion:129c86ad-2a98-4d57-bdc5-5ecb560697bePost:03f4ccac-faa5-46a0-8cb0-9929b47a08bc">Re: Maid of Honor issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]I never really asked for my younger sister to be my maid of honor.  It was just assumed, because she was the sister I grew up with.
    Posted by gingergirlk9[/QUOTE]

    <div>You said in your OP that you had asked both of them. Just saying.</div><div>
    </div><div>But yes, keep both of them as your maids of honor, tell mom to STFU, and be done with it.</div>
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    Not caring about missing RSVPs because there aren't any rocks!
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  • pooh8402pooh8402
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I also had two honor attendants, both of my sisters.
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    Glenna Harding Photography
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