22 days away and I might walk away...PLEASE HELP!

Re: 22 days away and I might walk away...PLEASE HELP!

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  danielleper03

  

  September 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_22-days-away-and-i-might-walk-awayplease-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:05951ede-28ef-4e50-92ad-ca9bc31f71ffPost:e7229f53-8549-4043-851d-28196b706c7d">Re: 22 days away and I might walk away...PLEASE HELP!</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Re: 22 days away and I might walk away...PLEASE HELP! : I tell people I "fixed my picker" when I was finally out of my second marriage. I spent some time alone, got to know myself and remembered everything I hated about my past relationships. And then I figured out what I really wanted in a marriage and a husband/SO. My husband isnt perfect, but he's honest, smart, generous, so many things. And I dont have to worry about him being dishonest or cheating. Sometimes you have to reevaluate your life and you'll find what you need.
  Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]
  
  Yes. This. All this. You were in a relationship since you were a kid (and an abusive one at that). Grew up faster than most (having a child at 16) and you went right in to this relationship from the previous one. There has never been a time in your life that you could be just you. I was in and out of relationships since I was 13 but spent a couple years on my own Jan 2010 to Dec 2011). I mean, I even distanced myself from the bad friends I had and went so far as to seek a life coach and do a reinvention of myself. I have been through the abusive, the lowlife, the lazy, the cheater, you name it, I probably had an ex that fits the bill.
  
  I can tell you that without ever having that time alone, you will not know what you want. There is a person in you that you don't know yet and until you get to know her, you'll find yourself questioning, being unhappy, and not fulfilled. This whole thing sounds way sketchy on your FI part and I would not have stayed so long, personally, but I definitely wouldn't marry him. I wouldn't stay with him at all. There might be some good times, but this is a poor foundation. And to be completely honest, and speaking from experience, until you are a healthy (emotionally and in your own self) person with a firm understanding of who you are as an <em>individual</em>, you won't be able to establish a foundation with a S/O.

  

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  patisseriepeach member

  

  October 2012

  Perhaps I read your OP incorrectly, but did you say that you both have children? I think you should absolutely leave him, and you should do it for yourself. However, should you need a little extra encouragement, I think you should think about what kind of message you are and have been sending to your child/children. Be a strong woman - it can be incredibly hard and utterly frightening - and set a good example; people (specifically women in this case) should not be treated in an abusive/passive-aggressive/dishonest way. Leave him and teach yourself (not only said child/children) that you deserve better.

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