I'm fairly fascinated by the youtube videos put up by the woman who practices submission to her husband and of course I was drawn right to "The Importance of Intimacy in Marriage."
She states that she's made the decision to never say no to her husband's "needs," for a variety of reasons. One big reason is that if she says "no," she is opening up the door for him to be tempted.
Thoughts?
Re: S/O of "so, uh, what do you think of this?": Do you deny your fi/h sex?
That said, it's a very rare day I say no, because as said previously, I will pretty much always get into it -- even if it takes me a bit of warm up.
Blog
If I'm not in the mood, I'll say no. He's turned me down too.
If all it takes for your spouse to stray is being denied sex once or twice, then clearly they aren't in it for the long haul anyway.
but I actually find that even if I'm not in the mood, when we get going, I GET in the mood pretty fast. and I also notice when we have more sex, we argue less. so I kinda get it. but I'm never "afraid" to say no.
{pwanning}{mawwied}
To clarify, I wouldn't hold out on my H as punishment, nor would he. We're grown-ass adults.
[QUOTE] I wouldn't hold out as a punishment, but I also don't feel obligated to supply sex when I'm not feeling well or when I'm not feeling particularly seckshual towards him at the moment.
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]
This.
Both of us have said "no" at one point or another. It's life. One night without sex shouldn't "tempt" anyone to cheat. That's just ridiculous, and I think it does say a lot about the relationship if you're afraid your spouse is going to cheat on you if you hold out on them every once in a while.
[QUOTE]A woman I used to be friends with once told me that to keep a relationship healthy a woman must "always be available for sex". It disturbed me on so many levels, not least of which because it seemed to preclude the idea that sex was or should be at all desirable for me as well as my partner. Also, because I have a very visual imagination I kept seeing myself with a neon sign over my head that said "open". Ha!
Posted by mandapanda78[/QUOTE]
or "vacancy"
{pwanning}{mawwied}
[QUOTE]A woman I used to be friends with once told me that to keep a relationship healthy a woman must "always be available for sex". It disturbed me on so many levels, not least of which because it seemed to preclude the idea that sex was or should be at all desirable for me as well as my partner. Also, because I have a very visual imagination I kept seeing myself with a neon sign over my head that said "open". Ha!
Posted by mandapanda78[/QUOTE]
So she's like Denny's? Always open?
I guess that's part of what seems disturbing to me, too - while she gave lip service to this being for the woman's benefit & pleasure too, blah blah blah, there was absolutely no indication that she had any expectation that he would be always available for her, or even that her needs were equally important.
Yes, I do. Not as punishment, but if I am not in the mood. I'm not in the mood. End of story. We're all human. No one can be "ON" all the time. Except for my husband. Pretty sure he's never denied me though.
"It's shart week." -georgiabride
"This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
Miss
Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
being healthy. blog.
I only deny FI if I'm sick or extremely tired and it's late and I have to get up early for work. Otherwise, like pp have said, if I find I'm not in the mood, I almost always end up enjoying it. And even if it's not "OMG this is so great!" I love the connection that comes from being intimate.
ttc chart
BFP 8/01/12, EDD 04/10/12, mm/c @ 6wks, discovered at 8wks, D&C 9/05/12
{pwanning}{mawwied}
[QUOTE]but her needs for TALKING are met. don't know if you saw the rachel ray clip where she says his being a good listener meets her needs. cause I mean, who needs an orgasm?
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]
How antiquated is that!?!
I know angry sex is hot to some people, I'm talking to the people who feel the opposite.
{pwanning}{mawwied}
[QUOTE]to the people who say they don't turn their H down as punishment--does that mean when you're seriously pissed at him and he wants to have sex, you have sex with him? I know angry sex is hot to some people, I'm talking to the people who feel the opposite.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]
If my Fi knows I'm angry with him (which he always does because I wasn't born with the passive aggressive gene, just the bad temper gene) I don't think he'd be ballsy enough to even ask for sex.
If we're talking about a situation where you were mad at him and he didn't know it so you denied him sex, that seems kind of ridiculous to me. I'd hope it would start a conversation about why you're upset with him in the first place!
[QUOTE]I wouldn't hold out on him, and he wouldn't ask if I wasn't feeling well or the mood wasn't there. I do remember one specific instance where we had a minor back and forth with each other - I wouldn't call it a fight, but we had some words, and then in bed, just a short time later, he tried to get fresh with me, and I was like, you must be out of your mind. So no, I wouldn't hold out as a punishment, but I also don't feel obligated to supply sex when I'm not feeling well or when I'm not feeling particularly <strong>seckshual</strong> towards him at the moment.
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]
I laughed with a big mouthful of water and it came through my nose. That's never happened to me before.
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
[QUOTE]to the people who say they don't turn their H down as punishment--does that mean when you're seriously pissed at him and he wants to have sex, you have sex with him? I know angry sex is hot to some people, I'm talking to the people who feel the opposite.
Posted by laladypoet[/QUOTE]
He's never tried it when I was pissed at him. But then again, I'm rarely angry with him, and when I am, he's usually very quick to apologize or try to make it better. He's a hard one to stay mad at for long, at least as of now, after 6 months of being married. Ask me again in a few years, maybe.
FI doesn't really try it when I'm pissed (he's usually pissed too at that point), but if he did I would say no. I wouldn't consider that using sex as punishment though. I would consider it punishment if I got over the fight and decided not to have sex with him for a week just to show him, even though the fight was over.
ttc chart
BFP 8/01/12, EDD 04/10/12, mm/c @ 6wks, discovered at 8wks, D&C 9/05/12
[QUOTE]I only deny FI if I'm sick or extremely tired and it's late and I have to get up early for work. Otherwise, like pp have said, if I find I'm not in the mood, I almost always end up enjoying it. And even if it's not "OMG this is so great!" I love the connection that comes from being intimate.
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]
This.
The witholding situation I have a problem with is one that a fomer friend practices - withold until he gives into buying or doing something you want. Needless to say, she has never has a healthy relationship with a man.
AKA GoodLuckBear14
Blog
Blog
[QUOTE]You know, when you make your hand into a weasel shape and hunt under the covers for...a ... no? Just me? Ok then.
Posted by temerityjane[/QUOTE]
I am now dying, trying not to laugh out loud at work and making a snerk noise instead.
And, um . . . no, it's not just you. I'd just never thought of it as a "weasel shape" before. I get turned down more often, too.